tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66238250720539778382024-03-12T22:28:57.701-07:00I Spit on your tasteBen The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-8662264970933461352013-01-07T20:40:00.001-08:002013-01-07T20:50:16.470-08:00The Top Ten Best and Worst of 2012<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a name='more'></a> I'm hoping my top ten list for 2012 will prompt me to do more posts this year, prolonged absence has been due to work reasons.<br />
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This has been the hardest year to sort this list out. There were <i>so</i> many films I wanted to include for both the best and the worst, but 10 is my limit and I've made myself stick to it. There are some films which may or may not be on each list which you may have expected to be included, but I actually haven't managed to see every film this year.<br />
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The hardest decision in all was to bump The Muppets off The Best list, even though it was released in 2011 in the US, it was a 2012 in the UK, however there just wasn't room for it on the list so sadly it had to go. Also Wreck it Ralph and Les Miserables haven't been released here yet, so they may make it to next years list.<br />
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So without further ado, here they are. In reverse order of course.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>The Best</b></u></span></div>
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<b>10. The Expendables 2</b></div>
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I really liked the first Expendables movie, but this was a fairly epic movie experience. Van Damme <i>owned </i>this movie. I was so impressed with his performance, I would have been happy with just 90 minutes of him, but as it was I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and now I'm really looking forward to the next Die Hard film.<br />
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<b>9. 21 Jump Street</b></div>
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This was the first surprise movie for me on this list. I wasn't at all familiar with the original TV series other than the fact that Johnny Depp was in it. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it, I genuinely was. I'm not generally a fan of Jonah Hill, but damn, good for him for losing all that weight, you have to admire that kind of ethic because it takes a lot of work, but he managed it so good for him.<br />
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This year there were so many movies I enjoyed, I was trying to judge them in terms of enjoyment and this really had it's moments so it earned it's place on the list.<br />
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<b>8. The Hobbit</b></div>
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I know this movie is getting a lot of hate at the moment because it's not Lord of the Rings. I wasn't going in expecting it to be Lord of the Rings, but I was carrying a certain amount of worry that it would be a major disappointment, but I enjoyed it largely. </div>
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I did feel that the CGI was completely sub par and there was a lot of unnecessary CGI in there, (ORCS, seriously?!), but that aside, I'm looking forward to the extended DVD release with hopefully another 40 minutes plus of footage - shards of narsil that were in the trailer for example - and hopefully the next movie will feature the Cumberdragon.</div>
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<b>7. Ted</b></div>
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Just thinking about this movie puts a smile on my face, the thunder buddies song was my ringtone for a while. Also it featured Flash Gordon, which was awesome because Flash Gordon was awesome. </div>
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<b>6. Iron Sky</b></div>
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This was the second surprise for me on the list. </div>
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When my friend suggested watching the DVD I was like, "seriously, space nazis, <i>seriously</i>?!" Then we put it on and it turned into probably the biggest surprise of the year for me. </div>
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It's hard to talk about without including spoilers, but I found it very enjoyable and funny and it had impressive effects for being so low-budget, it reminded me somewhat of a low-budget Starship Troopers with the satire it put into affect.</div>
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<b>5. Dredd</b></div>
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What I wasn't expecting from this movie was how beautiful it was. The slow-mo scenes were just breath taking.<br />
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I saw this movie with a friend who utterly hated it, but I loved every second. It wholly reminded me of the days of early 90's action movies because there were plenty of really icky moments. I thought <strike>Cersei,</strike> Lena Headey was great as Mawmaw and I desperately wanted more of her character.<br />
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Though the Stallone movie still holds some nostalgic charm for me, but this film really embodied the Dredd of the comic books. I hope that they make a sequel, though I think I may be seeing it without my friend.<br />
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<b>4. Red Lights</b></div>
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So, this was the third surprise for me on the list. I saw it because I'm a fan of Cillian Murphy, whom I believe to be one of the great underrated actors of our time. I seriously wish he was in more movies because I've enjoyed 99% of the things I've seen him in.<br />
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I wasn't expecting much from the movie, but I really enjoyed it, the characters were enjoyable and the story was interesting. I haven't seen much like it in recent years, there's been a lot of possession movies but very few psychic investigation movies so it was something very different. <br />
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<b>3. The Amazing Spider-man</b></div>
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So, I'm a big comic book nerd, as the previous years list may have revealed. I got my start in comic books from reading Spider-man comics and, no exaggeration, I was waiting for the Sam Raimi Spider-man movie to come out for ten years. </div>
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I <i>hated</i> the Sam Raimi movies. </div>
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They got the origin story right enough, J. Jonah Jameson was completely perfect, but Spidey, just wasn't Spidey. He wasn't cocky or sarcastic and although I thought the second movie was an improvement, the third one killed any like that I might have gained for the series over the years. </div>
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I went into this one chanting, "it only has to be better than the Nicholas Hammond movie to be good" over and over. I didn't have any high hopes for it at all, I was prepared for bitter disappointment. </div>
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However, I completely <i>loved</i> this version of Spider-man. Finally I was given the Spidey from the comic books that I'd known and loved since I was 7 years old. I honestly don't care if everyone else in the world hated this movie, I finally got the Spidey movie I always wanted and it made me so very happy to have that. </div>
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<b>2. The Woman in Black</b></div>
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Ladies and gentlemen, Hammer Horror has returned. </div>
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When I was growing up my parents wouldn't let me watch horror movies like Freddy and Jason, but let me watch Hammer Horror movies because they were old and not very scary. What came from this was that I grew up with a love of the old Hammer Horror movies. Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing were the guys I most associated with vampire movies, (until I was old enough to see more modern movies and when I was a teenager, finally got to see the Lost Boys). </div>
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When I heard Hammer Horror was back I was incredibly excited, more excited than anyone else could possibly know, unless they too grew up loving these movies. </div>
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The Woman in Black was a great return for Hammer Horror, it was everything and more that the old movies were. I've been to see <i>a lot</i> of horror movies and I've never seen an audience jump out of their seats more than at this movie. Literally the entire movie had the audience jumping scared and it was a fantastic thing to behold. </div>
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I can't wait for the next movie from them to come out.</div>
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<b>1. Avengers Assemble</b></div>
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For last years list, Thor was No.5 overall for the best movie and Captain America was No.2. This movie, without question, was always going to be my No.1. </div>
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I went to the cinema to see this 9 times. I'm totally serious. 9 times. </div>
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I was talking along with the movie by the 3rd showing. </div>
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I loved this movie so much that I gave it a spot in my top ten of all time list after seeing it, a list that hasn't much changed for many, many, years, I was forced to admit it to my number 5 favourite movie of all time. </div>
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Everything about this movie was perfect. I actually see no need to explain everything that was perfect about it because more eloquent persons than me have spoken about it before now. I will however say that it doesn't matter to me now if every following Marvel movie is a complete fuck up, they got every movie in the run up right and this movie topped it off with a cherry of perfection that means for years to come I will be able to enjoy a series of excellent comic book movies. </div>
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Also Loki. </div>
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How cool is Loki? I mean seriously. I wish I could be as cool as Tom Hiddleston because <i>man</i> that guy freaking <i>owned </i>this movie. It's the hair. It's got to be the hair. I know he had fans from Thor, but after <i>this</i> movie, the guy is just living it up from fangirl heaven. I'm sure if Loki decides to attack the Earth again, he should screw Thanos and just summon the armies of ladies (and plenty of fellas) who fell in love with him after seeing this film, because I think if commanded to they would be able to take the Hulk down, no problem.</div>
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<u><span style="font-size: large;"><b>The Worst</b></span></u></div>
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(If I could have tied the top 3 in the No.1 position, I would have, awful, awful, movies)</div>
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<b>10. Frankenweenie</b><br />
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Dear, Tim Burton, I count many of your movies amongst my favourite movies of all time. This is not one of them. <i>I get it.</i> You have seen a <i>lot</i> of old horror movies, you are not the only person to have done so, get over it, don't torture me with this crap again, that is all.<br />
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<b>9. Battleship</b></div>
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Oh man, <i>bad</i> movie.<br />
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The first half, had potential to be one of those, 'so bad it's good' kind of movies, then it just descended into a pitfall of utter nonsense and crap. It did have its moments, but honestly it wasn't worth sitting through the whole movie to see them.<br />
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<b>8. What to Expect When You're Expecting</b></div>
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Oh my god this was a bad movie. It might have been better if it just followed <i>one</i> couples story, but there's been this trend through the past few years to try and shoe-horn 5 to 6 barely connected stories into one movie. Some movies have done it well like 'Love Actually' and 'He's just not that into you', (yes I see a lot of chick flicks) and most do it badly like 'New Years Eve' (my 6th worst movie of 2011.) This also did it badly.<br />
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Hollywood, please stop making these movies.<br />
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<b>7. That's My Boy</b></div>
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Good things about this movie: Vanilla Ice is the man.<br />
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Bad things about this movie: Every second of footage which does not involve Vanilla Ice.<br />
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<b>6. Paranormal Activity 4</b></div>
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The previous movie of this "franchise" was my 8th worst movie of the year for 2011, this one managed to climb a little higher on the list.<br />
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Aren't we done with this series yet? I mean the first one had an interesting concept, but with every movie they seem to retcon more and more. For this one the original protagonist returned with possibly the biggest plot hole in movie history. Namely how the baby she stole from her sister ended up with another family and who the hell the kid she had with her was if he wasn't the stolen baby.<br />
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*sigh* I'm sure one we get to 'Paranormal Activity 9 - 3D' even the studios will be bored of this franchise.<br />
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<b>5. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter</b></div>
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I made a list of complaints about this movie when it came out, intending to write up a proper review, but I ended up not doing it because of apathy and lack of time.</div>
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Some of the minor complaints were things like, it was a very dusty film, every scene seemed to have obvious dust flying about everywhere. Poor use of the 3d. <i>Very</i> poor CGI horses. Bad make up effects. <i>Criminal</i> underuse of Alan Tudyk. </div>
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Then things get bigger. </div>
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The political parts were <i>incredibly</i> boring, there were some very strange casting choices, I felt that Yorgi from XXX (the vad guy from Triple X, the first vamp to show up) was completely phoning it in. </div>
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The worst offences of this movie were, *<b>Beware spoilers</b>* showing at the start of the movie that Dominic Cooper's character not only survives, but is much younger than Abe. The obvious and extremely heavy handed use of the Speed character. The blatantly obvious plot twists. The general <i>lack</i> of <i>vampires</i> in a movie about <i>vampires. </i></div>
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My biggest complaint was that I kept feeling my lack of knowledge about the American Civil War was a big hindrance. <i> </i>Throughout I kept feeling that stuff going on would have made more sense if I was an expert in the American civil war. They don't teach this stuff in British schools, though because I am a huge fan of both the book and movie of Gone with the Wind, I know more about it than my friends, I still just felt lost throughout this movie.</div>
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<b>4. The Bourne Legacy</b></div>
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I need to confess something. I haven't seen the entirety of this movie.<br />
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The reason for this is that this is the first movie, in my entire life, that I have walked out in the middle of.<br />
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I went to see it with a friend and at first I thought, 'it's just taking a while to get going, something will happen soon', and soon never came. I kept telling myself that in five more minutes something interesting would happen, but nothing interesting <i>did</i>.<br />
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At just over the half way point I asked my friend if he wanted to leave and he said "God, yes" and so we got up and walked out.<br />
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So you may wonder why this is so far down the list when it's the only movie I walked out of, well it's because I could the next three technically as equally as crap as each other, so technically speaking it's number 2, but for the sake of proper numbering, it's as high as I could get it.<br />
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<b>3. Magic Mike</b></div>
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So, why would I go and see a movie about male strippers? Well, have you seen The Full Monty?<br />
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From this trailers, this movie was trying to be the American version of The Full Monty. So we went to see it and from watching it, it was like it was trying to be the male version of Showgirls, except Showgirls was awesome in a bad way, this movie couldn't make up it's mind what side of the street it wanted to be.<br />
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So it failed in all respects.<br />
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Not too far in to this bizarre film, it just got <i>weird</i>, I took a look at my friend and then all the very disappointed looks on the faces of the ladies in the audience and what they had expected to be a fun movie about strippers had suddenly turned into this frankly quite bizarre movie about drug use and micro-pigs.<br />
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I think the only reason people weren't storming out of this piece of crap was that we were all too shocked by the crap-storm to summon the effort to rise from our seats.<br />
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<b>2. Piranha 3DD</b></div>
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So, aside from The Hoff, who was fantastically hilarious every second he was on screen, this movie was a huge piece of shit and if Prometheus hadn't come out would have been the biggest disappointment of the year.<br />
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I really loved Piranha 3D, but good <i>god</i> was this a terrible movie.<br />
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What was brilliant about the first movie was that it knew what kind of movie it was and decided to own it. This movie just <i>didn't</i>.<br />
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Nothing made sense. They broke the sequel rules, the sequel is always supposed to go bigger, but they downsized from a lake to a water park and then didn't even bother to properly utilise the sense of entrapment they could have made from that setting. They reused shots from the first movie with the piranhas, they didn't bother to use practical effects when they could have to improve the look of the film and the idea of someone being decapitated by a flag string was so offensive I would have walked out had the movie not almost been over.<br />
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I'm actually struggling to put into words everything that was wrong with this movie because of how much it pissed me off, let's just say that it was a real piece of crap and leave it at that.<br />
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<b>1. Prometheus</b></div>
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I honestly hated this movie so much I cannot be bothered to retype all the reasons I hated it, so if you're curious I did a post about it at the time: <a href="http://spitonyourtaste.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/prometheus-review.html">here</a>.<br />
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Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-75438016125688310132012-05-31T19:40:00.000-07:002012-05-31T19:40:48.355-07:00Prometheus - Review<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Contains some plot spoilers</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZmxP6xcR-stXuKSr3MKVyP7NDWDtJ7EtBQi6XNVu1IVbW5qWQTq7k-Pf_vaPLfIijTZDWoKFIEaDdBHB2SytzJvUNWyY0UMFcU1MAlRmRBu8zGj3FWsKF6fYTgDzNylmNJ47Gt4eRss/s1600/prometheus_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZmxP6xcR-stXuKSr3MKVyP7NDWDtJ7EtBQi6XNVu1IVbW5qWQTq7k-Pf_vaPLfIijTZDWoKFIEaDdBHB2SytzJvUNWyY0UMFcU1MAlRmRBu8zGj3FWsKF6fYTgDzNylmNJ47Gt4eRss/s400/prometheus_poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">When I found out that Ridley Scott was returning to the Alien franchise, 30 years after the original 1979 movie, I could hardly contain my fanboyish glee. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Sci-fi-horror masterpiece has long been a favourite of mine and so of course I made sure that I had tickets to the midnight screening and was at the front of the queue an hour before the film was due to start. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Expectations were high. I didn't expect to see any xenomorphs, as Scott had already quashed that in pre-release interviews, but I did expect horror. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So the phrase, "I am disappoint" has never quite been so apt for me as I sit typing this out, deflated and much poorer for the experience. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There are some quite epic scenes in the movie, all of which are in the trailer, the other two and a half hours are mostly filler, with superfluous characters who pad out the film and contribute nothing to the plot. The film answers maybe two questions about the franchise and raises about 50 new ones. Michael Fassbender is <i>wasted</i> - his character is the only interesting one and pretty much the only one who seems to push the plot forward.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There were one or two nice little character moments scattered throughout the debris, but they were overshadowed by confusing character decisions and out-of-nowhere plot developments. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The nods to the franchise and new design work from HR Giger gave me some squee moments, and had this movie contained absolutely no connection to the Alien franchise (some with minor plot point changes) it might have been a truly epic Sci-fi adventure. As it stands however, it falls flat and completely failed to excite me. </div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">If you've seen all the trailers, you've seen almost all of the interesting parts of the movie. There are a few threads which fascinated me, but they are dropped quickly after they are introduced and never spoken of again. The beauty of Alien was in it's simplicity, a monster, a ship, a small crew, horror ensues. Prometheus seemed to be tripping over itself to introduce wild ideas and bizarre technologies, but didn't seem to want to develop or explain anything it introduced. It seemed very much riding the coat tails of, "Hey look, Ridley Scott is back of the Alien franchise!" </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The rest of the audience at my showing trudged out of the cinema, tired and disappointed with two young men, perhaps being desperate to find the positive after shelling out close to £12 to see the movie, gave it a review of "it was ok" before leaving. Theirs was the only positive thing I heard from my fellow movie-goers. Perhaps though we were an audience of Alien franchise fans, coming with high expectations, others may find this a completely enjoyable and exciting film. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I do genuinely hope other people find this movie more enjoyable than I did, but I personally won't be re-arranging my dvd collection to slot this in next to the Quadrology boxset on my shelf of favourites.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>4 out of 10 - as an Alien film</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>6 out of 10 - as a stand alone Sci-fi</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-57959816649174326612012-05-12T16:20:00.000-07:002012-05-12T16:20:25.375-07:00Piranha 3DD - Spoiler Free Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a name='more'></a><br />Piranha 3D was a pretty awesome movie. It had a great mix of horror and comedy and some scene stealing cameos which made my inner nerd SQUEE. I have just got back from viewing the sequel Piranha 3DD and am left with a great sense of disappointment, both in the movie and being out £14 for seeing it.<br />
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Piranha 3D had a terrific set up and it developed the characters so you could genuinely give a shit about whether or not they survived the events of the movie. The same could not be said of the follow-up installment. <br />
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The piranha look bizarre and have a new kind of armour plated head, they also growl, which is a bit weird for a fish. One would think the setting of a water park would give a chance for the director to build tension by trapping victims in areas completely surrounded by the flesh eating fish, but the setting is under utilised and is mainly used to show the boobies of every woman who does not have a speaking line. I was left wondering if the director had actually <i>seen</i> the first movie as the emphasis was pro-boobies, anti-piranha's actually attacking people. The plot was quite flimsy and left several threads hanging that my suspension of disbelief would just not ignore. The main characters were so flat that I genuinely cannot remember any of their names, despite me normally being awesome at remembering characters names and I only got home ten minutes ago.<br />
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There are some highlights to the movie, the opening scene is certainly worth seeing and the Hoff's cameo (as shown in the trailer) is one of the best parts of the movie. Christopher Lloyd's reappearance is highly entertaining and the credits were worth staying for. <br />
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Fans of the first movie should not get their hopes up too high for this sequel, but people who found the first one too gorey should have no problem with this one and may even enjoy it. <br />
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<b>5 out of 10 </b><br />
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<br />Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-64300892396400582962012-02-09T18:05:00.000-08:002012-05-12T16:24:09.520-07:00To do list - Upcoming ReviewsSubject to change at the drop of a hat or internet connection<br />
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<a name='more'></a>This is slightly more for me, so I can easier organise what I've got upcoming and also to help motivate myself into pulling my finger out on some of these. These aren't in any particular order and often when I'm working on some sort of theme run I may drop one or two depending on how the run us going. Public Influence can go a long way in determining some of these being bumped up the list. Just saying.<br />
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<ol>
<li>Mega Python vs Gatoroid</li>
<li>King Cobra</li>
<li>Boa vs Python</li>
<li>Venom</li>
<li>Copperhead</li>
<li>Mega Snake</li>
<li>Anacona 1-4</li>
<li>Crocodile</li>
<li>Crocodile 2: Death Roll</li>
<li>Killer Crocodile 2</li>
<li>Lake Placid</li>
<li>Lake Placid 2</li>
<li>The Reef</li>
<li>The Gingerdead Man</li>
<li>Tiptoes</li>
<li>The Innkeepers</li>
<li>Suicide Club</li>
<li>Decoys</li>
<li>Hatchet</li>
<li>Hatchet 2</li>
<li>The Censored 11</li>
<li>Kill Katie Malone</li>
<li>Train</li>
<li>The Three Muskateers</li>
<li> Mirror, Mirror 1 & 2</li>
</ol>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-52156444694877494472012-02-01T18:48:00.000-08:002012-02-02T07:09:41.500-08:00Killer Crocodile - A Killer Crocodile MovieKiller Crocodile is an apt, if unimaginatively named Killer Crocodile, Italian horror movie from 1989. I hadn't even heard about this one even when doing my research first time around for Killer Crocodile Season. I stumbled across the title quite by accident while looking into something else, so of course I had to share.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfzC21gWMQjB7aa1nc1t4X3BdigQtK65CW595S3wBrnlpZt4xdm6EZiEUO6zWj4IUq4ilpOygDIXRJWKTSqTxyiTHAHPqOsxGonSkExByz-7ITQoO6RzQFzyCs1qtwOvIn3A8PzcWrTs/s1600/POSTER+-+KILLER+CROCODILE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfzC21gWMQjB7aa1nc1t4X3BdigQtK65CW595S3wBrnlpZt4xdm6EZiEUO6zWj4IUq4ilpOygDIXRJWKTSqTxyiTHAHPqOsxGonSkExByz-7ITQoO6RzQFzyCs1qtwOvIn3A8PzcWrTs/s400/POSTER+-+KILLER+CROCODILE.jpg" width="297" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>Congratulations if you can actually get hold of a copy of this Italian Horror movie, it's not available on region 1 DVD and it is only available on region 2 if you buy from one particular seller on amazon and are willing to pay through the nose for it. It's sequel, Killer Crocodile 2, isn't available on dvd in region 1 or 2, I didn't check through other regions, but if you actually want to see this movie you can find it through <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DigitalPiracyIsEvil">not entirely legal means</a> on the internet.<br />
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We open on a couple of guys sitting on a boat discussing the current state of the river they are fishing on, I already don't have too many high hopes for the movie as the camera is moving about a fair bit, but I'll give it a chance, I could be wrong, it could turn out to be really good.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNobCT44O_qK3Gj6KDtmbbXivoPD0Iy58uRtx9D8fBR4id_KRarff7haZkHpE41y59QVzWLP9YQ2izQRl_qOvwNNkAIxQycFz9GkttXvClva4vHMq6RYV3wQ9y0KJLYWQVphnSH4aN-I/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-16h45m36s127.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNobCT44O_qK3Gj6KDtmbbXivoPD0Iy58uRtx9D8fBR4id_KRarff7haZkHpE41y59QVzWLP9YQ2izQRl_qOvwNNkAIxQycFz9GkttXvClva4vHMq6RYV3wQ9y0KJLYWQVphnSH4aN-I/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-16h45m36s127.png" width="400" /></a></div>The two, obviously dubbed guys, discuss trying another place down river which has more fish and has a warmer climate and blame pollution for the reason that there aren't as many fish in the area as there once was. The camera slowly moves in during this conversation so that the two guys are eventually completely out of shot and then the crocodile jumps up and makes a sound much more akin to a big cat than anything a crocodile should actually make and oh god.... it's such a fake crocodile.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipAfpEKyM_DT4V_v5An_PVppT8E4hmpIhPEIbrGkK1XWgFpWOWgD162qr8gO9QhQuqVh4_LEBdybrra9Ykt13h-M7TgU3VM2ADaI08lRcOVP-E8tFv3Pdp255XELZ5wreVOTo_kbae2sA/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h15m41s40.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipAfpEKyM_DT4V_v5An_PVppT8E4hmpIhPEIbrGkK1XWgFpWOWgD162qr8gO9QhQuqVh4_LEBdybrra9Ykt13h-M7TgU3VM2ADaI08lRcOVP-E8tFv3Pdp255XELZ5wreVOTo_kbae2sA/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h15m41s40.png" width="400" /></a></div>When it simply opens it's mouth, that's fine, but then the crocodile is either lifted by stage hands or is drawn up on a wire, either way it's a completely awful set of movements and the poor movie is off to a very bad start.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNJZJYOHdfNMPDsA_X8O7VPZrk1H37wJ5ZNWJBdG2_A_qb3gUHP9GzrZeSrV37U9TyMummS3mQxg35vq7U_bMJJVm2BKZsbkKRqJFaIk4llVtRKzIZjF9MzWWH4o7FrrJe_fGue10VLg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h18m51s104.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNJZJYOHdfNMPDsA_X8O7VPZrk1H37wJ5ZNWJBdG2_A_qb3gUHP9GzrZeSrV37U9TyMummS3mQxg35vq7U_bMJJVm2BKZsbkKRqJFaIk4llVtRKzIZjF9MzWWH4o7FrrJe_fGue10VLg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h18m51s104.png" width="400" /></a></div>We transition from the title card to a moving POV shot which skims the top of a river during the day time, my left eye starts to twitch as what plays over the top is the JAWS theme tune, but tweaked very, very, slightly. The credits roll over the top of this shot and the scene eventually switches to a boat travelling down the river, then a white car pulling up somewhere and a guy with a guitar gets out.<br />
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The scene changes again and we see the crocodile's foot, followed by the crocodile's head, I'm willing to forgive the movie a lot of shortcomings if it keeps me entertained with a fair amount of death scenes. The crocodile watches the man with the guitar and a woman with a big 80's boom box set up some towels on the shore line and the guy starts playing his girlfriend a pretty little tune on his guitar.<br />
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The girl looks bored and slightly annoyed because the guy has taken up all the room on the towel, meaning she has to sit in the mud, ah, last of the true romantics. The guy finishes his song and wants sex, but the girl decides she wants to go for a swim instead. The girl swims around for a bit and beckons her boyfriend in and he ignores her and plays his guitar, then in the movie's second JAWS rip off, the girl gets pulled under, then pops back up and begins screaming and then he takes his sweet time about getting in the water to help.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHGxst_RitZXEssyELvuqS0YyrmQzd1UGpqGon8dss6jw3dhh2wxn4ZWJo21aFAdjmwfPVBhw109u84OHKPYcyiIzmQVC3xV47RP0xiqr6nsOKtBnoxPMlmy0tbWU3F-XVPreP3IAQIGE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h27m38s251.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHGxst_RitZXEssyELvuqS0YyrmQzd1UGpqGon8dss6jw3dhh2wxn4ZWJo21aFAdjmwfPVBhw109u84OHKPYcyiIzmQVC3xV47RP0xiqr6nsOKtBnoxPMlmy0tbWU3F-XVPreP3IAQIGE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h27m38s251.png" width="400" /></a></div>The girlfriend is dragged through the water until her hand disappears. We then cut to a group of people on a boat, one guy is taking photos, Mark, one guy has a hat and looks suspiciously like Greg Sestero from The Room, another is dragging a stick through the water, a woman is taking water samples, Jennifer, there is one woman with dark hair and another woman is sunbathing on the bow, Pamela. There is also a cute a little doggy. <br />
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The guy with the stick reminds them that they are not on holiday and they are looking for signs as to why the river is polluted and then tells off Mark for using too much film. Mark hands off a used roll of film to Pamela and asks her to take care of it for him. Mark notices that the further down river they travel, the less wild life they see, they haven't seen any birds for miles, Pamela agrees with him. Jennifer says that she's been checking the water samples and the further they go the more polluted the water becomes and it is man made pollution from some sort of chemical plant.<br />
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The dark haired girl says that there is no chemical plant on the island and she's lived there all her life, the guy with the hat deduces that someone must be bringing the industrial waste to the river in order to dump it from some place else. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhZHNxPjO1ewLNUkov0RhBoRxjdr8wHSxJI-Z0cRJmyH7QwF3TQpvlo_TzbcbZfkJ7dk3k2des_EvzyFWteIztNEkKfkjHzaQV65Cg_SadmO2gSq52vYb3d2KMgfxxdO_NiBQ_m6ZuyDw/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h43m02s25.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhZHNxPjO1ewLNUkov0RhBoRxjdr8wHSxJI-Z0cRJmyH7QwF3TQpvlo_TzbcbZfkJ7dk3k2des_EvzyFWteIztNEkKfkjHzaQV65Cg_SadmO2gSq52vYb3d2KMgfxxdO_NiBQ_m6ZuyDw/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h43m02s25.png" width="400" /></a></div>The boat hits something and rocks and the hat guy warns about sand bumps in the river, though how they are supposed to spot these when it is clearly a filthy river is anyone's guess. The boat travels on and they come across the remains of chemical waste. The guy in the hat, Kevin, steers into the shallow water and then anchors the boat while the guy with the stick, Bob, puts on a haz suit in order to get close to the waste drums.<br />
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Mark snaps some photos and the dark haired girl and Pamela measure how deep the water is and test the solidity of the river floor, telling Bob that it's about a metre deep and relatively solid. Bob swears that as soon as he has a reading he will get back on the boat and so the crew help him lower himself into the water. <br />
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Bob swims over to the barrels and takes a reading with a technical gizmo,shouting back to the boat that it's radioactive. The crew shout to him to get the hell out of the water and get back to the boat and so they pull him back up and he declares things are worse than they initially thought and this is much stronger than your typical industrial waste. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_V90YUiyhyRwsVYLkbZiPL9nw_b3KNzNyr3Wd2PykhC6x_DYKyVUemhS-CH11DwLV3wr1kPitEQGPTGfqPDrSbA9-qZik1vVzrw8hmZuUyyonC8G7J8jOKNh_vfLSWwvUB0TRvPcn1Bg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h54m56s5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_V90YUiyhyRwsVYLkbZiPL9nw_b3KNzNyr3Wd2PykhC6x_DYKyVUemhS-CH11DwLV3wr1kPitEQGPTGfqPDrSbA9-qZik1vVzrw8hmZuUyyonC8G7J8jOKNh_vfLSWwvUB0TRvPcn1Bg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-17h54m56s5.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Despite what it may look like, Kevin is not played by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Sestero">Greg Sestero</a> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>Kevin declares that they should stay there for the night and then head back to the village in the morning to blow the whistle, Bob thinks they should gather more information first, but Kevin points out that they aren't equipped to deal with radioactive waste and they should pass it on to people who are better equipped to sort the situation out.<br />
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That night the boat crew are camped out somewhere, and all except for Kevin who has gone to bed early, are sat around a camp fire discussing how tired they are and how they have had a long day. The little dog wanders off from the camp and starts barking at something unseen in the bushes and runs all the way to the boat where he starts barking at the water. Cutting back to the camp we hear the dog cry out and the dark haired girl goes looking for him.<br />
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She calls out for the little dog, but of course the dog doesn't respond, she wanders through the bushes and eventually comes to where the boat is docked. She kneels by the waters edge and finds the dog's collar, then the crocodile jumps up and she remains perfectly still and allows the croc to get her, very polite of her really. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVuzuEg4yZFlYKf_zlmXbKuGxuPxmUipYThibx-AZMxbjdYw0fRwzmRkpGcmSq3bKyhISlocyOnfonIGC5IadjDr-Uv7-JEkHNi5lkfMdtihAy_WlhNzHEn83eIzSLe9gqseynDNjnUmE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h15m48s227.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVuzuEg4yZFlYKf_zlmXbKuGxuPxmUipYThibx-AZMxbjdYw0fRwzmRkpGcmSq3bKyhISlocyOnfonIGC5IadjDr-Uv7-JEkHNi5lkfMdtihAy_WlhNzHEn83eIzSLe9gqseynDNjnUmE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h15m48s227.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
The next morning the crew begin to take down their camping equipment and wonder about the whereabouts of the dark haired girl and the dog, they decide to see if she's down by the water as she's typically an early riser. The girl is finally given the name 'Conchita', but since she's dead now there's not much use to having a name. They think she may have wandered off and gotten lost so they pack up the boat and begin to go down the river very slowly, calling out her name.<br />
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As they travel down the river, the boat hits something, implied to be the crocodile, which knocks Pamela into the water. They drag her back up into the boat and dry her off with towels, they decide to head back to the village where they should be able to recruit some locals who know the area better and come back later to look for Conchita. <br />
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The boat makes it back to the village docks where there are some other boats and a villager greets them and helps them tie the boat to the dock, while a mysterious man watches on. The group bundle themselves into a truck and head into the village and ask where they can find the police. Some locals tell them that there are no police, but there is a judge and points them in the right direction.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxpzQfAk18J6oddPmNj6gkJNrWG40Jxri1Udv-r-6Q-mkInPIoJZc1La_kyldTTTFxVAtnizOU9BXRwhGqJPzT7_vUjh2o8C2rFrYDw5cy-SBkfpSdVYa2CNnIX1MsCjmunwBm_5L7oy4/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h26m55s245.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxpzQfAk18J6oddPmNj6gkJNrWG40Jxri1Udv-r-6Q-mkInPIoJZc1La_kyldTTTFxVAtnizOU9BXRwhGqJPzT7_vUjh2o8C2rFrYDw5cy-SBkfpSdVYa2CNnIX1MsCjmunwBm_5L7oy4/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h26m55s245.png" width="400" /></a></div>The judge tells the group that he only has one man and one boat and he cannot afford to send him off to search for the missing girl. The group expresses their disbelief and the judge tells them that they should stay away from the swamp because it's dangerous. He says he can send for some men and dogs, but it'll take time for them to arrive and they don't know if the girl is even still alive as the swamp is filled with snakes, quicksand and crocodiles.<br />
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Pamela reckons that the judge is being paid off by the guy who is dumping the waste, the judge threatens to arrest them, but Kevin threatens him with reporters so he backs off. The group head back to their boat and we cut to the mysterious guy from earlier at a desk being served coffee by a girl in an office. The judge comes in and tells the man that he will have to stop dumping his stuff in the swamp.<br />
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Back on the boat the group consults the information that they have gathered but they run into some fell logs and mud and the boat becomes stuck, they use their big stick to try and budge their boat but seem to be having no luck so the guys jump into the water to attempt to rock it free, but the crocodile is watching them. Pamela strips off her clothes and gets into the water to help while Jennifer attempts to steer the boat free, Pamela swims to grab a branch to help lever the boat free and ends up bumping into Conchita. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOcS30dfyKBlV7REkPyPe1-AkKKlI0iohkfJfdXRXof0vbWfJq6EWzqr1cqtxTjKr8pZOuv0a1I61eqWeXUlffyndJaLFBjshmjQCg4T5Ecei9qaOVZ2HnVFJEEjJLZWZPE849VJ1ICrk/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h51m15s254.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOcS30dfyKBlV7REkPyPe1-AkKKlI0iohkfJfdXRXof0vbWfJq6EWzqr1cqtxTjKr8pZOuv0a1I61eqWeXUlffyndJaLFBjshmjQCg4T5Ecei9qaOVZ2HnVFJEEjJLZWZPE849VJ1ICrk/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-18h51m15s254.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh hai, Pamela!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Conchita is not looking too well at all to be honest. Back at the village the judge docks his boat and carries a burlap sack and a gun, whilst another boat pulls out of the dock. The judge discusses the finding of Conchita's body with the kid in his car, the locals believe it was a crocodile attack. We cut to a simple looking morgue where a doctor assess the body which looks pretty chewed up, but quite different to the one that popped up in the water.<br />
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The doctor says it's probably a crocodile, the mystery man, Ken Foley, is back in the room and suggests it was murder and says he is a reporter. The judge says that the group should come up with proof that they had nothing to do with Conchita's death, this is despite the fact that they reported her missing, then they went looking for her, then they found her and returned her body to the village, which isn't the smartest plan if you murdered someone.<br />
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Another man enters the room called Joe, and he asks the doctor what he thinks killed the girl, the doctor changes his tune and says it could have been a boat propeller and Joe says that's crap and it was definitely a crocodile, a large one at least 20 feet. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGeHt85saij2fqGy8C5kbdcE2gf1IEwPaRlWM5bi6vzMK1N9aRZaWZAorIvYVVYEaVNnwpnr6vItwPhaXaDbFTeuAfJTmpg9zISM3DC7cTzk2HKlGaAJtAMmEh6BDGJDkahyphenhyphenemgGlbZUo/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-22h38m50s105.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGeHt85saij2fqGy8C5kbdcE2gf1IEwPaRlWM5bi6vzMK1N9aRZaWZAorIvYVVYEaVNnwpnr6vItwPhaXaDbFTeuAfJTmpg9zISM3DC7cTzk2HKlGaAJtAMmEh6BDGJDkahyphenhyphenemgGlbZUo/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-22h38m50s105.png" width="400" /></a></div>Foley says that the only opinion that counts is the doctor's, but Joe says that if he says it was a crocodile, then it was a crocodile and it turns into a pissing match between the two guys. Joe asked where it happened and says he'll go out to the site to check it out, the judge orders the group to leave and Foley asks the judge who Joe is. The judge says that Joe's lived in the swamp for 30 years and there's no way he can be bought off. <br />
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Back at the group's boat, Jennifer says that she'll never be able to forget what happened to Conchita, Kevin agrees that they're all upset so they owe it to Conchita to get to the bottom of things. They wonder if they could get Joe to help them track the crocodile or prove that Foley is polluting the river. Kevin approaches Joe and offers to buy him a beer as we see the crocodile sneaking up to the dock in the background. <br />
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Kevin, Joe and the gang sit down at a cafe/bar and they ask Joe about the waste that's being dumped into the river. Meanwhile a little girl plays with a dolly by the river while some other kids toss a ball around and the crocodile sneaks up on them, two of the kids decide they're going home, and another one accidentally knocks the dolly out of the little girls hands where it falls into the river and the JAWS theme makes a triumphant return.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIA-N3i8PD67G0mQdh7tOA6CAkU-j5JtL504DK3H4E6ZcwcduBP3_6TnxbfeIlhKJUHJ0SYLiBZYFwVp6HRvvkfutE5coWhHbcJ1H6axpaDobDjtaraS9jeOOxuiAcdOpWY0-7q3_40b8/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h38m21s214.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIA-N3i8PD67G0mQdh7tOA6CAkU-j5JtL504DK3H4E6ZcwcduBP3_6TnxbfeIlhKJUHJ0SYLiBZYFwVp6HRvvkfutE5coWhHbcJ1H6axpaDobDjtaraS9jeOOxuiAcdOpWY0-7q3_40b8/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h38m21s214.png" width="400" /></a></div>One of the kids spots the crocodile just as it decides that the dock actually looks quite tasty and has a munch on the support structures. The dock collapses leaving the little girl clinging on for dear life and the other kid tries to grab her hand as the villagers noticed that the dock has collapsed and people coming running to try and help.<br />
<br />
Well, when I say help, they just stand on the shore line in a big crowd watching the little girl scream for help instead of actually doing anything useful. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSokZLlll70e0KKYJdZE0L-QWDu6TAPCoKbt1hV0JPSkSDtdAYtz_FWBuUTeK6pjJuHInnkw4dQhEPPnBvsZ0nK7N2u4GBfobZ1iptj7SMqNsgOwX3qOrZWjXZKcx4CcDXsPZNK6GVVBg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h41m33s67.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSokZLlll70e0KKYJdZE0L-QWDu6TAPCoKbt1hV0JPSkSDtdAYtz_FWBuUTeK6pjJuHInnkw4dQhEPPnBvsZ0nK7N2u4GBfobZ1iptj7SMqNsgOwX3qOrZWjXZKcx4CcDXsPZNK6GVVBg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h41m33s67.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJ3Fgj0N63sY2o3RrT8w8AP4czAP56tzI0csu9HjDoQLXlQnXYP7uRBV_T2QldJmtL_YJTgHb3643Ua4G6H9MxvnkehTE0j24NtFG83sQNTJnBdTyilE61SfXvbEbznw2Yzn9zYbutng/s1600/crocogif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGJ3Fgj0N63sY2o3RrT8w8AP4czAP56tzI0csu9HjDoQLXlQnXYP7uRBV_T2QldJmtL_YJTgHb3643Ua4G6H9MxvnkehTE0j24NtFG83sQNTJnBdTyilE61SfXvbEbznw2Yzn9zYbutng/s1600/crocogif.gif" /></a></div><br />
The croc waits at the bottom of the dock, hoping that the little girl is going to slide into it's mouth, and instead of just pulling the little girl up, some idiot comes over and hangs himself off the side of the dock too and attempts to push her up, which is utterly stupid as his legs are much longer than the little girls and well within biting distance.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcfiPREhZDU0KPMqn2IKn83_JtIjIUR7d-rXzwTgMIKpVXE_KRTXHwNF9Wlrc8ofSC5K6c7cl3lPl6nAQ56lNzDPIUShy49Uu-HSq2jW5fLbrO-M7z4c1ot_Pe1YcbBfi21fZgPE5vgA/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h44m16s191.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcfiPREhZDU0KPMqn2IKn83_JtIjIUR7d-rXzwTgMIKpVXE_KRTXHwNF9Wlrc8ofSC5K6c7cl3lPl6nAQ56lNzDPIUShy49Uu-HSq2jW5fLbrO-M7z4c1ot_Pe1YcbBfi21fZgPE5vgA/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h44m16s191.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Imbecile</i> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>The guy slides into the croc's mouth and gets bitten and the croc carries him off into the water, the group at the cafe, plus Joe, notice a lot of people running and screaming and wonder what's going on. Another guy runs onto the dock to help the little girl, but his foot falls through the dock and his leg becomes stuck and dangles above the water. This allows the croc to come along and give it a little love bite and the croc pulls the guy completely through the dock in some very inconsistent effects shots. <br />
<br />
The group and Joe arrive and Kevin & Bob run into the water and Joe stands on the end of a short dock with a gun. Kevin grabs a piece of wood and stabs the crocodile in the mouth, which looks very silly and very revealing that it is as model, as if it wasn't obvious enough before. The little girl slides into the water and Bob catches her and he and Kevin swim the girl to safety whilst Joe shoots at the crocodile from his boat.<br />
<br />
The crocodile decides he's had enough fun for the day and swims off, but only after Joe had shot it about a dozen times first. Later we see Kevin and Bob and the others enter a bar and approach the judge and Joe, asking if they're going to kill the crocodile. I like the environment and crocodiles as much as the next guy, but this thing is a menace so I hope these idiots aren't going to get all conservationist at this point in time.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4MzCvJx4Cp1ZsaeGoKY4kLzOcoxGGk8VgsXxb17CRRI4s2umdLtAS08VHm9aSZythH4VhnBslCfANC8AR-TUV1o6ASn-X6zA86v3SLSfXeRt-hP9r-6Byz9f2I2Zx-lbQT5nZt2YW4dg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h56m13s183.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4MzCvJx4Cp1ZsaeGoKY4kLzOcoxGGk8VgsXxb17CRRI4s2umdLtAS08VHm9aSZythH4VhnBslCfANC8AR-TUV1o6ASn-X6zA86v3SLSfXeRt-hP9r-6Byz9f2I2Zx-lbQT5nZt2YW4dg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-23h56m13s183.png" width="400" /></a></div>Joe says that the crocodile is already as good as dead and Kevin gets moody about it, saying that they're against killing of any kind and they try to argue that the croc is possibly one of a kind and is an important discovery. I kinda hope Joe feeds Kevin to the crocodile at this point. In the original Lake Placid, I could get away with them attempting to catch the crocodile first because it was clearly a hundred year old crocodile who had managed to survive and thrive in a lake and only ate a person as a matter of opportunity and circumstance and they had the means to capture and transport the croc to it's own new habitat. This one isn't just eating for food, it's doing it for the lulz and is clearly affected by the radioactive waste that the group discovered and appear to have forgotten about.<br />
<br />
So the group try to make some idiotic arguments and I'm on the side of the judge, because the group are acting like blind people. Joe goes to buy some big bullets in order to blow the crocodile up and we cut to a shipping yard where we see Foley speaking to a man, then we cut back to Joe who is being harassed by the group again.<br />
<br />
Joe rightly tells the group they're idiots, all the group care about is their own agenda and they refuse to even entertain the idea that it's a good idea to kill the stupidly huge crocodile. This kind of agenda pisses me off, I <i>hate</i> hunting for sport and I really, really hate the shark fin industry for the damage they are doing to the shark population, whalers, trophy hunters, I really hate that stuff. However, when people say you shouldn't kill <i>anything</i>, I think they're idiots. If there's a dangerous wild animal hunting people and your choice is limited to either killing it or allowing it to continue killing people, you kill the animal. If there's other options then that's great, but in this case they need to kill the crocodile. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitjXLoHAG8IvY98NocfGJ5-y9G_P2r4tj2BbSwsgorvj7v2sq9DsjnRniOzGKu_rt80zteaOPZOo0YHkbxCNpFnVFDvIaJth4mLKPIlaMG2CM2DFWw66Hsw0TD2Ivdu75qUEy3pxVtZ_E/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h09m42s77.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitjXLoHAG8IvY98NocfGJ5-y9G_P2r4tj2BbSwsgorvj7v2sq9DsjnRniOzGKu_rt80zteaOPZOo0YHkbxCNpFnVFDvIaJth4mLKPIlaMG2CM2DFWw66Hsw0TD2Ivdu75qUEy3pxVtZ_E/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h09m42s77.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Imbeciles</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Kevin decides that they're going to follow Joe and stop him should he run into the crocodile. Foley meets with a guy in some sort of bar that's filled with trophy kills, the guy says that dumping waste is too risky and he won't do it again, despite Foley trying to persuade him otherwise.<br />
<br />
On the river Pamela and Jennifer discuss feeling guilty over the death of Conchita, Mark says that they shouldn't feel guilty and they should be fighting to save the crocodile, you know, the one that ate their friend and her little dog too. Mark wonders if the size of the croc has to do with the radioactive waste and Jennifer dismisses the idea completely because she's a moron. Jennifer suggests it could be a marine crocodile which grow larger, Mark thinks this is stupid and says it's the radioactive waste, so he and Jennifer start to argue about it.<br />
<br />
The boat breaks down mid-river and the group realise they are now stuck in the swamp, unless of course someone wants to swim back into town. Joe travels down the river and ties his boat off at a spot where there is a hut structure with a large hole in the side of the building. Joe finds a large tooth and cautiously enters what could be the crocs lair. He goes up the stairs and checks out some manly croc scars in the mirror, then leaves again.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzrBRsXcxFibwhJjIJmkkmJXMxnIrzJFhBlZMmxd3_A6cLgXL3mpwqchouzUcrhDen0AlOyC7I1lm8cvcsM2e7iE7y-VJpajSgs7lu57JcDgsuufgX8JEKrRWWtiUdWqIoP_h45iL-ekk/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h22m29s83.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzrBRsXcxFibwhJjIJmkkmJXMxnIrzJFhBlZMmxd3_A6cLgXL3mpwqchouzUcrhDen0AlOyC7I1lm8cvcsM2e7iE7y-VJpajSgs7lu57JcDgsuufgX8JEKrRWWtiUdWqIoP_h45iL-ekk/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h22m29s83.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey guys, let's camp right on the rivers edge, the croc will <i>know</i> we're on it's side!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jennifer suggests that they walk back into town for a mechanic, until Mark points out that they're on the wrong side of the river and this would mean swimming across to get to the other side. Kevin agrees that it's too risky, but is uncomfortable with their position on the river. It's ok though because as night falls, the crocodile they so desperately want to protect is stalking their camp site.<br />
<br />
Pamela wakes in the middle of the night to see the crocodile watching them, she wakes up Kevin, but when he looks out nothing is there. Mark wakes up too, followed by Bob and Jennifer, but they see nothing in the water. Mark hops up and grabs his camera and sits on the boat to take a photo of the crocodile. The others try to persuade him to get out of the very large wood and metal boat and get back inside the totally safe, cloth tent. <br />
<br />
The boat starts to rock and it appears that the croc has grabbed the anchor line and begins to pull the boat out onto the river with the three men board, leaving the two girls on the shore. The girls call for them to come back, but obviously the guys don't have much control over it and so they float into the darkness.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6hqRxJjlmA31AZqmExvegncKDMaBS4S499SdaCq4LelCQJsJU8peNpGrz85-dSBOo2_otNJQlib8hsRhgb_C0NL05burkmtd3vnhuaU39Bo9LzmamR14IN8jiYsifqKRx0nvDbWoKUQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h36m15s142.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6hqRxJjlmA31AZqmExvegncKDMaBS4S499SdaCq4LelCQJsJU8peNpGrz85-dSBOo2_otNJQlib8hsRhgb_C0NL05burkmtd3vnhuaU39Bo9LzmamR14IN8jiYsifqKRx0nvDbWoKUQ/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-00h36m15s142.png" width="400" /></a></div>The crocodile bursts through the side of the boat and Kevin tries to take a picture of it, but Kevin and Bob stop him for some reason which isn't entirely clear. Now that their boat has a big fecking hole in the side of it the guys aren't quite sure what to do, since the crocodile has now buggered off and they are taking on water.<br />
<br />
The crocodile attacks the boat with it's tail and Mark almost falls into the water, but Kevin pulls him back. They wonder what they will do now and Mark says that because they have a rope he will swim to shore and pull in the boat, he knows the shore isn't far and the crocodile has swam away now so he fancies his chances. Kevin says that he will go and hands Bob the end of the rope to tie off.<br />
<br />
Kevin swims into the darkness and makes it to the shore, where he begins to tie off the rope to a tree stump, but it appears that the croc is back as the boat rocks and Bob falls into the water, so Mark shouts for him to swim, even though he's two feet away from the boat and Mark could easily pull him back up. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFWIpgfVm55rPARBakbu2JdC9cEsFo8FSmWeTeLlmYQFGYmlv0K6huYN88fldOHOA8R8R9zKgym09-5-hDDs-Kj9QOFm2WbQ3oNxsCCvMDHu3KR_isCvuiM-7n0sLFBqIY8v3cR-G1Au0/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h01m23s113.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFWIpgfVm55rPARBakbu2JdC9cEsFo8FSmWeTeLlmYQFGYmlv0K6huYN88fldOHOA8R8R9zKgym09-5-hDDs-Kj9QOFm2WbQ3oNxsCCvMDHu3KR_isCvuiM-7n0sLFBqIY8v3cR-G1Au0/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h01m23s113.png" width="400" /></a></div>Mark is completely useless though and is unable to help Bob at all so Bob becomes crocodile food, but Mark shouts for Kevin to help him. Kevin, being an idiot, decides to swim back to the boat and of course the croc is right behind him. As he makes it back to the boat Mark throws his camera into the crocs mouth, because... crocodiles love kodak? <br />
<br />
The croc slinks off to digest his meal of Bob and photographs and it cuts to the next day. Kevin and Mark have managed to get the boat to the shoreline and have lit a fire, technically, they should not be far from the girls, but the girls are nowhere to be seen. A boat comes down the river and they try to attract it's attention as Joe is driving the boat. Joe merrily waves to them and picks them up, then goes and picks up the girls.<br />
<br />
Joe brings the group back to his hut house from earlier and Pamela freaks out when she sees a snake on the balcony, but Joe assures her that the snake is his pet. Back at the village a little boy calls for the judge, telling him that Joe is radioing him. The judge speaks to Joe on the radio where Joe tells him that croc has eaten someone else and he should inform the county sheriff. Where the hell is this movie set anyway? Don't tell me America because it doesn't even vaguely resemble America, it has a more South America/Carribean feel to it and all. *backtrack through movie* I found a sign from an earlier point saying that they were in Santo Domingo which is in the Dominican Republic. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnk2_H2FZ0PqCUuVXzDP4gfh1xGxrWqjQYCEfumwTX6gLsLLLwOLrM9a5_fa0OAgDJ22vw2_SDuGtHY0DPawVWAd_rbE6mcj2TrdeTc_7kJJcpkfov4pUKNfhfwMdhyphenhyphenv2eTi_9JcFe068/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h41m21s45.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnk2_H2FZ0PqCUuVXzDP4gfh1xGxrWqjQYCEfumwTX6gLsLLLwOLrM9a5_fa0OAgDJ22vw2_SDuGtHY0DPawVWAd_rbE6mcj2TrdeTc_7kJJcpkfov4pUKNfhfwMdhyphenhyphenv2eTi_9JcFe068/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h41m21s45.png" width="400" /></a></div>Joe tells the judge that he needs to round up some boys to help hunt down the croc, the judge mocks him but Joe tells him to stick it up his arse because if he'd seen the croc he'd have called in the army by now.<br />
<br />
The judge talks to Foley and tells him that Joe is probably right and he should call in the county boys, but Foley tells him not to call in anybody, because he's an idiot and is more worried about his chemical waste being discovered. In Joe's hut the group are sat about looking very depressed because of the death of Bob and Kevin sits and doodles a drawing of the crocodile which is quite good so I don't for a second believe that he actually drew it, not that it looks anything like the big fake as hell crocodile anyway.<br />
<br />
Joe tells them they can find some food on the shelf and tells him to give some to the girls, Mark asks what it is, but Joe says that if he's hungry, he'll eat it and if he's going to ask questions, he can put it back on the shelf. Joe asks Kevin if he still thinks the crocodile should be saved and thankfully Kevin has come to his senses and says that if he gets chance he will kill it. It only took the croc killing his close personal friend, Conchita, her little dog and the two men who tried to save the little girl weren't important enough for him to give a shit.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikAXjMzMCBwLpLHU8idnrgpEV6iF4biO8cce9aCozgibKYRUstJ7OpMa9aVWKM0W_bOYWSZXMF4OTFI0NUGrFSjQsKpCHwgER9IUDvFt-JoB-6x_ViJZLfaxCW6smKFdnLosWx41riwRk/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h44m17s219.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikAXjMzMCBwLpLHU8idnrgpEV6iF4biO8cce9aCozgibKYRUstJ7OpMa9aVWKM0W_bOYWSZXMF4OTFI0NUGrFSjQsKpCHwgER9IUDvFt-JoB-6x_ViJZLfaxCW6smKFdnLosWx41riwRk/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-01h44m17s219.png" width="400" /></a></div>Joe tells them they should take turns keeping watch because the big hole in the side of his hut was made by the croc. He doesn't suggest that some of them sleep upstairs away from big said hole of course. Kevin says that he and Mark should take turns as the girls are exhausted and Mark volunteers to go first and takes Joe's gun, Joe warns him to watch out for snakes while he's out there.<br />
<br />
Mark sits outside in a deck chair and Kevin joins him, Mark asks Kevin if he meant what he said, Kevin says that he does though he doesn't expect Mark to understand. Mark blames himself because he tried to take the photo, Kevin blames himself because he brought the group there.<br />
<br />
In the morning the judge sets out on his boat with Foley, the judge warns Foley that the boat is too big for the swamp, but Foley ignores him because he knows fuck-all and think he's always right. They come to the discarded barrels which the group found earlier and Foley hands the judge a gun and tells him to keep watch whilst he's working.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjetWYflwy_2Yk4Wh04dbkuH6dDXavKU7kHsGTzoL5Dl33wyiaqGHCmMuFJtwjnEe50ap_eeBNsg1GpVPAtFUgcC6Dca-pRI4EWPSXRt8TDFQMgCsACkb8BKW6iCHWTHSKo8jKnmyn2mWA/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h01m54s81.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjetWYflwy_2Yk4Wh04dbkuH6dDXavKU7kHsGTzoL5Dl33wyiaqGHCmMuFJtwjnEe50ap_eeBNsg1GpVPAtFUgcC6Dca-pRI4EWPSXRt8TDFQMgCsACkb8BKW6iCHWTHSKo8jKnmyn2mWA/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h01m54s81.png" width="400" /></a></div>As Foley works, attaching dynamite to the barrels, we hear the JAWS theme again, which means that the crocodile is watching and isn't far away. Foley panics as he finds a leach attached to his arm, he asks the judge to pull it off, but the judge won't so he rips it off himself, which is a bad idea.<br />
<br />
The judge tells Foley they can't blow the barrels up because they'll pollute the whole swamp, but I think it's a little bit late for that to be honest. Foley tells the judge to stop worrying or he'll tell people who the judge really is, the judge reveals that he is an ex-con, but says he's not a killer and if they pollute the swamp it will affect everyone. Foley punches the judge and knocks him into the water, the judge screams for help because he can't swim, but Foley drives off and leaves him there.<br />
<br />
Then... *sigh* something truly ridiculous happens. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoDDXSqqBGVeaQBYg7bFN-2CW8xXLwJG4nQE26drAxiA1aBLj_e6OZZ0vYVekWmm1hLafQ1Xbfk_WOX8gq58UPx2S1a6QXKzxX4p1LtYM7LU_w0ULi9K-I-Z4CO6l6BMybWi3AoCiI0LM/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h07m30s96.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoDDXSqqBGVeaQBYg7bFN-2CW8xXLwJG4nQE26drAxiA1aBLj_e6OZZ0vYVekWmm1hLafQ1Xbfk_WOX8gq58UPx2S1a6QXKzxX4p1LtYM7LU_w0ULi9K-I-Z4CO6l6BMybWi3AoCiI0LM/s320/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h07m30s96.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBr8BQh5GvGdycv5_wrS5KdIQVXwhLf2GiOJwZYBi1kW5ar48RIreAsM369M1-H-7nVavvstVI2IUYdVciT4zblF3qZRUSoC2C-2rKR2bcBt1sUcO4hE1tZ2jZzVcUm3kgmdiOlGtJhPs/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h07m38s195.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBr8BQh5GvGdycv5_wrS5KdIQVXwhLf2GiOJwZYBi1kW5ar48RIreAsM369M1-H-7nVavvstVI2IUYdVciT4zblF3qZRUSoC2C-2rKR2bcBt1sUcO4hE1tZ2jZzVcUm3kgmdiOlGtJhPs/s320/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h07m38s195.png" width="320" /></a></div>The crocodile launches itself out of the water by a good twenty or so feet, much higher than it should be able to support itself launching out of the water at that angle, put it that way. Not that it would be able to launch itself vertically either because the water just isn't deep enough. <br />
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Once it's done that Foley falls into the water, then kind of pushes himself into the mouth of the crocodile, it's hard to convey in screencaps. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf_xU5QXQXWG73oWqrgVADodGeC7yYUCrsNBBR9lQ-O_L2B4vPQyGHi3o2ngd71f3eZDC81EiVcI4ERs4kgNORzSlDqjJxlQi3mzQXK6U_nuUG_lGoWxC1Z3D3hP3r3Itb5pgr4NWHzmI/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h08m15s43.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf_xU5QXQXWG73oWqrgVADodGeC7yYUCrsNBBR9lQ-O_L2B4vPQyGHi3o2ngd71f3eZDC81EiVcI4ERs4kgNORzSlDqjJxlQi3mzQXK6U_nuUG_lGoWxC1Z3D3hP3r3Itb5pgr4NWHzmI/s320/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h08m15s43.png" width="320" /></a></div> Then Foley gets his arm bitten off, and a very fake stump it is too.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI-QkZsa_u0KyCoOBqs20K0x13Zu0MBvS2HcYWiyiHCOvRUmWrl1GGHDz_hyw_8ZKUQFbcPf0U2FjPnysjT6hx17omeDRFAQ-U6XhwqdbYyD_ha3jalT7rPyDS7f6LgVs8uW_qY-GBc6Y/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h08m55s194.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI-QkZsa_u0KyCoOBqs20K0x13Zu0MBvS2HcYWiyiHCOvRUmWrl1GGHDz_hyw_8ZKUQFbcPf0U2FjPnysjT6hx17omeDRFAQ-U6XhwqdbYyD_ha3jalT7rPyDS7f6LgVs8uW_qY-GBc6Y/s320/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h08m55s194.png" width="320" /></a></div>With out "villains" of the movie now completely fucked, Foley's boat explodes for good measure. Joe and the group hear the explosion, Kevin tells Mark to stay with the girls and he and Joe head out on the boat. They follow the smoke through the swamp, trying to figure out it's origin. Kevin points out the barrels to Joe and shows him the charges (they when the camera cuts to them, they clearly aren't there), he tells Joe they must remove the charges because if they go off it will destroy the entire swamp.<br />
<br />
Joe says they'll deal with that later, he tells Kevin to pull in and they come across the body of the judge which is bloody and half eaten. Joe tells Kevin to keep his eyes open for the croc and then we see said croc slinking through the water. Back at the house hut, the girls and Mark wonder how things are going. Joe and Kevin slow the boat down and Joe tells Kevin that when he gives the signal he should speed up, then Joe begins to hit the water with a big stick.<br />
<br />
We see some bubbles and the body of Foley rises to the surface, Joe taunts the crocodile, but there's no sign of it yet so he tells Kevin to head for the shore. They drive slowly up river, keeping a careful look out and Joe says he needs bait so he cuts his forearm with a knife and drips blood into the river.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht-OI5Mo-BnJJ9ZxmH-C6JJ1kCOx7wivU2gWjFEEF8lFvms4E6hOLnPS4FwYQxNeV-8rNXEAzNSJ3INx5ih5nNeYqG8at6km_NH20P4cRHx6YFIvZbNRj86Snzyu3gS88o4QVRSym8_ow/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h25m05s154.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht-OI5Mo-BnJJ9ZxmH-C6JJ1kCOx7wivU2gWjFEEF8lFvms4E6hOLnPS4FwYQxNeV-8rNXEAzNSJ3INx5ih5nNeYqG8at6km_NH20P4cRHx6YFIvZbNRj86Snzyu3gS88o4QVRSym8_ow/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h25m05s154.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because Joe is badass</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see the crocodile watching them from a distance and the croc slowly moves in, Joe shoots at it, but nothing happens so he grabs a harpoon and begins stabbing it. When that appears to have no effect, Joe gets even more badass and hops out of the boat.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6IJN8vbU0Uv-fqiXQ2D_zmP3FDoXQ5bvAnWg3hNrq5TLWAdyEiomunemoEGETAUwgr7SbrHDT6JTkaSZaB4ogilpKxcSsdF8y5QlNhyF280H5sWj-ZJASNxCf6nh9uzX-Gj7HoFgSmw/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h27m10s135.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6IJN8vbU0Uv-fqiXQ2D_zmP3FDoXQ5bvAnWg3hNrq5TLWAdyEiomunemoEGETAUwgr7SbrHDT6JTkaSZaB4ogilpKxcSsdF8y5QlNhyF280H5sWj-ZJASNxCf6nh9uzX-Gj7HoFgSmw/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h27m10s135.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And rides the crocodile like a surfboard</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Joe goes for a ride on the croc, stabbing at it repeatedly with his harpoon. The croc sinks into the water and Kevin turns the boat around and goes after Joe, we see a load of bubbles and Kevin resigns himself that Joe has been killed under the water.<br />
<br />
He takes the boat back down the river, back towards the hut house where Pamela is complaining that there isn't enough food. Kevin tells them that the croc got Joe and he is now determined to kill the crocodile. They search the house for weapons and Mark finds some gas and suggests making molotov cocktails.<br />
<br />
Pamela questions what has happened to Kevin, so he tells her and Jennifer to stay there and he and Mark head out on the boat. The guys search the swamp and we see the crocodile watching them. Kevin spots a nest of crocodile eggs, Mark is unsure if they should destroy them but Kevin doesn't think twice and shoots the eggs from the boat. The crocodile is a bit pissed off about that and launches itself at the boat, rocking it. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ86FicrsilzvbJfKeTiEVgyQwG9uJZ4BlHAj_YFzGN073ErKxviJZ_54v1L-PQDjsM9Sw8b0-9GGH2iDOoUxngRWGDkHyz39KQxVnnyXZqiGwyHop6xhyOzyAfS-lnHsQqoUdYqOcwWQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h33m48s7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ86FicrsilzvbJfKeTiEVgyQwG9uJZ4BlHAj_YFzGN073ErKxviJZ_54v1L-PQDjsM9Sw8b0-9GGH2iDOoUxngRWGDkHyz39KQxVnnyXZqiGwyHop6xhyOzyAfS-lnHsQqoUdYqOcwWQ/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-02-02h33m48s7.png" width="400" /></a></div>Kevin shoots at the crocodile, but it doesn't do much, the croc knocks the boat again and Kevin falls into the water and also drops the gun, the croc narrowly misses a bite of his legs. The croc creates a hole in the boat and Mark panics as the boat begins to sink as they take on water, Kevin grabs a propeller and then we hear Joe shout, "this will bring you luck, kid."<br />
<br />
Joe's hat goes flying through the air and Kevin catches it and puts it on and we see that Joe is injured, but alive and on the river bank. Kevin puts the hat on and Joe tells Kevin to use the propeller on the croc. Mark screams for Kevin to hurry and Kevin struggles to get the motor going, but eventually he does and throws it into the mouth of the croc where it chews up the crocodile, killing it and for some reason making the crocodile explode and burst into flames.<br />
<br />
The guys float the boat down the river, beaten, exhausted, but elated that they have succeeded. Kevin offers to return Joe's hat, but Joe declines. As they move down river they hear some splashing sounds and the camera cuts to a lone egg hatching. End of Movie.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
For all the dodgy stuff in this movie, the shoddy camera work, the very fake looking crocodile, the painfully bad dubbing and some of the effects work, this is actually not that bad a movie. The pacing is pretty good and unlike Alligator or Black Water, I didn't feel bored waiting around for something to happen, something always seems to be going on and pushing the plot forward and for that I salute the movie.<br />
<br />
Though I did keep a tally of the amount of times the movie directly stole from JAWS and though I didn't mention all of them in the review itself, it was far too numerous to completely forgive.<br />
<br />
For a movie made in 1989, it weirdly feels like it was made in the 70's, perhaps it was the quality of the film or the haircuts sported by the lead actors, but it felt like a much older film than it actually was. Saying that however, I did enjoy this movie.<br />
<br />
For all the crocodile looked very fake most of the time it was on screen, the death scenes were pretty entertaining. I did think the environmental message shoe-horned in was pretty stupid, but thankfully the characters dropped that attitude eventually which allowed me to stop hating them.<br />
<br />
Joe is the most badass character in the movie and I think it might have been a slightly better one had he been the main character all along, but it would be a bit late in the day now for them to change that.<br />
<br />
<b>6 & 1/2 out of 10</b><br />
<br />
<b>No. of blatant JAWS rip offs</b>: 17Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-87280305420057772322012-02-01T14:59:00.000-08:002012-02-01T16:41:08.754-08:00Scary Snake SeasonAs some may have noticed, I've got my hands on a few more Killer Crocodile movies, of all of the horror sub-genres, giant creature features are definitely my favourites because there's so much ground you can cover with that type of movie and they range from the brilliant to the bizarre. After I have finished the review I am writing up at this present moment in time I am going to start doing Scary Snake movies and see where that takes me.<br />
<br />
So I don't get sick of the snakes I've kept a few crocodile movies back and eventually I want to cover every killer crocodile movie that's out there, including ones I have already seen and therefore didn't cover in the original run such as Lake Placid 1 & 2, Crocodile 2: Death Roll, etc. I'm not in a rush to get these done though so these will come as they come.<br />
<br />
To kick things off I'm going to do a movie which is both Scary Snake AND Killer Crocodile and it's one I actually avoided during killer croc season, but it'll be kinda perfect for me to cover so it looks like I'll have to watch it.<br />
<br />
Because it wouldn't be a Scary Snake Season without covering the Anaconda films, I'm going to cover the first movie, alongside the sequels, normally I don't cover movies I've already seen, but it'll just look weird if all the sequels are there and the first one isn't, plus it'll refresh my memory on how bad the snake is because it's been a while since I saw it.Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-3537658455996414832012-01-31T23:36:00.000-08:002012-01-31T23:36:56.988-08:00Alligator - A Killer Crocodile MovieAlligator is a 1980 Killer Crocodile movie, I did want to cover it during <a href="http://spitonyourtaste.blogspot.com/2011/07/killer-croc-season-overview.html">Killer Crocodile Season</a>, but at the time I was unable to acquire a copy, so I'm covering it now. According to some circles, it's supposed to be the JAWS of giant crocodile movies, but I shall be the judge of that.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEYP78pAm3zYj99qSlaNuz0V3EuTOY-gMyi6EHQCGYXe3Kc9TBexNkviROr112s2u6e9bVd3Y_J0L25X9AdrppEhEuYjBFUrWK9w_NyWmEU2Re6juoLKppiUx7Y99AzKCRjjNus0SEXA/s1600/alligator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEYP78pAm3zYj99qSlaNuz0V3EuTOY-gMyi6EHQCGYXe3Kc9TBexNkviROr112s2u6e9bVd3Y_J0L25X9AdrppEhEuYjBFUrWK9w_NyWmEU2Re6juoLKppiUx7Y99AzKCRjjNus0SEXA/s400/alligator.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>It's quite wrong that during Killer Crocodile Season I never got to cover this movie, I did look into it during my research, but I just couldn't get a copy. There are still some I'd like to do, but they will have to wait until I can actually get hold of them, for now, let's jump in.<br />
<br />
We open to the title over the blinking eye of an alligator and then we see a guy wading through some swamp and sneaking up on the aforementioned reptile. As the gator takes a swipe at him, the camera pulls out and we see that it's some sort of zoological entertainment place and a man with a microphone informs the fascinated audience that they can buy their own baby alligator. The man near the gator slips in the mud and falls into the water and the gator bites him as the audience watches on in horror.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHJuaahuPfzLQRkpHEBi6pW9QTkP8BR1bfPJSS3-EIslVrNPq-kZQXUaIRcsQ6NfYWnmMqkXmdXnvU1KFIqtGTmq-duhjtU5gzYPUpuPFG4Z3zCKr7dmsr5ctFIRgdzaogpyUbVX-dH3E/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-31-13h30m55s64.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHJuaahuPfzLQRkpHEBi6pW9QTkP8BR1bfPJSS3-EIslVrNPq-kZQXUaIRcsQ6NfYWnmMqkXmdXnvU1KFIqtGTmq-duhjtU5gzYPUpuPFG4Z3zCKr7dmsr5ctFIRgdzaogpyUbVX-dH3E/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-31-13h30m55s64.png" width="400" /></a></div>We see the gator tear a chunk of flesh and start to roll the man in the water so two handlers rush into the water and begin beating the gator with two by fours while a little girl in the audience states that if they just turn the gator on it's back it'll fall asleep. The men manage to drag the poor guy out of the water to the applause of the audience and we then see the little girl wanting to buy a baby alligator. <br />
<br />
She looks into the tank of baby alligators and the salesman says she can choose one for herself, whichever she thinks is the cutest. Her mother asks what she will do when it grows up and the little girl says she'll give it to a zoo, then plunges her hand into the tank and removes a little baby alligator. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t1CoRLeO7VtSE-bHpNKtvOVTiKAIocgtRtIpn1hTmWnXf2eCuNn9NLB1QQVBfwiIfTjhHdk_uMW1dXqeK_zJIFrCWyN1qBKRN712WDPMy_6_NsC20-hEzg4POVjMy9YI4SIvph8bjIE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-31-13h39m38s180.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t1CoRLeO7VtSE-bHpNKtvOVTiKAIocgtRtIpn1hTmWnXf2eCuNn9NLB1QQVBfwiIfTjhHdk_uMW1dXqeK_zJIFrCWyN1qBKRN712WDPMy_6_NsC20-hEzg4POVjMy9YI4SIvph8bjIE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-31-13h39m38s180.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OMG I want one, it's so cute</td></tr>
</tbody></table>At home in Missouri, the baby gator, Ramon, is placed into a tank of colourful pebbles and ornaments and the girl tells Ramon how much he'll love living with her. In the morning the girls parents argue when she's at school and her father grabs the baby from the tank declaring that he'll tell his daughter he found it dead, "like he did with the hamsters" and then drops it into the toilet bowl and flushes the little gator away as the credits roll over the screen. I hope this guy gets featured later as gator food. <br />
<br />
We see the baby gator in the sewers looking all lost and alone, then we are told it's twelve years later and we see <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_Brown_%28film%29"><strike>Max Cherry</strike></a> Robert Forster in a pet shop buying a puppy dog. He tells the shop owner that he had just bought a puppy named Snaps, but it was stolen from outside of a grocery store, the pet shop owner tells Forster that he has the same balding problem as him and he should get it sorted, then gets a page as he's a police officer and so leaves with his new puppy. <br />
<br />
We cut to some sort of sewer treatment facility where some men are dragging the water as it turns out someone has found a human arm. Gee, I wonder where that arm could have come from, would it be cynical to suggest a giant <strike>crocodile</strike> alligator? The coroner says they also found a dead dog, a rare one so they were able to track the owner, though unusually it's insides were missing and it's outsides were intact. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj03Miq6Fa4Aub29Dyfv7RfHM6Di3CbrNcOwruuhXK7TX3yr7DpQ_1ARG2lX7k3ABh3jd4VsMK4_7Zp0u8SC3XZoAiuRN5giueer-hukUpC1mUdEBPzFyINd1w92_3pf0am9PCGaH3QkyE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-01h57m42s86.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj03Miq6Fa4Aub29Dyfv7RfHM6Di3CbrNcOwruuhXK7TX3yr7DpQ_1ARG2lX7k3ABh3jd4VsMK4_7Zp0u8SC3XZoAiuRN5giueer-hukUpC1mUdEBPzFyINd1w92_3pf0am9PCGaH3QkyE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-01h57m42s86.png" width="400" /></a></div>We're told Robert Forster's character is Detective Madison and he goes to meet with the dog's owner, who says that the dog is exactly like hers, the same markings and everything, but is far too big to be her dog. We then cut to the pet shop owner from earlier driving down the street in a van, he grabs a dog wandering on it's own and puts it in the back, then drives to a place called Slade Pharmaceutical, which I assume is doing some sort of bizarre growth testing on the dogs and then throwing them into the sewer.<br />
<br />
A man in the lab tells the pet shop guy that he needs more puppies for his experiment and cats won't do, though to be honest I don't see why. The pet shop guy says he's getting nervous about the possibility of being caught by the police and takes some black bags with dead dogs inside to dump. Why the scientist guy couldn't get puppies from a puppy farm himself, or properly dispose of the dead animals in an incinerator, I don't know.<br />
<br />
Detective Madison goes to see a guy in a man hole about the arm that they found, supposedly belonging to a guy called Edward Norton, his buddy punched out his time card for him, assuming that he was fine, but just late. Then we see the pet shop guy wheeling a shopping trolley into the sewers and dumping the dogs into the water with the alligator watching on. As he throws one of the dogs it doesn't quite land in the water and lands on a pipe, so instead of just leaving it, the pet shop guy decides to climb down in order to push the dead animal into the sewer water. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-g2Ap0eIZ__Et4PcW-a1O31HYLWAQYxwsXKRdbCh-vqdKSBLHIIQGeBOfQSlHEyU64ShKwH4IXHh3zp3IYufNNnyFJit005BO3ODewLbc6glZaqrJpyolp9gsTe_qnmSABtPrNBzygJY/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h12m02s21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-g2Ap0eIZ__Et4PcW-a1O31HYLWAQYxwsXKRdbCh-vqdKSBLHIIQGeBOfQSlHEyU64ShKwH4IXHh3zp3IYufNNnyFJit005BO3ODewLbc6glZaqrJpyolp9gsTe_qnmSABtPrNBzygJY/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h12m02s21.png" width="400" /></a></div>The Pet shop guy sees that there is a blockage in the tunnel and inexplicably decides to try and remove the blockage himself, instead of just leaving it as most sensible people would. While he is doing this we get a moving POV shot from water level, it seems the gator may be hungry for more than just discarded dog, as we see him attacked and then see his leg pop up further down the sewer line.<br />
<br />
Detective Madison is shown to have the leg later and the coroner tells they found cat litter inside the sock of the leg. Madison sees some sewer workers drag out the tattered remains of the pet shop guy's Hawaiian shirt and then we see him interviewing the guy in the lab, though I'm stumped if I know how he managed to connect them at this point. Madison asks him a bunch of questions about their procedure and it turns out that they're either supposed to breed their own animals for experiments or buy them from the city pound, then later return them for proper incineration, so I don't get why he <i>hasn't</i> been doing that. The detective asks if one of the dogs could have got loose and into the sewer and the lab guy says no, he also informs Madison that when the animals arrive they cut the larynx to keep the noise level down and the movie gives us a shot of a cute little puppy, just to really cement our hate of the guy.<br />
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The lab guy goes to see the old man in charge of the company and tells him they couldn't tie the pet shop guy to their experiment as he was paid in cash from the slush fund and he's disposed of any animals which could be traceable. The old man, who is a mumbler, tells the lab guy to go back to his chemistry set and not to talk to any reporters and he'll sort out what he can.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg50mScGSb-V9a-jfssYhOy4G-1nJlJChlbQHrNqVsU_31M1n_0WTFpmplRL9aySepxa_kIpBK0Qhr7NyOthOrbdYbqcleHOZ-OxsUjG8pvmnduuEn886tMT6AZJbKBT9UvxQX-zuIU4nk/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h37m24s151.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg50mScGSb-V9a-jfssYhOy4G-1nJlJChlbQHrNqVsU_31M1n_0WTFpmplRL9aySepxa_kIpBK0Qhr7NyOthOrbdYbqcleHOZ-OxsUjG8pvmnduuEn886tMT6AZJbKBT9UvxQX-zuIU4nk/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h37m24s151.png" width="400" /></a></div>Madison is giving a press conference to explain about the body parts found in the sewers, he tells the press that they don't yet know how they were killed, they don't know if they are murders or if they are connected or how the bodies ended up in the sewer system, so it's a pretty useless press conference. Then one of the reporters asks if Madison is the same man who lost his partner in the Hotel Baldwin incident in St Louis and Madison confirms that he is. <br />
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You know, I really want to like this movie, there are so few decent killer crocodile movies, but we're 15 minutes in and I'm bored as hell, I just want to see the damn alligator already, but we're not quite down with our <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DevelopingDoomedCharacters?from=Main.TwentyMinutesWithJerks">twenty minutes with jerks</a>. The Chief tells Madison once they leave the press conference that the incident was five years ago and no one blames him for his partner getting shot and he shouldn't let the press get to him.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Madison asks the beat cops if someone will go check out the sewers with him, but all are reluctant aside from a young rookie. The sergeant gives Madison some sort of apparatus should they hit some methane pockets, then tells Madison he should sort his hair out because he's going bald in the front. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCY5z_a22PDd2oDZ1wbVApwrOXI7-NXpz-K77_nx6xU1dkFFhAoXEPF4H13ufgyodbIcGq8C_Bfq_iVRpgWZPBhoWUMwJhMCneBQq-O_eV7p-vTJAdMyEPT6jXqZxWiqDHfW-vRxneyYM/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h58m58s38.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCY5z_a22PDd2oDZ1wbVApwrOXI7-NXpz-K77_nx6xU1dkFFhAoXEPF4H13ufgyodbIcGq8C_Bfq_iVRpgWZPBhoWUMwJhMCneBQq-O_eV7p-vTJAdMyEPT6jXqZxWiqDHfW-vRxneyYM/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-02h58m58s38.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, 80's, your understanding of mental illness was not good</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A skinny guy comes into the station and tells the sergeant that he killed two guys in the sewer and is very polite about it, but clearly crazy. The guy then pulls a timer out from underneath his shirt and says that he's come to kill them all and the voices on the radio told him to. <br />
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They grab the kid and then disable his device, discovering that it is actually a radio that is hooked up to some sort of timer, so Madison hands him off to one of the beat cops and he and Kelly, the rookie type cop will head to the sewers.<br />
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Madison and Kelly enter the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AbsurdlySpaciousSewer">suspiciously large sewers</a>, which are so large that even in the wide shot you can't see the ceiling, and wade through the water looking for more body parts. Kelly asks why Madison left St Louis, at least that's what I think he's asking as they obviously filmed this in some sort of actual tunnel system as the audio is disrupted by the sound of running water and the characters voice echoes somewhat making it a little difficult to try and understand. They come across a wall which has been shoddily bricked up and decide to take another route. <br />
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They come across a pocket of methane and so put on their masks, Madison states that he once saw a methane explosion in St Louis which was large enough to drop a bus through the street. They find another brick wall which has partially fallen down and Madison grabs a brick and drops it in the water to see how deep it is, we then get a shot of the gator. Well it's not really <i>the </i>gator, it's <i>a</i> gator, that they've clearly filmed for these inbetween shots to make it look more realistic, somewhat like in JAWS when they used the real shark footage to intersect with the big rubber shark. Though at this point, I really just want to see what the big fake gator looks like. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXBgJEQntvHkZIvnGyPLXoK8z2JV0cwPID6pmhhRrqx7MLYxgMwNOghhxmFn48TJCnwAmiFaEqIWQgvuP5EzN4k23xxIZoCCApALNhqkzywyY6uEgr2CRxGa6xx-r_bGbfWyyJ5sPOrE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h20m51s102.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXBgJEQntvHkZIvnGyPLXoK8z2JV0cwPID6pmhhRrqx7MLYxgMwNOghhxmFn48TJCnwAmiFaEqIWQgvuP5EzN4k23xxIZoCCApALNhqkzywyY6uEgr2CRxGa6xx-r_bGbfWyyJ5sPOrE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h20m51s102.png" width="400" /></a></div>Madison then turns his back and starts telling Kelly about a guy he knew in St Louis who reminds him of Kelly called Wild Billy, he dips into an alcove and we hear a splash and so Madison turns back and goes to the spot he last saw him. He shouts for his name and shines his torch all around but sees nothing, so he drops himself into the water and the incidental music lets us know this is a bad idea. <br />
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Madison gives himself a fright when he turns and sees a bunch of rats on an up-turned shopping trolley, picking through some rubbish that's suspiciously clean looking, somewhat like the props department had just put it there and not like it had been floating around in a sewer for weeks. I'm nit-picking. <br />
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Madison explores the sewers some more looking for the missing Kelly and comes across the blocked junction which the pet shop guy was killed at earlier in the film. As Madison is bent over, trying to move stuff, we get a moving water-level POV shot and then a hand grabs Madison's bottom and it turns out that it's Kelly and the movie was trying to fake us out. Also this proves that Kelly is extremely irresponsible as he went wandering in a labyrinth tunnel system, which they have established does not correspond to their maps and did not tell his partner he was going. I now assume that Kelly <i>will</i> be eaten, quite painfully, by the gator later in the movie. Madison finds the lamp that the pet shop guy had been using and they continue on their mission of exploration. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSUMLWm1VQHBCQrl2dr9O0mOC473Xq4nkmSN57fYI0FO0Qxablq95jQyL8TXEoXImHz1JX0uLJ9RKN1IOeUaC6Zg4WSb6AD4rnnsax3JmdJN2lGEDdT7C8v8RIm-C46-g1jRork05zn7U/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h35m52s137.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSUMLWm1VQHBCQrl2dr9O0mOC473Xq4nkmSN57fYI0FO0Qxablq95jQyL8TXEoXImHz1JX0uLJ9RKN1IOeUaC6Zg4WSb6AD4rnnsax3JmdJN2lGEDdT7C8v8RIm-C46-g1jRork05zn7U/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h35m52s137.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When you see it....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Actually, I've used a fairly obvious screencap there, the two guys stop to check their maps and as they do we get that briefest glimpse at the gator behind them, it's about a second long as the torch shines over the gator and the incidental music helps clue you in, but if I had only been half paying attention I might have missed it, so props to the movie for the use of the gator at this point. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUy3ByuMDi00lHNPOU2bUO4bZ-LiwbrIT1tkHl2gs8qj_6IVvJYrj7s01h3t2V6ile3ATIzO7UvKVrswnLrLpj5Hf-p0o_DXXFx2Sge31Pw370i6zvv9fOriz2PH0CYEwnGUuGOxGm4No/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h39m32s32.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUy3ByuMDi00lHNPOU2bUO4bZ-LiwbrIT1tkHl2gs8qj_6IVvJYrj7s01h3t2V6ile3ATIzO7UvKVrswnLrLpj5Hf-p0o_DXXFx2Sge31Pw370i6zvv9fOriz2PH0CYEwnGUuGOxGm4No/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h39m32s32.png" width="400" /></a></div>Kelly presses on slightly ahead and as he goes to round a corner the alligator jumps out at him, the gator knocks Kelly into the water with his tail, but he jumps up and grabs Madison and the two begin to leg it with the alligator in hot pursuit and I know this is meant to be scary, but honestly it's hilarious, particularly with their legs kicking up high in the water as they run away. <br />
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They make it to a ladder and both scramble up and try to shove themselves into the tube where the ladder is, Madison tries pushing the man hole at the top open with his back, but he struggles and it won't budge. We see the gator closing in and it grabs Kelly's leg, Madison grabs his arm and they struggle for a few moments before the gator wins out and pulls Kelly away. Madison let's out a heartfelt, "NO" and the look of devastation of his face is genuine enough to make me feel a little guilty for wishing death on Kelly earlier.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOpSdRBT5Nz6r-Q-Nx3PHYDY98EzyIIfPJOdM_5s4WvH80UgCXlG5Ylv4dpQQNmkpXfIWZrm8Ch4S4bE0LF2Ai-h3w-hrl0fjwzSwNyHftC9b1neLcG6NjwzLBsZZd2RPCnF64WCEYCo/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h44m02s190.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOpSdRBT5Nz6r-Q-Nx3PHYDY98EzyIIfPJOdM_5s4WvH80UgCXlG5Ylv4dpQQNmkpXfIWZrm8Ch4S4bE0LF2Ai-h3w-hrl0fjwzSwNyHftC9b1neLcG6NjwzLBsZZd2RPCnF64WCEYCo/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-03h44m02s190.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stop being a good actor, Forster, you're ruining my enjoyment of the death</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I should at this point say that the shots we've had of the gator have been quite fleeting, when it's still it does look quite realistic, but it's movements are very clunky and quite obviously fake, so I'm hoping they stick to that throughout so it doesn't end up looking ridiculous. <br />
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Madison shouts for Kelly and we see his voice echo around several shots of the now empty and deserted sewers, then it transitions and we see Madison asleep in a hospital bed. He is sweating and shaking his head and shouting "NO" then he wakes up and a nurse tells him he popped out of a man hole shouting 'alligator' and was brought to the hospital. Madison realises that Kelly was taken and looks around for his clothes and tries to put them on as the nurse brings in the police chief. <br />
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Madison asks if they found Kelly, the chief tells him they found no sign and he should probably stay in the hospital for a few days and rest and recuperate. They want Madison to see a psychiatrist and do some tests, Madison says they're nuts if they think he will stay in the hospital doing tests while Kelly is still unaccounted for, at this point, one of the sleazy reporters from the press conference wanders into Madison's hospital room and starts asking stupid questions and commenting on Madison losing his partners.<br />
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The chief takes Madison to see a reptile expert who is milking snakes for their venom, the expert tells him the largest ever found was 16 feet in length, but that gators shouldn't be able to thrive in the sewers because of the lack of food and even in zoos, gators rarely reach full size. Madison says that the gator he saw was much bigger than that, the expert says that without sunlight and proper food, a gator of that size would starve in a week, not to mention the chemicals and gasses that are found in a sewer.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkm4bFaDAaSIs4-m43AF4x9l7Ua6c5eIn_f0jgL0FAtbp7dXiz2GT5qL8JCmtPLbdzglzWyeOcfiKmUqdfj3cQWM1GIN-yv8Xu91r4tmEJuuLl2-7erQ5vD_SS_b-Earh8OAn-V9xQnck/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h12m30s118.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkm4bFaDAaSIs4-m43AF4x9l7Ua6c5eIn_f0jgL0FAtbp7dXiz2GT5qL8JCmtPLbdzglzWyeOcfiKmUqdfj3cQWM1GIN-yv8Xu91r4tmEJuuLl2-7erQ5vD_SS_b-Earh8OAn-V9xQnck/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h12m30s118.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slow news day for this <b>national</b> newspaper</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>The expert, Doctor Kendall, gives Madison a book on gators and dismisses the idea that a gator could either be that size or live in the sewers. One wonders why, at this point, they don't even entertain the idea that it could be a crocodile. Historically speaking, crocodiles grow much larger than alligators, they are more widespread and it could easily be a croc instead of a gator, but the idea doesn't even come up. The chief and Madison head out and the chief tells Madison that he's going to have to take a leave of absence because of the sleazy reporter.<br />
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At the station the beat cops seem far more concerned with believing the trash newspaper and putting toy crocodiles in Madison's locker than looking for the missing Kelly. The sleazy reporter questions Madison's nurse at the hospital who breaks about a dozen privacy and confidentiality laws by telling the sleazy reporter about what kind of medication they put Madison on during his hospital stay and what he was dreaming about whilst he was there. <br />
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The sleazy reporter goes to the sewers, god knows why, and finds a boot and takes a photograph of it, he wanders through the sewer tunnels and finds a mutilated dog corpse with rats feeding on it, where are the giants rats I wonder... oh wait, the gator's probably eating them too, nevermind. He takes a photo of that, then one of a shopping trolley with lots of rubbish inside, then we see the gator watching the sleazy reporter. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3p_h4qhMLwoYXaJM4GdaIeggt6uCm3tvkBQL107AVQf1yjOPiF2neYo9CpjLtdKYfy1fdsrBO6_KpoALJlFf9Ro1Vsq66R0bVKptka3HHUIPHlIemJsIc2cGEjUjlM0ar-UQmUaiNJg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h20m25s255.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3p_h4qhMLwoYXaJM4GdaIeggt6uCm3tvkBQL107AVQf1yjOPiF2neYo9CpjLtdKYfy1fdsrBO6_KpoALJlFf9Ro1Vsq66R0bVKptka3HHUIPHlIemJsIc2cGEjUjlM0ar-UQmUaiNJg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h20m25s255.png" width="400" /></a></div>As the sleazy reporter gets his comeuppance the incidental music is quite good and makes the scene quite horrible. We cut to Madison flicking through his new book and comes across a laughable drawing of a crocodile eating a puppy dog, we then see his puppy with his head stuck in one of those American Chinese food cartons and then Madison closes the book and sees that it was written by Doctor Kendall herself, the movie reveals at this point that she's the little girl from the start of the movie. <br />
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Madison gets a phone call from the chief and rushes down the station, the chief tells him they found the sleazy reporters camera in the sewage works. A guy comes out of a dark room with a handful of photographs and tells them they won't believe what he's got, he flicks through them and shows them a bunch of shots of the alligator that the reporter managed to get off before he was eaten. Madison asks the chief he believes him now and the chief says that they'll get Doctor Kendall to take a look at the photographs. <br />
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At home Madison flicks through the tv channels and all the media are taking about are the photographs that the reporter took with his camera, although how they got to the press, I don't know. Madison sees a report from Doctor Kendall who still refuses to entertain the idea of it growing large despite photographic evidence to the contrary. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnsheNd_KtRio_RQJoWur4OI8yrVr94vVOsIIJcdIByc1TTiNRXyXsp5g2WWuCNP-9MHmfpfzjZovUDqEMn16R1oD2mTIBJAcNLXK7xosi_UdSvzT-uYKmHdRgdWWhwpFhsjwFYz8qArc/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h43m27s6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnsheNd_KtRio_RQJoWur4OI8yrVr94vVOsIIJcdIByc1TTiNRXyXsp5g2WWuCNP-9MHmfpfzjZovUDqEMn16R1oD2mTIBJAcNLXK7xosi_UdSvzT-uYKmHdRgdWWhwpFhsjwFYz8qArc/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-04h43m27s6.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>We now see SWAT, animal control, the police and a bunch of other guys locking and loading up for a trip into the sewers, they place a big net over a sewer entrance, arm themselves with big guns and what appears to be a rocket launcher and all head into the sewer system to look for the huge alligator. <br />
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Madison talks the chief through the plan to herd the gator through the sewers with three units so it is forced to exit via the main entrance they have set up with the big net. Doctor Kendall arrives and tells them it should work and as long as they don't corner it, they should be fine. Kendall apologises to Madison for not believing him and they commence the operation, which involves the heavily armed guys walking through the sewers clanking pipes against the walls and banging dust bin lids together. This seems like a very good plan, so I wonder how it is all going to go wrong because we're only 40 minutes into this 90 minute movie. <br />
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We see a glimpse of the gator's tail, then outside the sewer Madison gets a message that they can't raise someone on the radio. Inside the sewer there's lots of noise and Madison keeps getting reports of people getting lost, which means they should have really taken some sewer workers who knew their way around with them and they should have been marking their route as they went along. Kendall tries to talk to Madison, but he's busy and distracted and isn't really interested in hearing about her former pet alligator, Ramon.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR_PlVu5n4o6mTatvEf31nn8zAuXyLKVqrnl1vXOiSv05uR6E7E_y1l9PzqWEGaxnTKhsDaDcB7PNPx6wvRyReoZu-h0K3xlUO0EExOZx7Mp_EQojpshbsYb4_dWDSVpwLq6gdbjl2ufs/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h03m33s28.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR_PlVu5n4o6mTatvEf31nn8zAuXyLKVqrnl1vXOiSv05uR6E7E_y1l9PzqWEGaxnTKhsDaDcB7PNPx6wvRyReoZu-h0K3xlUO0EExOZx7Mp_EQojpshbsYb4_dWDSVpwLq6gdbjl2ufs/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h03m33s28.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Everyone readies themselves outside as the three groups should be headed out now and we can hear the approaching noise come from the tunnel, there's now two ways this will go. Either the guys will emerge and they will declare Madison crazy, despite proof to the contrary, or the gator will either eat one of the groups or it will come out a bit, then go back in. <br />
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Suddenly, the banging noise stops and we hear someone shouting "hold your fire, hold your fire" and the guys emerge from the tunnel and everyone starts laughing. Why, I have no idea since they <i>know</i> that there's a dangerous alligator in the sewer, it's just likely that they took a wrong turning somewhere and haven't wrangled him.<br />
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The chief tells Madison they should get the hell out of there and figure out what to tell the press in the morning, the Mayor and the press look pissed off, despite Madison reiterating my point that the men must have gone the wrong way and the gator is still in the sewer somewhere. The chief and Madison drive past some kids playing baseball in the street and then some very dodgy effects kick in and the street starts to rumble and break.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHka1X6D-DWKVsRA-MWOpwvp5G7X6SZNe6y56HIlmVvT3TS4U4t11bpW8-3uzhtQJ5ZkLsCyZVaiHItYF4WeB4p8qB1zPXi0tRg6ndedAcNwNRTu8D-M28YkWhRaBiSd9_yRbPgT_r390/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h09m07s41.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHka1X6D-DWKVsRA-MWOpwvp5G7X6SZNe6y56HIlmVvT3TS4U4t11bpW8-3uzhtQJ5ZkLsCyZVaiHItYF4WeB4p8qB1zPXi0tRg6ndedAcNwNRTu8D-M28YkWhRaBiSd9_yRbPgT_r390/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h09m07s41.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, movie, just no</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So the alligator breaks through the pavement and all the kids run scared. The gator's leg movements are quite realistic looking, but it's the fake head which doesn't move at all and the eves are stuck facing to the side which makes it look quite silly. A cop arrives, but swerves to miss the kids and ends up crashing and his car catches fire, one of the kids watches in horror as the gator grabs the cop as he escapes the burning wreckage and bites his leg off. <br />
<br />
Then what is quite obviously a real, but small gator, walks down a to-scale street and I try not to die laughing from the fakeness of it. the little kid runs upstairs to tell his mother the alligator is outside, but his mother is talking on the phone so he grabs a knife to go outside and defend the injured cop. Go, kid, you rock. <br />
<br />
As the kid goes outside the street is now filled with arriving police, fire and ambulances, the chief is there with Madison and the chief is going crazy that the gator made a huge hole in the pavement. Kendall tells them that the gator will look for water because he has used a lot of energy and will need to rest.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhooqIU6iNzhKTvICuLSMwKgKvGowfdB8WQGAZta-09YVefLHRGj2PWK3b1njJwabbbCPLPkzaKrwyx5ZRGRtL4KOKWj749KxdHNUDR4qiuOsRFinJvJ15h3x-7wgdcnkXw0b7PRF765xc/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h16m26s71.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhooqIU6iNzhKTvICuLSMwKgKvGowfdB8WQGAZta-09YVefLHRGj2PWK3b1njJwabbbCPLPkzaKrwyx5ZRGRtL4KOKWj749KxdHNUDR4qiuOsRFinJvJ15h3x-7wgdcnkXw0b7PRF765xc/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h16m26s71.png" width="400" /></a></div>The kid tells Kendall and Madison about the alligator he saw and we see get a shot of the gator slipping into some water, which is possibly a lake as the chief and the mayor are now arguing over what they are going to do about their gator problem. The kid tells Kendall how big the gator was and the next day Kendall takes a plaster impression of a footprint they've found by the boating lake, confirming to Madison that it is indeed an alligator who must be 30-40 feet long, accounting for the tail. <br />
<br />
The chief introduces a Colonel Brock of the national guard to Madison and Kendall while cops set off charges in the boating lake to try and tempt the gator to surface. Brock insults Madison, then insults Kendall and basically tells them both to piss off, so I'm assuming he's going to get eaten at some point, possibly with the mayor, because he's been a bit of a dick too. As Madison leaves various street peddlers try to sell him alligator merchandise and one guy tries to sell him a baby alligator, so he gets some beat cops to arrest him.<br />
<br />
Brock makes a tit of himself in an interview with a tv reporter by making alligator sounds, apparently he's been brought in as he's a big game hunter. At Kendall's lab Madison asks her to help him, because he wants to know how the gator got to be so large, she shows him a slide from a dog and says that it shows signs of growth hormone and says that if test animals have been thrown into the sewers for years then there's no telling what kind of chemicals that the gator could have been exposed to. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh1zyO0cYnJb8JL4LqojU8j230loulDvvFKBZzTjdLJGULdqdE42AqJ7t6sm25HMBWG6gH5ALjZ1YkXZFqGglHlP1ojjwRhj-Xd2kLA10zxozPC-B5Dd115ADgM2ym0kggN61PDJC1PXo/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h28m45s44.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh1zyO0cYnJb8JL4LqojU8j230loulDvvFKBZzTjdLJGULdqdE42AqJ7t6sm25HMBWG6gH5ALjZ1YkXZFqGglHlP1ojjwRhj-Xd2kLA10zxozPC-B5Dd115ADgM2ym0kggN61PDJC1PXo/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h28m45s44.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meanwhile, Brock and the chief go hunting for the gator in my cousin's bedroom.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They manage to find some gator poop, but not the gator, the tv keeps up to date reports on the latest gator sightings in the city and I find it hard to believe that this 20-30 foot gator is <i>still</i> managing to elude them, it's not like it's got a big forest to hide in.<br />
<br />
A helicopter goes over the suburbs looking for the gator and we see that it's now hiding in someone's pool, hanging out with some pool toys and trying to look inconspicuous. Back at Slade pharmaceuticals, Kendall and Madison ask the lab guy what kind of hormones he's been testing over the years, including one which had the side affect of giving the subject an insatiable appetite. <br />
<br />
We then see the old man of Slade calling the mayor, so of course we cut to the chief asking Madison for his shield. What do you think the chances of Madison deciding to retire to the countryside with his puppy dog and staying away from the hunt for the gator? Yeah, I don't think he's going to do that either. <br />
<br />
With Madison now fired he clears out his locker and then goes to the evidence room where he grabs the timer that the skinny kid was wearing earlier and also a few sticks of dynamite, because... well... I have no fucking idea. Just drop it, Madison, it's not worth it, you're going to get yourself eaten.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_LLqyr9TtX1PimOdFa38E33I0Ifcytf1j9vu1ruaS9lX5vb4cxEetCf780snPq0_QWOJfSXFHRTcN3iZAUhGFKVX0uokBF22Umj-Sk2gLuHlqUhj9B-X7Mu2CXm-GPE9nL-xZrQFfSdo/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h39m43s219.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_LLqyr9TtX1PimOdFa38E33I0Ifcytf1j9vu1ruaS9lX5vb4cxEetCf780snPq0_QWOJfSXFHRTcN3iZAUhGFKVX0uokBF22Umj-Sk2gLuHlqUhj9B-X7Mu2CXm-GPE9nL-xZrQFfSdo/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h39m43s219.png" width="400" /></a></div>Madison tracks down Kendall at some sort of lecture and the two decide that they're going to look for the gator themselves. They head to the sewers with some unnamed character who turned up earlier as a sewer worker, so I'm guessing he's going to get eaten or will be the comic relief, for now let's call him sewer-guy. Madison asks Kendall about her boyfriends in the past and Kendall tells him about the various nerds she's dated.<br />
<br />
They reach the point where the pet shop guy was killed and Madison says they're going to split up and look for anything that shouldn't be there, signs of gator nesting and so on. Madison heads through the blocked tunnel, Kendall heads through the tunnel opposite, which seems the most likely option as that's where we say the gator come from earlier and where we know the pet shop guy was dropping the food, sewer-guy heads up a ladder, which should logically lead to the entrance/exit the pet shop guy used at the start of the movie. <br />
<br />
Kendall finds some nesting stuck to the wall, with some dog collars embedded into the leaves, which she tugs on and it pulls out a very fake looking, but still very gross, dead dog and she falls backwards into the water. Madison and sewer-guy come running, Kendall concludes that the gator will probably try to make it back into the sewer where it's food stash is. Sewer-guy announces that he's going to take his vacation till all of this blows over and laments that at least in Florida they keep the gators in the swamp where they belong.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8Ij8LjkEc2JEoSERAuPbOe1ifWQvuUv1o9eVwTd2sTNoTgRv1P2Yd6wC4l-dAWhk0WtWmswM2YwkpqZ4LP0WCubFD4q3jwiWMEhxkYOq2DcgHmKcppuoRGOHwdbYoEFo4B0s7esV4cg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h57m51s93.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8Ij8LjkEc2JEoSERAuPbOe1ifWQvuUv1o9eVwTd2sTNoTgRv1P2Yd6wC4l-dAWhk0WtWmswM2YwkpqZ4LP0WCubFD4q3jwiWMEhxkYOq2DcgHmKcppuoRGOHwdbYoEFo4B0s7esV4cg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-05h57m51s93.png" width="400" /></a></div>Cut to a tent where Mr Slade, the head of the pharmaceutical company is organising a wedding due to take place the next day. I wonder if the guy playing Slade actually just wandered onto the set and they decided to give him some lines because the actor playing the mayor seems to have no idea what he's talking about. Mr Slade says that he'll put up a reward for the capture of the gator because he currently has some products which they've been trying to release to the market and can't be bothered with the paperwork. The lab guy comes over and is finally given the name Arthur, he is apparently marrying Mr Slade's daughter and is his number one boy in the lab. <br />
<br />
Back at Madison's place he introduces Kendall to his puppy, which he has named Snaps, which means he's a lazy pet owner or the guy who wrote the script forgot that's what he named the first dog. Kendall calls home and tells her mother she'll be late home and no, she doesn't have to do her homework because she's the teacher.<br />
<br />
At a kids party somewhere in town, some kids dressed as pirates blindfold another kid and tell him they're going to make him walk the plank. Oh, movie, you are cruel. The kid's mother turns on the outside lights and the kid walking on the diving board sees the alligator in the swimming pool and the other kid pushes him in. Seriously. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAdxOugCxUv74hxBoG0qnMQCSBcqnWe_Y5Jd1UKlBc0e7Sgr2oEwcKxOdwA8tiBLqoB_2RElE8PFC_zA6VDBxhYV-dn43J_XQ4wLse5Jn42g-t2kAO5qdfjj204xTJ_i0AkF7tZyu9iI/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h08m00s34.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAdxOugCxUv74hxBoG0qnMQCSBcqnWe_Y5Jd1UKlBc0e7Sgr2oEwcKxOdwA8tiBLqoB_2RElE8PFC_zA6VDBxhYV-dn43J_XQ4wLse5Jn42g-t2kAO5qdfjj204xTJ_i0AkF7tZyu9iI/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h08m00s34.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Feeding time!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So the little kid gets eaten and the other two kids run inside the house to tell the mother they just fed the kid to the gator. Back at Madison's place Kendall exits the shower and Madison and Kendall flirt awkwardly, they aren't awkward, it's just awkward for the audience because he looks to be in his 40's and she looks like she's in her early to mid 20's and well, just awkward. <br />
<br />
Downtown Brock pays some local kids in beer and tells them if they help him he'll pay them all $10 a day, though one of them demands $20 and to be honest, it comes off a tad racist. At Madison's, post sexual liaison, Madison reveals to Kendall the circumstances which got his partner killed in St Louis, for which he blames himself still. <br />
<br />
Brock and the three street kids go to an alley way where the gator has been seen, one of them says he will go in with Brock, then the camera cuts to reveal the gator hiding beneath some rubbish bags. Which makes me wonder if there are in fact two gators as not long ago we saw it chow down on the little kid at the party in the suburbs and this is clearly some place in the inner city. Horror cliché 426 occurs, a cat jumps from some bin lids and scares both Brock and the street kid, but they press on into the alley. Brock takes a swig from a bottle of spirits, but the roar of the gator, followed by it's silhouette causes Brock to drop the bottle and the street kid ducks into a corner.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisOfAQFtYhSwnSUS3oXU8g_V-BR0ud1-7-ngRLCgdQnDDqZ7eCvwfrrFeGjdmaPHa-dTPvFF3VANVvoi9cW5EBaZSMKJNGBPnHGc6KYUrh5_51zqrbi4WS__8xMDKsF3_CUK0W059Dq_U/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h23m16s239.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisOfAQFtYhSwnSUS3oXU8g_V-BR0ud1-7-ngRLCgdQnDDqZ7eCvwfrrFeGjdmaPHa-dTPvFF3VANVvoi9cW5EBaZSMKJNGBPnHGc6KYUrh5_51zqrbi4WS__8xMDKsF3_CUK0W059Dq_U/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h23m16s239.png" width="400" /></a></div>The gator snaps his mouth open and makes some sort of ungodly sound that no gator would ever actually make and Brock shoots it in its opened mouth. That should, in theory, have killed the alligator, but not this one who is bulletproof on the inside too apparently, so the street kid runs out from his hiding place and rounds the corner to see Brock being eaten by the gator. <br />
<br />
I've seen a lot of giant crocodile movies now, ranging from the brilliant to the absurd and this particularly death is on the absurd side of the scale, however this character has been an utter arsehole so I'm just glad we're now seeing him get eaten rather than having to put up with him for the last twenty minutes of the movie.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9KaGZBp-7erHCIrt1VW3hCdmWOCXhEVJ68hwXbWHIobSzxVuk1w6lGo88_F_oQ4SpO1OKpXRZfGLcgCu8-l9byy212PArr2iVF1xQRcx0kODg1h7ydMA7aVa12Gio1znyBtYavlJifU/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h25m04s45.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9KaGZBp-7erHCIrt1VW3hCdmWOCXhEVJ68hwXbWHIobSzxVuk1w6lGo88_F_oQ4SpO1OKpXRZfGLcgCu8-l9byy212PArr2iVF1xQRcx0kODg1h7ydMA7aVa12Gio1znyBtYavlJifU/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h25m04s45.png" width="400" /></a></div>The street kid picks up the gun and aims it at the gator while it eats Brock whole, but decides to leg it so he runs and so do his two friends and we cut back Madison and Kendall who are now enjoying some food at a diner. <br />
<br />
Two cops come in and tell Madison they just found Brock's remains in an alleyway and express sympathy over him having lost his job. Madison pushes Kendall away as she tries to comfort him, so she drops some money on the table and leaves. Madison gets a flashback to Kelly being killed by the gator.... some for reason, maybe they were running short of film. Madison wakes up from his flashback to see some movie on the tv in which someone has put some sort of fake frill on what looks like a komodo dragon, this is probably a real thing too. <br />
<br />
Madison goes to Kendall's house and her mother gives Madison coffee and talks at a million miles an hour about Kendall's father. Kendall comes downstairs and Madison apologises so Kendall offers to show him her rock collection. He pushes her onto her bed where he tells her that she's smart and educated and has lovely boobs (not the expression he used) and says he knows he's a pain in the arse and kisses her. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBwhuDYWXuDYv3M4DNFEieMweHE3iHfUiPrf-SgD40NB-8N6vA6Ve6KpZgRQmV_W7ScGbiiKGJpqzuGaF3tHdvDbTSm1gFUi3vTc5j0CzT7CmYD-6wYpf7PpaeY1e5yuhaKPV5_TUaoqY/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h38m34s209.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBwhuDYWXuDYv3M4DNFEieMweHE3iHfUiPrf-SgD40NB-8N6vA6Ve6KpZgRQmV_W7ScGbiiKGJpqzuGaF3tHdvDbTSm1gFUi3vTc5j0CzT7CmYD-6wYpf7PpaeY1e5yuhaKPV5_TUaoqY/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h38m34s209.png" width="400" /></a></div>In the morning they try and figure out where the gator must be from seeing the patterns of where it has been spotted so far. We cut to the chief screaming into a radio about how he doesn't want to speak to Madison and things are crazy enough already and berates the cops he's wish for looking in the bushes.<br />
<br />
On the river, some police and national guard spot the gator and begin shooting at it, but he ducks beneath the water, they spot him again and go to throw a grenade in the water, but they mis-angle themselves and end up using the gator as a ski ramp which sends them flying. Two of the cops fall into the water, the boat hits the river bank and explodes from the grenade. The cop in the water gets eaten, then the second cop gets his legs bitten off as they pull him into the second boat. <br />
<br />
Madison and Kendall arrive on-scene and ask one of the cops which way the gator went so they can stay on it's trail and it turns out the gator is heading straight for the wedding at Slade mansion, who saw that coming?! <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMu-WxqNne7OfXwEYgvs03wiQ3wM4MsQYnoXBCddoG7tHGxu3FYd_dadQCDqDc1H9bg9ebiLIy7St8xiQVu-qNN4Ijd5MQwfmk_nZvKSy7-jljGc1tN1xeQAp1TznGIRqifQvsLgRSSGk/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h46m11s150.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMu-WxqNne7OfXwEYgvs03wiQ3wM4MsQYnoXBCddoG7tHGxu3FYd_dadQCDqDc1H9bg9ebiLIy7St8xiQVu-qNN4Ijd5MQwfmk_nZvKSy7-jljGc1tN1xeQAp1TznGIRqifQvsLgRSSGk/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h46m11s150.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You registered for alligator luggage... it's not quite ready yet</td></tr>
</tbody></table>At the wedding Mr Slade is trying to talk to a woman about barbecue whilst the mayor takes his turn at behaving like the crazy old man who's wandered onto the set. A woman screams and the gator shows up and scares everyone and it swallows a waitress whole who happened to trip over. <br />
<br />
All the guests panic and everyone starts running in random directions and people are tossed into the air as the alligator makes his way through the crowd, with several people falling into the swimming pool. Mr Slade runs to his car and locks himself in, leaving the mayor to fend for himself and we get the briefest shot of the lab guy, Arthur, being killed by the gator. The gator then comes over and kills the mayor and for some reason decides to destroy Mr Slade's car with his tail.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDnZsetOYXjCXic5ahqGaPtNb0kvdwNdS20uQ7c66_RyUulNTsB7zgLIff-cosmC6b3lEYKSx7UMtwEp-STx_LCiw6GOp2HHXEo1ug5ocytuNVKzTHyYL-v-0VBOo4ovAzS5iu2_mMKus/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h51m26s238.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDnZsetOYXjCXic5ahqGaPtNb0kvdwNdS20uQ7c66_RyUulNTsB7zgLIff-cosmC6b3lEYKSx7UMtwEp-STx_LCiw6GOp2HHXEo1ug5ocytuNVKzTHyYL-v-0VBOo4ovAzS5iu2_mMKus/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-06h51m26s238.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because of the reason!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The gator completely destroys the car, which crushes Mr Slade inside, instead of him attempting to leave via the door. Kendall and Madison arrive outside and threaten the guy at the gates with a gun so he'll let them in, once inside they see the chaos and see all of the injured and dead people and are pointed in the direct that the gator went and decide it probably went in the storm drain and is headed for it's nest. <br />
<br />
The chief arrives and asks for Madison's help, but Madison ignores him and heads out with Kendall. Madison climbs inside the sewer and tells Kendall to let the chief know where he'll be coming up and tells her once he finds the gator he'll give himself two minutes on the timer to escape.<br />
<br />
Madison runs through the sewers to the point where the gators nest should be and the movie shoves out a teeny tiny gator in a scale tunnel before switching back to the model gator and having Madison shoot at it. He makes a run for it, getting the gator to follow him and puts on a gas mask, leading the gator into a section of tunnels with a methane pocket. Madison finds his way to a ladder and in the darkness sets up the bomb on a timer as the gator closes in on him and he is knocked over by the gators tail, knocking off his mask, but he manages to make it up the ladder to the man hole, just in time for a car to pull on top of it, trapping him inside. Kendall arrives just in time and gets the car to move as the timer clicks to zero and ignites the methane with the dynamite, killing the gator.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWniIAPBw50XNwzht3yaYfi_mvs6xRnmsAmCukPZF-mBGovF6E9vHsTwWGOKaYSrhM1qOKcnaarnwicfDdkezcatZTTRM6MzL4WV0HHS0SdFtQp428qteNLj9kVtJ-JCgT9zckpL-XrJE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-07h06m05s75.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWniIAPBw50XNwzht3yaYfi_mvs6xRnmsAmCukPZF-mBGovF6E9vHsTwWGOKaYSrhM1qOKcnaarnwicfDdkezcatZTTRM6MzL4WV0HHS0SdFtQp428qteNLj9kVtJ-JCgT9zckpL-XrJE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-02-01-07h06m05s75.png" width="400" /></a></div>The explosion pretty much destroys half the street, but Madison and Kendall manage to get out of the way of the explosion and are ultimately fine. <br />
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The chief arrives and tells Madison they found pieces of the gator and Madison threatens to lock the chief up with Kendall's mother. Madison and Kendall look into the sewer and celebrate the fact that they finally got the gator, then the camera travels inside and we see a little baby gator being flushed into the sewer. End of movie.<br />
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<b>Summary</b>:<br />
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I looked it up on IMDB and the "alligator" was played by one of my favourite stunt performers and my favourite Jason Voorhees, Kane Hodder, which gave me a nerd squee moment. <br />
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This movie is ok, it's your standard 80's creature feature, there's nothing really special about it, it could have been any kind of generic monster stalking the sewer systems really and the movie would have had the same outcome. <br />
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The effects for the alligator range from good to clunky, the use of real gator footage was used well and blended well with the use of lighting and selected shots, the big fake gator looked best when you could only see a brief glimpse of it as once you see it moving, you see how fake it is. So it doesn't hold up to the standards set by Rogue, though this being made 30 years prior, I don't hold that against the movie much. <br />
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The first twenty minutes are quite slow and painful to get through, basically until the gator actually shows up there's nothing much interesting that happens that couldn't have been chopped down to perhaps ten minutes. Some of the leaps that the characters and the movie makes quite mystifies me. Why Madison goes to the research place at the beginning is a complete mystery, but why then, when he is told they are experimenting with growth hormone, does he not realise this as soon as he finds about the large dog from the beginning and then the abnormally large gator, is also a mystery. <br />
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The movie never explains why the public should be interested that Madison's former partner died and that Kelly has gone missing should be front page news, nor does it really cover how the media gets hold of the information, nor the photos of the gator and why everyone is running the story. The press conference at the start of the movie says that they don't even know if the two body parts they found were murder victims, they don't know how they died, for all they know they could have just had accidents in the sewer and been torn up by the machinery, but the press then run a front page story saying that the police are looking for a "sewer psychopath" and it's a leap that I don't really buy.<br />
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Once the gator breaks into the city, which is ridiculous, the movie slows right down again and we join the hunt for the gator, meaning that there's no deaths to keep us entertained in the meantime and it gets all boring again. When the gator is at the wedding and starts pummelling the car with its tail, it's just ridiculous and is easily the silliest part of the movie.<br />
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I thought the death of the child at the party was unneeded as it's never addressed again at any point of the movie, don't get me wrong, I'm not against child death in a movie, as long as it has some sort of baring on the plot and isn't just death for death's sake. As far as I'm aware, the characters don't even find out that the kid got killed, making his death completely pointless and the supposed travelling speed of the alligator completely stupid.<br />
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I'd mark this movie higher as it is well made, but the pacing issues and plot holes let it down. Ultimately it's just not as good as it could have been and the age of the movie isn't really an excuse for some of those reasons.<br />
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<b>6 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-75663434917091439412012-01-15T06:05:00.000-08:002012-01-15T06:05:21.536-08:00Only Forward - ReviewI don't tend to post book reviews all that often in this blog, but this is one I thought I'd share.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4qBCcHq_Smdfxufv8-UDjTa_dqtfnlc3OzA7yrEoHQsNxdke0hpg0XYNmQKMu1iIC8tSUds_COTQHiiPB_4XjOCf3YNbj7rHZR2F2yTk46TtDR8-FuAVd4BgT_WCz-sPTKcA3Vcke_4/s1600/smith_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4qBCcHq_Smdfxufv8-UDjTa_dqtfnlc3OzA7yrEoHQsNxdke0hpg0XYNmQKMu1iIC8tSUds_COTQHiiPB_4XjOCf3YNbj7rHZR2F2yTk46TtDR8-FuAVd4BgT_WCz-sPTKcA3Vcke_4/s400/smith_b.jpg" width="281" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><a name='more'></a><div style="text-align: center;"> (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Scroll down to the SPOILER bit if you just want to read the review</span>)</div><br />
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For those of you who may have happened to click on my profile to see my "full profile", you probably will have see a link to a book review blog which until recently was called Ben the Book Reviews and is now called <a href="http://benthebookreviews.blogspot.com/">One Year, 200 Fan Fictions</a>.<br />
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This was my first and slightly misguided attempt at reviewing things online, I had a go at trying to look over a few self published novels, but in the end it seemed like too much hassle and as it was I had a lot of films to watch and decided to try my hand at reviewing those instead. At the start of this year I decided to set myself a challenge after seeing a post by <a href="http://www.bookishdad.com/">C.D. Eagle</a> about reading a certain number of books in the year, so I decided to have a go at fan fiction instead. <br />
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It made sense then, that when I took a two-day break to read a book recommended by a friend, that I post it in that blog, because it was about reading and it's original intention was to review books, and so for the curious, it's here: <a href="http://benthebookreviews.blogspot.com/2012/01/only-forward-by-michael-marshall-smith.html">Only Forward</a>. (it's spoiler free, too!)<br />
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It then occurred to me that I might have more to say about the book, and since the general practise of this blog is to shout spoilers from the rooftops and tell people all the interesting and uninteresting things which happened, then I should post a more spoilery review here as well.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>STOP, Spoiler Time!</b></div><br />
If you swung by my spoiler free review on the way to this particularly section, then you'll know that this is the rare bird that I have actually enjoyed, rather than wanting to destroy every copy on sight. If you didn't read it, then scroll up and open the link in a new tab, I won't spoil it for you, but it's quite different to what's written here.<br />
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Stark is our narrator and main character, and I knew that I loved him on the first page of chapter one and that did not waver once in 310 pages. I've read books before with snarky 1st person perspectives where the main character cracks jokes at the audience and everyone has a wonderful time, but I know that I've never seen it done <i>this well </i>before, and probably won't again for a long time to come. <br />
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Stark is a problem solver, he's the go-to guy when there's no one else for the job, we never really clear up the issue of what he looks like, we never get to the bottom of how old he is, and I highly suspect that he does in fact have a first name, but it wasn't relevant information and so he didn't feel like sharing it. Yet I know Stark. I know him as well as one can know a self confessed unreliable narrator, but at least he's honest about being unreliable.<br />
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There are several sections of the book where I has to pause, I'm a pretty fast reader and I probably could have just read it in one day had it not been for distractions of that horrible three dimensional place with the people walking around inside that my mother insists I leave my house to visit once in while. You know the place, offline. <br />
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But without those horrible distractions I still would have had to pause, because I kept running into sections which posed to me such a truth that I had to sit back and reflect on it for a while. Not the kind of thing I was expecting from a low tech, non-space-opera sci-fi with an emphasis on sarcasm and quirky gadgets, one which eerily resembles the iphone 14 years before it was unveiled by Steve Jobs. <br />
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One section in particular struck me quite hard, this author writes about a lot of things in a way I've never seen anything come close to actually understanding the way it <i>feels</i>, love, memory, growing up, time, cats. <br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq"> ""<i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them for making you feel like your pain doesn't have any substance after all?</span></i> </blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Like when you've split up with someone, and you try to communicate the way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. The problem is, they never do. 'Plenty more fish in the sea,' they'll say, or 'You're better off without them,' or 'Do you want some of these potato chips?' They never really understand,<br />
because they haven't been there, every day, every hour. They don't know the way things have been, the way that it's made you, the way it has structured your world. They'll never realise that someone who makes you feel bad may be the person you need most in the world. They don't understand the history, the background, don't know the pillars of memory that hold you up. Ultimately, they don't know you well enough, and they never can. Everyone's alone in their world, because everybody's life is different. You can send people letters, and show them photos, but they can never come to visit where you live.</span></i> </blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Unless you love them. And then they can burn it down.</span></i>""</blockquote><br />
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Stark has to track down a guy who has been kidnapped, he goes via his gangland friend Ji who gives him the lend of a couple of guns, then Stark has to find his way into Stable, a Neighbourhood in The City which have walled themselves off in a Logan's Run-esque dome and the punishment for anyone caught intruding is death.<br />
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Against the odds Stark manages to find his client, but discovers that he is ill and looks like he is dying and only Stark can help him, because Stark is the only person in the world who can travel to Jeamland and time is running out for Stark's client. Jeamland is the place we go to dream, it's a real place, we all have our stream within and Stark can navigate them, he's the only person still alive who can, or so he thinks. <br />
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I honestly don't want to spoiler anymore than I already have, because if you haven't read this book then I really want you to go grab yourself a copy because it's a truly excellent book. If you have read it of course, I'm very much up for a lively discussion in the comments about how awesome it is.<br />
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<b>Rating</b>: 10 out of 10Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-39104490758588603312012-01-10T09:44:00.000-08:002012-01-10T09:46:06.997-08:00House Call - Review<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2033272/">House Call</a> is a short film by writer/director Erik L. Wilson. You can view the trailer for it, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/erikw73">here</a>, but it probably won't be available for the general public until it has gone to a few festivals first, for the purposes of reviewing the movie, I was provided with an online screener by Erik L. Wilson.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKhK6XgpnDkRBwvuj7OSaUK0zW4XYfW1TkQplScHhYpi29JGpHUmHqWmZ6YqgJyhh26DnPSIsd_iDSrGOsab2MfFKRXgcbSya_KjP3c0TD7EAmiwNtDQIAkw2siCWvx4YYdwnYWTWCtEQ/s1600/263104_125517574201750_125481257538715_202764_1696120_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKhK6XgpnDkRBwvuj7OSaUK0zW4XYfW1TkQplScHhYpi29JGpHUmHqWmZ6YqgJyhh26DnPSIsd_iDSrGOsab2MfFKRXgcbSya_KjP3c0TD7EAmiwNtDQIAkw2siCWvx4YYdwnYWTWCtEQ/s400/263104_125517574201750_125481257538715_202764_1696120_n.jpg" width="305" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>Because this is a short movie, I'm not going to do my usual thing and screencap and go through the plot step by step, I'm instead just going to do an extended summary. The reason for this is that for most of my reviews, I assume that you have either already watched the movie, or you've heard of the movie and want to see how bad it might be, however since this is pre-release, I don't want to put loads of spoilers out there.<br />
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<b>Synopsis</b>: Janice does the unthinkable in order to start a new life with her new boyfriend. However, strange things begin to happen on the night of their one year anniversary.<br />
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<b>Summary</b>: The first thing I noticed about this movie is that it looks really great, with a lot of outsider films you prepare yourself for the worst, but this really does look quite crisp, the sound is also quite clear and I often think that a movie is off to a good start if I can hear everything properly and everything looks like it's supposed to. (Take note, Asylum, I'm looking at you.)<br />
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There's a certain hypnotic quality to the voice over at the opening of the movie, one which drew me right in. Aimee Bello plays Janice and she plays the part well, she held my attention on the screen with subtle looks which added an air of mystery to the whole thing. Janet Gawrys plays the part of Mother and she is, in a word, creepy. There's few times these days when I can watch a performance and say that I am genuinely nervous about what I am about to see unfold, but it was certainly felt here. <br />
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Old School horror fans will be glad to hear that practical effects are used along side of CG and the CG is used effectively, instead of being thrown at the screen willy, nilly. This movie makes good use of suspense and some clever camera angles to build tension and atmosphere.<br />
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At one point the player, for some reason, started playing backwards and I genuinely freaked out, I don't think that was the filmmakers intention, but was certainly a spooky coincidence.<br />
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Overall I'd give this movie an <b>8 out of 10</b>. I think horror fans will enjoy this short outing, though my imagination is going wild with theories on what a feature length production would be like, I think it does what it needs to do, it tells the story succinctly and I for one, enjoyed it.<br />
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If you want to keep up with the latest news and find out when you'll be able to see House Call, then check out their facebook page, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/HouseCallmovie">here</a>.<br />
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<b>8 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-32642684910672918862012-01-09T19:44:00.000-08:002012-02-01T00:13:02.670-08:00Hostel Part 3 - ReviewHostel Part 3 was released straight to dvd on December the 27th 2011, much to the surprise of almost everyone. Eli Roth, the writer/director of the first two instalments had, to my knowledge, zero involvement with this movie and <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Laconic/YMMV">your mileage may vary</a> on whether or not this is a good thing.<br />
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</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguzSAptCkWMP0vR6eCknBsxm0lSOc-GXyl6Q2HBUI6Nc_u5M7veW2riUtVARQOWzBCZ3OyAGa2nJjauiPK7WTyZZAeiMScWMfs1ndZOy6YEMaKaK7Dh4zZBHWh97TxFOxCKAtVT1dFl_s/s1600/hostel3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguzSAptCkWMP0vR6eCknBsxm0lSOc-GXyl6Q2HBUI6Nc_u5M7veW2riUtVARQOWzBCZ3OyAGa2nJjauiPK7WTyZZAeiMScWMfs1ndZOy6YEMaKaK7Dh4zZBHWh97TxFOxCKAtVT1dFl_s/s400/hostel3.jpg" width="280" /></a></div><br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
I can't really talk about Hostel Part 3 without at least mentioning where I stand on the first two instalments. I found watching Part 1 very uncomfortable, this was not a movie which I could say that I enjoyed, in the classic sense of the word. I found there was some genuinely interesting characters in the movie, but the torture scenes were so close to the bone that I felt quite ill and I can handle my gore, but for whatever reason I found it very difficult to watch.<br />
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Part 2, however, me and Part 2 are best buds. I<i> love </i>Hostel Part 2. Maybe because we're following female protagonists and in my opinion, all the best horror movies have final girls instead of final guys, maybe because it was more balanced and we had a better idea of what was going on, maybe because the torture scenes were a little less realistic and had slightly comedic elements (like Viktor Krum being eaten by the director of Cannibal Holocaust.) For me, Hostel Part 2 was everything that the first movie should have been.<br />
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So, as usual I've avoided everything I could so I didn't spoiler myself on the movie and it's all loaded up so I really can't put off watching this any longer.<br />
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We open on a light bulb and some hands handing a set of keys bearing a number 9 to someone else's hands, we see a cigarette stub dropping on the floor and being crushed by a ladies suede leather boot and then the camera slowly pans up as we see her walking down a bare, hospital like corridor, away from the camera.<br />
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We then see a young man whom I am guessing is <i>not</i> the protagonist as the movie has gone out of it's way to make him look with a complete and utter dick with a total of 4 seconds on screen time. He has a stupid haircut and is wearing a checked flannel shirt and he whistles at the lady walking down the corridor and watches her ass.<br />
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The guy opens room nine with the key he was given and sees a girl standing in her bra doing some ironing, because if you're ironing in clothes, then.... actually I have no jokes for this, it's just rather stupid. I'm assuming she's a trap as he goes to back out of the room and the girl tells him to stay as they have stayed too long and will be leaving soon. A bald man enters from another door, though this room appeared to be mid-corridor, so what the hell, movie?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8C5Ky1rCAC5ezGoQFP_RMKEXdmMZYghA5n_5uGflrAIdLlDOKV49UiXjieBR3gIGnLrhsgC2KEQBcnj0S8aMfRNmzOB-c3rgtJsuQEo6Kjc13ZkBvQbyHu2NIE-Uu_MB5i5am3cx0kPA/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-18h55m35s29.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8C5Ky1rCAC5ezGoQFP_RMKEXdmMZYghA5n_5uGflrAIdLlDOKV49UiXjieBR3gIGnLrhsgC2KEQBcnj0S8aMfRNmzOB-c3rgtJsuQEo6Kjc13ZkBvQbyHu2NIE-Uu_MB5i5am3cx0kPA/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-18h55m35s29.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
The bald guy asks flannel shirt guy what he's doing there and the ironing girl assures him (Victor) that the flannel guy is there for the room, and for some reason keeps smiling and doing little flirtatious shimmies to the flannel guy, right in front of her boyfriend. Victor asks flannel guy if he's on holiday and flannel guy says yes, he's never been there before and asks where they are from.<br />
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Victor slides a look at the ironing girl and shakes his head and then says they're from the Ukraine, then pretty much starts mounting his girlfriend on the bed and I start wondering when the movie is going to cut me a break and name it's characters and also why the bed appears to have pillows thicker than a postage stamp and a duvet instead of sheets as it's been in every single European hotel/hostel I've stayed in ever. Also the room is fucking huge, I've stayed in smaller ones that had two double beds in them. See it's this kind of thing which drags me out of the movie and starts me wondering about odd set-design decisions. <br />
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Flannel guy proceeds to stand there awkwardly whilst the two make out on the bed, then Victor invites the flannel guy to have a drink with them and grabs a bottle of vodka from his suitcase and the camera lingers on a hunting knife that had been beside the bottle. I am now pretty sure that Victor and girlfriend are not a trap, maybe just thieves at the worst because historicaly the hunting group has used drugs to knock people out and take them back for a good torturing.<br />
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Flannel guy looks oddly at the vodka bottle that Victor produces and then after being silent for a few moments pulls a six pack from his backpack, that must have been the only thing he kept in his backpack, because it's a small bag and a large set of bottles. Victor pulls out a Swiss army knife and I'm already bored of the movie trying to fake me out, because obviously, he unfolds the bottle opener in order to open up the bottle of beer that flannel guy passes him. By the way, we're less than 3 minutes into the movie.... ho boy. <br />
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The girlfriend, whom I believe at this point Victor addresses as Vanka, says she's going to take a shower before they leave and strips off right in front of flannel guy and saunters off, in the direction that Victor entered from, meaning the bathroom is a shared floor one and she's going to walk down the corridor naked, or they have a stupidly huge bathroom. Victor is totally cool with flannel guy watching his girlfriend undress and tells him he'll give him a club card to go to a club where there are lots of hot girls for him to score with. Victor leaves the room to ask Vanka where the club card is, then starts shouting that Vanka looks like she's had a heart attack or something and asks the flannel guy to get in there. He keeps asking flannel guy for help and flannel guy does nothing, while Victor slowly starts to collapse, he tears a bit off of flannel guys shirt as crouches over him.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPvzNitEn04fdg98beGQqGmaKV2ulAEIjFyCXBK71EKu7p8gpSqlkWU3pNlN-HWAcNMl7vG97mMiNo2Yw3OfKlCwlDdekpUaaV-FOex2ReI_PLeBbvSVdOZgyc3sgy5Zn19OcTQvuDTc/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h27m16s184.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPvzNitEn04fdg98beGQqGmaKV2ulAEIjFyCXBK71EKu7p8gpSqlkWU3pNlN-HWAcNMl7vG97mMiNo2Yw3OfKlCwlDdekpUaaV-FOex2ReI_PLeBbvSVdOZgyc3sgy5Zn19OcTQvuDTc/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h27m16s184.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
And I'm sorry, movie, but you didn't manage to fake me out on this because you went out of your way to try and make Victor and Vanka look suspicious, therefore I was much more wary of this douche. Victor tries to grab flannel guys shoe, but he steps out of his way and turns the shower off, he sits down in a chair in the ridiculously huge bathroom and gets out a mobile and calls someone saying that they are good to go. The mirror in the bathroom folds back revealing a secret corridor, really, movie? Two guys come in carrying large, black body bags, flannel guy throws a towel on Vanka and tells the guys to dry her off because if she gets sick, they'll have to discount her. Then we see the two guys sealing up Victor and Vanka in the body bags and then load them into the back of a van. Then flannel guy looks into the mirror and we get a reveal of his Elite Hunting Tattoo.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrkggKWWWZswkvdEJJBUs0wbo1uNlNbuAhKFpgtJ1Iden_bcJX_yn2qZGqrWEHe948kVFRQr9mpv6gKYCXA6o6weipLcxBX4Mlkzwm8xcETYbK-aFOpdurkH2fQv7jMj2gIjlh3kjEpws/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h35m01s174.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrkggKWWWZswkvdEJJBUs0wbo1uNlNbuAhKFpgtJ1Iden_bcJX_yn2qZGqrWEHe948kVFRQr9mpv6gKYCXA6o6weipLcxBX4Mlkzwm8xcETYbK-aFOpdurkH2fQv7jMj2gIjlh3kjEpws/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h35m01s174.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And what also appear to be some impressive track marks, what the<i> hell</i>, movie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see the van drive off down the street, in what appears to be a very American, Vegas-like city, complete with palm trees, neon lights and the title card, which is quite cleverly done. So it appears that this movie is going to do something different and move away from the setting of the previous two movies which might work either for or against it, as I was hoping to see if they got that very amusing hostel guy back again and the kid who likes dollars and bitches.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsUXudKN8n2s711x3rawI_iaFKT9cI3YAU5oee4NpmdZW8kibEI3RU0FrinzpjD6fmwmUyiY-LVDI-PMbEBx6h2JZenkkQvVI9WkMWB3FIrO5bl1N4cFo6mUxWMG7HAcxlPm7IrMIQs4Y/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h37m08s223.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsUXudKN8n2s711x3rawI_iaFKT9cI3YAU5oee4NpmdZW8kibEI3RU0FrinzpjD6fmwmUyiY-LVDI-PMbEBx6h2JZenkkQvVI9WkMWB3FIrO5bl1N4cFo6mUxWMG7HAcxlPm7IrMIQs4Y/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h37m08s223.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
This all fades out and we see a guy with a big bag of golf clubs kissing a girl in front of a house, an airport shuttle van pulls up and the characters decide to explain to each other who they all are, in case they'd forgotten. The couple are Scott and Amy and they are getting married and the guy with the shuttle van is their best man, Carter whom apparently had a chance at the girl in freshman year, but blew it because he is a man-whore. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb0aIoBpwjkerXk-JbR1zIobTupa7M3YZnAk7sREObcpv6vQy2MJq24Zsf4Wt5Cuo_jHuMdvcMpsYuH0X5xyFRdX2QRwTGxmE9HmnlmS5BNYB9Yfu26g2EAdB_zGCVZoxr0LdGTbqwR-c/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h46m42s36.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb0aIoBpwjkerXk-JbR1zIobTupa7M3YZnAk7sREObcpv6vQy2MJq24Zsf4Wt5Cuo_jHuMdvcMpsYuH0X5xyFRdX2QRwTGxmE9HmnlmS5BNYB9Yfu26g2EAdB_zGCVZoxr0LdGTbqwR-c/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-19h46m42s36.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He also really wants to be Neil Patrick Harris - he is <b>no</b> Neil Patrick Harris</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So henceforth, this character will be called Barney. So the guys are going on a guys weekend, come bachelor party, Amy tells Scott not to sleep with any strippers and Scott says that there are no strippers in Palm Springs. There probably are, in fact strippers in Palm Springs, but I'm guessing Barney's going to pull the old, 'We're going to Vegas - bait and switch' that's been seen in a million sitcoms. <br />
<br />
In the van Barney offers offers Scott a mini bottle of drink and tells him that in a few hours he'll be snorting blow off a hot strippers ass and confirms my thoughts that in fact, they are going nowhere near Palm Springs.<br />
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The movie gives us some sweeping stock footage shots of Vegas and we see the guys in a limo, having a drink and causing mischief. We then see what is either a badly lit old hotel/government building with snow around the ground, surrounded by a fence, or there is no snow and this is due to some shamefully poor lighting.<br />
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We see Victor wake up in a dark room, literally we can just to say see his face and hands and that's about it. He panics for a few moments and then moves towards the camera and we see that he is in a large, container with a cage door, he starts shouting for Vanka, though it turns out her name is Anka, oh well. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKS7o6qjYt2Jj2PAMLjynsYeqNSfcf5ip9skV_gwE-Q4QyzqGS5xKYRCFVEh2D7G0QPUhsKFRxJNcgrMz-UU6PVDaIwIeLI50GDinzCCpvA-GC2zX-3BDnnCXwf8rWgvjxIWj2_Va7B1A/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-22h16m40s169.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKS7o6qjYt2Jj2PAMLjynsYeqNSfcf5ip9skV_gwE-Q4QyzqGS5xKYRCFVEh2D7G0QPUhsKFRxJNcgrMz-UU6PVDaIwIeLI50GDinzCCpvA-GC2zX-3BDnnCXwf8rWgvjxIWj2_Va7B1A/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-09-22h16m40s169.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Vanka, is in a cage opposite and he shouts for her to wake up as two guys come in and open up her cage and armed with shock sticks we see that Vanka has a collar around her neck and one of the guys tries to attach a pole to the ring on the collar as they man handle her out of the room by her hair and Victor shouts at the guys to stop.<br />
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Back with Barney and Ted, I mean Scott, they check into a swish looking hotel that has pole dancers on the main gambling floor, they meet up with two other guys who are very happy that they can stare at the dancing girls and still be able to tell their wives they didn't go to a strip club. The guys do some gambling, playing blackjack on the tables, some winning, some losing and we see a pair girls watching the boys. One of the guys starts to talk about marriage and how he hates being married and tells Scott that he shouldn't get married. The guy, Mike says that he hates his fat wife, then spouts some racist bullshit about Asians when an Asian dealer comes to the table to take over and so the guys decide to leave the table and discuss what they should do next.<br />
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Barney notices the two girls looking over at them, one is practically naked, the girls come over and introduce themselves as Nikki and Kendra, the guys introduce themselves and we find out their other friend is called Justin and he walks with a crutch. Barney asks the girls to join them, Mike wants them to come to their room and get into their jacuzzi which the girls don't seem impressed by and tell the guys that they know a place that's off the strip and play the old "it might be too much for you guys" routine. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi86h4iKw98c_6g9bNtlvKZAdrRr8l0rWY7cZTzLIjPIH1B3i4ZbOXIiQJDY2xrIGCzrHQtSRlk0hY3p8p1_nO0rvYeYyGa9DT7bwihoXHZ4O22OZEsSCxi043Rk30oKOFbG-mZYTCAm3Q/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h07m03s73.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi86h4iKw98c_6g9bNtlvKZAdrRr8l0rWY7cZTzLIjPIH1B3i4ZbOXIiQJDY2xrIGCzrHQtSRlk0hY3p8p1_nO0rvYeYyGa9DT7bwihoXHZ4O22OZEsSCxi043Rk30oKOFbG-mZYTCAm3Q/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h07m03s73.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kendra, looking crazy</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Kendra looks crazy and Nikki acts like a bitch, so I have no idea why these guys would decide to follow them, I mean that's standard horror movie survival guide page 1 stuff, but these guys are <i>dumb</i>. <br />
So they set to to the girl's, off the strip, freaky place, on the way the guys share one taxi and Barney asks the driver to turn down the radio a little, which he does, whilst Scott, Justin and Mike discuss whether or not the girls were hookers. <br />
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Scott points out that the drivers meter isn't working, the driver tells him that for the standard ride he'll charge them 20 bucks. They pull into an alley with an abandoned factory and they question where they are, the driver asks them what they're afraid of and if they think he's going to call his friends, steal their money and cut their heads off. The driver is now my favourite character. So the guys get out of the taxi and go and knock on an unmarked door. Can I point out how <i>spectacularly</i> stupid this is. You're in a city which is foreign to you, you have no idea where you are, you knock on the door of an abandoned factory on the invitation of a couple of girls you have only just met, <i>anything</i> could happen to you.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiODAEufepfc0NVPgP1EIXrkEVWcsMRkFTC4r7ld3xHVupcGl631L3zpm1EF2AUvrczEwdOQeLJ5t-LOMbWDMdHM3InIvlUEKBxYHHJw6h9blDkc43WW6RSpKUFgpeeYfEZih1D9HFZSaE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h13m58s173.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiODAEufepfc0NVPgP1EIXrkEVWcsMRkFTC4r7ld3xHVupcGl631L3zpm1EF2AUvrczEwdOQeLJ5t-LOMbWDMdHM3InIvlUEKBxYHHJw6h9blDkc43WW6RSpKUFgpeeYfEZih1D9HFZSaE/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h13m58s173.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So a guy opens the door and asks them if they are on the list, Scott tells the guy that Nikki and Kendra sent them and the guy tells them they're going to have a <i>nice</i> time and they should go down the hall. The guys walk down a corridor, which looks manky as hell, Scott gets a call from Amy, Amy is wondering if she should be worried because he didn't call straight away, he says no, though he doesn't tell her that he's in Vegas.<br />
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When he has finished, Scott notices that the guys have wandered off and so he starts looking around and banging on doors, then someone bags his head from behind and he is strapped into a wheelchair and wheeled into a room where a pipe is shoved into his throat and someone starts pouring beer into a funnel. Scott starts to choke and I'm guessing this is another bait and switch as we're only twenty minutes and 18 seconds in, the hood is removed and a naked girl climbs into Scott's lap and starts gyrating while all his friends and a whole bunch of guys start whooping and clapping around him.<br />
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Scott starts necking shots while the girl rubs up against him and Kendra and Nikki watch on. There are lots of naked girls around the club, some dancing in cages when he is freed Scott starts talking to Kendra who tells him that she is an escort and I think it is implied that Barney has set this up some how. Kendra drags Scott off to the "champagne room" and a girl comes up to Justin and introduces herself as Angela.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijDcBj3zV-tynjGAZYw6ejgpNKVmApEZAQbJFI4T_PEw5Bzf0VTQ3tnJT2-p-c2S7q9clp88BhZHMuGODsLpnZg4pLRGRSSvrUyj1LCZkEIMT76BdDpBgpc4nhVGzx_9y9szYb6jC0HuI/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h27m26s75.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijDcBj3zV-tynjGAZYw6ejgpNKVmApEZAQbJFI4T_PEw5Bzf0VTQ3tnJT2-p-c2S7q9clp88BhZHMuGODsLpnZg4pLRGRSSvrUyj1LCZkEIMT76BdDpBgpc4nhVGzx_9y9szYb6jC0HuI/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h27m26s75.png" width="400" /></a></div>I'm wondering what kind of motivation women would have to come to this kind of club really, but the idea of Elite Hunting functioning in the US is silly enough on its own to be honest. <br />
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The girl sees Justin's crutch and makes an excuse to leave, why, movie? Why exactly would a woman do that? She has no idea what's wrong with him, and neither do we, he might have broken his foot or be recovering from an accident, I could be wrong ladies, feel free to correct me, but a crutch is not an instant boner killer. Nikki slips her card into Justin's pocket and tells him that he's too sweet and that she'll be back, but doesn't know how long Mike is going to take, so basically she's dragging Mike off for sex and then thinks Justin will be quite happy to pay for seconds. <br />
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Scott and Kendra drink some champagne and Kendra mounts Scott and begins kissing him, Scott asks if they could just talk, she keeps trying to mount him and he puts up a small amount of fight and tells Kendra that he nearly lost his fiancée the previous year after cheating on her and he doesn't want to cheat on her again. Kendra says that's cool and they can just hang out.<br />
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Mike and Nikki come in and Mike is obnoxious, Scott looks and says he needs air, he staggers towards the exit and goes outside, throwing up into a bin, he sees that the taxi is still waiting in the alley.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIFK0sOW7KJftO72LVj_WgvsxT-ktVhDgWrR969CQePXQ_ovOuQtH-Shc47Q8UVgAxvhEngdA76ohlWJqUbkxykeo2N7CoNFgo5W9SPCvelcvq3F7sHKNPK7USUrKTFTAiTJsxsb6G2-Y/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h38m29s54.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIFK0sOW7KJftO72LVj_WgvsxT-ktVhDgWrR969CQePXQ_ovOuQtH-Shc47Q8UVgAxvhEngdA76ohlWJqUbkxykeo2N7CoNFgo5W9SPCvelcvq3F7sHKNPK7USUrKTFTAiTJsxsb6G2-Y/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h38m29s54.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Scott tried to open the door back up, but it won't open and no one is there to hear him knocking. The taxi driver gets out of his car and walks towards Scott, he slides down the door, collapsing, then we see a van driving through a desert road. We see the weird old building again and in slightly better light, it appears not to be snowing. The gates are opened and the van drives in and HAHAHA-OHWOW! The van driver opens up a locked shutter by holding his forearm up to a panel which <i>scans his Elite Hunting tattoo</i>... I wish I was making this shit up. <br />
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The van pulls into a kind of underground car park and we get a good look at those spikey things that stop you from driving out of a car park the wrong way, so I'm guessing they're going to come into play at some point. The screen goes dark and then we get a blurry view of a light bulb, then we see Scott and hear a very loud noise. Scott wakes up in a room which appears to be in the city from the view out of the window and we see someone making something in a blender. Barney greets Scott and makes fun of him for finally waking up.<br />
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Look, movie, I'm getting tired of this bait and switch shit now, can the death start happening, please? <br />
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Barney and Justin laugh at him and ask how he got back to the hotel, Scott says that the taxi driver must have brought him back. Scott asks where Mike is and Justin says that he went home with the hooker, then Scott calls Mike's voicemail to tell him to turn on his phone, maybe English phones just work differently, but how are you supposed to get the message if your phone is turned off? <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgXSXtR23E9jZRFQnVGwZvZv36xjcfIDh3GpsYRL5nHWkBKVDwKgbrnxWJlsBIqnDaYZ5b_lp-LP6lLfb8dThieK76H-CNQpRxH8ouAjeAoLeG55skM_NOMHNUQ-gehGVKd3BNVfDLlc/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h50m14s191.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgXSXtR23E9jZRFQnVGwZvZv36xjcfIDh3GpsYRL5nHWkBKVDwKgbrnxWJlsBIqnDaYZ5b_lp-LP6lLfb8dThieK76H-CNQpRxH8ouAjeAoLeG55skM_NOMHNUQ-gehGVKd3BNVfDLlc/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-00h50m14s191.png" width="400" /></a></div>So because Mike is the biggest douchebag character, he is the one to wake up with a collar around his neck. Mike is confused about where he is, thinking that he may have been set up by his friends, Victor is in the cage opposite and is trying to break down the cage door. Protip, you need to use something in your cage, to create a lever to use on the hinges, they look pretty flimsy, simple physics. <br />
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The guys with the shock sticks turn up and shock Victor, then drag Mike out by using the pole ring on his neck. Mike starts begging the two guys not to hurt him and they shock him with the stick whilst Mike cries. Mike is led to a room and placed into a chair with straps, they appear to have a much higher tech set up than the European branch, but I still think this is really stupid. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZwm16A2Eb6FIp_IswdVBxMjrQTUfcKazLncSVVbGKQ7yadISCiLZx_0r79-rtJpv-b5CfaX9jh0wVdLvq6W9vusEdT_6koN-1KCN9eNR8FTFnxpoIMpmAxoIxiJEmruVBCOCGswEKUSU/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h01m30s20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZwm16A2Eb6FIp_IswdVBxMjrQTUfcKazLncSVVbGKQ7yadISCiLZx_0r79-rtJpv-b5CfaX9jh0wVdLvq6W9vusEdT_6koN-1KCN9eNR8FTFnxpoIMpmAxoIxiJEmruVBCOCGswEKUSU/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h01m30s20.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
Ok, this is different. Some curtains pull back and we see a room with half naked girls serving drinks and men and women sat in chairs with laptops which display information about Mike on it. I give the movie some props for trying something different, but one of the rules of elite hunting is that you're supposed to kill the person you've bought, what's with all the spectators and witnesses, isn't this a <i>spectacularly</i> stupid idea? What if someone gets nervous, goes to the police, that's a lot of people you can implicate. <br />
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Mike screams for help and on the laptops there's a weird spinning thing called the wheel of misfortune which has things on it like 'bribes', 'my family', 'threats', etc. We see the flannel shirt guy from earlier, sans flannel, watching over everything. An Asian girl with funky hair comes in with a guy who is obviously the cheap version of Julian Sands, because Julian Sands would have cost too much and he looks snarkily through the window at Mike. <br />
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A man dressed in a white smock, gloves, some waterproof black trousers and carrying a medical bag enters the room, he looks around and places his finger to his lips, telling Mike to be quiet. He opens his bag and removes a striped cloth and places it around Mike's neck while he begs him to stop. The people's laptops begin spinning a new wheel now, which displays various weapons, it lands on drill.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppB4AXN3KFlIfFz4sa_bwzujUV8eujiqG1aO_SdOJDAQHGgR-nZ6D6TIFaWUnGAvGnExCqhZwzee-v_BzrC5Vr_EPGBa8kGZWdx39-AciWRcoFI5VlvF1Uf-2PDCwGQbwouZeEYOzCdI/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h10m47s234.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppB4AXN3KFlIfFz4sa_bwzujUV8eujiqG1aO_SdOJDAQHGgR-nZ6D6TIFaWUnGAvGnExCqhZwzee-v_BzrC5Vr_EPGBa8kGZWdx39-AciWRcoFI5VlvF1Uf-2PDCwGQbwouZeEYOzCdI/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h10m47s234.png" width="400" /></a></div> *Movie Paused* <br />
Whatever happens here, unless it turns out to be really funny, I'm not going to describe it, there's gore, I'm fine with gore, I'm fine with silly over the top stuff, I'm fine with a lot of the crap that the Saw movies throw at the audience, but there's some things which I think cross the line into the torture porn category, if this movie wants to say something about the audience being into torture porn by placing the camera in this way and making us look through the lens, it is suddenly less effective if you start drilling random body parts with a power drill. I had trouble with that scene in the first movie, so I shan't be describing it if that's what happens here.<br />
*Movie Played*<br />
<br />
The guy in white gets out a polystyrene head from his bag and places it on the table, he then gets a white mask and places it over Mike's face and draws around it with a marker pen. Mike starts begging again and talking about his family, a voice announces that it took less than two minutes for Mike to start talking about his family and so players, 2, 5 and 7 have beat the over-under. The guy shoves a ball into Mike's mouth in order to gag him and then the camera starts sweeping over a weapons table. <br />
<br />
Now the effects here are, not great, but I'm not describing what happens, if you're that curious, watch the movie yourself. <br />
<br />
We return to the guys who are discussing where Mike is because they couldn't get in touch with him, Justin pulls out Nikki's card which she gave him which only has her email address on it, but from it Justin is able to find a phone number and address. They drive into a trailer park, which is full of suspicious types and look for Nikki's trailer, which they find. Scott accidentally pulls off the window to the trailer and decides to hop in, despite the protest of Justin. Barney goes inside after Scott and Justin decides to wait outside.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk-qQfk5srQpYpaUkkTsBnGIlqTdCB5GOSDkM5RRPoPRhmIFPN3TcSnbbL0fsbaTokmd6TzFiK3c5CBdnyZwtFP9lePTCbWaOvCLmXeBe5exbXN_D3AbijCwsipYV_VasGNIAzQMY9_Qs/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h26m39s16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk-qQfk5srQpYpaUkkTsBnGIlqTdCB5GOSDkM5RRPoPRhmIFPN3TcSnbbL0fsbaTokmd6TzFiK3c5CBdnyZwtFP9lePTCbWaOvCLmXeBe5exbXN_D3AbijCwsipYV_VasGNIAzQMY9_Qs/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h26m39s16.png" width="400" /></a></div>They look through the trailer, find a bunch of strap-on's but no Mike, they decide to leave and hear a weird noise outside, they look out of the window and see an upturned chair and Justin's crutch on the floor. A guy bursts in with a shotgun, followed by Kendra who pistol-whips Barney in the face and ask what the hell they are doing there and why they have broken into Nikki's trailer.<br />
<br />
Scott explains that they just want to talk to Nikki to find out where Mike is, Kendra says that she can't ask her because Nikki never came home, shocker. How dumb is this branch of the Elite Hunting Club? If you steal enough <i>local</i> people, someone is going to notice. We cut to flannel guy, still sans flannel, looking through a rack of clothing. He selects an old cheerleading uniform and places them over Nikki who is strapped to a bed and ball-gagged.<br />
<br />
We then see Nikki dressed up in the cheerleader outfit, strapped to a table, a guy speaks to her in a language I am not familiar with, then squirts some liquid into her mouth and over her chest. He then... you know, I'm beginning to think this movie, <i>really </i>sucks, he grabs a cockroach and goes to put it on her, then changes his mind and talks to the cockroach, then he tilts the bed she strapped to so it is horizontal and pours the cockroaches onto her and they climb inside her mouth.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEDpuHxn-f6nwjiUOfUW8FUeHikVt2mlaqaHP0SidsDBeNRf4J4wkAS0khaB3NJFk7W_dCBipcfXhgn1kZ4xFuNyHGrDuKAacDAnNn9TWzalsNO0MCiXtRFUtPcQ8B-QcS3e_L-_AP2-c/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h38m16s68.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEDpuHxn-f6nwjiUOfUW8FUeHikVt2mlaqaHP0SidsDBeNRf4J4wkAS0khaB3NJFk7W_dCBipcfXhgn1kZ4xFuNyHGrDuKAacDAnNn9TWzalsNO0MCiXtRFUtPcQ8B-QcS3e_L-_AP2-c/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h38m16s68.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a stupid movie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So Barney, Justin, Scott and Kendra get into a car and decide to start looking for the missing Mike and Nikki at the club where they last saw them while Kendra lectures them on how fake Vegas is. Justin thinks they should call the police, Kendra says that in Vegas the police don't consider someone missing till they've been gone a week. Vegas PD <a href="http://www.lvmpd.com/bureaus/missing_persons_adults.html"><i>disagree</i></a> with Kendra.<br />
<br />
We see flannel guy still sans flannel, handle Nikki's body in front of a furnace, a cockroach comes out of her mouth and he freaks out a bit, before squashing it and getting out his phone and taking a picture of Nikki. At this point, we still don't know if Mike is alive or not. Justin gets a text from Mike saying that he crashed all day and Nikki is with him and they get a photo of Nikki dead, which the text says she's asleep. It's lucky they killed her by choking her with cockroaches isn't it, movie? Just as creepy as the photo of the decapitated Icelandic guy from the first movie, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm"><i>totally</i></a> on the same level.<br />
<br />
They get another text telling them to meet Nikki and Mike in room 9 asap with a map, because motorola razor's can totally do that. Barney, Scott and Kendra enter a hostel, so it isn't an <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArtifactTitle">artifact title</a> and Justin elects to stay inside the car. Inside room 9 they find Nikki's purse and Mike's phone with a note saying they have stepped out and should grab and beer and chill. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsTaGXJtur0nDp-hUGGXWGe5KhXTUY27lZRk3_nXWI8Qup8pBE_1kdvmjoYsHw3hr6ujbkyJJCuFLiJaMP1WIBtDEHTG_43EXdjqqRULh2xsxZ2TfXvycVZx884IYhmnyN9CNPTf5sOeY/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h55m03s160.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsTaGXJtur0nDp-hUGGXWGe5KhXTUY27lZRk3_nXWI8Qup8pBE_1kdvmjoYsHw3hr6ujbkyJJCuFLiJaMP1WIBtDEHTG_43EXdjqqRULh2xsxZ2TfXvycVZx884IYhmnyN9CNPTf5sOeY/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-01h55m03s160.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Barney inspects himself in the mirror while Kendra and Scott argue and two guys burst in, one via door, one via mirror and they gas the group. This band of Elite Hunting are drawing an <i>awful </i>amount of attention to themselves, they could have left a note saying that they are going somewhere and Mike would be back home in a week and then just left them to it and it would have been much easier.<br />
<br />
In the car Justin sees the two guys loading bags into the back of their van and so gets out of the car, he is then accosted by flannel guy, who tells him that Mike is looking for him and was too drunk to walk. Flannel guy sprays something in Justin's face, Justin whacks him with his crutch, but then Justin passes out so they load Justin into the van as well.<br />
<br />
So at the Elite Hunting containment cages, Barney is throwing a wobbly, Scott is sat about, Kendra is still passed out and Justin has been given his crutch.... for some reason and <i>Victor</i> is still alive. HOW, movie, HOW?!?<br />
<br />
Victor tells them that when it's their turn someone will come for them, the two guys enter and he shouts at the guys to come for him, but they take Justin. Barney starts shouting at the guy to come over and oh my god, the movie manages to pull a twist off that I didn't see coming.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeCwHTuWXs3Zf8WH5cp_5sj_kGkZ3OEVM_GgacD8dXpsWJyip6pxQpVYwqtSDUXweXk5P-3XBbPIxRSwRMrk_QtRMGOySIzofq5Aekx4Oe7ptw8LtZh5896ef40okfnkCLaSGnLvadICY/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h04m07s227.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeCwHTuWXs3Zf8WH5cp_5sj_kGkZ3OEVM_GgacD8dXpsWJyip6pxQpVYwqtSDUXweXk5P-3XBbPIxRSwRMrk_QtRMGOySIzofq5Aekx4Oe7ptw8LtZh5896ef40okfnkCLaSGnLvadICY/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h04m07s227.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's one of them... </td></tr>
</tbody></table>The guy instantly lets Barney out of the cage, Scott asks what's going on, Barney tells him that it's Elite Hunting Club and it's members only, leaving Scott to it. I predict his death shall be a painful one. Barney is taken to an office with a half naked girl and flannel guy, the girl pours him a drink and the knock off Julian Sands comes into the office. He apologises to Barney for the inconvenience of what happened to him, it turns out he's made a special request and since Barney is a top-tier client, they have actually considered it. To be honest, this knock off Julian Sands guy is a mumbler, so I have no idea what's going on, but he and flannel guy leave and Barney turns to face a monitor which is showing Justin strapped to a chair.<br />
<br />
Justin is ball-gagged and the room he is in fills with smoke, when it starts to clear a little we see a lady all dressed up in some weird gear carrying a cross bow. She shoots it at Justin, a few times, in places that look like they would hurt a lot, she pulls the ball gag out of his mouth and he whispers to her that it's ok, then she kills him. Making Justin the bravest guy in this movie so far.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8RJeBvgRuvotBkLhOgrXYTNz59QFzC9FpJrmN8wyuOOCSKuF38psV6B5FyZ-nyjfJ8LB2x-Y4QZKJf2tkw1ZlfeOjRJvyK_49rhj-XilA3Cu2saZ27MEgc7Rsf8YJ_VbDOsmOYpFQ0yM/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h16m05s243.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8RJeBvgRuvotBkLhOgrXYTNz59QFzC9FpJrmN8wyuOOCSKuF38psV6B5FyZ-nyjfJ8LB2x-Y4QZKJf2tkw1ZlfeOjRJvyK_49rhj-XilA3Cu2saZ27MEgc7Rsf8YJ_VbDOsmOYpFQ0yM/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h16m05s243.png" width="400" /></a></div>Flannel guy, still sans flannel, comes back into the room and tells Barney that it's show time. Victor is having a bit of a rant, bless him for lasting this long, Scott sits and pouts, Kendra's still passed out. The two guys come back in the room as Kendra wakes up and they grab Scott and she asks where they are taking him. They make Scott put on a nice tux, so I can see where this is going, Barney wants to kill Scott so he can have his girlfriend Amy for himself. <br />
<br />
Back in the betting room a voice announces they are onto their main event, Scott is of course strapped to the chair and Barney enters the room dressed up in a tux himself. This is really stupid by the way, movie, he has <i>motive</i>, motive is how you get caught. Barney starts talking some crazy talk about some knives they have brought for him and how he used one to skin a girl alive for his first kill and now he's losing the rush so he needed to kill someone who mattered. Barney says that Mike deserved to die, but Justin didn't, though Scott does because he wants Amy.<br />
<br />
He reveals that he told Amy that Scott cheated on her and he will console her when she finds out that Scott is dead and so he revs up a chainsaw. Outside the room, Julian Sands knock-off and flannel guy watch and Flannel guy makes a call, instructing someone to 'let him go', with Scott free, he grabs a sword so that he and Barney can go to a sword vs chainsaw battle. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwkbCOEbLJVUcos2PPKllb2vg9_69vOO8vVcv5tEr0F89RgVHpahXdiNpDbpeOIN4VP2eh86s7DeCurx0ZrzUFcjRxFeFNFmh_d45vgi674aSes7hxps2pVaMgUJ-MpEykv7yG7Lbojis/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h28m37s31.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwkbCOEbLJVUcos2PPKllb2vg9_69vOO8vVcv5tEr0F89RgVHpahXdiNpDbpeOIN4VP2eh86s7DeCurx0ZrzUFcjRxFeFNFmh_d45vgi674aSes7hxps2pVaMgUJ-MpEykv7yG7Lbojis/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h28m37s31.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">why is there a scan tag on the wall?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Barney is disarmed by Scott, he grabs a mace and he and Scott continue to battle it out, Scott tries to escape through the door, but as Barney jumps on him, Scott ends up pulling a cord which releases the smoke into the room. He grabs a knife and begins to stab Barney repeatedly as he lies on the ground and the audience watching this stands up and whoops and cheers. We then see that Scott has sliced off Barney's tattoo and uses it on the door scanner, he walks into the corridor carrying a weapon and then we cut back to Victor in his cage. He godes one of his captors into coming to him and managed to grab his shock stick and uses it to shock the guard.<br />
<br />
He grabs the guards keys and escapes and then shoves the shock stick into the guards mouth and shocks him until he kills him. Scott managed to kill or at least severely injure a guard in the corridor, while another one shoots at him, Victor then gets one of the other guards to chase him by shooting at him and the building is then alerted to the escaping prisoners. Victor manages to slip the guards and finds a fire axe.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUvt1FzNhmB8YBX40dI5EOqaTt0TXOVgDQxwLNjIgbRYyI1paOBGbXXas7VguR4qHz4lljMe3LxLskyUJ8qUKbE3LVoRXKl6GN4WcSmWWQLkbmIxSUmY93FjcBrYSc0SDPL1pvvddXuR4/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h37m41s132.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUvt1FzNhmB8YBX40dI5EOqaTt0TXOVgDQxwLNjIgbRYyI1paOBGbXXas7VguR4qHz4lljMe3LxLskyUJ8qUKbE3LVoRXKl6GN4WcSmWWQLkbmIxSUmY93FjcBrYSc0SDPL1pvvddXuR4/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h37m41s132.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh no, I've stumbled into the props department!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Scott manages to find a pile of phones and looks for one which works whilst Victor starts attacking the buildings electricity cables, knocking out the power to the building. Victor manages to axe one of the guards to death, but takes a direct shotgun blast to the chest for his trouble, meaning that the last badass character of the movie is now dead, unless the taxi driver should appear again. <br />
<br />
Scott finds a working phone and calls 911, flannel guy comes looking for him, with a gun, Scott leaves the phone on the ground and manages to slip flannel guy and the knock-off Julian Sands tells everyone to calm down and they will be escorted out. Flannel guy calls him and tells him that the police have been called, he tells flannel guy to kill everyone so there are no witnesses. This is fucking stupid. How many high paying clients can you actually afford to bump off? How easy is it to find people willing to join Elite Hunting Club? <br />
<br />
Scott finds the dead Victor and guard and takes the shotgun, he then goes back and rescues Kendra from her cage, as they are escaping however, flannel guy shoots Kendra in the ass and chases after Scott. The knock off Julian Sands activates the building's self destruct sequence, <i>really</i>, movie?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzkxj8sfLgihpKTYDEoCevbWE9ftvQzlZ2YyxzSmjcvOzjTGmRXfheE7Kl57cv3xUJDSV1o9_wsEA-eIH7uOdJqpUJqSada5CxxroryoSexz2fJO2oEJG9NojQ23UPvv8O2W8W_I0mTRM/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h47m47s65.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzkxj8sfLgihpKTYDEoCevbWE9ftvQzlZ2YyxzSmjcvOzjTGmRXfheE7Kl57cv3xUJDSV1o9_wsEA-eIH7uOdJqpUJqSada5CxxroryoSexz2fJO2oEJG9NojQ23UPvv8O2W8W_I0mTRM/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-02h47m47s65.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh look whose still alive</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Barney stabs the knock off guy to death, setting off his car alarm. Scott finds his way into the boiler room where he finds the body of Justin and Mike, not really sure what killed Mike to be honest, but he's pretty dead when flannel guy runs in with a clever and cuts his head in half. Scott uses the clever on flannel guys arm and hacks it off and throws it into the furnace. <br />
<br />
Barney throws the knock-off guy out of the car and prepares to drive out while Scott beats flannel guy to death with Justin's crutch. Barney grabs knock off guy and puts him over the floor spikes we saw earlier, then drives over him. Scott runs out of the building, chasing down Barney in the car, Barney gets back out of the car and locks the gates of the building before getting back in the car and driving off as the building explodes. Really, movie? I'm actually quite shocked at this.<br />
<br />
So Scott is trapped at the fence in the explosion and Barney drives off into the desert as the building burns and we cut to an urn and Barney comforting Amy, placing the blame on himself that it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't taken Scott to Vegas and hugging Amy, it's all a pretty good act really. Amy then asks Barney to stay because she doesn't want to be alone, she then offers Barney a drink, she goes and gets a bottle and then stabs Barney through the hand with a wine cork. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijwQjGrNasG0-vC2v65seHBkp_30Osb22Dmx3GTN34JVeg33agX874sdhu2BuyvWe3ss8FIdXJxt3-QTNC-1CrsXpTJxf7TMeMZn2G8Ru58YUXqRrvK2gkolCHsP0ml6QWrTaUPXqVXyg/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-03h02m18s68.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijwQjGrNasG0-vC2v65seHBkp_30Osb22Dmx3GTN34JVeg33agX874sdhu2BuyvWe3ss8FIdXJxt3-QTNC-1CrsXpTJxf7TMeMZn2G8Ru58YUXqRrvK2gkolCHsP0ml6QWrTaUPXqVXyg/s400/vlcsnap-2012-01-10-03h02m18s68.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Surprise!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So, Scott's alive, even though he was about five feet away from a huge explosion with tones of debris and there's no way he could have survived and Amy's fine with killing a person, instead of them going to the police. <br />
<br />
They strap Barney to a chair in the garage and Scott chooses a lawnmower from a selection of weapons and uses it to kill Barney with, off screen, end of movie.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
What a stupid fucking movie this is. For the record, I checked on imdb after watching the movie, the flannel guy's name was Travis, if only he had fucking said it in the movie, that would have been helpful. <br />
<br />
I am wondering if the people who made this movie actually watched part 2 because part 2 did a bang up job of going into detail about how the operation works and why it would only work in a place like Slovenia and it would not at all work in America. Obviously, it didn't work in America, but really, why would you set one up there when the Slovenian operation was working pretty well and if you can afford the prices that killing a person costs, you can afford a few flights.<br />
<br />
The Slovenian operation was pretty tight as well, they had security and transport pretty much down, it was due to the stupidity of the characters that one of the girls ended up being able to get free in the second movie. So not only do I not buy the premise, they didn't even try to make it believable. Ok they tried something different, it didn't work, but anyone should have been able to see why it wasn't going to work.<br />
<br />
It would have been a pretty bold move to let Barney win in the end, but of course, they didn't do that and to be honest, I think the movie is the poorer for it. There are two really likeable characters in this movie, Victor and Justin. Victor is awesome, Victor deserved to live, he fought his way out of there like a mad man. Justin also was awesome, Justin didn't cry or beg, he told his killer that he forgave them, that makes him pretty awesome in my book and I wish they were the protagonists of this movie.<br />
<br />
Scott was not a good protagonist, he didn't cheat on his girlfriend, but he wasn't really putting up much of a fight, he was totally cool with stabbing his friend and then chopping up some other guy and then lawnmowering someone to death.<br />
<br />
The second movie took it back for the girls, it really did, the girls were awesome characters and everything they did made sense. This movie made girls useless again, it turned them into sex objects who might as well not have been there in the first place, take them out and the movie would not change all that much to be honest.<br />
<br />
I'd say if you were a hostel fan, it would be worth watching so you could take the piss out of it, but otherwise, skip it, it's not really worth the effort of trying to ignore all the gaping plot holes.<br />
<br />
<b>4 & 1/2 out of 10</b><br />
<br />
<b>Edit:</b> According to some theories online, some people now think that Barney's intention was to have Scott kidnapped by Elite Hunting all along and Mike was grabbed by mistake, and instead of reporting said mistake or at least making an inquiry about it, Barney then waited until they all got captured. I think this theory would make sense, but if that was their intention they weren't very fucking clear about it.<b> </b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-41729318808344804402011-12-31T10:02:00.000-08:002011-12-31T10:02:47.932-08:00My Top Ten - The Best and Worst Films of 2011Which films tickled my funny bone or made me squee like a little fangirl and which films made me nerd rage or simply go, meh...<br />
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I actually did a list for 2010 before I started this blog, at some point I may even get around to posting it, but for now, this is my 2011 list. There are some things to note, I could only include films which I've actually seen, so if your favourite film of the year, or most hated film of the year isn't included, it's possible that I haven't got around to seeing it yet. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-udy8H88DPlA/Tv75SOkJ9oI/AAAAAAAAAn8/WoT3LkCi_YI/s1600/top-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-udy8H88DPlA/Tv75SOkJ9oI/AAAAAAAAAn8/WoT3LkCi_YI/s320/top-10.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><a name='more'></a><div style="text-align: center;"><u><b>The Best</b></u></div><br />
In reverse order, of course.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>10. Final Destination 5</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1k7Bgn3z7VY/Tv78PXgq-DI/AAAAAAAAAo4/mUGMNXMPsVo/s1600/final_destination_five.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1k7Bgn3z7VY/Tv78PXgq-DI/AAAAAAAAAo4/mUGMNXMPsVo/s400/final_destination_five.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><br />
I have a tradition with a friend, we've seen every single Final Destination movie together in the cinema, and every time we see a new one, we check the floor for murderous blue water trying to kill us. It's a franchise we both really enjoy and I thought that Final Five was a great sequel, especially after the travesty that was Final Four or <i>The Final Destination</i> *rolls eyes*. On rewatching, it doesn't actually have a great amount of rewatch value in it, but it's still quite enjoyable. My preference order goes, 3, 2, 1, 5, 4 - my friend's goes, 5, 2, 3, 1, 4. Really we only include 4 on the list very begrudgingly.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>9. X-men: First Class</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Su1m6viLm_g/Tv797qLJrmI/AAAAAAAAAp8/NSujaClncD0/s1600/x-men_first_class_p1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Su1m6viLm_g/Tv797qLJrmI/AAAAAAAAAp8/NSujaClncD0/s400/x-men_first_class_p1.jpg" width="276" /></a></div><br />
Really, it's inclusion on this list is still a huge surprise for me, as was my enjoyment of the film at the time. The fact that I can be small minded, petty and ready to hate things for very small reasons is no surprise to anyone who knows me, but aside from a few complaints, I really enjoyed this movie. On subsequent rewatching of the entire X-men franchise, (minus X-men 3, no need to put myself through that again), I think it's probably the best put together X-men movie of them all - a fact that no one more than I was quite shocked about.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>8. The Thing (2011 - obviously)</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-X3ZZAArrUYI/Tv7_cv6Fu8I/AAAAAAAAAqI/qSPActo3VwU/s1600/poster3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-X3ZZAArrUYI/Tv7_cv6Fu8I/AAAAAAAAAqI/qSPActo3VwU/s400/poster3.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
Aside from the fact that lazy film-makers should have really put a subtitle on this film, I had zero complaints about this movie. Before I am strung from the rafters by original Thing fans, I hasten to point out that I had only seen the original movie once, as a kid and though I really enjoyed it, I'm not really a superfan of the movie. I was really impressed by the prequel and instantly downloaded the original to watch after seeing it and was very impressed with how they got everything to match up with the original. There was a lot of love put into the movie and I think it shows on screen.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>7. Priest</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kptKgLjR23M/Tv8AbgiKQ_I/AAAAAAAAAqU/sQD4blK4WY8/s1600/Priest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kptKgLjR23M/Tv8AbgiKQ_I/AAAAAAAAAqU/sQD4blK4WY8/s400/Priest.jpg" width="286" /></a></div><br />
I think this movie is very polarising, you either love it for it's over the top insanity, or you hate it for the same reasons. A priest fighting vampires with crucifix ninja stars and Brad Dourif puts it in my loved category, but it's one of those movies for which you really have to make your mind up yourself.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>6. The King's Speech</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gFy86Ljo0Rk/Tv8BHv3pNFI/AAAAAAAAAqg/1kOYt1grXvU/s1600/The-Kings-Speech-Movie-Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gFy86Ljo0Rk/Tv8BHv3pNFI/AAAAAAAAAqg/1kOYt1grXvU/s400/The-Kings-Speech-Movie-Poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
An Oscar-bait movie and easy choice, really. This was just a marvellous film from beginning to end, really enjoyable performances from the three leads and a terribly British feel to the entire movie just won me over. You would be able to tell from my general taste in movies that I'm a horror/sci-fi/comic book nerd really and historical biopics don't often turn up on my film lists, but this was jolly good fun and just thinking about it makes me want to go put the kettle on and pop some pikelets in the toaster.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>5. Thor </b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Nd9GpbF5w8I/Tv8C7wsKsKI/AAAAAAAAAqs/odpmQ4ZI5p4/s1600/Thor-Movie-Poster1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Nd9GpbF5w8I/Tv8C7wsKsKI/AAAAAAAAAqs/odpmQ4ZI5p4/s400/Thor-Movie-Poster1.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
This was one of the movies on the list I was genuinely worried about seeing. I'm a huge comic book nerd, as a teenager I was very much a marvel, but in the past couple of years I've completely turned around and I'm now a DC. That being said, I'm really enjoying the new marvel movies and their tie-ins, especially since I <i>hated</i> the Sam Raimi Spiderman movies with a burning passion that bordered on psychotic. I didn't have a big knowledge of Thor outside of a few comics and a few appearances in Spiderman as the stack of Spiderman comics I have is quite shameful really. So this was the movie where they could completely fuck it all up. All of the other movies they'd done so far had been quite enjoyable and one false step could have completely fucked up the entire series, but I found it very enjoyable and a good introduction for novices to Thor.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>4. Green Lantern</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h7Wi6Es2ja4/Tv8EnG03cTI/AAAAAAAAAq4/sQx2tn0_R6g/s1600/Green-Lantern-Movie-Poster-Ryan-Reynolds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h7Wi6Es2ja4/Tv8EnG03cTI/AAAAAAAAAq4/sQx2tn0_R6g/s400/Green-Lantern-Movie-Poster-Ryan-Reynolds.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
If you hated this movie, I genuinely think there's something wrong with you. It had everything a comic book should have, a compelling main character, some great fight scenes, an uber big bad with a sneaky big bad in the side lines and tons of humour. I did think that the big bad looked a little too much like poop for my taste, but overall I totally loved this movie.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>3. The Adventures of Tintin</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Yo-qlBNV2BI/Tv8Fu_GJGrI/AAAAAAAAArE/E8xd5_OgfYU/s1600/The-Adventures-of-TinTin-movie-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Yo-qlBNV2BI/Tv8Fu_GJGrI/AAAAAAAAArE/E8xd5_OgfYU/s400/The-Adventures-of-TinTin-movie-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
Ok, so this was one of those movies I went in preparing to hate. The only reason I went to see it was because my friend was paying. When I was a kid I didn't watch the Tintin cartoons, but I loved the books, so it really wasn't that I expected them to fuck up the cartoons or anything, I just assumed it was the past the point of Tintin having any kind of relevance. Now, I really can't wait for the next movie, I thought the whole was just fantastic. Some of the transitions were probably the best transitions I've ever seen in film, it was a great adventure movie and I laughed really hard throughout.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>2. Captain America: The First Avenger</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OrzkTjBRZXM/Tv8GxSvs_oI/AAAAAAAAArQ/uNienONfovs/s1600/captain_america_the_first_avenger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OrzkTjBRZXM/Tv8GxSvs_oI/AAAAAAAAArQ/uNienONfovs/s400/captain_america_the_first_avenger.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
Like with Thor, I was a bit worried about marvel fucking up what they had done so far with the franchise, especially since had absolutely no knowledge of Captain America outside of Marvel Zombies, and to the best of my understanding, he is not normally a zombie. In my opinion, Captain America was awesome, I was really only familiar with Chris Evans through Not another teen movie and as his other generation as the ginger host of TFI-Friday and radio one, but he was pretty much perfect for the part. The supporting cast was also completely awesome, but what topped it all was the surprise musical number by Alan Menkin, wasn't expecting it, but damn was it entertaining.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>1. Attack the Block</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ilkIScuvyBg/Tv8KSsZwY5I/AAAAAAAAArc/zTMSg440HBs/s1600/550w_movies_attack_the_block.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ilkIScuvyBg/Tv8KSsZwY5I/AAAAAAAAArc/zTMSg440HBs/s400/550w_movies_attack_the_block.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
I was in two minds whether to see this film at all, on the one hand British, Sci fi/Horror/Comedy, on the other hand, southern chavs. Southern chavs are quite bizarre to us Northerners, the accents alone are a little bit odd, it's the constant use of the word "blood"that can be quite grating, but I relented and gave it a watch. (For an idea of what Northern chavs sound like, just look up Devvo on youtube.) I really, really enjoyed this movie, immediately after seeing it, we got back in the queue and went and saw it again. Best film of the year and probably best British sci-fi film in years. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>The Worst</u></b></div><br />
Unlike 2010, where I was battling to keep it to a neat 10, there actually wasn't that many movies I really hated this year, so I've done my best to explain why these movies are on the list.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>10. Conan the Barbarian</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fjn_TBegqEQ/Tv8ahGS8-EI/AAAAAAAAAro/Q34OJd5mV0c/s1600/conan-barbarian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fjn_TBegqEQ/Tv8ahGS8-EI/AAAAAAAAAro/Q34OJd5mV0c/s400/conan-barbarian.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><br />
This is a weird one, when I first saw it with my friend we thought it was awesome, then we started talking about it and realised not only was it very weird, but we really had no idea what was going on, at all. I didn't really think it was a terrible film, but it was quite all over the place and I think I was seduced upon the first watching by the shiny swords and cool costumes.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>9. Apollo 18</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V6fwWH1JRqg/Tv8b5WkHlOI/AAAAAAAAAr0/ZGWT2ZfkXw0/s1600/apollo-18-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V6fwWH1JRqg/Tv8b5WkHlOI/AAAAAAAAAr0/ZGWT2ZfkXw0/s400/apollo-18-poster.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><br />
This is another weird one, I really loved the premise of this movie, the idea of an Apollo mission which no one knew about because something had gone disastrously wrong. I am also quite a big fan of found footage films, when they are done right, they are completely and utterly awesome. It was about the half way point when this movie started just getting boring and continued getting boring. There were about five or six different ways I thought the movie could have gone which would have made it epic and awesome and a million times better and none of them involved moon rock spider brain parasites.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>8. Paranormal Activity 3</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eow-U9NIqf8/Tv8el5OqeUI/AAAAAAAAAsM/htIWBjm96KA/s1600/paranormalactivity3-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Eow-U9NIqf8/Tv8el5OqeUI/AAAAAAAAAsM/htIWBjm96KA/s400/paranormalactivity3-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I kinda liked the first one, I didn't think it was brilliant and the guy in it annoyed the fuck out of me, but I thought it was ok. The second one kind of retconned some stuff, but I let it pass and it had a few good moments, but over all I didn't think it was a great film. This one just irked me, the amount of retconned stuff they just outright made up for this movie was pretty stupid. I thought the main character was a great character, but there wasn't much really to this film to write home about. If you're a fan of the series, I can get why you'd like it, but it's not for me.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>7. Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 1</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CLR1pRARsqY/Tv8gyT5xiYI/AAAAAAAAAsY/yPSIkFMvfos/s1600/Twilight-Breaking-Dawn-Part-1-Movie-Poster11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CLR1pRARsqY/Tv8gyT5xiYI/AAAAAAAAAsY/yPSIkFMvfos/s400/Twilight-Breaking-Dawn-Part-1-Movie-Poster11.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><br />
I don't really think I need to explain why this is a bad movie. It's Twilight, it's Breaking Dawn, even <i>Twilight</i> fans took issue with the Breaking Dawn book. This movie was a two hour series of montages and Kirsten Stewart biting her lip and making odd breathing noises. The one thing I will give the movie, because I am nothing, if not a fair man, is that the effects that made her look like Skeletor were pretty damn good.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>6. New Year's Eve</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sxqfhF0XhiU/Tv8hZrgjFtI/AAAAAAAAAsk/eqaWCMhbqSw/s1600/New-Years-Eve-Movie-Poster1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sxqfhF0XhiU/Tv8hZrgjFtI/AAAAAAAAAsk/eqaWCMhbqSw/s400/New-Years-Eve-Movie-Poster1.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><br />
I've seen quite a few movies in which they tell a lot of stories through a large cast, the best of these movies are probably Love Actually and He's just not that into you. New Year's Eve is just boring as hell, really unfunny and completely all over the place. The really interesting story in the movie, involving Michelle Pfeffier and Zac Efron really should have been expanded because of all the stories in the movie, this was the only interesting one. The most ridiculous one, was the one in which they tried to pass off Sarah Jessica Parker as an attractive woman - I hate to judge by appearances, I really do, but she's not a very attractive woman, but movies always try and pass her off as the most beautiful person alive and absolutely no one buys it. I'm not exaggerating this, when I saw this movie in the cinema, at the climax when the camera pans up and reaches her face, the audience I was in recoiled because they just weren't expecting a harsh close up. I blame the removal of her chin wart, when it was there, there was something to focus on, now it's gone I think you notice the entire face more.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>5. Straw Dogs</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ESEjE6k1fNQ/Tv9CrcWEGRI/AAAAAAAAAsw/KIkhjzznpJg/s1600/Straw_Dogs_Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ESEjE6k1fNQ/Tv9CrcWEGRI/AAAAAAAAAsw/KIkhjzznpJg/s400/Straw_Dogs_Poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
There were several issues I took with this movie, pointless remake, pointless <i>Americanised</i> remake, stupid, <i>stupid</i>, fucking characters, but the thing which ticked me off the most was just how bloody boring it was. Not even Alexander Skarsgard, who is the man, could not make this movie even slightly bearable. If you've going to remake one of the most controversial films of it's time, then <i>do</i> something with it. Make it shocking, make the audience question their own morality, make the main character fucking likeable, I just don't want to sit there for an hour wondering when the hell something is going to happen.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>4. Red Riding Hood</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BeNYy2jCF3I/Tv9FqODJpzI/AAAAAAAAAs8/LE8f6bg09bk/s1600/red-riding-hood-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BeNYy2jCF3I/Tv9FqODJpzI/AAAAAAAAAs8/LE8f6bg09bk/s400/red-riding-hood-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
What a piece of shit this movie was. It so desperately wanted to be Twilight and failed badly. One of the main problems with the movie was the lack of development between the main character and her love interest, which was so sparse they just chucked a montage of them snogging in towards the end. Lazy and idiotically predictable plot, crap antagonists, terrible casting. It sucked. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>3. Sucker Punch</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZBl7bkRoac0/Tv9HX5oXZSI/AAAAAAAAAtI/rpeaWS2vSM8/s1600/Sucker-Punch-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZBl7bkRoac0/Tv9HX5oXZSI/AAAAAAAAAtI/rpeaWS2vSM8/s400/Sucker-Punch-poster.jpg" width="221" /></a></div><br />
This movie is pretty and that's about it. I have seen many stylised movies and just because something is stylised, doesn't mean that it will be bad, but all this movie had was it's style. The plot wasn't very interesting, all of the fight scenes were boring because you knew that they were dream sequences and therefore there were no stakes. The trailer made this look like it would be a kick ass film about tough fighting chicks in cool costumes, but it was really just a lot of scenery porn.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>2. Bridesmaids</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyH_duHrhMc/Tv9JIU95Y6I/AAAAAAAAAtU/_Z9-jNt00gc/s1600/Bridesmaids-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyH_duHrhMc/Tv9JIU95Y6I/AAAAAAAAAtU/_Z9-jNt00gc/s400/Bridesmaids-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><br />
When this movie came out people were saying that it was a chick-flick that guys could enjoy, it was supposed to be hilarious, the best comedy movie in years, blah, blah, blah. I fucking <i>hated</i> this movie. I'm not a fan of this type of humour, the Hangover/40 year old virgin, type of humour, not at all. This is not a chick flick, this is a man movie, with girls in it, with the humour all being based around, "look these are women, but they are doing gross things that guys normally do, LAUGH DAMN YOU, LAUGH!" I did not laugh. Not once. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>1. Shark Night 3D</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8r1K-32BMZ4/Tv9JW9C_InI/AAAAAAAAAtg/0yffPUi1vCA/s1600/shark_night_3d_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8r1K-32BMZ4/Tv9JW9C_InI/AAAAAAAAAtg/0yffPUi1vCA/s400/shark_night_3d_poster.jpg" width="255" /></a></div><br />
At some point I will do a list of my most hated movies of all time, at the top of that list you will see the movie "Deep Blue Sea" which I hate for many reasons, but mostly due to how very, very, wrong all the shark information is in it. Since seeing this movie I have dubbed it Deep Blue Sea 2: Electric Boogaloo, because it's almost as bad as that fucking movie. The trailers <i>severely</i> misled me into thinking that it would have accurate looking sharks in it. It does not, it has a couple of models of sharks that look how they're actually supposed to look, but the rest of the are just awful. They spout off some knowledge that they clearly only learned from Shark Week, which they fucking reference enough, but the sharks themselves look terrible. I was really, really hoping this would be like Piranha 3D and be awesome and a bit over the top and have a few cool death scenes in it, but it's just shit.Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-91280197864460982952011-12-22T11:27:00.000-08:002011-12-22T11:27:35.734-08:00My Top Ten Worst Christmas Presents<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Brief apology for a few months of absence, I've started a new job and had net issues, so I won't be able to post as much as I was previously, but I'm going to try and stick to a once a week/fortnight schedule.)</span><br />
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Sometimes you open a Christmas present and you are just blown away by how spectacularly bad the present is. Maybe it's because the person who bought it put no thought into the present, maybe they did put thought into it and just happened to miss the mark for some reason. Then there's the presents on this list, which in themselves aren't necessarily bad items, they just happen to be the most bizarre things I've ever received. <br />
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I have genuinely received all of these items, but I've used stock photos as I don't actually have pictures of them, though I wish I had taken some photos at the time.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>10. Facial Hair Removal Kit</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kv87GucWDvk/TvKcDtoSzdI/AAAAAAAAAl4/Loh7dwRoefE/s1600/facial-hair-removal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kv87GucWDvk/TvKcDtoSzdI/AAAAAAAAAl4/Loh7dwRoefE/s320/facial-hair-removal.jpg" width="269" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 1999<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Nanna<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: My Nanna, bless her soul, was not a full shilling. She managed to get me the most bizarre Christmas presents because she wasn't all there, bless her, but she got me a ladies facial hair removal kit this one year, not the one pictured, but similar. I'm not sure what happened to it, I think it sat in a cupboard for ages and then my Mum gave it to a charity shop. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>9. Large Bar of Galaxy Chocolate</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fYimH5vEfHU/TvKcOyKEfII/AAAAAAAAAmE/xd_CHTflyCs/s1600/Galaxy-chocolate-73320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fYimH5vEfHU/TvKcOyKEfII/AAAAAAAAAmE/xd_CHTflyCs/s1600/Galaxy-chocolate-73320.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: several Christmases<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: several people<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: This is one which isn't necessarily a bad present for most people. It's the kind of thing I get from people who either don't know me or they do, they just happen to have forgot. I can't eat Galaxy chocolate. I have no idea why. When I was a kid it was fine, in fact it used to be my favourite, but when I was 11 or 12 I started getting really bad headaches from it and eventually I had to stop eating it. Now even if I have just a minstrel I get a terrible migraine, I'm completely fine with any other chocolate, thought generally I prefer Cadbury's because sometimes cheap chocolate or nestle or mars can give me headache twinges.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>8. A Battery Operated Disco Ball</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_S6b3hpExcE/TvKcZPQg31I/AAAAAAAAAmQ/E27IAJeUnmo/s1600/Battery-Operated-4-5--Disco-Ball-SZSP195655.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_S6b3hpExcE/TvKcZPQg31I/AAAAAAAAAmQ/E27IAJeUnmo/s320/Battery-Operated-4-5--Disco-Ball-SZSP195655.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2002<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Cousin<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: The disco ball was something my cousin had asked for in 2001 along side some flashing lights and some disco cds so she could have dance parties in her room. I got her all these bits and pieces and was very surprised to get the disco ball back for Christmas the next year, though probably not as surprised as my Grandad was to get half a tube of used glow sticks.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>7. A Tarantino Boxset</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r3gFPf6CHB0/TvKchFbo3XI/AAAAAAAAAmc/F8gA6q1QXFk/s1600/boxset.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r3gFPf6CHB0/TvKchFbo3XI/AAAAAAAAAmc/F8gA6q1QXFk/s320/boxset.JPG" width="233" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2007<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Dad<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: This is one which just makes me feel awful. My Dad tries to get me one present every year instead of just leaving it to my Mum to get everything. This year he thought he'd done really well, because I love Tarantino movies. The problem was that I already had all of them on dvd so I had to spend the day pretending I didn't already have them and assuring my Dad he'd done really well and I just felt awful for lying to him.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>6. A Michael Jackson Calender</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0DrO2uKw9Lo/TvKcpa0uqPI/AAAAAAAAAmo/jJK2OatOazM/s1600/michael-jackson-2009-2010-wall-calendar-cd987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0DrO2uKw9Lo/TvKcpa0uqPI/AAAAAAAAAmo/jJK2OatOazM/s320/michael-jackson-2009-2010-wall-calendar-cd987.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2009<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Best Friend, My Mum, My Cousin, My Close Friend, My Aunt and My Nanna<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan and was literally devastated when he died. For some reason everyone thought that I would really love this calender when he died so I now have a stack of unopened ones underneath my bed.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>5. Care Bears Video</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytf-uGcj2qM/TvKcyZIyyEI/AAAAAAAAAm0/Ocku0xhGcS0/s1600/vhs-cbears16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytf-uGcj2qM/TvKcyZIyyEI/AAAAAAAAAm0/Ocku0xhGcS0/s320/vhs-cbears16.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2011<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Friend Matt<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: Matt deserves naming and shaming for this one. He's well known to be the worst present giver of everyone we know. His policy is that he puts no thought into what he buys people and doesn't care if people don't like what he buys them so when we all sat down to swap presents last night we weren't expecting great things from him. I think I came out worst with this one, though one of my friends got a 3/4 full bottle of bath foam and the other one got a slightly burnt tea towel.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>4. Pound Shop Perfume</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2av_DpIfB7A/TvKc8DwpRnI/AAAAAAAAAnA/k2vX4aox-hM/s1600/UK_July_06_Pound_store_York.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2av_DpIfB7A/TvKc8DwpRnI/AAAAAAAAAnA/k2vX4aox-hM/s320/UK_July_06_Pound_store_York.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2006<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Friend Matt<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: Matt got everyone stuff from the pound shop on this year, I can't remember what it was everyone else got, but mine was a bottle of ladies perfume.... yeah...<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>3. Cork Coaster</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3bnF0BvZZyQ/TvKdDoOWIqI/AAAAAAAAAnM/ItktS6Qtq48/s1600/Cork_coaster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3bnF0BvZZyQ/TvKdDoOWIqI/AAAAAAAAAnM/ItktS6Qtq48/s320/Cork_coaster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2005<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Friend Matt<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: Matt again, he's probably given me worse stuff, but I think I've blocked it out. 2005 I got a single cork coaster, slightly tea stained with a bit broken off the side.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>2. Self Laminating Luggage Labels</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8qhX7pkMzt0/TvKdMlM_geI/AAAAAAAAAnY/7Y9GHkKHBrs/s1600/4_pc_Self_Laminating_Luggage_Tags.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8qhX7pkMzt0/TvKdMlM_geI/AAAAAAAAAnY/7Y9GHkKHBrs/s320/4_pc_Self_Laminating_Luggage_Tags.jpg" width="255" /></a></div><br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2003<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Nanna<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: I'm not sure I should have to explain this one, it was the result of my Nanna being left alone with a Butterwick catalogue and an order form. The same year my Mum got a pen with the name "Adam" embossed on the side, which needless to say, is not my Mum's name.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>1. Ceramic Hair Straighteners</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i2N14B4HVz4/TvKdU9p0QRI/AAAAAAAAAnk/Xhrq6OjPwEA/s1600/114031809_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i2N14B4HVz4/TvKdU9p0QRI/AAAAAAAAAnk/Xhrq6OjPwEA/s1600/114031809_1.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<b>Christmas</b>: 2004<br />
<b>Gift Giver</b>: My Nanna<br />
<b>Why it was bad</b>: Aside from the fact that I'm not a lady, I've never had long enough hair to bother to straighten it. Again the result of my Nanna ordering from a catalogue, that year my Dad received a fibre-optic, silk flower lamp and my Mum got a jar of nutella.Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-59701506502282044722011-09-09T21:12:00.000-07:002011-09-09T21:12:55.125-07:00Where've I been? - AnouncementNo, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, I realise I haven't updated in the past couple of weeks as I've been dealing with the most ridiculous injury of my life. You're probably not going to believe this, but I swear it's 100% true. <br />
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I sprained both my thumbs and six of my fingers. Not my hand, not my wrist, my fingers. In literally the most stupid way possible, playing pictionary. <br />
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After my last update, (a True Blood review) I attended a party at my cousins house in which we spent 8 hours playing pictionary. By the end of the night I'd noticed my fingers were really sore, but I put it down to drawing all night, when I woke up in the morning, my fingers resembled something akin to the michelin man's hands and I could barely move them.<br />
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After a trip to the doctors, I was given some anti-inflammatories and some painkillers and was told to avoid pictionary and typing, but to try and use my hands where I could. So my Mum confiscated my laptop and I just got it back yesterday. <br />
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I've never felt so stupid in all my life. <br />
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I've got loads to check up on with unread emails, unwatched programming and unwritten reviews, so I'll try and get caught up as fast as I can without breaking myself again. Feel free to start the mocking now. Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-64301191027977923762011-08-22T06:34:00.000-07:002011-08-22T06:34:09.039-07:00True Blood season 4 review - Let's get out of hereWe're up to episode nine, meaning after this episode we're into the final leg of the show, which means that the tension should be building continually from this point into the finale. I have the distinct feeling that isn't going to happen, however, because as much as I love Fiona Shaw, Aunt Petunia aka Marni/Antonia isn't Russell Edington. He was a terrific villain for season 3 and so far, season 4, dramatically speaking, just isn't shaping up. <br />
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<a name='more'></a>But they could prove me completely wrong on that.<br />
<ul><li>Will the Previously on True Blood section last less than 2 minutes this week?</li>
<li>1 minute, 30 seconds, you know, it's almost as if they think we haven't been watching the show for the past 8 weeks and we simply can't get by without those.</li>
<li>Oh yeah, Sookie got shot, fake peril. lol, Bill saved her from Alicde.</li>
<li>Oh Crap-King Bill, you tell Alcide. He shouldn't be there anyway. Why the hell <i>is</i> he there?</li>
<li>Oh dear, Aunt Petunia has Eric.</li>
<li>Well it's too late to change your mind now, Tara, you signed up for buckets of crazy, that's what you'll get.</li>
<li>Yeah, Alicde, Sookie didn't ask you to come riding in on your white horse, she's not actually obligated to listen to your dumb ass.</li>
<li>Oh it's the oh so very interesting, Sam and his girlfriend and her kid subplot, joy, /end sarcasm.</li>
<li>LOL - Debbie is watching Cheaters.</li>
<li>LMAO - Jessica crying to Nan Flannegan. </li>
<li>Nan Flannegan is awesome. "What a decisive leader, you've turned out to be."</li>
<li>Aw poor, Hoyt. Hmm... I didn't know they made big cans of Budwiser.</li>
<li>Hoyt, you're just being a petty, petty boy now.</li>
<li>Ok..... You see, Lafayette is great at being Lafayette, but he's terrible at being a ghost kidnapper lady. </li>
<li>Oh God.... now, I knew this scene was coming. This supposed daytime fantasy scene involving Bill and Eric, hearing about it made me dubious. I doubt that watching it will change anything.</li>
<li>Yeah, that was boring.</li>
<li>Woo, Troll-Tommy! I'm glad we haven't seen the last of him.</li>
<li>Everything is great about this scene with Jason, Andy, Arlene and Terry.... except for Lafayette. </li>
<li>Poor Sam's girlfriend's kid, not knowing if you'll be a were or a shifter.</li>
<li>Oh we're back to the dream are we?</li>
<li>Oh for fuck's sake, I don't watch True Blood for "I love them both" Twilight shit.</li>
<li>Yeah... that was unneeded rubbish. </li>
<li>Oh dear, Debbie's back on the V. </li>
<li>Please let Debbie not go crazy again. </li>
<li>So, ghost lady is gone now, what a fully pointless arc that was.</li>
<li>Hang on.... Debbie is helping Sookie break into the Witch lair to rescue Eric? Yeah....</li>
<li>Tara, how stupid can you get?</li>
<li>What a happy little vampire conference.</li>
<li>Hoyt, stop being a douche.</li>
<li>Oh Troll-Tommy, you're gonna get yourself killed. As Sam. You dumbass.</li>
<li>On a special note, Sam Trammel is very good at copy Tommy's mannerisms.</li>
<li>Remarkable self restraint, Jason.</li>
<li>Or not so much....</li>
<li>How can an entire episode just feel like filler?</li>
</ul><b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
I actually don't have it in me to rant any more about this show. Nothing feels like it's going anywhere, it's not a plot, it's just shit happening. Every episode just seems like more and more filler until they get to the last episode where some of the plot might pop it's head up. <br />
<br />
Season 3 was great and exciting, the end of each episode made you crave for the next one because interesting things were happening from all sides. This is just dull. I understand that actors want more stuff to do with their characters, but the show is supposed to be about Sookie and she's getting less and less screen time in each episode. <br />
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What bearing did the creepy doll, ghost lady, dead baby, Lafayette possessed have on the series? None, nada, zip, zilch, the big goose egg. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF5aLTzYzpP8CbchiM9QovEVYbICkJuYvzEmTOTIamjI4m6cK0FUZjqaOvB502vMDaVogmHrz4T1lBFja_cnphdKqDgRflDTpgZVcz7HaNFgaLMV5LM_ErEhHrfbtyohFF5xefiUSA_e8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-22-13h58m26s76.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF5aLTzYzpP8CbchiM9QovEVYbICkJuYvzEmTOTIamjI4m6cK0FUZjqaOvB502vMDaVogmHrz4T1lBFja_cnphdKqDgRflDTpgZVcz7HaNFgaLMV5LM_ErEhHrfbtyohFF5xefiUSA_e8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-22-13h58m26s76.png" width="320" /></a></div>This is a screencap from the promo for next week's episode, the last time we saw that weird tattoey thing, it was to do with Jesus. Why is stuff to do with Jesus making it into the promos? The promos should be Sookie, Eric, Bill, Villain, with allowances for Sam, Tara, Jason, Lafayette then if there's any time left, secondary villains and anything involving Pam, Andy, Terry, Arlene, Jessica, Hoyt. (Unless they were involved in major plot points, in which case they get bumped up the list.) Small characters like Ginger, Jesus, Nan Flannegan, Kevin, Kenya, Bud, Holly, Maxine, Portia, should never be included in the promo unless they are in a scene which plays into the main plot. I know the main plot disappeared some episodes back, but you only get 30 seconds to promote a 1 hour show and if you've got to put minor side characters into those 30 seconds, you're doing something wrong.<br />
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<b>Good Stuff</b>:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Sam Trammel's acting, can't fault it.</li>
<li>Nan Flannegan was hilarious.</li>
<li>Tara was actually in the plot this week, if you can call it that and not moaning about how much vampires fucked up her life and she actually executed some common sense.</li>
<li>Arlene and Terry.</li>
</ul><b>Bad Stuff</b>:<br />
<br />
<ul><li> The kidnap baby story line</li>
<li>The possessed Lafayette story line</li>
<li>The Shreveport wolf pack leader is a bit of a douche story line</li>
<li>The Sam and girlfriend go camping with child story line</li>
<li>That goddamn stupid dream sequence.</li>
<li>Andy still being on V - bored now.</li>
<li>The Jessica/Jason/Hoyt storyline. Hoyt, the sweetest, nicest guy in the world, becomes an asshole so the audience won't hate Jason for sleeping with Jessica. </li>
</ul>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-37093177303761541322011-08-18T09:01:00.000-07:002011-08-18T09:01:16.420-07:00Sorority Row - Kill the College Kids SeasonSorority Row is a 2009 remake of the movie <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_House_on_Sorority_Row" title="The House on Sorority Row">The House on Sorority Row</a></i><i>, </i>it stars Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. It did moderately well in the box office, but received mixed critical reviews. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><i><br />
</i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiELte37TjPEZ6017Cb_ZlEjFyseI3d34e79S0XdByrogB67Y0SfWC4sjAPMwefHkf8t9qRluwstVa-2XwPQ5Do78utnNPeYObgZrWKmBbAklPMGNgRkCGLpPmloVirYFZUggt3ZvI1U/s1600/Sorority_Row_21.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiELte37TjPEZ6017Cb_ZlEjFyseI3d34e79S0XdByrogB67Y0SfWC4sjAPMwefHkf8t9qRluwstVa-2XwPQ5Do78utnNPeYObgZrWKmBbAklPMGNgRkCGLpPmloVirYFZUggt3ZvI1U/s320/Sorority_Row_21.jpg" width="215" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>For the first entry for, Kill the College Kids, season, I thought it would be apt to cover a film based around a sorority as that was my initial idea. I think this is going to work out as a great season, thanks to the many suggestions I've got thanks to friends over at <a href="http://www.italianfilmreview.com/">Italian Film Review</a> and those should be coming up soon. So without further ado, I think I better get started.<br />
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Our opening shot is of a house, we hear the sound of glass smashing as the camera closes in and we see that a party is happening inside the house as the camera zooms in and music starts playing.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbEYbVnAl3cDqNLCJ-uO9MfHsfsyyLzIK9bRj9PXbIQQuDrasWjW390pTnalBK7vcv678aNxBknILp5GeYhT09XJuIcf2-HLe0BVli5vBP3LSju5Sk5R31EdGk4ay3-xmP_c3ryPoqFRY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-17-23h38m12s165.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbEYbVnAl3cDqNLCJ-uO9MfHsfsyyLzIK9bRj9PXbIQQuDrasWjW390pTnalBK7vcv678aNxBknILp5GeYhT09XJuIcf2-HLe0BVli5vBP3LSju5Sk5R31EdGk4ay3-xmP_c3ryPoqFRY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-17-23h38m12s165.png" width="320" /></a></div>Four girls have a pillow fight on a trampoline, some other girls are drawing on a very thin girl's stomach and circling parts which they think are fat. A girl hands a guy a drink and asks if he thinks the hazing thing has gone too far, to which he replied "absolutely not" whilst some more girls do a synchronised dance in not very many clothes. The camera moves around the party showing more party goers, a girl throws a beer over a guy, then we travel into a kitchen where <strike>Princess Leia</strike>, Carrie Fisher is making herself a drink, sadly she's not wearing her bikini. <br />
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Two guys burst into the kitchen and she sends them out,then we travel upstairs to where a group of senior girls are gathered having a drink to kick off their final year. They take turns in telling each other why they love each other, which are all kind of bitchy reasons, then they toast their house, Theta Pi and have their drink. The real reason for this scene is to give all the characters their names in a very easy way.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilM0Fnp_ky3jdZtPLWXr3aJrYZfOnRov84T5SCMlTxx08PtNcWhbq3iTIY2RIXKbPt8occtu35FARxPtHvk4fTaupv8DlYByOjQoC7d4pwZLOA1UEBiz-dwceJbpaU8LALt4uHy6i1xmM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-17-23h49m18s174.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilM0Fnp_ky3jdZtPLWXr3aJrYZfOnRov84T5SCMlTxx08PtNcWhbq3iTIY2RIXKbPt8occtu35FARxPtHvk4fTaupv8DlYByOjQoC7d4pwZLOA1UEBiz-dwceJbpaU8LALt4uHy6i1xmM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-17-23h49m18s174.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(From left to right) Claire, Ellie, Cass, Chugs, Jess</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Or, as we'll be calling them, Asian, Redhead, Brunette, Blonde and Bitch, because those are the character types the movie has already given them. Brunette asks where "Megan" is and Bitch says that she forgot and tells Blonde to get her laptop so she can show them a future youtube classic. <br />
<br />
They open a laptop to show that Megan is on a streaming webcam, making out with a guy called Garrett who is Blonde's brother. The girls speculate over whether or not Megan has had breast surgery, then Brunette asks why Megan isn't moving, Blonde says she slipped her something (implied to be rufies), because allowing your brother to rape your friend is just the way that real women act!<br />
<br />
They see that Megan throws up on the webcam and they run to her room, where Garrett is panicking, they give him keys and tell him to get the car as soon as he leaves the room it is revealed that this is a prank set up by Bitch and Blonde, and Megan is actually fine. Brunette asks why they are pranking Garrett when he is Blonde's brother, and it turns out he cheated on Megan and rushed a fraternity whose motto is, "We'll try any Pi". Blonde also points out he willingly gave a girl pills he thought were rufies and therefore isn't all that innocent. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7qn-_Lfwmw7HEjJuLJiN6_MVoGrT7W5JEz2e6aCkUJz4q0p4F9A9AMrOcRRT7IIKyd5EvVBGKDIcc5AgPhyphenhyphenmzSOC6JoZ4qT2UlJz1-UzHBaQoNNHSc2y_giAT9ivxy21O8OE2qVAxL44/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h05m36s222.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7qn-_Lfwmw7HEjJuLJiN6_MVoGrT7W5JEz2e6aCkUJz4q0p4F9A9AMrOcRRT7IIKyd5EvVBGKDIcc5AgPhyphenhyphenmzSOC6JoZ4qT2UlJz1-UzHBaQoNNHSc2y_giAT9ivxy21O8OE2qVAxL44/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h05m36s222.png" width="320" /></a></div>Everyone piles into a car and Megan and the girls struggle not to laugh as Garrett freaks out and they pretend that Megan has gone cold and is dead, while Asian is driving and pretends she's made a wrong turn on the way to the hospital. <br />
<br />
They head into a mine quarry and tell Garrett they'll take care of this, he wants to phone the police and tells them they had nothing to do with it, so they tell him that because Bitch gave him the drugs that it would mean their sorority would be suspended. Garrett tries calling the police, but gets no signal, Bitch tells him they can make it all go away. <br />
<br />
Bitch tells Garrett to get a blanket from the back and the camera mysteriously watches the girls from behind some junk, implying that someone there is witnessing the events. Bitch tells everyone to spread out to find sharp rocks to dismember the body with, whilst Megan gets out her phone and starts recording a video, laying her phone on the ground. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaPD718M8yXeCJJf7hC1blLUEI51QJZ_6LjOL-nLRDwJw3wi4FWSGXMqZsBaad2Cy182mNfTGM9YwSdPsPRLyWxjdBNF7OoJVTQ9ngvese5Ior6ft4rPAySBFLst7Ce3W2VUL7C2VBx1w/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h13m50s50.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaPD718M8yXeCJJf7hC1blLUEI51QJZ_6LjOL-nLRDwJw3wi4FWSGXMqZsBaad2Cy182mNfTGM9YwSdPsPRLyWxjdBNF7OoJVTQ9ngvese5Ior6ft4rPAySBFLst7Ce3W2VUL7C2VBx1w/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h13m50s50.png" width="320" /></a></div>With no one watching Garrett, he takes a tyre iron from the back of the car and drives it through Megan's chest. Megan opens her eyes and gargles as blood spews everywhere, I call bullshit on him being able to actually drive that blunt object through her breastplate, but whatever. The girls panic and run around Megan as Megan lies on the floor, dying slowly. They try to call 911 and begin trying to perform CPR, but Megan dies. <br />
<br />
Brunette tells Blonde to get into the car and drive until they can get a phone signal, but Bitch points out that Megan is dead and couldn't be more dead. The girls begin crying and Bitch says that they're all responsible for Megan's death and will need lawyers, even though Garrett was the one who killed her, it was just as much their fault. Blonde says that she won't let her brother go to jail over a prank and they should just dump the body where they are because no one knows they are there. <br />
<br />
Bitch says that they shouldn't destroy the lives of their families over what they've done, so she's changed her mind pretty quickly. Brunette says that Bitch doesn't care about their families and she's only trying to cover her own arse. Bitch says that they should think about their sorority, Brunette says that all Bitch is thinking about is her boyfriend who's the son of a politician. Bitch thinks they should vote on what to do, Brunette is disgusted by Bitch's behaviour. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrL3qgqjv6FmzRU8Oc0OvhGADqInCWtKX3lTWA6J2J3dFFGO5RRNyZyIOnPFA44mlF6ioplxOcJ-0YrA4VEf25-pq2FhrZNoJX_kF6Kf-aPgF6rNJKGbLEn1WANzQRlAXTuVZXucnRkXw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h24m46s209.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrL3qgqjv6FmzRU8Oc0OvhGADqInCWtKX3lTWA6J2J3dFFGO5RRNyZyIOnPFA44mlF6ioplxOcJ-0YrA4VEf25-pq2FhrZNoJX_kF6Kf-aPgF6rNJKGbLEn1WANzQRlAXTuVZXucnRkXw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h24m46s209.png" width="320" /></a></div>Bitch says that if she was lying on the ground, she would not want them to throw away their lives over something that could not be changed. Bitch decides that they're going to dump the body in the mine, Brunette refuses to go along with the cover up as Bitch starts telling them to get their story straight and she starts to walk away, but Garrett tells her that she will say what they tell her to say. <br />
<br />
Brunette asks Garrett if he's going to kill her too and he lets her go, Blonde wants to stop Brunette from walking away, but Bitch says they've got to dump the body first. They carrying it over to the mine shaft and push it inside, Brunette returns and asks what they've done with Megan and Bitch tells her that they put her in the mine shaft, wrapped in Brunette's blood covered coat.<br />
<br />
Bitch says that they won't tell anyone what Brunette did, Blonde adds that they won't say anything about Brunette killing Megan with a tyre iron, Asian adds that they are sisters and will protect her. These three are bitches and deserve to be the first. Bitch throws the tyre iron into the mine shaft and then they all go to the lake to wash the blood off. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS4NNdB-I7xu4cG-0LGw5Qlm83pi_KGbJ6j8CsAtSt-zt_ugDUxC2FXToKJwvvxTDBWFYhseKl4YMiymgmPT8Ior0sEa-1olkvQ5nMg0x3SiFUmLs76tac8SAqXB-5kkJTWUho5R4O0z0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h33m14s168.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS4NNdB-I7xu4cG-0LGw5Qlm83pi_KGbJ6j8CsAtSt-zt_ugDUxC2FXToKJwvvxTDBWFYhseKl4YMiymgmPT8Ior0sEa-1olkvQ5nMg0x3SiFUmLs76tac8SAqXB-5kkJTWUho5R4O0z0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h33m14s168.png" width="320" /></a></div>And about that phone and the video on it they didn't delete? And the computer with the streaming webcam? Just call the police, Brunette, there's enough evidence to prove you didn't do it, including Garrett and Bitch's fingerprints on the tyre iron.<br />
<br />
8 months later, it's graduation, everyone celebrates, Blonde pops open a bottle of champagne and gives some to Redhead to drink, who shares it with Asian and Bitch. They smile at Brunette who walks away, it's clear they've not been close. There's a luncheon happening which Brunette wants to skip, her boyfriend, Andy tells her to, but her mother is a Theta Pi and she wants to see the house.<br />
<br />
Andy tells her that tomorrow they will be at his parents house, but Brunette is unhappy because they can't share a bed and wants to stay in a hotel instead. Andy asks what happened between Brunette and her sisters, because they aren't close any more, but Brunette doesn't want to talk about it, so she distracts him with sex.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG6AV8KiNJb9NOtJBvjNV8GkKZHtiPfsuDi7gDKmoVdMaVTy4iofhEyO_Wt1VoFMBoGyrwzhpNw1pf10FCFaQkUF7Y0gu09z67pv-M91IQbA0L-R2qts4Cy7y1pMBffD6vi4jpyYDPIic/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h45m49s26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG6AV8KiNJb9NOtJBvjNV8GkKZHtiPfsuDi7gDKmoVdMaVTy4iofhEyO_Wt1VoFMBoGyrwzhpNw1pf10FCFaQkUF7Y0gu09z67pv-M91IQbA0L-R2qts4Cy7y1pMBffD6vi4jpyYDPIic/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h45m49s26.png" width="320" /></a></div>At the luncheon event, Bitch greets Brunettes parents, Brunette asks Redhead where Blonde is, Blonde is apparently "helping" with freshman orientation, which means trying to have sex with a random guy. The random guy tells Blonde that she tastes of vomit and refuses her advances when she acts too gross for him. <br />
<br />
Outside, Bitch gives a speech about their time at Theta Pi, pointing out one girl who has been in college for five years instead of four, she continues to talk and Brunette notices something strange in the crowd. Bitch mentions that they still hope their "missing" sister Megan will return one day, Blonde sees something strange in the crowd as well ans Redhead screams and drops her glass, causing the crowd to gasp. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vs8o2QqAetLNPX9lZIKXj9sYhzL_YrP9P24CavK8TiwkAJwfvDF_qdIS2sROiZVCDvpyENoNAkQCbUIzCp-LG8u_7ys0qi4tiUUatQymiQAceCdczw4s_zUzId_StxoqwnXSF4IaRLo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h52m05s217.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vs8o2QqAetLNPX9lZIKXj9sYhzL_YrP9P24CavK8TiwkAJwfvDF_qdIS2sROiZVCDvpyENoNAkQCbUIzCp-LG8u_7ys0qi4tiUUatQymiQAceCdczw4s_zUzId_StxoqwnXSF4IaRLo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-00h52m05s217.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hi, I'm Megan's identical twin sister, plot convenience, but you can call me Maggie"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bitch chastises Redhead for freaking out and not playing it cool as she knew that Megan had a sister, but apparently, not everyone else did. Maggie, Megan's sister comes into the kitchen where the girls are and apologises to Redhead for scaring her. Maggie is Megan's much younger sister and met them all when she was 15, she's decided she's coming to their college the next year and will be rushing Theta Pi.<br />
<br />
Brunette asks Maggie how her parents are, she says that they found it too hard to come that day, but she wanted some closure on her sister. Redhead runs out, announcing she's going to be sick, Bitch invites Maggie to come to their party tonight, then she says that would break the house rules about recruiting, so she muscles Maggie out of the door and says that she will ensure Maggie gets into Theta Pi. <br />
<br />
Two guys come into the kitchen after Maggie leaves, these are Bitch and Asian's boyfriends, Blonde says she has to go see her shrink to get some prescription drugs and Bitch asks the two guys to get some decorations from the basement. As they leave, Redhead's phone buzzes, then all of the girls phones go off and they all receive a picture message.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3rwiqPP2QQlp_75RHVB7K-n0_DnptXeRwiIYI5rQ6x4drkMqSKEtSVOO06969GMN163baeKZO2baMVBpPE5pod0hvQEhkBjX63pMm2qkiLJNZaVq9rdMDOZPA5FG4ctrKY4z2PxbgZRo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h09m12s247.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3rwiqPP2QQlp_75RHVB7K-n0_DnptXeRwiIYI5rQ6x4drkMqSKEtSVOO06969GMN163baeKZO2baMVBpPE5pod0hvQEhkBjX63pMm2qkiLJNZaVq9rdMDOZPA5FG4ctrKY4z2PxbgZRo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h09m12s247.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Really? All at the same time? On a Motorola Razor as well? Wish my phone worked that well.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They all look at the picture of the tyre iron and Blonde says it's probably a bad joke from Garrett, she says that he developed a weird sense of humour since the accident. Bitch tells everyone to delete the message, Redhead returns and Bitch asks her to be in charge of the cleaning up, Redhead says she will if Brunette helps, but Brunette says she's not coming. Bitch starts having a go at her about how it will look. <br />
<br />
Brunette goes upstairs where renovations are going on, to call her boyfriend Andy, who invites her to come to Europe with him and she tells him that on the way to his parents house she has a lot to tell him. She also says that she's been sucked into the party at the sorority house and asks if he'll come with her for the beginning. He says he will and she thanks him and they hang up. <br />
<br />
In a meeting room, Carrie Fisher gathers the girls to give them a talk, she says that although she won't be there to supervise their last party, she hopes they will show the house respect and not completely trash the place. She tells the girls that for every one boy she might have thrown out of the house, there were at least five she knew about, but didn't do anything about. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHKnNWAtanDeBZEPK-crVy-PQp2Sd1ukdXggZvPZ5USd_Ugf-bioNACcZPSYDe9AlhtEP-9SPZXcZHiGkXb0adikCoeKmGNBKPeSirfSVmt5GkJmJt38FKeIlXJyAUYU3c5d09zt1U94/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h17m45s1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHKnNWAtanDeBZEPK-crVy-PQp2Sd1ukdXggZvPZ5USd_Ugf-bioNACcZPSYDe9AlhtEP-9SPZXcZHiGkXb0adikCoeKmGNBKPeSirfSVmt5GkJmJt38FKeIlXJyAUYU3c5d09zt1U94/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h17m45s1.png" width="320" /></a></div>Carrie Fisher hands each girl a box, each containing a silver bracelet with 22 links, one link to represent each graduating girl from Theta Pi. Bitch laughs at the bracelet and throws it back in the box, saying she won't be wearing hers. Carrie tells them that when they wear the bracelet, it will remind them of the bonds of sisterhood. <br />
<br />
Carrie bids them goodbye, Bitch, Blonde and Asian throw their bracelets onto the desk, whilst Brunette and Redhead put theirs on. Theta Pi sets about sets about setting up for the party, Asian sits a the hot tub and pours a bottle of bubble bath in and invites her boyfriend to join her. <br />
<br />
Blonde arrives at her shrinks place and helps herself to a drink and wanders about looking for her shrink, she wanders into the bedroom where her shrink is handcuffed to the bed. He tells her his last session ended abruptly and if she wants to continue, he has lots of sample prescriptions with no place to go. She goes to the bathroom to freshen up, he spots something and the music playing in the background suddenly stops. We hear a scraping sound and something black passing the door frame. The shrink reaches for the keys to the cuffs and manages to undo himself, as he stands, however, a figure cloaked in black throws the tyre iron at him.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzk1COt0rtlGuFlCyQs19nHlmLwChwPGjFa6y3hcCY9V3_-9qf_gC1CLaLauzuAG5DqzHokfQPny0NQb63l3P2O4uVjXJQwnHCW5Vm-tT2LNsxxM2eAZeb84N3U9WiHB2h8OPEeJ0xXQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h26m57s147.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzk1COt0rtlGuFlCyQs19nHlmLwChwPGjFa6y3hcCY9V3_-9qf_gC1CLaLauzuAG5DqzHokfQPny0NQb63l3P2O4uVjXJQwnHCW5Vm-tT2LNsxxM2eAZeb84N3U9WiHB2h8OPEeJ0xXQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h26m57s147.png" width="320" /></a></div>In the bathroom, Blonde makes a call to Bitch and tell her she's going to be late getting to the party and opens the medicine cabinet to steal whatever drugs she likes. She goes back into the bedroom, noticing that the doctor is gone, she fails to see a pool of CG blood on the floor. <br />
<br />
Bored she walks through the house and lays down on the couch, taking another swig from the bottle of alcohol she took from the kitchen. In a hilarious jump scare moment, the killer shoves the bottle down her throat.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho-A9p-OH_S0JR8D79TYYizE0_9jTwvBHB6mq1AbeW4YYyhFtKv7CJF1fWdYQuZe1JTMog5J1DbS0F9Dm0pX1KOu7aH8hYmeBNS-KMuTHUbSeEKK9-PTmb3Ixxhmi3YJRrDcmlbTt3m9E/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h31m42s164.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho-A9p-OH_S0JR8D79TYYizE0_9jTwvBHB6mq1AbeW4YYyhFtKv7CJF1fWdYQuZe1JTMog5J1DbS0F9Dm0pX1KOu7aH8hYmeBNS-KMuTHUbSeEKK9-PTmb3Ixxhmi3YJRrDcmlbTt3m9E/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h31m42s164.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Halfway in</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQGgp9fZ2LvMgV5Gob7aHOSyG_qKyOFrnodYKRA9KrPZdQWr1B7Yq0Rd-WsjsPndw0UedvZg7SacOgV_2W06Zid9tFaysTn3CcqYOsACTsHlKDdtCGVG_sgqPnKbvRfgQqfSQERJnEas/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h34m29s44.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQGgp9fZ2LvMgV5Gob7aHOSyG_qKyOFrnodYKRA9KrPZdQWr1B7Yq0Rd-WsjsPndw0UedvZg7SacOgV_2W06Zid9tFaysTn3CcqYOsACTsHlKDdtCGVG_sgqPnKbvRfgQqfSQERJnEas/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h34m29s44.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mostly out</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNQmRPHGvfnNEOBbosf0rNGBSUAw676g8rhs6c3KAB-dHUzqEe5Fut8KTEhic0VbMMZfjOTPGdZ2Xp2h7Lj5Hz5R_H9HfU-_7RpPvAJK7rFIusdqwVFOUdBIBDMg8FtSw2UXKZvNPbMfY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h34m15s82.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNQmRPHGvfnNEOBbosf0rNGBSUAw676g8rhs6c3KAB-dHUzqEe5Fut8KTEhic0VbMMZfjOTPGdZ2Xp2h7Lj5Hz5R_H9HfU-_7RpPvAJK7rFIusdqwVFOUdBIBDMg8FtSw2UXKZvNPbMfY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h34m15s82.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All in</td></tr>
</tbody></table>This changes somewhat between shots. The killer slashes her throat with the tyre iron, then we return to the Theta Pi party where girls are adding more bubbles to the hot tub. <br />
<br />
We then go to Bitch who is preparing to meet her boyfriend's father in a restaurant. Bitch asks her where boyfriend Kyle is, his father says he won't be coming as it will give them chance to talk. He tells her she's a spirited girl, though he didn't mean that as a compliment. He tells her that he doesn't like surprises and he doesn't want her to surprise him. Kyle arrives, then we cut back to the party. Where Asian tells her boyfriend off for looking up girls skirts. Redhead takes a box to the basement, Brunette tells Bitch that she's worried about Redhead, Bitch says she doesn't care as she doesn't need Redhead to write her term papers for her any more and says she's going for a shower.<br />
<br />
Asian is already in the shower, the water turns off and a girl<br />
bursts into Asian's shower, she tells her that waxing isn't just for floors any more. Because real women look at each others pubic hair in the shower and judge them accordingly! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPIs-KvYDLE28EWr6AN2XFXRlOzVwHNYknUMrSeEh0_mgy9J2ecYhS8PoG0FtysD3sKOn7KT18CsiQmdz5UbFTvoXbdL9k8_LB0rlp1tEBNmI1H9C4M_M_epOgx8fy4vstUfXgCvgDkr8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h45m30s4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPIs-KvYDLE28EWr6AN2XFXRlOzVwHNYknUMrSeEh0_mgy9J2ecYhS8PoG0FtysD3sKOn7KT18CsiQmdz5UbFTvoXbdL9k8_LB0rlp1tEBNmI1H9C4M_M_epOgx8fy4vstUfXgCvgDkr8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h45m30s4.png" width="320" /></a></div>Bitch comes in and tells the girl that this is the senior bathroom and only for seniors. She asks if she has to start checking stalls again and a girl in another cubicle pulls the curtain across and swears under her breath. Bitch tells the girl to leave, but to drop her towel. The girl, who is quite the bitch herself says, "if you wanted to see perfect tits, all you had to do was ask." Because real women speak like this! By perfect I wonder if she meant, "obvious breast implants." She drops her towel and walks out.<br />
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Asian tells Bitch that she keeps thinking about the text, Bitch tells her that Garrett is a little bitch and keeps saying that they "made him kill Megan", which the girl in the shower cubicle hears. Bitch walks out, Asian follows after, the girl in the cubicle is almost caught as she knocks over a bottle of shampoo, but she catches it. <br />
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The water in the showers starts turning on one by one and the girl calls out, then slowly reaches out for her towel. Question, how would the killer, if it is the killer, which let's face it, it probably is, know that the girl was in the showers? That would mean that the killer would have had to have been watching the showers since before Asian came in to know the girl was in there, but it's implied the water in the showers can be turned off elsewhere, so where exactly would the killer be? <br />
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The girl steps out of the shower and begins walking slowly along the cubicles, she keeps hearing noises and calling out to whomever is there. Then she is grabbed by the killer and shoved into a shower cubicle, where she is killed.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnXfyKG4C0fZrjcQXuJOjkr95qgR1w3tkbhl0zqRCE4grBV4qZRXrCEZCQOiQqCw6xcb96uGmuVoyCuFqJ_66gRJHP9CXzxhiIT6twCuBe7H9r4SyV1aFCTLMD5PQ3SEmV50fCJY0QSak/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h54m16s140.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnXfyKG4C0fZrjcQXuJOjkr95qgR1w3tkbhl0zqRCE4grBV4qZRXrCEZCQOiQqCw6xcb96uGmuVoyCuFqJ_66gRJHP9CXzxhiIT6twCuBe7H9r4SyV1aFCTLMD5PQ3SEmV50fCJY0QSak/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-01h54m16s140.png" width="320" /></a></div>Actually, the killer stabs her through the underside of her chin and it goes into her mouth, I actually doubt that would kill her, it would hurt like fuck, don't get me wrong, but I doubt it would actually kill her. <br />
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Redhead is in the basement and someone shouts to her to look for more vodka, she looks all around and we see someone run past the camera and of course, Redhead's torch goes dead so she uses her phones light. She finds a light bulb and pulls the cord, allowing her to see that Brunette's blood covered and beaten coat, the one that went down the well, is hanging up in front of her. <br />
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Redhead is scared by a guy coming in, I think it might be Kyle, but the guys in this movie so far have been pretty interchangeable so I have no idea. Redhead goes upstairs the girls gather and talk about the situation, Redhead is completely freaked out, Bitch tells them all to relax, Asian says that it's a prank. Brunette tells Redhead that they all got a text earlier that they weren't going to tell her about. Asian asks where Blonde is, Bitch says she'll be there when the party starts, but Asian points out that the party has already started. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgpwzvBb2ndjW5IRdhEbkWuMZ6W6friPcK8pdEkzqR9WOe8Scy-DSqZb_aJGQCW9xg5R2i6Sy4efBrkb88ryGuJiwie53b3yQm7f81fqlQIRHAKY1CRdJ_go3VV1_HmJLWuzJ6IqeWbs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-02h03m30s50.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgpwzvBb2ndjW5IRdhEbkWuMZ6W6friPcK8pdEkzqR9WOe8Scy-DSqZb_aJGQCW9xg5R2i6Sy4efBrkb88ryGuJiwie53b3yQm7f81fqlQIRHAKY1CRdJ_go3VV1_HmJLWuzJ6IqeWbs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-02h03m30s50.png" width="320" /></a></div>Bitch says that this isn't a problem because it's Garrett and he's harmless, he's just lost it and their main worry is that he might blab. Brunette thinks they should call the police, but Bitch says they should just let Blonde deal with her brother. Bitch tells Redhead to hide the coat and that they all have to go to the party. <br />
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Outside the party, we see Frat guys arriving, wearing the black cloaks that we saw the killer wearing, the party is huge, there are easily a few hundred people there. We see a hooded figure heading through the crowd, but it's a girl, she strips off the cloak, revealing she's got no clothes on. <br />
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Brunette checks her phone and an app shows her that her boyfriend is less than 50 feet away, that's a nice stalkery app you've got there, Brunette, I'm sure that won't be a plot point later in the movie. Brunette's boyfriend joins her and she says that they can leave soon. Asian dances with her boyfriend, but she tells him off for grinding against her, he says he could get any girl, so she tears off her necklace, with his ring attached and throws it at him. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHdlChRq_hU8JXOEuRz7x9z3lWVT_YxWRiigLDv2sOKmPxw4ijALfkPMDA7hLEzBkPLPnwSF67dcvj1DzDg3nZxFUABqYcNNLz2i2M6lIohsSsv5ir7vVOpLhuEaJT7Dn5WXndXP-P4cI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h03m43s88.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHdlChRq_hU8JXOEuRz7x9z3lWVT_YxWRiigLDv2sOKmPxw4ijALfkPMDA7hLEzBkPLPnwSF67dcvj1DzDg3nZxFUABqYcNNLz2i2M6lIohsSsv5ir7vVOpLhuEaJT7Dn5WXndXP-P4cI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h03m43s88.png" width="320" /></a></div>Later, Asian's boyfriend sees Redhead sitting alone outside, she's not wearing her glasses so she's now considered attractive. He goes over and starts hitting on her, telling her that he and Asian have broken up, he feels her leg and tells her he likes the plait in her hair. She whispers in his ear that if he touches her again, she'll kill him and walks away. <br />
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He spots two girls trying to sneak into the party, which requires wrist bands, he offers to give them wrist bands if they show him their breasts. The girls are disgusted and look about 12, but agree to it, they duck under a part of the renovation work, which is covered with a cloth, but something walks past outside, so the soon-to-be-dead boyfriend goes to investigate. <br />
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The killer stares at the ex boyfriend and he tells the killer to get lost, the two girls come out and say they're going to pass, because the boyfriend is creepy and not very hot. Redhead sees this from a window upstairs, when the boyfriend turns around, the killer is gone. He sees Redhead in the window and shouts to not tell Asian. <br />
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Upstairs in a bedroom, Asian is talking to Brunette, she says she sorry for the whole blackmail thing and they should have gone to the cops. Brunette says that there's nothing they can do about that now and they have to stick together to get through the night. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3CZp49f30ipIrsIAJPFiuRtxNRoWMm1E9rZHV1cxERNFyMWI9lZlug_B9UOpbkAtfzJLEHlUV3C0Umc9pmpjLhkmwrcuugQvMgkyQteFJqePpBfKDKqPc8I3qH_hkJRuKrKBdYOHxZg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h12m38s67.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3CZp49f30ipIrsIAJPFiuRtxNRoWMm1E9rZHV1cxERNFyMWI9lZlug_B9UOpbkAtfzJLEHlUV3C0Umc9pmpjLhkmwrcuugQvMgkyQteFJqePpBfKDKqPc8I3qH_hkJRuKrKBdYOHxZg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h12m38s67.png" width="320" /></a></div>The boyfriend searches around the rooms in the process of renovation, looking for Redhead, he walks into a room covered in dust sheets and says that if she comes out, he'll apologise for being a jerk and they can make out. He pulls dust sheet off a piece of furniture and the killer hits him in the leg with a plank of wood, which is somehow strong enough to not only break his leg, but make the bone come out the other side. Ok, it's a big piece of wood, but he's hit sideways, come on, movie!<br />
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The boyfriend crawls across the floor and tries to shout for help through the window, but the drunk guys below are too wasted to hear him so he climbs into a dumb waiter. The killer walks slowly and casually around the room, while he does this and throws the tyre iron at the wall which goes through, but misses the boyfriend. The killer then turns the tyre iron to the knife attachment goes into the wall and into the boyfriends throat, killing him. <br />
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Redhead has seen all of this from a hidden position in the room, but says nothing. In their room, Brunette and Asian hear a scream and go to investigate, downstairs the party is in full swing, Bitch approaches Kyle and sees Redhead screaming and running down the stairs. They all go into the kitchen to see what is wrong with Redhead.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbt6WgCvYQfa94B-MiC6SGN-WyvppX33Eq9Bn8FeyrlHv99UEbtRZWEW1tXmlR7yMrpD_NZpDoMFhD6MNV5CSjoCahxaUyUT7HXZCXBe5yniNP1NKip6ZaHO2xQMfqDD3_hfz_uVb6G8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h23m25s114.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbt6WgCvYQfa94B-MiC6SGN-WyvppX33Eq9Bn8FeyrlHv99UEbtRZWEW1tXmlR7yMrpD_NZpDoMFhD6MNV5CSjoCahxaUyUT7HXZCXBe5yniNP1NKip6ZaHO2xQMfqDD3_hfz_uVb6G8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h23m25s114.png" width="320" /></a></div>Redhead can barely speak and Bitch has a go at her, Redhead manages to get out that she saw someone in a hooded graduation down, so Bitch has another go at her. Bitch grabs her by the arm and drags her out of the room, saying if she can't tell them, she has to show them. Asian waits outside the renovation area with Redhead whilst Bitch and Brunette go in, Bitch calls Brunette a bitch, which I find hilarious.<br />
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They come across the body of Asian's boyfriend, which Bitch recognises by the shoes, so they decide that with a body in the house the obvious thing to do is to call the police. Gotcha there for a moment, didn't I? So, Bitch notices that the tyre iron has been pimped out and they both get messages at the same time. It's the video recorded on the night of Megan's death. <br />
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They get a text through from Megan's phone saying that they know where they killed her and to go there or the footage gets sent to the police in twenty minutes. They hear Redhead scream and Bitch tells Brunette to gather the girls whilst she goes and gets something, Brunette informs Asian her boyfriend's dead and that they have to go. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFdgCbBrwwzPkRdkYFgpAbe111WYuLghPldotd4enhfSBa9a4EFSeAQwuPdzOT79jG2mbKfRzFkTyf-w1Faj9-JR3e2DtGy9mqjvNka-zSXsJAT6klW68Nqtgdft8FTVcYURA2P5qk-PQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h32m16s73.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFdgCbBrwwzPkRdkYFgpAbe111WYuLghPldotd4enhfSBa9a4EFSeAQwuPdzOT79jG2mbKfRzFkTyf-w1Faj9-JR3e2DtGy9mqjvNka-zSXsJAT6klW68Nqtgdft8FTVcYURA2P5qk-PQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h32m16s73.png" width="320" /></a></div>Brunette's boyfriend is waiting outside and the movie gets credit for a genuinely funny moment, when a drunk guy approaches him, asking if he knows him and the boyfriend is all, "well, I'm the valedictorian... from graduation... today?" and the guy is like, "nope." <br />
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Brunette comes along and tells her boyfriend to do her a favour and go drive to his parents house and she'll meet him there. He wants to stay and wait so they can drive together, but she begs him to go so he agrees. Bitch pulls up in the car and starts beeping it, with Asian and Redhead in the back both crying, Brunette gets in the front and they set off. Brunette asks the others if any of them have any kind of weapon, like a knife or mace, but no one has. <br />
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Bitch then slams the breaks on the car as a girl is just stood in the middle of the road, which is Maggie. Bitch gets out of the car and goes and asks Maggie what she's doing there, Maggie asks where they are going. Bitch says that they told her not to come, Maggie says she's checked and it's not against the rules to so she came, Bitch says that they told her not to come so she should have stayed away. Maggies asks why she should listen to a lying bitch, she also tells Bitch that Megan hated her. Bitch says she'll deal with Maggie later, Maggie tells her she should deal with her terrible hair first. Bitch's hair is pretty much perfect, so it's not great as insults go. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj__PJelshGVXYh19AjDeoCMHIGQ3ICC8N294FLvPXxt-s_fw00Gx79WI0EtMcNy4g8jlDKYzagu4hvnO3Y8U8YvKYMiJu61fVt3d3hBHmFv_NqDqHt2Qo5opyqrMadSINH09zM94-PUM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h42m15s180.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj__PJelshGVXYh19AjDeoCMHIGQ3ICC8N294FLvPXxt-s_fw00Gx79WI0EtMcNy4g8jlDKYzagu4hvnO3Y8U8YvKYMiJu61fVt3d3hBHmFv_NqDqHt2Qo5opyqrMadSINH09zM94-PUM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-03h42m15s180.png" width="320" /></a></div>The girls car arrives at the mine. I'm pretty sure that I've guessed who the killer is at this point, as the killer is usually the least suspicious person, who the movie tries really hard to make you think it couldn't possibly be them. Can you tell who it is yet? Ah, I won't spoil it just yet. <br />
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Brunette gets a flare gun out of the back of the car, Asian cries and asks if they have any light so Bitch turns the on the headlights of the car, revealing Garrett stood in front of them. His hands are covered in blood and he is holding the bloody coat, they ask whose blood it is and he says it's his and Bitch runs him over with the car. She backs up and then runs him over again.<br />
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Brunette goes to inspect Garrett and they see that the blood came from his wrists as he tried to kill himself. Brunette checks his phone and sees that he got the same message that they did from Megan's phone. They decide the only way to find out is to check the mine shaft. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoUdgfAUW0_i0p0se8sD0j6-d0TY4y2IcowOI6nGroNZxFaDPVLtMFIKoCzbb16N3gCRvbJatcvTOPG1y5N6aZK0Aj0_w6xbPHsKeEkI5zA7qoN08ICZowFB7K2FJYv2id4pt-Q84dXgc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-13h52m02s203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoUdgfAUW0_i0p0se8sD0j6-d0TY4y2IcowOI6nGroNZxFaDPVLtMFIKoCzbb16N3gCRvbJatcvTOPG1y5N6aZK0Aj0_w6xbPHsKeEkI5zA7qoN08ICZowFB7K2FJYv2id4pt-Q84dXgc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-13h52m02s203.png" width="320" /></a></div>They lower Brunette into the mine shaft with a chain, but halfway down one of the links break and she falls about 10 or 15 feet. Brunette is ok though, aside from several rats being down there. She uses the light on her phone and finds the blanket down the shaft, but not Megan's body, she also finds the words, "Theat Pi must die" written on the wall in blood.<br />
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The girls return to the sorority house and discover everyone is gone, they run into a girl who tells them everyone went to an after party at another sorority house and the hot tub has overheated and is making strange sounds. Brunette tries calling Blonde, but gets no answer. <br />
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Bitch says that she's going to get her boyfriend and her stuff, then getting out, Asian decides to turn off the hot tub and takes the flare gun with her. Bitch enters the house which still has loud music playing, Asian fights her way through the bubbles and finds the cord for the hot tub and starts following it through the bubbles. Bitch finds a couple making out and pours beer on them to get them to leave. Brunette checks her stalker ap and sees that her boyfriend is 83 miles away.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0JRJ38Yj9aEk1EPtslJAyauS60lJ5t9IjUQT2Tt_zFOEem3HbqPoxO1223xl_Ocbbt4Y-5ohiFqMGxLihrs-6l7SaSVumn_7-I0jHfrGP1mdqIhCDTe-CBdeCNnAmPbhhVuplsJl3aQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-13h59m56s96.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0JRJ38Yj9aEk1EPtslJAyauS60lJ5t9IjUQT2Tt_zFOEem3HbqPoxO1223xl_Ocbbt4Y-5ohiFqMGxLihrs-6l7SaSVumn_7-I0jHfrGP1mdqIhCDTe-CBdeCNnAmPbhhVuplsJl3aQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-13h59m56s96.png" width="320" /></a></div>Brunette comforts Redhead who is freaked out still, Bitch turns off the music and they all get a text from Blonde, saying that she's dead. Asian attacks the window, trying to get in as the killer is chasing her, but they can't get the window open in time and she is yanked into the bubbles by a cord tied around her foot. We see glimpses of her popping up, Brunette manages to get the window open and grabs a cane which is near by and runs into the bubbles to see a flare start to burn.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDRF8_FsJht_3S_8MqvYszG731n1_5fyUGm0D3YoQG7kIHAuwBqyF4jvAAgn2IAqv55G5a-CHoNMwUhotj65P8r5gFUyUs79X8nXwjxVw17FY71dAUbGZWKDcwn-mDRQrysnCsCdCvBbk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h04m20s143.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDRF8_FsJht_3S_8MqvYszG731n1_5fyUGm0D3YoQG7kIHAuwBqyF4jvAAgn2IAqv55G5a-CHoNMwUhotj65P8r5gFUyUs79X8nXwjxVw17FY71dAUbGZWKDcwn-mDRQrysnCsCdCvBbk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h04m20s143.png" width="320" /></a></div>With Asian dead, Brunette runs back to the house and they lock the doors, Bitch runs about the house looking for Kyle. She goes to her room and finds Maggie half clothed in her bed, Maggie tells Bitch that she knows she slept with Megan's boyfriend (really, movie? Bitch slept with Garrett?) Bitch grabs Maggie by the hair and yanks her out of her bed and the girl start to fight, tumbling into the hallway, but Brunette and Redhead arrive, stopping them. <br />
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Bitch grabs an axe from the emergency fire thing as they hear a scraping sound and as Bitch goes to throw the axe around the corner, Carrie Fisher butts her in the face with a shotgun, breaking her nose. Bitch shouts that it's her and to stop attacking, Carrie says she knows and she's had that coming for four years, she knows what she did. Bitch says, "you know we killed Megan?" Carrie says, "killed Megan? I was talking about trashing my house." <br />
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Maggie starts to attack Bitch, but Carrie fires her shotgun in the air and tells them to talk, Brunette says that it was an accident and they will explain everything later, but right now, Asian and her boyfriend are dead, Blonde is dead and they don't know if Megan is alive or not. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1IwBmoqc_tbNDe_hpIGneU4krDlfDSGRDunmZeakqAzUpZjHC2acRxIOmI0xwwO1_LWiR2JR1LM_2isRiYHAkm0SZ72ZV70Y_-y-zMZpgoD_w-hJ2qvlbzW15Zdc0qJnWzQUNoYsrWo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h13m50s214.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1IwBmoqc_tbNDe_hpIGneU4krDlfDSGRDunmZeakqAzUpZjHC2acRxIOmI0xwwO1_LWiR2JR1LM_2isRiYHAkm0SZ72ZV70Y_-y-zMZpgoD_w-hJ2qvlbzW15Zdc0qJnWzQUNoYsrWo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h13m50s214.png" width="320" /></a></div>Maggie asks what they mean and Brunette says that they aren't sure is Megan is dead or alive, Carrie asks if there's anyone else in the house, Bitch says Kyle is there. Bitch then reveals that she told him about Megan and Redhead also told someone about it, Brunette is angry as she's the only one who kept the secret. Carrie asks where Kyle is and Bitch looks at Maggie, Maggie says he left as soon as he heard Bitch coming. Carrie says that whoever it is, is about to get two rounds to the face, so she tells them to lock themselves in Bitch's room and call the police.<br />
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The girls go into the bedroom and no one knows where their phones are, they hear the shotgun fire and Maggie goes out to see if Megan is really there and if she got shot. Carrie goes into the kitchen and the killer is hiding in the corner, she fires wildly and tells the killer she isn't afraid of him as she runs a house with fifty crazy bitches. <br />
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Bitch says they should run for it, Brunette says they should find a phone, Brunette and Bitch leave the room and Brunette tells Redhead to run if she gets a chance. Maggie walks through the house, calling out for Megan. The killer throws the tyre iron at Carrie, but it misses and lands in the table, Carrie's out of shot gun bullets so he shoves the table into her, causing one of the tyre iron gizmos to stab her a little bit. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlwxKYKMQCbmQR3Ga4C7QbLDaVcskxPEhPNQ0DnaHYPy4yrq3TXT1wJSX9CiRgGHtPrUzaVzivfv4PiJkNI9epQu_v7Kk5_xEBKJwTf5uvcbD_nti6IB0ybG4maUhkj8INkKeji1UxBKo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h55m40s221.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlwxKYKMQCbmQR3Ga4C7QbLDaVcskxPEhPNQ0DnaHYPy4yrq3TXT1wJSX9CiRgGHtPrUzaVzivfv4PiJkNI9epQu_v7Kk5_xEBKJwTf5uvcbD_nti6IB0ybG4maUhkj8INkKeji1UxBKo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-14h55m40s221.png" width="320" /></a></div>She tells him to stay away from her girls and then dies as the killer leaves the kitchen. Maggie sees the killer in the doorway and asks if it's Megan, the killer lights a Molotov cocktail and throws it at Maggie, engulfing the doorway in flames as it misses her. <br />
<br />
Redhead turns out the lights in the room and hides behind clothes in the wardrobe, though her legs are completely in view. Brunette and Bitch are scared as they enter a room as Kyle appears behind them, he says he heard Bitch calling and heard gunshots, Brunette asks why Kyle is wearing a graduation gown and no pants, Bitch starts arguing with Kyle because he fucked Maggie. He throws Bitch to the ground and tells her to put the axe down or he'll hurt her. <br />
<br />
Brunette grabs the phone out of Asian's Boyfriends pocket and his body slides down the dumb waiter chute. Kyle grabs Brunette and pins her to the floor, to stop her from using the phone, he tells Brunette that Bitch is power hungry and only thinks of herself. Bitch hits Kyle with the axe and tells him that she's faithful to him as long as he keeps his dick in his pants. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv2099P4E6naDZoTiJuJjLGL2sSJB5xDpnmtoW6nLkilteEK0Kv9pC8ZiHa_EqtcZM-ruOmObqVHwpUtBQsTQ8Y3uPSmkPR2EqwqnKwbTj7X1GUySt6QhO_fHfdU9E8zBHWO6I4ZdMEqA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h15m13s194.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv2099P4E6naDZoTiJuJjLGL2sSJB5xDpnmtoW6nLkilteEK0Kv9pC8ZiHa_EqtcZM-ruOmObqVHwpUtBQsTQ8Y3uPSmkPR2EqwqnKwbTj7X1GUySt6QhO_fHfdU9E8zBHWO6I4ZdMEqA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h15m13s194.png" width="320" /></a></div>Kyle grabs the axe from Bitch as Brunette runs out of the room, Kyle mocks bitch, but Brunette returns and hits him in the face with a fire extinguisher, before grabbing Bitch and running out of the room. Have you guessed who the killer is yet? Brunette and Bitch try to leave via a window, but it's blocked by scaffolding, then they realise the house is on fire. <br />
<br />
Kyle starts wandering through the house, looking for them, he hears Bitch's phone go off so the girls hide in a bathroom and discover that Megan's corpse is hanging up inside. Bitch remarks that she looks terrible. Ok, movie, that was funny.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLLdEpdPSm0DMXgVpN052atsLy0vDcLnHsomQNKWjcdfy6K8ZdeFmxVjPhOdUgpcuhgRkQZyk7RlX1NEIyBKx0YSIwkz5anRYzRW8J_7LNpwgSqXgdqKPU_dm7jjViZASFMYSqx_MHVRg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h18m14s196.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLLdEpdPSm0DMXgVpN052atsLy0vDcLnHsomQNKWjcdfy6K8ZdeFmxVjPhOdUgpcuhgRkQZyk7RlX1NEIyBKx0YSIwkz5anRYzRW8J_7LNpwgSqXgdqKPU_dm7jjViZASFMYSqx_MHVRg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h18m14s196.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So Megan isn't looking too good at this point</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Kyle comes into the room, Bitch listens at the door and says to Brunette that she's starting to think Kyle isn't marriage material. Make the character funny at <i>this</i> point, movie, not earlier, we wouldn't want a character to actually have layers too early, would we?<br />
<br />
Kyle shoves the axe handle through the door, narrowly missing Bitch, then he starts chopping the door down, but his axe gets stuck in the door frame, allowing Brunette to run past, but Kyle grabs her and pins her to the wall, telling her that he's not going to let his father take the fall for this and they aren't leaving until they come up with a story. <br />
<br />
Kyle gets axed in the back of the head by Andy, Brunette's boyfriend, who appears out of nowhere. Brunette hugs Andy, who says he's there because he knew she was in trouble, he says he'll always save her. Bitch appears in the doorway and sees that Kyle is dead and that Andy is carrying a bag which has the tyre iron sticking out of it. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-dS1zyo8hPHcdO-qGG6gkgmt80SLQ0xnB3StgRx955ulpAixX9d6p8yit4LTM_FrRlG8gGZPWHTZ_hliPyEOvLcW_c3ZfFAb-MhC5DsFcnGuGwhg1RUJV0VErL2X-1WKQfb-_5Bpt_0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h34m18s88.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-dS1zyo8hPHcdO-qGG6gkgmt80SLQ0xnB3StgRx955ulpAixX9d6p8yit4LTM_FrRlG8gGZPWHTZ_hliPyEOvLcW_c3ZfFAb-MhC5DsFcnGuGwhg1RUJV0VErL2X-1WKQfb-_5Bpt_0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h34m18s88.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Huzzah! The killer is revealed! Did you see it coming?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Brunette sees it too and pushes Andy away, Bitch says it's ok, it's fixable and Andy can count on them to keep their mouths shut. So Andy kills Bitch.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilj5ZOFrBQBQa4oh1NVPx1FWIgdik25nZEDQ8d6FcmkwDO5SG7-Wmu4NzoxrIsXd6uhsOQux6QR7OlabgZD5FWYg2b6OqvOYHQRbn1YtAqRkfMHotTgQgl-QV80Wzik1NpIWMUXma0Btc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h35m33s53.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilj5ZOFrBQBQa4oh1NVPx1FWIgdik25nZEDQ8d6FcmkwDO5SG7-Wmu4NzoxrIsXd6uhsOQux6QR7OlabgZD5FWYg2b6OqvOYHQRbn1YtAqRkfMHotTgQgl-QV80Wzik1NpIWMUXma0Btc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h35m33s53.png" width="320" /></a></div>Andy says Bitch needs to learn to keep her mouth shut, Andy tells Brunette that Redhead told him everything and her friends are horrible people. Andy jovially tells Brunette that everyone who was told about Megan had to die, so he could protect Brunette. He assumed that Asian told her boyfriend, but even if she didn't the guy was a dick and therefore he deserved to die. <br />
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He says he deserves credit for not killing Garrett, as Garrett would probably kill himself anyway and he tells Brunette he's feeling under appreciated for everything he's done for her. He asks her if she wants to be dealing with the possibility of someone talking about it for the rest of her life, he tells her that reputation comes from the company you keep and the company she keeps are bitches. <br />
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Brunette tells him she wants to go along with his plan, so Andy grabs his tyre iron and says they've got to kill Redhead, but then they can go to his parents house for some much deserved R&R, he suggests that they kill Redhead together because they don't do enough stuff together. Brunette says she's with him on everything, but doesn't want to kill Redhead, Andy says they have to because she's the weakest link and the one which told him.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHv9wq1aVXDJEWQg1A8E1HP5dUxQX2tDbc7PF2uyaQsVpEEuV-9dcfS_4X6aHe3rWpUkIvBvZfgG86AuSFufuoR3nTK5545MupVNpRqDQv2V-IU07XmAzeROtmpx4OsiGkvU7HednA36w/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h44m29s87.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHv9wq1aVXDJEWQg1A8E1HP5dUxQX2tDbc7PF2uyaQsVpEEuV-9dcfS_4X6aHe3rWpUkIvBvZfgG86AuSFufuoR3nTK5545MupVNpRqDQv2V-IU07XmAzeROtmpx4OsiGkvU7HednA36w/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h44m29s87.png" width="320" /></a></div>Brunette tells Andy that they have to get out because the house is burning down, but Andy tells her to go wait for him outside and he'll take care of Redhead. He tells Brunette to call for Redhead, then he kisses her, she tells him that she told Redhead to meet her in the basement and he runs off for her. <br />
<br />
Brunette runs upstairs and grabs Redhead, telling her they have to get out of there, Andy appears and tells her she's ungrateful because he's done everything to give her back her life. Brunette tells Redhead to run and Brunette runs into a bedroom, Andy pins her to a wall and tries to kill her, Brunette grabs a lamp and hits him over the head with it. <br />
<br />
Andy falls to the floor and Brunette asks why his phone came up 80 miles away, he says he put it on a bus, then Brunette hits him over the head with a lamp again. Brunette goes downstairs, then she hears screaming from Maggie who is trapped by the fire, she tells Maggie to jump over the fire, in an area where it is narrow. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoaZa19bUvwpJGKpQq662dNZXHgNkiYQW7x2XZd6S444KCMmZNvx0xYp9ovvPNiEf7iY5m6ieOZumFt1DXhHtWVIXPft_AJNuEKwwFDc_6a_NmhMqIakixHJYC1lgEBxldDsf0qVxGwkI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h50m27s83.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoaZa19bUvwpJGKpQq662dNZXHgNkiYQW7x2XZd6S444KCMmZNvx0xYp9ovvPNiEf7iY5m6ieOZumFt1DXhHtWVIXPft_AJNuEKwwFDc_6a_NmhMqIakixHJYC1lgEBxldDsf0qVxGwkI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-15h50m27s83.png" width="320" /></a></div>Andy appears and attaches a rope to the tyre iron and throws it at Maggie, but it misses and he is able to pull it back, both Maggie and Brunette beg him to stop, but he's having far too much fun. Andy's tyre iron gets caught in the floor and Brunette throws a chair at him, as he ducks, distracted, she moves and then hits him a lamp. <br />
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Andy isn't down for long as he stands up and begins to attack Brunette with the lamp. The floor caves under Brunette's feet and she falls, but her bracelet catches on a floor board and she manages to keep her upper body through the hole. She begs Andy for help, but he won't help her and taunts Brunette, he bends over to kill her, but as he's about to strike, Redhead appears in the doorway with Carrie's shotgun and shoots him in the chest.<br />
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It doesn't quite kill him, but the floor he's laying on gives way to the fire and he falls into the fire below. Redhead tells Maggie to wrap herself in the curtain and then cross the fire, they then help Brunette out of the hole as the house burns and the girls manage to escape. Fire engines arrive to put out the fires. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKxZ8dtZHa8cfj-hA5gHMTKA8GLvmamkf2ZCX21P4v_EaboKtm43MCpxIOfgzcuRP4u7LPJTz_HApK01FdTa9YHpeR8p4ucw6Ffik4-ExrYpQRZ4Euzh9AIEI4rqSNc7AMTFauNSbMvO4/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-16h05m47s66.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKxZ8dtZHa8cfj-hA5gHMTKA8GLvmamkf2ZCX21P4v_EaboKtm43MCpxIOfgzcuRP4u7LPJTz_HApK01FdTa9YHpeR8p4ucw6Ffik4-ExrYpQRZ4Euzh9AIEI4rqSNc7AMTFauNSbMvO4/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-18-16h05m47s66.png" width="320" /></a></div>15 months later it's rush week and Maggie is now a Theta Pi as the house has been rebuilt, we see a gardener watching the Theta's celebrate their house being rebuilt and see a scar on his wrist, implying it to be Garrett. End of Movie.<br />
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<b>Summary</b>: <br />
<br />
It's not a great movie, if you're having a whodunnit slasher night it would probably make a decent addition. The acting is ok and the effects are decent, but the plot is terribly stupid. There are so many points in the movie where things could have been avoided if the characters had chosen to be responsible. <br />
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If Brunette had told them to pull the plug on the prank at the house, if she'd have gone to Carrie Fisher and told her the prank they were pulling, hell, if she'd just not got into the car with them then she wouldn't have been involved, wouldn't have known what happened and Andy wouldn't have killed all of her friends because there would have been no need. If she had just taken Megan's phone and gone to the police, they would have been able to tell that she didn't murder Megan and Redhead would have told the police that the others were lying and the police could tell that from evidence. If Brunette had discussed it with her boyfriend, she would have been able to see his crazy coming from a mile away and be able to do something about it. <br />
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So I wouldn't totally condemn the movie, but it is a bit crap. You can tell who the killer is just because the movie makes a thing about it not possibly at all being him and makes everyone else look suspicious. The characters are just cut out's and no one is really likeable except for Carrie Fisher and then the Bitch character, but only towards the end. <br />
<br />
I'm a bit worried that out of all of the girls killed in the movie, Blonde, Bitch, Asian and Shower girl all had something rammed into their mouths violently. Also an alarming amount of women in this movie are called bitches the three character types they fall into are bitch, slut and shy girl. I think the director may have issues. <br />
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There are several unanswered questions like, why did Andy take both the coat and Megan's body out of the mine shaft when he didn't directly use them to scare the girls? How did Garrett get the coat when Brunette was supposed to hide it in the sorority house? How did Garrett get to the mine, with the coat, <i>before them</i>, without a car? How the hell did they get Brunette out of the mine shaft when the chain snapped?<br />
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I'd probably watch it if it was on the tell and nothing else was on, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it again.<br />
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<b>6 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-21239321738574970152011-08-16T11:43:00.000-07:002011-08-16T11:43:43.323-07:00Anouncement - it's Kill the College Kids Season!This may sound like a terrible vague sub-genre, but I shall elaborate. I had hoped to do a Fraternity/Sorority them, but when I was looking up movies that fell into that category, I had seen most of them and it left me with a list of about two movies. So I opened up the search a little and looked at other movies which mentioned Frats/Sororities, based on college kids and again I had seen most of them.<br />
<br />
However, I figured that having a theme based about killing college kids has got to count, so that's what I settled on. I have a list of about 6 movies, I'm aware that one or perhaps two of them don't actually take place at a college, but supposedly make a thing about these being college kids, so what the hell. I've seen a lot of horror movies, it's hard finding ones which will fit into a particular sub-genre that I haven't actually seen. <br />
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We'll see how many I end up with at the end of it, sometimes I managed to find other movies to add to the list, sometimes I discover the copy I have is unwatchable or is in Korean with no subtitles or is in fact the completely wrong movie.Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-11699596986054629772011-08-16T11:13:00.000-07:002011-08-16T11:13:02.278-07:00Hoodwinked Too: Hood VS Evil - ReviewHoodwinked Too: Hood vs Evil, aka Hoodwinked 2, is the sequel to the 2005, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoodwinked">Hoodwinked!</a> A movie which I saw on dvd and eagerly awaited the sequel, as non-disney, non-pixar, <i>good</i> animated films are hard to come by these days.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review </b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi1GHKlgSDpN4Dx58KdY-JqStD4jMIoO6t3jjHTwU9t0cdMxQPb9twzB7DuZgRfv7hks5NsMpni6FigNnr9SN5c5xreFeHFYk6ig1s5zp3c6VfW9U6p4GT8gn3z7jtFbRhZw1Ea_Gb-74/s1600/Hoodwinked-Too-Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi1GHKlgSDpN4Dx58KdY-JqStD4jMIoO6t3jjHTwU9t0cdMxQPb9twzB7DuZgRfv7hks5NsMpni6FigNnr9SN5c5xreFeHFYk6ig1s5zp3c6VfW9U6p4GT8gn3z7jtFbRhZw1Ea_Gb-74/s320/Hoodwinked-Too-Image.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>I was really disappointed that despite checking quite often, I'd totally missed the movie and felt worse when I discovered it poorly both at the box office and critically. So will the sequel be bad? I hope not. The first movie was brilliantly funny and had some moments I had to watch over and over because they were so good. If you haven't seen Hoodwinked, then I recommend you get yourself a copy and watch it before reading this review as no doubt it will contain spoilers for the first film (which is also a mystery.)<br />
<br />
The cast credits play out over a plain black screen and it looks like most of the cast have returned (except for Anne Hathaway, but seriously, who cares about her?). The title comes up and then it superimposes over a leather bound story book, which opens and we hear the voice of Nicky Flippers (<i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Ogden_Stiers" title="David Ogden Stiers">David Ogden Stiers</a></i>) giving a recap on the characters and events of the first movie. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGFWBorD44mARpMdI_RwDOjWT02bGdiANyCEogNvjvz3yabAtdVrI1lZG0EArck6ml75J71WERYOZttKyhoZhJidlyiMhHaalCXIgPsqA0XfB36YxNbn9Sq3pTPoXw78pNQPzb9dheJU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-15-23h56m16s35.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHGFWBorD44mARpMdI_RwDOjWT02bGdiANyCEogNvjvz3yabAtdVrI1lZG0EArck6ml75J71WERYOZttKyhoZhJidlyiMhHaalCXIgPsqA0XfB36YxNbn9Sq3pTPoXw78pNQPzb9dheJU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-15-23h56m16s35.png" width="320" /></a></div>Nicky Flippers explains that the team he put together at the end of the first movie has been in a bit of disarray since Red took a leave of absence to train with 'The Sisters of the Hood' as they were just on the verge of a terrible threat. The camera travels through the story book forest as Nicky flippers says it all started the night they got an anonymous tip that two children were being held at a gingerbread house by a witch with a wicked appetite. <br />
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<br />
We see the gingerbread house and the silhouette of the supposed witch in the window laughing, this turns into a heat signature and we are inside a HEA (Nicky's secret organisation) van and they are ready to move in on the house. A number of HEA members (all forest animals) jump around, hiding behind trees and we see Granny, (Glenn Close) calling in as Alpha leader.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCNZ6-a2996UY14pI6UehefAQfEbREpILuPqDpNr1ZP56BeSvZf2o5r4Ajqs0_AK6hd99cCdh1k-nKHdstn4NiA2QtVGfIjZbp3G73hecxDwgzRk5f9WP8RHvZo2vaM8ApOLJlvuqbuk8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h01m45s197.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCNZ6-a2996UY14pI6UehefAQfEbREpILuPqDpNr1ZP56BeSvZf2o5r4Ajqs0_AK6hd99cCdh1k-nKHdstn4NiA2QtVGfIjZbp3G73hecxDwgzRk5f9WP8RHvZo2vaM8ApOLJlvuqbuk8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h01m45s197.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Granny's awesome</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Wolf (Patrick Warburton) appears, grumbling about Red not turning up, Granny reminds him that Red's on assignment, Wolf mutters that he's supposed to be at the DMV, but he showed up. Granny says that she knows Wolf misses Red, but they have a job to do and the kids inside the house are about to become baked goods. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7zQ695kbnEoE3ssx8SjqoavCNPTCWjLEuGKy_hay1xUyDGW9xuQOdjWZ2cVXCU6VU72XddI0GqTgc8eqnhyt1wUTM-iFtAvVHGC8W2mNqfTTFNZ92Mf6PDnX5-mhs1g8JNaqCoSFj3CI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h06m18s91.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7zQ695kbnEoE3ssx8SjqoavCNPTCWjLEuGKy_hay1xUyDGW9xuQOdjWZ2cVXCU6VU72XddI0GqTgc8eqnhyt1wUTM-iFtAvVHGC8W2mNqfTTFNZ92Mf6PDnX5-mhs1g8JNaqCoSFj3CI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h06m18s91.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The not-so Big Bad Wolf</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Wolf gets on the radio and asks Nicky where Red is, Nicky also reminds Wolf that Red is on secret assignment, though Wolf asks what kind of secret training and asks for some, then Nicky sends some feedback through the radio to get Wolf off the line.<br />
<br />
Granny uses some special binoculars to see inside the house and sees the witch sprinkling salt on the two children sat in a pie dish. Wolf says that now Red has gone he has to step up, and has brought out the big guns, one of the agents inside the HEA van hears this and then panics as he sees something climbing up the side of the house. Granny uses her binoculars and sees that it's Twitchy the squirrel. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQbir_zIM5G_lDpvjFt9rjbi9b8-T4u1gJOKqB4EQQZ0X9ykYeMALDaVkaFWZcwhDG-X8G2zSLZkER0J8G4W3WSFk0bUeaQZm3SuIMTYy_CmytO7Vh_teooe-CKnxdKPBvzLlUU8kz65c/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h13m34s170.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQbir_zIM5G_lDpvjFt9rjbi9b8-T4u1gJOKqB4EQQZ0X9ykYeMALDaVkaFWZcwhDG-X8G2zSLZkER0J8G4W3WSFk0bUeaQZm3SuIMTYy_CmytO7Vh_teooe-CKnxdKPBvzLlUU8kz65c/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h13m34s170.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You have no idea how much I had to slow the movie down by to get a shot of Twitchy not moving</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Wolf puts on a fake beard and starts walking towards the house, ignoring Granny's pleas to stop. Nicky asks Twitchy what he's doing up there, but he can't understand Twitchy's fast paced response and asks the agent to translate it for him. The agent in the van remarks that he thinks the "fan is about to hit the doody."<br />
<br />
Twitchy's translator says he's about to go in, Nicky warns him not to proceed, but Twitchy doesn't listen. Twitchy drops down the chimney, hearing the two children say that they didn't mean to trespass and they were only looking for goodies. Twitchy knocks off a small piece of stone and the witch hears this and goes to investigate, reaching into the fireplace, she almost touches Twitchy, but the doorbell rings and she goes to answer it. <br />
<br />
Wolf shouts from behind the door that he's a building inspector, here to see a list of ingredients and permits, which allows Twitchy to drop down from the fireplace. Twitchy runs over to the two children, who introduce themselves as Hansel and Gretal and they say he must hurry as the witch will eat them all.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZvR3FPk0cah0Avh6fFs9eTgJd2aEUm4pQpZecOtUDEdJ706OvWkYL7qsl7e2PPXB4kYfYPjfo7sP536CeKnAdgX0IQQ62HxJdJ1qQxkAE6sibZKFCFXstc_9Na8dw9WORDwPvOcPO5UU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h27m54s70.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZvR3FPk0cah0Avh6fFs9eTgJd2aEUm4pQpZecOtUDEdJ706OvWkYL7qsl7e2PPXB4kYfYPjfo7sP536CeKnAdgX0IQQ62HxJdJ1qQxkAE6sibZKFCFXstc_9Na8dw9WORDwPvOcPO5UU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h27m54s70.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She's behind you!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The witch scares Twitchy, which Nicky hears and orders everyone to move in, the agents rush forward and fire gas grenades at the house, then eat the door as it's made of chocolate. Nicky chastises Wolf for ruining the operation, then the witch bursts through the window on a rocket powered broom. Nicky is furious and says they'll never catch her now, Twitchy jumps out of the window and says that the witch has taken the children.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghDVARI1KMzbFl_-GYsc_tOXEVmJ2kdJ1f3NsE7BcqrU0IQZEbSHzVUC-HaIkuyKzzUNaMFSJY6Aa3UqZDyIe5bNJyGBbHFgRyclvySYBgjUN_HouuSMTrXiyusilVUbJ6r6KPVMbEFnw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h43m14s123.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghDVARI1KMzbFl_-GYsc_tOXEVmJ2kdJ1f3NsE7BcqrU0IQZEbSHzVUC-HaIkuyKzzUNaMFSJY6Aa3UqZDyIe5bNJyGBbHFgRyclvySYBgjUN_HouuSMTrXiyusilVUbJ6r6KPVMbEFnw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h43m14s123.png" width="320" /></a></div>Granny rides in on a motorbike with a side car and Wolf and Twitchy jump in so they can pursue the witch, despite Nicky's attempts to stop them. Nicky tells the agents to get some back up in the air as the witch flies over head and the children shout for help. <br />
<br />
They close in on the witch and a helicopter joins them. realising that the witch is gaining height, Granny asks Wolf if he can handle a bike, the short answer is yes, I won't repeat every line of dialogue, but it's pretty hilarious. Granny jumps onto the back of the broom and grabs into the cage in which Hansel is being kept, then the witch slaps a pair of handcuffs onto Granny's wrist and laughs manically as she tells Granny she's got her.<br />
<br />
The bike crashes to the ground and Wolf tells Twitchy their ok as it rides through the trees and the helicopter pursues the witch. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Po54vdJJW5POleBEc9_ID58gnIDha8HTjNwT_2ZysL2SvXhtILXVZysK4n1p-p7pF7fQj5SEUlm5XoM8_pQQJUa5v6MXug-Vr6aAjcRChk5ypUc42D3KsRZwKMhtrwcQXAJQQLwJVfA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h55m22s148.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Po54vdJJW5POleBEc9_ID58gnIDha8HTjNwT_2ZysL2SvXhtILXVZysK4n1p-p7pF7fQj5SEUlm5XoM8_pQQJUa5v6MXug-Vr6aAjcRChk5ypUc42D3KsRZwKMhtrwcQXAJQQLwJVfA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-00h55m22s148.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*grins*</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I won't say what happens to the goat, because writing it out just wouldn't be as funny as watching it was, all I shall say is that he's ok, though I'm not sure about the beaver. On the rocket broom, Granny reads out the witches rights as she leads the helicopter into a field of windmills, the helicopter crashes into one, forcing Nicky and the agent inside to parachute out. <br />
<br />
Wolf however is not far behind the witch, unfortunately he passes them and then tells Twitchy to handle the bike, Twitchy protests as he cannot reach the peddles, but Wolf launches himself out and crashes into a windmill. Twitchy crashes the bike into a bail of hay, the witch passes the windmill Wolf is on and he jumps and grabs Granny, despite her warnings that it's a trap. Granny tells Wolf to get Red and Wolf loses his grip on Granny and drops onto a hay bail.<br />
<br />
Wolf looks sadly into the sky as the witch flies off and remarks that it's all his fault and it wouldn't have happened if Red were there. He looks into the sky and the camera travels through the clouds, leading us to Red on a wooden bridge. She is carrying a basket filled with goodies and hears loud footsteps in front of her and an ogre comes into view.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgODjXXwr7U8BVQLBFIMSIeQr0wi-xT4GOsBrM4zyl7dUbRCPCPKOcNHmaLikbtBIaBWdEvC9R9R4wd-piLS36mDZAfrZCXxXDb2NFrAPudE5zoe4Zkryz_xINPkczgosAGDd_Okd-vyMA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h04m23s193.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgODjXXwr7U8BVQLBFIMSIeQr0wi-xT4GOsBrM4zyl7dUbRCPCPKOcNHmaLikbtBIaBWdEvC9R9R4wd-piLS36mDZAfrZCXxXDb2NFrAPudE5zoe4Zkryz_xINPkczgosAGDd_Okd-vyMA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h04m23s193.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's somewhat tall</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The ogre tells her she's not delivering anything across his bridge and they get into a fight, but Red lands on a broken plank and loses her basket over the side of the bridge. She uses a rope and bungees off the side and manages to defy the laws of gravity to retrieve the basket (why am I questioning gravity in a film with a hyperactive talking squirrel?) She flings herself back over the bridge and passes the ogre, as she runs off he shouts that her Granny would never run away from a fight and Red stops and turns, then returns to beat up the ogre, causing her basket to drop off the bridge again.<br />
<br />
A woman comes out of a building on the other side of the bridge and says that the test is over and the delivery is incomplete. We see inside the secret temple of the sisters of the hood and we see many women, all wearing hoods in a variety of colours, training in various forms of fighting techniques. Red's teacher tells her that she came with much to prove, but her task was to deliver the basket and she shouldn't have got into a fight needlessly after the end was so near, she says that a sister of the hood finds her own path and her desire to please her Granny shouldn't rule her. Also they are running out of fighting instructors. <br />
<br />
Red gets a phone call from Nicky who tells her about Granny being kidnapped. Her instructor tells Red that when a sister graduates, their last test is the trial of the truffle and very few sisters ever successfully create the recipe and Granny was one of them.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyrGtBuVN-OBQiYCeV-C0QUOg4NTiJpYdw9svnB0yXD5T_RPVbVYQPu59AYpQkX2VsmrhqNj5iKGECrgiI747G06AqSaRz6ZheTCm6HLFjIbjMrrMRraLeyK8yL7EL1K2s6ooKCg9j5yo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h16m42s166.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyrGtBuVN-OBQiYCeV-C0QUOg4NTiJpYdw9svnB0yXD5T_RPVbVYQPu59AYpQkX2VsmrhqNj5iKGECrgiI747G06AqSaRz6ZheTCm6HLFjIbjMrrMRraLeyK8yL7EL1K2s6ooKCg9j5yo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h16m42s166.png" width="320" /></a></div>She tells Red that it's one of their closely guarded secrets and shows her the vault where the recipe for the truffle cake is kept. She tells Red that anyone who eats the truffle becomes great in strength and speed and thought and shows Red a box and opens it, but the recipe is gone.<br />
<br />
The sisters panic and realise that whoever took the recipe must be trying to complete the truffle and must be seeking the secret ingredient. A HEA helicopter arrives at the temple, Red asks what the secret ingredient is, they tell her that it is never written down or spoken of, but a true sister of the hood just knows. I'm gonna guess right now that it's either love or nutmeg. <br />
<br />
Red boards the helicopter to mount a rescue for Granny, the other sisters comment that she's still finding her true path and isn't ready for such a challenge yet on her own. Granny meanwhile has been tied to a chair at the witches castle. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhIO9PuVATpDBk1Wj14ANyMb2E4b4lmqw42FJPQ1n83KTNeN721Yg1v2woFs9HLLiCaTjfwbBACKZxOZuYZUN1T75U2eIo0ZwjT1mOXNUXmSSpWhy1fKGIQlaMtTcnA55vJ1TurfFILs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h23m37s57.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhIO9PuVATpDBk1Wj14ANyMb2E4b4lmqw42FJPQ1n83KTNeN721Yg1v2woFs9HLLiCaTjfwbBACKZxOZuYZUN1T75U2eIo0ZwjT1mOXNUXmSSpWhy1fKGIQlaMtTcnA55vJ1TurfFILs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h23m37s57.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm calling it now, the witch is either a costumed rival or a robot for either the bunny or Hansel and Gretal</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The witch tells Granny that they've met before and confirms that she's wearing a mask, she says that her friends will never find her and she might as well stay for dinner and points to an oven. Granny asks if the witch wants her to cook dinner for her, the witch says yes, she wants the truffle cake. Granny lies and says that she never learned to make it, but the witch knows she's lying and produces the recipe.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNKWVwgAnu5nPKRCcnfhqNQcuhqngy1cE60HaNYwfE8AF2j7T4tXrlIgWdNDUVwNlTVmVqqQ-hS801gVUmMeGPPBBzvO86FCN4qZf2qckDjqgZHTB0wQ8xFM3ZEmrVRDfJzrfn-ABteEE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h28m49s242.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNKWVwgAnu5nPKRCcnfhqNQcuhqngy1cE60HaNYwfE8AF2j7T4tXrlIgWdNDUVwNlTVmVqqQ-hS801gVUmMeGPPBBzvO86FCN4qZf2qckDjqgZHTB0wQ8xFM3ZEmrVRDfJzrfn-ABteEE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-01h28m49s242.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's a screencap should you wish to reproduce it for yourself. </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Granny refuses to cook up the truffle cake for the witch, so she turns on the television, showing Hansel and Gretal tied up together in a pot, who shout that the witch is getting ready to cook them, so Granny agrees to make the truffle. <br />
<br />
Back at HEA headquarters, Little Bo Peep and her sheep are working the computers, Wolf gets slapped by Bo after saying that her sheep are delicious and Red enters the room. Red blames Wolf for getting Granny kidnapped and Wolf blames Red for not being around and being on her secret training, Twitchy stays out of the argument as Nicky Flippers enters the room and tells Red that there's been a rash of robberies for the ingredients to make the truffle cake. <br />
<br />
Red says they need to hit the streets and find out who's hiring the muscle, Nicky says their intel indicates that it leads back to a guy who is called The Giant, who is a smuggler and also blogs about animated films. Wolf says that he needs to get a life. Hey! I'm on your side, movie! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibqUcfQgd853STh1ojw1FmZh08UNZcK4cvNcblAHI67lZrTRBF4qc4uUuq-CPEZT_U5vde6nDQJa48rBr8-KEslmbhGi788SJiiX_KbO0sLBpeX-HUWdBxsIDylWJUNIQR49SMonhZBvQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h03m11s158.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibqUcfQgd853STh1ojw1FmZh08UNZcK4cvNcblAHI67lZrTRBF4qc4uUuq-CPEZT_U5vde6nDQJa48rBr8-KEslmbhGi788SJiiX_KbO0sLBpeX-HUWdBxsIDylWJUNIQR49SMonhZBvQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h03m11s158.png" width="320" /></a></div>Nicky tells them that The Giant runs a bar called The Beanstalk Club and tells Red and Wolf he wants both of them to go down and check it out. Red and Wolf start arguing about having to work with each other, but Nicky tells them they both need bringing in line and sends them off to the big city in the HEA helicopter. <br />
<br />
As they walk through the streets, Red and Wolf get into another argument as Wolf wants to get some sight seeing done while they are there, but Red just wants to do things by the book, like Granny would. Twitchy finds a poster of Kirk the woodcutter who has hit the big time as a singer, he shows Red and Wolf, Wolf wants to catch the show, Red doesn't want. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwAc_EWuWg2u_8Qs9FxC29bQ1ycOHMiZd7cAPMTEdd_7y0HKgYSyzmYdpZUQ5GspVeom-RbiLAB_ufghJM74JRIxK7ZDqEIcuYtipuyFWzagJtxmaK-cGhVnitMcQbfjdg-MsRopkJlI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h13m32s239.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwAc_EWuWg2u_8Qs9FxC29bQ1ycOHMiZd7cAPMTEdd_7y0HKgYSyzmYdpZUQ5GspVeom-RbiLAB_ufghJM74JRIxK7ZDqEIcuYtipuyFWzagJtxmaK-cGhVnitMcQbfjdg-MsRopkJlI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h13m32s239.png" width="320" /></a></div>They arrive at a club to talk to Jimmy ten strings, a singing harp who is an informant of Granny's, Wolf wants to talk to the informant himself, but Red insists on doing it so Wolf heads to the bar whilst Red goes to talk to Jimmy. Jimmy says he'll do anything to help out Granny, but when he starts to explain about the stolen truffle ingredients, a rhino bouncer comes up behind Red and grabs her before Jimmy can say who they've been stealing the ingredients for. <br />
<br />
Red is sent upstairs on an escalator to see The Giant (<i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brad_Garrett" title="Brad Garrett">Brad Garrett</a></i>), Red asks The Giant about the witch, the giant feigns ignorance and tosses one of the rhino bouncers across the room with a sweep of his hand, causing the crowd to gasp. Red explains that she's a sister with a badge and threatens The Giant, who doesn't take kindly to that, luckily, Wolf comes in in one of his disguises and distracts The Giant. <br />
<br />
The Giant laughs as Wolf amuses him and he invites Wolf and Red to join him for some dinner, which allows Twitchy to go talk to Jimmy, whilst Red and Wolf distract The Giant. Twitchy steals the harp and Red and Wolf make their excuses to leave, The Giant notices and sends his rhino bouncers after them, but he throws his table at them, knocking his bouncers out of the window instead of Red and Wolf.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnqg7qvia4OYLkbHTp5X3zBZAZf9elYzie2NHvC40y6vtUzlVBthQedUm_MzwNjG7U9yWyH7QdM-rj7aCVM-qMeuNqSW9seMcw_YZlXNd9SocjyqZgqxJD5VL8ZOhqplY_jB88VvLLQfc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h24m14s9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnqg7qvia4OYLkbHTp5X3zBZAZf9elYzie2NHvC40y6vtUzlVBthQedUm_MzwNjG7U9yWyH7QdM-rj7aCVM-qMeuNqSW9seMcw_YZlXNd9SocjyqZgqxJD5VL8ZOhqplY_jB88VvLLQfc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h24m14s9.png" width="320" /></a></div>Red, Wolf, Twitchy and Jimmy start sliding down the beanstalk as the rhino bouncers and The Giant are chasing after them. Red asks Jimmy about who is ordering the stolen ingredients and Jimmy says that The Giant gets a call everyday from The Bunny, Wolf and Twitchy panic. The Giant lands in front of them as they are still sliding and Red tells Wolf and Twitchy to jump and Red jumps after them, allowing Jimmy to slide back towards The Giant, but as The Giant catches Jimmy, his rhino bouncers slide into him, knocking him off the beanstalk. (Don't worry, kids, The Giant, the rhino bouncers and Jimmy are fine.)<br />
<br />
Red uses her hood to catch the wind, floating herself, Wolf and Twitchy to safety. We then get a shot of London Bridge Asylum, the camera travels through the corridors and we see Boingo The Bunny inside a cell, yes it's a Silence of the Lambs reference, a cleaners passes behind them and it's obviously the witch.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF97Rx4VMCDHhbC6JQLrYLZ-jt0jU5uFIsklrJxQ4KXKPA3vcQBMO3zy9jPzcJsb8yTDX5tu4GCKORiBEYWJm-c3AwwEfxWSIgI47IVfGnWkkPTNX4qk_0WXsI_rNOlM2qD9HOQExkR-Q/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h33m59s223.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF97Rx4VMCDHhbC6JQLrYLZ-jt0jU5uFIsklrJxQ4KXKPA3vcQBMO3zy9jPzcJsb8yTDX5tu4GCKORiBEYWJm-c3AwwEfxWSIgI47IVfGnWkkPTNX4qk_0WXsI_rNOlM2qD9HOQExkR-Q/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h33m59s223.png" width="320" /></a></div>Boingo antagonises Wolf and Red and reveals that he knows about the witch and her plan to kidnap Granny and causes Red and Wolf to get into another argument which he enjoys into Red reaches into his cell and grabs his ear, pulling through the small hole in the glass. Red repeatedly pulls Boingo into the glass and Boingo says that he doesn't know where they are, the witch passes him notes and he puts the word out, Red asks where the notes are and Boingo tries to change the subject, but Twitchy spots where the notes are hidden. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBjJI4RS4CfHPgaiG6cr74XuHGVl0ODbXVvT_xwGSdVD7_xKWuMD4dXubals_tK5e1hhh1c4Yx5pbKqubZaQhZlvkTCxTGsftMD0QnYQS6Cn6_3GptumqK5foTnmA4Sv1XWhfsK5HiKpg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h51m48s148.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBjJI4RS4CfHPgaiG6cr74XuHGVl0ODbXVvT_xwGSdVD7_xKWuMD4dXubals_tK5e1hhh1c4Yx5pbKqubZaQhZlvkTCxTGsftMD0QnYQS6Cn6_3GptumqK5foTnmA4Sv1XWhfsK5HiKpg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-15h51m48s148.png" width="320" /></a></div>Twitchy grabs the book and shows it to Red, Red asks how the witch gets notes into the books and Boingo reveals that the witch was just there, confirming that the witch was indeed the cleaner. Red, Wolf and Twitchy run outside, but the witch takes off on her broom and flies into the sky, dropping a bucket on Twitchy and a piece of cloth. Red and Wolf get into another argument over whose fault it is. <br />
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Wolf decides to leave as his screw ups keep causing things to go wrong and he says that Red would be better working on her own, so he leaves with Twitchy. Red picks up the cloth and sees that is a tunic with the initials, D.C.T printed on the front. <br />
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We see Granny is hard at work, but her wooden spoon snaps and she complains to the witch that she can't possible make the truffle cake with broken spoons and cracked measuring jugs. Granny also says that the witch hasn't brought her the right amount of cocoa sticks, so the witch grumbles and leaves and Granny uses one of the sticks to pick the lock on her ankle cuff and grabs a spatula and a handful of flour.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilfdVV-BAaCK1w2FLvwns6YchpU5xWdvFpW8P5LOjSMgImz53PFJHuwjecfE8t8Fa0yPiB7n0H_71sHptb86-ykLsjJVp_lnd5IkdUsifb19c3RWsRHwrCdoNAfzFeaSBbdvN6fUY9Kk4/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-16h50m17s175.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilfdVV-BAaCK1w2FLvwns6YchpU5xWdvFpW8P5LOjSMgImz53PFJHuwjecfE8t8Fa0yPiB7n0H_71sHptb86-ykLsjJVp_lnd5IkdUsifb19c3RWsRHwrCdoNAfzFeaSBbdvN6fUY9Kk4/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-16h50m17s175.png" width="320" /></a></div>Granny uses the spatula and jimmies the door open, going into the corridor, she sees a life at the end and blows the flour, reavealing the corridor is filled with red lasers, she jumps through them and just as she reaches the lift, she sees a light coming from underneath a door. <br />
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She opens it and Hansel and Gretal are sat on a settee eating pies and cupcakes and watching the telly, Gretal tells Granny the exit is straight ahead, but traps Granny in a cage. The witch comes in and asks what Granny is doing in there and Hansel and Gretal start questioning the witch on how Granny escaped. (Totally saw it coming.)<br />
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Granny realises that Hansel Gretal are the masterminds behind the kidnapping and truffle plan because they are the children of a poor woodcutter and they never had any sweets and that's why they want the truffle. Granny says she'll never finish the truffle cake for them now, but Hansel and Gretal say they have ways of making her talk.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6diJDKsBZqQzHPfI7fii_M4dmAM0KEUuWL5Q2qF5HKwLPeyzLqEH6YiltxAFexYiGHZ8hKV65YDAjJLQgEblj4UZtYZweXE1ZQlhaTF6G464vs5_Dhqp6lvaPHaVZ9aqMu8oXS6RZwM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h00m43s41.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6diJDKsBZqQzHPfI7fii_M4dmAM0KEUuWL5Q2qF5HKwLPeyzLqEH6YiltxAFexYiGHZ8hKV65YDAjJLQgEblj4UZtYZweXE1ZQlhaTF6G464vs5_Dhqp6lvaPHaVZ9aqMu8oXS6RZwM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h00m43s41.png" width="320" /></a></div>They tell the witch, Verushka, to make sure that Granny doesn't escape again and they leave the room. Granny recognises the name and the witch takes off her mask, revealing that Granny and Verushka were sisters together in the sisters of the hood, but she always came second place to Granny and was fiercely jealous that Granny was so good at everything. <br />
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The last straw was at the final test, Verushka was unable to make the truffle and has spent the last sixty years trying to discover the secret ingredient, until she teamed up with Hansel and Gretal and they devised their plan. <br />
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Red meanwhile only has to figure out what DCT could stand for, but she's having some trouble as it turns out there's quite a few places with those initials. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XO1NkO3OVRWPI9Oyz9ty23TIApcGljgu62kzuglRDogH7yGReHcGxvRyWTJQ4HLHZXIGyk12oisIK4rfSXCGmz2M2UHTLayg80OuqOItOtHssVRvdZxe1z3byWmlPz7o_AIzNoY5RWQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h07m41s116.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XO1NkO3OVRWPI9Oyz9ty23TIApcGljgu62kzuglRDogH7yGReHcGxvRyWTJQ4HLHZXIGyk12oisIK4rfSXCGmz2M2UHTLayg80OuqOItOtHssVRvdZxe1z3byWmlPz7o_AIzNoY5RWQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h07m41s116.png" width="320" /></a></div>Red asks numerous people on the street, but no one recognises the piece of cloth, she runs into a blind mouse who asks for a dollar, he tells her that it could be Dark Castle Towers, a big spooky looking building. Red arrives at the place and calls Nicky and asks for Wolf, but he isn't there. Nicky says he'll send back up for Red, but Hansel and Gretal are listening into their phone conversation, they tell the witch that the HEA won't be a problem as they have forces in place. Pigs arrive at the HEA headquarters and start attacking, forcing them to go into code red and leaving Red alone. <br />
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At Wolf's place, we see that he has a bunch of photos of him and Red attached to the fridge and Wolf is sat watching television, but everything reminds him of Red so he turns it off. He goes to the trailer next door to talk to Twitchy, Twitchy gives Wolf a drink and tells him that the HEA and Red need him, even if Red won't admit it. <br />
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The three little pigs arrive outside and blow up Wolf's trailer, Wolf comes out, revealing they didn't kill him, then the pigs start pursuing Wolf and Twitchy as they roll away in Twitchy's trailer, but as the trailer rolls off a cliff, the pigs blow it up and it explodes everywhere.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eRwbed81QwcvB3b8mIw11V-AgJyBIP5Kgs2N05Yx2jBMoI2nkOlUF31Gtu1jGzgRFHCUrRiW4kV4NNn4sASqoerttq4O2ZKJhXr77bTMagepz68Ot4OR3LSp4AhcHdW24_YsFdSpcpw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h21m01s195.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eRwbed81QwcvB3b8mIw11V-AgJyBIP5Kgs2N05Yx2jBMoI2nkOlUF31Gtu1jGzgRFHCUrRiW4kV4NNn4sASqoerttq4O2ZKJhXr77bTMagepz68Ot4OR3LSp4AhcHdW24_YsFdSpcpw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h21m01s195.png" width="320" /></a></div>Back at Dark Castle Towers, Red is trying to make it in via climbing up the outside of the building, a window frame she grabs onto, however, comes off the wall and Red starts falling towards the ground, allowing the pigs capture Red. Wolf and Twitchy arrive at HEA headquarters to find the place almost completely destroyed. Nicky Flippers survived the attacked, and asks what happened, it turns out Twitchy's trailer had ejector seats and the three little pigs aren't particularly smart.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6PqIkjPHcjG7w2Wvy9Y4HfUm5SRimZM2Ouzd6EWXvF_pTAQ6SvtJSCpD4JKg0YXvTs4Q1ZU459bQYYC8B1uVoy118oSluMR8pO1TJ0X3JtQCYgjkm5ZjEWwGaB6a-7sG8ccBxUeoVagk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h25m40s135.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6PqIkjPHcjG7w2Wvy9Y4HfUm5SRimZM2Ouzd6EWXvF_pTAQ6SvtJSCpD4JKg0YXvTs4Q1ZU459bQYYC8B1uVoy118oSluMR8pO1TJ0X3JtQCYgjkm5ZjEWwGaB6a-7sG8ccBxUeoVagk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h25m40s135.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We totally blew up that handsome wolf!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Nicky laments that every agent they have has either been kidnapped, scared off or sent to live on a uncharted island somewhere, they've been defeated and he has no idea where Red could be. Nicky tells Wolf that he could be Red's only chance. Wolf arrives at Dark Castle Towers and distracts and starts beating up the little pigs and he and Red soon bundle them together, clearing a path into the towers. <br />
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Hansel gets a phone call telling him Red and the Wolf have escaped, the witch is still trying to persuade Granny to make the truffle, but Granny refuses still. Gretal comes up with a plan involving Red arrivng. Red and Wolf decide they need muscle to get into the towers and go to see Kirk the woodsman. <br />
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Red tells Kirk they need muscle, Kirk tells them they need his yodelling team, who before they became yodellers were a crack team. They take the yodellers and break inside the towers, using various methods to take out the pig guards in the lobby. Wolf, Red and Twitchy head up in the lift, leaving Kirk and the yodellers to take care of the remaining pigs. Red and Wolf find Hansel and Gretal bound up in a cupboard and they tell Red that Granny is in the room at the end of the hall. Red tells Wolf to get the kids out while she gets Granny, but as they get into the lift, Red sees Gretal smiling suspiciously. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfIpnbDHxCg_f9EQRZNplAh1CnKlKZD3sHf9gFhn_1ONH2tU4bIz4MAxHUUy9WjooXe_vIHXoK7dV-huMuQWvncyw1pUlJjuXcBiGrfC9IN6qybDXrZMw1AMUyV4RTh6QwR07iSiyCfjo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h39m42s145.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfIpnbDHxCg_f9EQRZNplAh1CnKlKZD3sHf9gFhn_1ONH2tU4bIz4MAxHUUy9WjooXe_vIHXoK7dV-huMuQWvncyw1pUlJjuXcBiGrfC9IN6qybDXrZMw1AMUyV4RTh6QwR07iSiyCfjo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h39m42s145.png" width="320" /></a></div>The lift fills with gas and Wolf and Twitchy are knocked out, Red then becomes trapped in the room with the truffle mixture, she tries it and knows what the missing ingredient is, macadamia nuts. The witch hears this and Hansel, Gretal and the witch reveal themselves and Red sees Granny tied to a chair. <br />
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Hansel and Gretal complete the truffle, Red apologises to Granny because everything is her fault and if she hadn't tried to do everything alone, it wouldn't have happened. Granny tells Red a person can never truly fail unless they give up. <br />
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Wolf and Twitchy are tied up in the lift, but they stir and manage to press the buttons to activate the lift. Hansel and Gretal reveal that their plan is to sell the truffles to villains all over the world and because the effects of the truffle are only temporary, the villains will want more and they will become filthy rich. Hansel and Gretal each eat a truffle, despite Granny trying to stop them and they become giants.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5uNl7k718UDx7-bB17RCta5k2luDJ34WUwd3UOpXML0T64NlT4oe-zoVSBmZvAgrtCNmI3oHdoCUxcPyAoYnusSmzDqrRvJIMb0GTY6ZmLwXMCQVlM1ADfYhUKwoYtZj59JuWGcnQLig/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h49m06s138.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5uNl7k718UDx7-bB17RCta5k2luDJ34WUwd3UOpXML0T64NlT4oe-zoVSBmZvAgrtCNmI3oHdoCUxcPyAoYnusSmzDqrRvJIMb0GTY6ZmLwXMCQVlM1ADfYhUKwoYtZj59JuWGcnQLig/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-17h49m06s138.png" width="320" /></a></div>Verushka tries to get a truffle, but Hansel and Gretal take them away from her and jump out of the window, leaving her, Granny and Red to a giant spider. Granny asks the witch to untie them, but she doesn't help, then they hear Kirk yodelling and he bursts into the room with his yodellers. Kirk frees Red and Granny as the yodellers start fighting the spider, except for the witch who tries to escape on her broom, but she's knocked off by the spider and is left clinging to the side of the building. The yodellers push the spider back into it's cage and Granny saves the witch. <br />
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Granny tells Verushka that she was never number 2 to her, they look out over the city and Red feels like it's all her fault, but Granny says she doesn't have anything to prove and has all the power she already needs to save the city. Red jumps out of the hole in the wall, using her hood to catch the air as she jumps over buildings. <br />
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Granny tells Verushka that once you're a sister, your always a sister and she can always come back, Wolf and Twitchy arrive finally in the lift and Granny sets off with them on the rocket broom. Verushka is left alone, looking at her number 2 ribbon as the spider returns. <br />
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In the city, Hansel and Gretal start breaking buildings and throwing them into the street. Red arrives and knocks Gretal off a building, then she pulls Hansel off, but on the ground, they are all fine. Hansel and Gretal start throwing cars at Red, just as they are about to squish her, Wolf and Granny arrive and save Red, pulling her onto the Rocket broom, which Granny flies into a monorail car.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2oHS4YtModbG3TL49p7aR3u56un3sCbUwVyWGGadE_wyqMRKWtB9rVzo7dvIL073yLiCnxZmwU9zVWNCfGxK2dFfVemTlk-KQKQ9XThr3QKPb-_mpZF-e-ZsGPwlN3djmKniV2lkukUk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h00m14s171.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2oHS4YtModbG3TL49p7aR3u56un3sCbUwVyWGGadE_wyqMRKWtB9rVzo7dvIL073yLiCnxZmwU9zVWNCfGxK2dFfVemTlk-KQKQ9XThr3QKPb-_mpZF-e-ZsGPwlN3djmKniV2lkukUk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h00m14s171.png" width="320" /></a></div>Just as they are recovering from the crash, Hansel and Gretal throw the car which lands on top of the flag pole, delicately balanced, on top of Dark Castle Towers. Granny and Red are at one end, Wolf and Twitchy at the other, the slowly start walking towards one another to meet in the middle. Wolf starts apologising to Granny and Red for letting them down, then he tells Twitchy he's been stealing his toothpaste for four years. Twitchy gets angry and tells Wolf that instead of talking about toothpaste, he should tell Red how he feels.<br />
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Wolf tells Red that he's sorry and he should have listened to her more, Red says she likes his way and his disguises are fun and useful sometimes. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghi60CZc2o9qlKb8HPKfZJGIUeZmjeHIvlEwqDzxAHaoVI2ETImOuycd_2QFvvVloOdFwc3C51aX5l2G8c42cVLQdPg_cchzh_WvK-kMGilnxqcbTjcIthPo-FBGeyEsRKLRCbBqLxM9I/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h06m35s118.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghi60CZc2o9qlKb8HPKfZJGIUeZmjeHIvlEwqDzxAHaoVI2ETImOuycd_2QFvvVloOdFwc3C51aX5l2G8c42cVLQdPg_cchzh_WvK-kMGilnxqcbTjcIthPo-FBGeyEsRKLRCbBqLxM9I/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h06m35s118.png" width="320" /></a></div>Then Wolf throws a gum wrapper on the floor and the car starts to fall, sending everyone flying, the car lands in a spider web spun between buildings. Verushka has tamed the spider, who it turned out just needed a friend. The gang see an explosion in the distance and Red says they have to stop them before they eat more truffles and Granny gets an idea. <br />
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Hansel and Gretal walk into a police blocked, with Nicky Flippers and the police and remaining HEA agents. Hansel and Gretal laugh, then Red comes behind them and tells them to surrender the truffles, backed by Granny, Wolf, Twitchy, Verushka and the spider. When Hansel and Gretal refuse they attack and Wolf gives Twitchy some coffee, allowing him to steal the truffles and throw them to Red. <br />
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Red runs away, but they taunt her about running away and Red gets tossed into a building and Hansel and Gretal pick up the box of truffles, they eat more of them. Nicky comes over and tells them that Hansel and Gretal will be unstoppable now, but everyone assures Nicky that it was all part of the plan.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWVB7OzRcs8U9vmL-Cunt0CrBW3KA1WtYdyUnC8tXNT4Si4NeuPGcIF1k809WgeTSGPt5Hd3BzS-dn7FvxtS0d1nSmMNxx2itNE0k_AUPz9HeXQk4Z8ak5y-lV3BloCZgGrO9C4AFgLRU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h21m07s145.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWVB7OzRcs8U9vmL-Cunt0CrBW3KA1WtYdyUnC8tXNT4Si4NeuPGcIF1k809WgeTSGPt5Hd3BzS-dn7FvxtS0d1nSmMNxx2itNE0k_AUPz9HeXQk4Z8ak5y-lV3BloCZgGrO9C4AFgLRU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h21m07s145.png" width="320" /></a></div>Hansel and Gretal start growing more and continue growing, till Hansel and Gretal start to notice that they are becoming too large. They ask what is happening and Wolf tells them that the super truffles also have lots of calories and they really shouldn't over do it on sweets. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDa_pJ6dkKP4AV4b-sWyrrHUoL-aSzvnxeOExrfxCs3wAqQtqMDhWTTXkZTe3VFk_xV2Bf2TvX9RyaXdwXmLJnYV9IeQKAx0OwB3uVbfWE5-xstyURRJHgOP0Cizz0s3_gw5D88GUDvHI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h23m06s75.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDa_pJ6dkKP4AV4b-sWyrrHUoL-aSzvnxeOExrfxCs3wAqQtqMDhWTTXkZTe3VFk_xV2Bf2TvX9RyaXdwXmLJnYV9IeQKAx0OwB3uVbfWE5-xstyURRJHgOP0Cizz0s3_gw5D88GUDvHI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h23m06s75.png" width="320" /></a></div>Hansel and Gretal become stuck and they are arrested by the HEA and carried off by helicopters, Nicky asks Granny and Verushka to help rebuild the agency with the help of the sisters of the hood. A call comes in about a guy being chased by 10,000 mice and Red and Wolf run off and jump into a car to go help. End of movie.<br />
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After the main bit of the credits play, the rest run with some truly gorgeous concept art and story boards and it's well worth watching.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpvumvXVugB-1lfZqRq5fY0IQAkXpHxPfEYTto03ptJ3Z5XTSI8KMrYjxQYbkVoadgbnuF-9OcRD98t_hiftbjD3GdGk0m5gspyElh3vvudabb1yOtqwba36KeVqgCFkcVaCci3SdP0_I/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h26m33s81.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpvumvXVugB-1lfZqRq5fY0IQAkXpHxPfEYTto03ptJ3Z5XTSI8KMrYjxQYbkVoadgbnuF-9OcRD98t_hiftbjD3GdGk0m5gspyElh3vvudabb1yOtqwba36KeVqgCFkcVaCci3SdP0_I/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-16-18h26m33s81.png" width="320" /></a></div><b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
This is a good movie and it's very sad that it didn't perform well, I blame poor promotion, I was actively looking for this movie coming out and I managed to miss it's release. You could watch it happily if you haven't seen the first one, there's one or two minor references you may not quite get, but honestly the first one is excellent so you really should check it out if you haven't seen it. <br />
<br />
It was missing the musical elements of the first film and the mystery was pretty obvious, however, I don't think the movie looses much on that. It's very funny and the relationship between Wolf and Red is played out nicely, however there are some very dated references in it that I think they should have left out. <br />
<br />
The animated is excellent, despite what I've read some of the critics were saying, especially when you consider this is a low-budget film of $30 million and it's not been made by a big animation studio. <br />
<br />
This is a movie which can be enjoyed by both children and adults, I like the fact that Hoodwinked uses strong female characters who don't have to be rescued by a guy every five minutes and are concerned by things like empowerment, team work and finding yourself. It's rare animated example passing <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheBechdelTest">the Bechdel test</a>. <br />
<br />
<b>8 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-9491434310631951212011-08-15T07:39:00.000-07:002011-08-15T07:39:25.525-07:00True Blood season 4 review - Spellbound*Sigh* We've reached the part of the part of the season where I know that this isn't going to be a great season. This marks the 8th episode, two thirds down, four episodes to go and turn it around, I'm not sure they're going to manage it, but there's no use putting it off, it's time to dive in.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, contains episode and book series spoilers</b></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>I also know the shower scene is coming and I'm expecting phone calls from two fellow book fans who won't be happy about it either.<br />
<ul><li>Previously on True Blood, let's remind you how crap this all is compared to how good season 3 was. </li>
<li>Oh yeah, cliffhanger, forgot about that.</li>
<li>Woo! Jason saved Jessica! </li>
<li>Don't kill him, Jess, he's doing you a favour.</li>
<li> LMAO, Jessica and Jason about to have it off whilst Bill is downstairs.</li>
<li>Oh, Crap-King Bill, playing into Jason's Jessica weakness. </li>
<li>The werewolf pack leader speaks sense, they aren't as strong as vamps. </li>
<li>Ooh bloody hell, Eric's in a bad way.</li>
<li>OH</li>
<li>MY</li>
<li>GOD</li>
<li>THEY'RE DOING THE BLOOD BOND!!!!????!?!?!!!!!!!</li>
<li>SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!</li>
<li>Awww, poor Hoyt.</li>
<li>Bless his little heart.</li>
<li>OHMYFUCKINGGOD!</li>
<li>DID JESSICA JUST KILL HOYT?!!</li>
<li>OMFG.</li>
<li>Oh thank god, it was a dream.</li>
<li>Oh, Jason, you dumbass.</li>
<li>SHOWER SCENE, SHOWER SCENE, SHOWER SCENE.</li>
<li>*prepares to rant*</li>
<li>......</li>
<li>......</li>
<li>.....</li>
<li>That.... was <i>not</i> the shower scene.</li>
<li>Being <i>in</i> a shower does not mean you have recreated the shower scene.</li>
<li>I am so furious.</li>
<li>It's like a calm rage. </li>
<li>The kind of rage where I just pick up a hammer and beat Alan Ball to death with it, but very calmly.</li>
<li>(For legal purposes, the above statement was a metaphor and I would not actually beat Alan Ball to death with a hammer.)</li>
<li>(Maybe a chainsaw.)</li>
<li>Aunt Petunia is awesome.</li>
<li>Tara still needs to die.</li>
<li>Seriously, Fiona Shaw is such a good actress, she really does come across like she's playing another character entirely.</li>
<li> Crap-King Bill, I don't think you're going to be able to talk your way out of this one.</li>
<li>I'm glad Kevin survived that wolf attack.</li>
<li>Troll-Tommy what are you up to? </li>
<li>Why are we sitting through this crappy snow bed scene? Seriously? It's completely shit.</li>
<li>So ghost lady is back. Are they going to explain this at some point?</li>
<li>LMAO *dies* Troll-Tommy Maxine Fortenberry.... swearing.... *dies*</li>
<li>Jessica's back to Hoyt, please don't kill him, Jess.</li>
<li>OH HOYT, WHY GO THERE? You, stupid bugger.</li>
<li>The wolf pack leader has been relatively sensible.... I'm waiting for the catch, aside from the fact he's Sam's girlfriend's ex. </li>
<li>Oh Alcide, you're so going to break that promise.</li>
<li>So the ghost lady had a baby and the dad killed him and that's why the doll's haunted? That's dumb as fuck.</li>
<li>And now she's possessing Lafayette... why? Why is this happening? This is stupid as hell.</li>
<li>You tell them, Sookie, they do have an annoying habit of talking about you as if you aren't there.</li>
<li>There's the catch, pack leader's a psycho.</li>
<li>Remarkable self restraint, Jason.</li>
<li>Lafayette, who're you going to kill? Oh god, he's stealing the baby.</li>
<li>Well, Crap-King Bill, gonna get yourself killed?</li>
<li>Shit.... who did Eric just kill?</li>
<li>Why is the big battle happening in episode 8? </li>
<li>Please let Tara die. </li>
<li>YAY, please kill Tara, Pam.</li>
<li>GODDAMMIT BILL!</li>
<li>WHY?! </li>
<li>THIS CLOSE TO DYING!</li>
<li>GODDAmMIT.</li>
<li>Uh, Alicde.</li>
<li>Oh shit, Sookie's shot.</li>
<li>YAY, Alicde's gonna save, Sookie.</li>
<li>Oh shit, Debbie saw.</li>
<li>What's Aunt Petunia doing to Eric?</li>
</ul><b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Well that was better than last week's episode, but it's still crap. Number 1, I do not for a second believe that they're going to kill off Sookie, the main character. Number 2, it does not lend to the fact that they had the big smoke battle in episode 8, when there's 4 episodes left to go. <br />
<br />
I'm so furious about the "shower scene" and I use that very loosely as they stepped into the shower, then they stepped out and it was snowing and then we had to suffer through flowery, "oh I love you so much" blergh. <br />
<br />
The Lafayette stuff is crap. Seriously crap. You just can't buy it, not when in three seasons Lafayettes been about as supernatural as a ham sandwich. <br />
<br />
Who cares about the possibility of Jessica and Jason hooking up? Jessica and Hoyt were a cute beta couple, now they've fucked all that up and we've got to sit through all the wangst bollocks. It's not even good wangst bollocks. <br />
<br />
This skin walker stuff is utter shit. Yeah, it's funny, but what kind of dumb arse rules are, "if you kill a member of your family, you can turn into any person you want" - ? IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE! <br />
<br />
Fucking Tara. Seriously, why does this character still exist in the show? Is she going to be book!Arlene? It would make sense if she did turn into book!Arlene, but she still just needs to <b>die</b>.<br />
<br />
<b>Good Stuff</b>:<br />
<ul><li>The blood bond, if that's what they were doing, though it's come far, <i>far</i> too early.</li>
<li>Some good Bill/Jessica moments.</li>
<li>Tommy-Maxine was kind of amusing.</li>
<li>Aunt Petunia's awesome still.</li>
</ul><b>Bad Stuff</b>:<br />
<ul><li> It doesn't <i>feel </i>like Eric and Sookie are together, because the scenes they've had have all been kind of dreamy or sex scenes. Think back to Sookie's dream where she and Eric were talking in bed, they felt together then. The scene where Eric kissed Sookie because he thought he was going to die, that felt real. Loads of shots of boobs and bottoms does not a relationship make.</li>
<li>Tara.</li>
<li>Lafayette, two weeks in a row on the bad stuff list, but yeah, it's getting stupid.</li>
<li>The big battle being brought up to episode 8 instead of being in episode 12.</li>
<li>Ghost lady pay off. Crap.</li>
<li>The shower scene. You knew this was coming. We, the fans, who've been waiting since they announced they were making a tv series of the Southern Vampire Mysteries, have been waiting for one thing and one thing only. THE SHOWER SCENE. Personally, I'm done with True Blood after the end of this season now. Unless they do something spectacular at the end to turn it around, I'm done, finito, out. It's a very simple thing, wanting this <i>one</i> scene to be exactly like it is in the book. The stupid, shitty snow bed scene, is not in anyway like the shower scene and I have no idea what the hell Alan Ball was thinking.</li>
</ul>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-80387681953827421682011-08-14T13:17:00.000-07:002011-08-14T13:17:53.370-07:00The Last Minute - ReviewThe Last Minute is a little known 2001 film by director Stephen Norrington, (<i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blade_%28film%29">Blade</a></i>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_League_of_Extraordinary_Gentlemen_%28film%29"><i>The league of Extraordinary Gentlemen</i></a>.) It played at Cannes, the Moscow Film Festival, the Sitges Film Festival and the Hawaii Film Festival and that's just about all I can tell you as the wiki page is a stub and the IMDB page has no useful information.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review </b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm2jEGEVVXWizHMImltXXJs75t7f6yhey6nfbqcG2_Opb12E7V1cssHDet2s1VVE3PNnT24C26PIcYXPt371NwXApmq5iVQ6JLB3VAj5RWaQzNlCKzjtqz_f5WmddY1LkLXkRsh-NzVQ/s1600/503895.1020.A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm2jEGEVVXWizHMImltXXJs75t7f6yhey6nfbqcG2_Opb12E7V1cssHDet2s1VVE3PNnT24C26PIcYXPt371NwXApmq5iVQ6JLB3VAj5RWaQzNlCKzjtqz_f5WmddY1LkLXkRsh-NzVQ/s320/503895.1020.A.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
The only reason I have heard of this film was because I'd stumbled across it whilst doing research into Jason Isaacs, then I forgot about it for years until trying to think of films to watch for this blog and I thought it would probably be a perfect selection. <br />
<br />
The first shot of the movie is Max Beesley, telling us that the information he's about to tell us is dangerous and might just change out lives. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxhCZ-vBnpyp3fRJVT4MFyHhArePlWBCh6Qg4j08N_uDSzsMIZIbuqT72BwW-SX_vM2Ol4C3qu0pDo_VyRaMkxXVnWId8tcBBIbZDkDhSp1O0e03iTVR1b8Yve-beMcINBCZI_lECd_Y/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-16h23m47s33.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxhCZ-vBnpyp3fRJVT4MFyHhArePlWBCh6Qg4j08N_uDSzsMIZIbuqT72BwW-SX_vM2Ol4C3qu0pDo_VyRaMkxXVnWId8tcBBIbZDkDhSp1O0e03iTVR1b8Yve-beMcINBCZI_lECd_Y/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-16h23m47s33.png" width="320" /></a></div>It's an interesting way to start the movie as Max has this weird kind of charm, even though he's not the greatest of actors he's easy to watch on screen, he's a disarming everyman. He tells us we'll need a calculator, a pencil, paper and some <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_back_plastic">sticky back plastic</a> (thank you, Valerie Singleton.) He goes on to say that most people don't bother to work this information out for themselves and all you need basic maths and a responsibility for taking control of your own life. <br />
<br />
Just as he's about to reveal the information to us, a woman burst through the door at the back of the room with snow flying in behind her, carrying a canoe. Max helps her with the canoe and he kisses her and she runs out of the door. <br />
<br />
Max then returns and takes us through some maths, working out how many weeks an average person would have to live, not counting sleep, your earliest or last couple of years, leaving you with a sum of about 2780 weeks, take off the number of weeks you've already had and you can see how many weeks you have left to live. (Not counting the first 6 years, I've got 23 years of weeks already used, 23 x 52 = 1196, meaning I have 1584 weeks left to live if I live to be 90 or just 544 if I live to be 70.) Max then looks at the camera and asks, "What did you do this week?" Well I'll tell you something, Max, if I've only got 544 weeks left to live and you steal 4 hours from me with your movie, (2 hours to watch, with pauses for screencaps, writing what's going on and toiler breaks), I'll personally find you and pull out your fingernails for some payback.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8sEjlgIDcY-cI13FnrJqlJnxcsON0SKppY6wFSuW0e6ga7gt4sxtHB8i8t_7MXhyWd48SBLkTgfrfXUYbuGlM6tqkeI8sIGYJvXnH73dS61SvBXa2QzdX-5Oz7VH2QsaHKbw2g-o-FD0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-16h40m34s28.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8sEjlgIDcY-cI13FnrJqlJnxcsON0SKppY6wFSuW0e6ga7gt4sxtHB8i8t_7MXhyWd48SBLkTgfrfXUYbuGlM6tqkeI8sIGYJvXnH73dS61SvBXa2QzdX-5Oz7VH2QsaHKbw2g-o-FD0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-16h40m34s28.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
The film title flashes up and we see Max being led through an extremely busy and noisy office by a woman, she tells him there's no need to feel nervous and he should consider Walsh<br />
Talent his second home and extended family, she asks if she can get him anything, he says no, she asks again, so he asks for a cup of tea and she sends an assistant off to get it.<br />
<br />
Some clever effects and things constantly passing in the foreground add to the confusion of the scene as the woman asks Max about the 'cab', which confuses him, then the assistant comes out of nowhere and hands him the tea, then the woman asks about the 'cab' again, then two guys come out of nowhere and fling themselves around Max, walking with him and handing him a business card.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJmeQ19FwOGLtVtQWY5otm10NjFM-KZryWnvHOmNogCXaboxinOAuz5HMyw7Mn57omq7ErhKNrpc9tPvqKwT6QCBudGujPlfUshnYRpxDcn7eNr5jZSgdgw1cK1mjVvr20Rb-oTQ1Xaq0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h05m42s12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJmeQ19FwOGLtVtQWY5otm10NjFM-KZryWnvHOmNogCXaboxinOAuz5HMyw7Mn57omq7ErhKNrpc9tPvqKwT6QCBudGujPlfUshnYRpxDcn7eNr5jZSgdgw1cK1mjVvr20Rb-oTQ1Xaq0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h05m42s12.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And who the fuck are you?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They run off and the woman pulls him off into an office, where he bumps into a man who he recognises. He stops to ask him how he is, his friend however is more concerned with fiddling with his phone and speaking about how everyone wants a piece of him, then he wanders off, making a phone call. A bloke out comes out of his office and asks for Sal to "give him a quick one off the wrist", he sees Max, whose character name is Billy and kisses him on the cheeks and brings him into his office. <br />
<br />
The guy tells Max he can stop by any time he likes, but warns him to stay away from his friend, Jimmy, as he's crap and irritates him. The guy has two yappy greyhounds in his office, which look strange, he invites Max to sit down, the guy tells Max to ignore the dogs as they belong to his wife and she's a slut and OHMYGOD!?!!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2BsN7tfCxSTeY4NEh2Z0dzXD7PCWC-8Y9Gnav4NXgFPbG3UK5FGSdcaq7M1-XP0yhatQtKaTYNnOtQX-R3MuteS5IVDjyR2hc3LfjLi5AGOlWnNoh6NcRVPhb42fP1XKnpwmD81Cfvo0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h17m02s140.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2BsN7tfCxSTeY4NEh2Z0dzXD7PCWC-8Y9Gnav4NXgFPbG3UK5FGSdcaq7M1-XP0yhatQtKaTYNnOtQX-R3MuteS5IVDjyR2hc3LfjLi5AGOlWnNoh6NcRVPhb42fP1XKnpwmD81Cfvo0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h17m02s140.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It lasts for about five seconds</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Both dogs appear to be props which makes this all the more creeptacular. The guy massages Max's shoulders and says they should talk about Max and what he's done, the guy tells him he's never seen a work that operates on such a profound level. Max asks if he thinks he could make some money, the guy tells him he'll do more and make a difference and is generally creepy and trying to insert himself into Max's arse.<br />
<br />
The woman, Sal, comes in to tell the guy he has a call so he puts on a headset and dismisses the guy on the phone, then he starts holding Max's jaw and Sal comes in again to tell the guy his wife's on the phone and he says, "Bother us again, Sal and I shall have to resort to the gratuitous use of the word, <i>cunt</i>." The guy tells Max that he's achieved what so many wish to achieve at such a young age, 19, Max corrects him and tells him that he's actually 26. <br />
<br />
The guy continues to suck up and fawn over Max and tells him that he's sure the public will go crazy over him and they are rarely treated to such a masterpiece. We then see a lift travelling downwards with the words, "The next big thing" superimposed over the top. Then we shift to a hip Saturday interview style show with swishing shakey camera and the interviewer proceeds to ask him a ton of questions, without letting him actually answer any of them properly, while techno music plays over the top. She finishes by saying that "Billy Byrne is the British Brad Matlock."<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruTymhMoL0f5ICUinDmxt8JG_FYFQNmbC5e-I0FR7wIcSyiGg-beNTqxLLOvZHIUONSlqCcz6pnYGyqiIt1snqu_pfDfe-OiE364uvf1p7bIyhlzwKhQAQ_-wb6k4pgkW0JeqXksSF40/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h33m09s104.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruTymhMoL0f5ICUinDmxt8JG_FYFQNmbC5e-I0FR7wIcSyiGg-beNTqxLLOvZHIUONSlqCcz6pnYGyqiIt1snqu_pfDfe-OiE364uvf1p7bIyhlzwKhQAQ_-wb6k4pgkW0JeqXksSF40/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h33m09s104.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Who the fuck is Billy Byrne?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Stephen Dorff collects his cameo paycheck. Then we see a bunch of Max's friends pissing themselves laughing over the Brad Matlock interview and laughing at Max. Max changes the channel and tells them that come Monday they'll all want his autograph. A guy comes in carrying a computer monitor and tells them they're all idiots and Max is right and proceeds to chastise them about wasting their time and not expanding their business. (Tis a cannabis business.) He tells Max his computer needs a bigger hard drive, Max asks if it fell off the back of a lorry, the guy tells him he bought it with the proceeds of his business endeavours. <br />
<br />
Someone in the back of the room starts playing music and the stoner guys start dancing, the guy offers Max a joint, but Max turns him down. Max says his agent has something booked for him and life is too short to miss out on the finer details. <br />
<br />
Then we see Max in Tokyo, doing an interview on a Japanese TV Show, which let me tell you, is tame for a Japanese tv show. Then we see Max talking on the phone to someone, presumably his girlfriend, saying that there isn't long now, he has a few more interviews to do and he'll bring her a nice present. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilpMvTXQ_TSU3a80VVp7Q_dqI3f-bBxtknZHHLJWYO7zrkt2hEv1HGdde2NO16vMMeDdPWmwg4qVgvB1yky0MMXlrcBGhEeKoGNy4x81LBD1-UM3QD-c-SC9bhSvoRcOZsh_Fblkrsf4c/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h49m01s203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilpMvTXQ_TSU3a80VVp7Q_dqI3f-bBxtknZHHLJWYO7zrkt2hEv1HGdde2NO16vMMeDdPWmwg4qVgvB1yky0MMXlrcBGhEeKoGNy4x81LBD1-UM3QD-c-SC9bhSvoRcOZsh_Fblkrsf4c/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h49m01s203.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nerd squee</td></tr>
</tbody></table>He tells her he's having a great time, as he talks the female action figures expression becomes angrier and angrier, he asks his girlfriend why she just can't be happy for him, then after a few seconds he hangs up the phone. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDL-smpEvlz7MZ8wLld9T5TE0ZQgGjrRu7lkPSG5vtRruJfClRMajwrbqpE5ETXkyF73q_2OXZ7nEG18HfnDO7rWk_OetIF4XY3mcNLrQ5I-CwYZuWjRGtJrMW6mYUoLfqnHF0Ku1LNIs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h52m52s195.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDL-smpEvlz7MZ8wLld9T5TE0ZQgGjrRu7lkPSG5vtRruJfClRMajwrbqpE5ETXkyF73q_2OXZ7nEG18HfnDO7rWk_OetIF4XY3mcNLrQ5I-CwYZuWjRGtJrMW6mYUoLfqnHF0Ku1LNIs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-14h52m52s195.png" width="320" /></a></div>In Berlin, the director uses more Blade actors for an insane photoshoot for Max. Max runs around, lifting models and poses with them, the photographer goes crazy and pulls the film out of his camera and his assistant knees him in the balls, then rips his shirt off, then the photographer is happy again. <br />
<br />
If all of this is representing the insanity of rising to fame, then I think the director's done a good job, everyone is fake, over the top and quite mad. <br />
<br />
We see Max on a plane, getting a head massage as two guys discuss him, then we see a magazine cover with Max on the front, then an answer phone message from the PR/Agent/Talent guy telling Max to come over to the office. We see Max now walking through the bustling London streets, he's confidant and sure of himself, his girlfriend pulls up in a taxi and they head to a club called VALVE where the crowd are dancing and paparazzi takes photos of Max. He approached by a girl in a nurses uniform who hands him something and he and his girlfriend are taken through into a back room where everyone is wearing bizarre medical clothing. <br />
<br />
People are using medical equipment as some sort of underground fetish thing, with people performing operations on one another and other weird shit that I don't even want to describe. Max is taken to an area where the two guys he met in the office are sitting on inflatable chairs, Jason Isaacs is with them. They introduce him to a girl called Tasha who they say is going to be a big star, then Jason Isaacs who they call Percy. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrfyayyckQqDQ4sVQ3mlBy5vXwLRylKQ-WNutqH0z57q5VMv7627JwdB-geQc5FeNf-Xe7xsaZtcF0yerzJScWIa055wp1uTuNrQvvRmUG_Hx-utVVHs_10kBBMYdnPBlFWUE4g6xifrA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-15h58m46s24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrfyayyckQqDQ4sVQ3mlBy5vXwLRylKQ-WNutqH0z57q5VMv7627JwdB-geQc5FeNf-Xe7xsaZtcF0yerzJScWIa055wp1uTuNrQvvRmUG_Hx-utVVHs_10kBBMYdnPBlFWUE4g6xifrA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-15h58m46s24.png" width="320" /></a></div>Max's girlfriend, Janey, introduces herself as Max doesn't bother and they invite her to sit down and order Max a drink, whilst Tommy from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snatch_%28film%29">Snatch</a> does some bad DJing. Max asks if they come there every week and the two guys laugh because they own the club. Janey asks if they are all drug dealers and they all stare at her, Percy smiles and says that actually he's a singer. One of the guys says that Percy's a regular crooner. <br />
<br />
Percy can't take the bad DJing any more and stands up and goes over to the DJ and tells him to stop pissing about and just pay the records. Max asks what's in a back room and the guys tell him he doesn't really want to know. Percy nuts the DJ because he tells him to fuck off and Janey remarks that he doesn't look like much of a crooner. <br />
<br />
Percy picks up the microphone and starts clicking his fingers and begins to perform a, frankly, very entertaining version of "I've got you under my skin" in which he slides about the floor, occasionally assaulting the onlookers. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbM9qtbBijAHvaEI26W0LmStMTNXq2muw98pzaXQw5k2S5MA3lBrPs2vJHbabT_-7ptjiE3Iubrcz-6l3b2Z2zMSxAFA0l9KaU2tvpaXESp7SEzJ4UBNqO5Gu5SfZbLjdyiIe1hyf-Djs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h06m45s203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbM9qtbBijAHvaEI26W0LmStMTNXq2muw98pzaXQw5k2S5MA3lBrPs2vJHbabT_-7ptjiE3Iubrcz-6l3b2Z2zMSxAFA0l9KaU2tvpaXESp7SEzJ4UBNqO5Gu5SfZbLjdyiIe1hyf-Djs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h06m45s203.png" width="320" /></a></div>As far as I can tell, it's not actually Jason Isaacs singing, but a remix of the original song, but it's performed well. The crowd are delighted by Percy's performance and he does something with the microphone, which I feel uncomfortable with describing... Ok, we'll put it this way, he tells the girl he "hands" it to to keep it warm as he'll be back for it later. <br />
<br />
A guy in a pale, yellowy body bag stands up and starts ranting and two guys drag him off and start beating him up in the corridor as Percy dances for the crowd, though the guy seems to be enjoying being beaten up. Percy retrieves his microphone and starts bringing the song home whilst Max sits on a chair and a lady whom I am 99% sure is not a licensed body piercer, swabs and clamps his lip and sticks a needle through it. <br />
<br />
Max and his girlfriend open the door to the back room and... Well, I had to see it, I don't want to suffer alone. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTCVh5VoIzTCLQRW-3Vy3DcZgN5T9-LM84hTkgjJttnlBy4e0qXEiF6hXBIDlPd2auyrGvcsLoaz1dc1vKXeF_sQoP9jNvI8rpICEKDccwhKtUWiuaa5cjPiDJ_ujY4dVnEs4BZP7nAc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h22m08s188.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTCVh5VoIzTCLQRW-3Vy3DcZgN5T9-LM84hTkgjJttnlBy4e0qXEiF6hXBIDlPd2auyrGvcsLoaz1dc1vKXeF_sQoP9jNvI8rpICEKDccwhKtUWiuaa5cjPiDJ_ujY4dVnEs4BZP7nAc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h22m08s188.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Oh my God, it's Billy Byrne! Look, it's Billy Byrne!" - The actual lines in the movie </td></tr>
</tbody></table>Thankfully they don't ask for his autograph. As they leave the club, the guy does try to shake hands with Janey, but he's still wearing the glove so she politely declines. Max watches the sign for the club flicker and tells Janey that it's him doing it, Janey tells him he's daft and it's a coincidence, then he grabs onto some street lights and they too flicker and he starts saying that scientists reckon some people carrying an electro magnetic charge with can interfere with electronics.<br />
<br />
He grabs another street light and all the lights in the street blow out. Back at home, Janey asks Max if his lip piercing hurts while she washes his hair in the bath, he says it was worth it as it's his statement. Lip piercings don't hurt, fact. They are like the easiest piercing to get, every person I've ever met with a lip piercing agrees. Max starts going on about the clock ticking and they only get one life. Janey says she'll pay for them to go on holiday to Club Med because Max doesn't have any money, but Max says it's the wrong time.<br />
<br />
Janey tells Max he needs to get some sleep, because tomorrow is the day his life changes. As the early morning breaks, Max goes to his roof and looks out over London at the BT tower, he then get a long shot of a dark alley and a dog running up. Then a girls bedroom, bathed in light as a girl narrates says that she never thought she was pretty or end up as a model. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIlQob0psdaI9Yy0EpCjsi4huT2o7YO8Oa_ZKe0KQFDZSSnTMLGa5atCx4kj5IHUXrh3dIzRLeymn35V551cDp6dakUBx4QMltUH6Z9o483x94pjQf9kF8OvyMrA4BxIZtqnjLM-qD-m0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h44m20s227.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIlQob0psdaI9Yy0EpCjsi4huT2o7YO8Oa_ZKe0KQFDZSSnTMLGa5atCx4kj5IHUXrh3dIzRLeymn35V551cDp6dakUBx4QMltUH6Z9o483x94pjQf9kF8OvyMrA4BxIZtqnjLM-qD-m0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-16h44m20s227.png" width="320" /></a></div>Monday hits and we see the tv show he was on saying that Max's.... whatever it is that he's done, is shit, then various interviews with people all saying that Max is basically crap and should be ashamed of himself for being crap. The camera moves in on Max sat in his chair as the clips play out, saying how crap he is, his lip piercing has mysteriously moved to the side and is no longer centre.<br />
<br />
<br />
He gets up and goes back to the club and dances, but no one seems to care, he goes to the back room where there is an old man sweeping up, he asks where everybody is and the old man says that they've moved on he's just cleaning up after them. We get a speeded up camera run through the streets of London, Max is all sad because his dreams have come crashing down. A girl on the streets recognises him and says he must be really depressed that after all the hype he's failed utterly, though she tells him she liked what he did and thought it was intelligent.<br />
<br />
He says she must have a large cranium and and she thankfully corrects him that the size of the brain does not indicate intelligence. He asks her name and she tells him it's Anna, he says she looks freezing and asks for some change so he takes her to a greasy spoon for some food. He notices her canvas bag moving, she says he shouldn't take it personally that he was received so badly, all he wants is to be the best, to be valued and to make a difference. He asks what's in the bag and she says nothing and moves it. He says that he doesn't take his fuck up personally, and she says that failing can be artisically beneficial and asks for a pudding. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY9OXcMi19Lr0hxRWNksmbyqxMVjmH1zj3FSr-2YyP5Z6nsfXdEL6vI7MstqRQVCLPPAEJeqyKggboy-QuF-oKZgBN1tWZ__cWLGIJAzNWlX55kr_NRDiMGhgCTWol0UBgCRzmjEBqeBY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h08m25s92.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY9OXcMi19Lr0hxRWNksmbyqxMVjmH1zj3FSr-2YyP5Z6nsfXdEL6vI7MstqRQVCLPPAEJeqyKggboy-QuF-oKZgBN1tWZ__cWLGIJAzNWlX55kr_NRDiMGhgCTWol0UBgCRzmjEBqeBY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h08m25s92.png" width="320" /></a></div>At home in bed, Max tells Janey that he thinks maybe failing can be artistically beneficial and witters on about bollocks and time passing and wasted life. He goes to a corner shop and picks up a pot noodle which he prepares at the machine, the guy asks if he's paying for it, he says he will and then goes to the magazine rack and starts flicking through the top shelf magazines whilst a guy stares at him.<br />
<br />
The guy approaches him and says, "When you shoot your beans, think of me." Which is both hilarious and scary as hell. The creepy guy walks away and Max goes to the counter to pay for the pot noodle and the magazine and the guy pulls a meat cleaver out on him, telling him to put his money on the counter. Max does, then the guy tells him to shove the money in his pocket, take his stuff and clear off. Max takes the tube, reading his magazine, a guy walks along the train asking for change, Max gives him the change he had left and explains that he got mugged, the guy calls him a bastard and walks off. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnOFS4XGPf9_XQMhOnG-X-lhBIeT3eXIMC8JMoBeCXiw3Lt9UnOuwY9BCQIvbeuyQFUSwp4cMZ4iCewWU2qOHkaGybgYB3Ien9xvjQxlo_fpy6WmDo76tght70oOQDp-2MP6SN5cIM5g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h15m08s15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnOFS4XGPf9_XQMhOnG-X-lhBIeT3eXIMC8JMoBeCXiw3Lt9UnOuwY9BCQIvbeuyQFUSwp4cMZ4iCewWU2qOHkaGybgYB3Ien9xvjQxlo_fpy6WmDo76tght70oOQDp-2MP6SN5cIM5g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h15m08s15.png" width="320" /></a></div>Another guy comes through who is horribly deformed, he asks for change and Max explains he gave it to the other bloke, the guy tells him he has cancer and only a few months to live so the price of a cup of tea would be appreciated, but Max reiterates that he has no money left. He asks Max for the magazine instead, which Max gives him, the guy tells him that wanking off for him is an art form. Max offers the guy his watch, but he says the last thing he needs to be reminded of is the time.<br />
<br />
At the stoner guys house and Max starts banging on artistry again. Ok, movie, I get that Max is down in the dumps, can we move on now? It's getting a bit tiresome. Max and his friend discuss emotional resonance and how things are perceived and taken as art by the public, resulting in his friend telling Max that he's going to have to accept that he's crap. <br />
<br />
We see the girls bedroom bathed in light again and the girl narrates about a show she's booked for, with the camera zooming in on a polaroid on the mirror. At the talent agency office, Max tells them about a plan to do something new, they tell him he should stick to what he's good at. And what is that exactly, movie? You're deliberating going out of your way to hide it from us and it's annoying. Max asks what's the point of doing what he's good at if no one likes it, they point out they liked it in Japan. Don't scoff at Japan, Max, think of the merchandising! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj26IOx1YmrXjGL8wQjXv0NJ9FvHGxFu7lKn5Q43DkTRtiAosD4rjrUTCf1mVSKFL_DSxOg_DLAluAB5MUnYTf-zIhtX0lcswFnVTDGnukdSheR1h7fKZ83FfbW5FQUFYsE2H-D7s5boH8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h26m17s20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj26IOx1YmrXjGL8wQjXv0NJ9FvHGxFu7lKn5Q43DkTRtiAosD4rjrUTCf1mVSKFL_DSxOg_DLAluAB5MUnYTf-zIhtX0lcswFnVTDGnukdSheR1h7fKZ83FfbW5FQUFYsE2H-D7s5boH8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h26m17s20.png" width="320" /></a></div>Max leaves the office with a lot of stuff bundled into a folder. Is he an artist? An actor? A singer? A director? Come on, movie! The PR guy explains to his minions that Max is upset because he got burned, but he's sincere enough and then proceeds to them them about a new client who is very cutting edge, which turns out to be Max's drug dealer friend. Max goes to his friends house and they argue while the stoner guy watches on.<br />
<br />
Max and Janey sit and have a meal, Janey tells him she thinks he's very talented, he says he just doesn't have what it takes to make it in a career he's dedicated his whole life to. Janey is looking bored of all of this and thankfully calls him on his shit, she tells him to stop fucking moaning and that he's completely self obsessed. She says that no one can drag him out of his hole because that's where he wants to be, she gets up and tells him she's not having a nice time and hands him a ticket and tells him to go by himself to meet someone who'll listen to him moan again, then asks for her key back.<br />
<br />
At the club, we see Max covered in vomit in a broom cupboard, they throw him out of the club and he grips onto the street light, but it doesn't flicker. Two guys run out of nowhere and start ripping his clothes off and steal his wallet, they run off, then one comes back and asks Max where he lives, he gives Max some money from his wallet to get home. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ksseWPFDHcQS-Ev-Dd-2R_mD41g27HUQuBKTWraDQ8in1pM86CNjkHY5uBTGhSki2jW7BWDKUTZNbwD7d5P7VB2x6zVBwl7AbCr9oYG_mDsVuvL19InUXf64SEuP2NP1Q5C9iOJdmKQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h43m32s152.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ksseWPFDHcQS-Ev-Dd-2R_mD41g27HUQuBKTWraDQ8in1pM86CNjkHY5uBTGhSki2jW7BWDKUTZNbwD7d5P7VB2x6zVBwl7AbCr9oYG_mDsVuvL19InUXf64SEuP2NP1Q5C9iOJdmKQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h43m32s152.png" width="320" /></a></div>Max gets into a taxi and the driver tells him not to be sick and starts talking about his wife leaving him and beating up his brother in law and beating him with a cricket ball covered in nails and setting him on fire. Then a story about beating up a black man, then going into an art gallery with art students, then Max projectile vomites all over the taxi and it crashes into a market stall. Max wanders away and sees a homeless guy talking to himself, Max tries to flicker the lights on a market stall and Anna is watching him. <br />
<br />
Anna tells him he needs to clean up as he's covered in blood and vomit and so he goes to a public toilets place with a shower in it, as he's weeing a guy stares at him over the urinals, but he doesn't notice. he inspects himself in a mirror and two skin heads come in and pay the attendant so they can be undisturbed in a cubicle. Anna comes and hands him some clean clothes and helps to clean up his wounds and gives him a tablet of something. He thanks her and tells her he just wants to go home, she throws him his keys and he says he hasn't got anywhere to go, as Janey has kicked him out. <br />
<br />
Anna brings him to an underground place which is locked by a large metal gate, they run through a long tunnel and Max sees other people running through tunnel offshoots. Max pauses to breathe and sees a boy dressed strangely, then follows Anna as more children appear, Anna says it's ok, they're her friends and the children run around, disappearing and reappearing. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_J1Y_07jeZCIpN287dX9BGa71XSFzo8JFfZlaIgFlgRccYXhp_n9rmz3w66aLQJ4bMwjBlbc2ZNdrx4zK70qbVQuqH44mhAhIzf5KEifpJhySg0KUSsVpXdI391FoDTe9pqFb10E1gk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h59m33s47.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_J1Y_07jeZCIpN287dX9BGa71XSFzo8JFfZlaIgFlgRccYXhp_n9rmz3w66aLQJ4bMwjBlbc2ZNdrx4zK70qbVQuqH44mhAhIzf5KEifpJhySg0KUSsVpXdI391FoDTe9pqFb10E1gk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-17h59m33s47.png" width="320" /></a></div>Anna brings Max to a back room and tells him he can sleep in her bed, he asks where she'll sleep and she says she'll be ok. On the wall Max sees she has lots of pictures pinned up of celebrities and a picture of Max is in the centre, he hears a strange voice and goes to see what is going on sees a strange man reciting lines to himself. Max finds a trap door which leads to a huge opera house. <br />
<br />
Anna explains that no one knows that they are down there, the trap door is in a secluded, cobweb covered area and is forgotten about and as long as they are quiet, no one will find out that they are living beneath. Max ponders the silence of the opera house and Anna talks about the hopes and dreams that are built upon the stage. She says that people spend their lives waiting for their big moment, and on her trainers, she attempts to stand on her toes, implying she is some kind of dancer. She muses about the phrase "spend our lives" and says, "We spend our lives, without giving a thought to what we're buying."<br />
<br />
Max goes to bed and we see the mysterious canvas bag again and it moves and makes a strange sound. In the morning, Anna wakes Max and shows him an article about him in the paper and tells him to get dressed. Max sees some track lines in Annas ankle and the strange guy from the previous night comes in to ask who Max in and pulls a knife on him, with lots of children surrounding him. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCJWN7aIlVhTYeA4VIu3N-QCmt8IrFVCHZpR0pLlnnNf4NVft_WOazvS2CRtbKoqDR0cNU8OpKtyjXUJ_W9St4uGAToUSUGo_ACpPjxBaQNOFVULIqwNdYUGEDDlk53UCvcGE3RQ7tDU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h12m38s214.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCJWN7aIlVhTYeA4VIu3N-QCmt8IrFVCHZpR0pLlnnNf4NVft_WOazvS2CRtbKoqDR0cNU8OpKtyjXUJ_W9St4uGAToUSUGo_ACpPjxBaQNOFVULIqwNdYUGEDDlk53UCvcGE3RQ7tDU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h12m38s214.png" width="320" /></a></div>Anna tells the guy, Shanks, that Max will work for his keep and reasons that they could use an extra pair of hands. In the city streets, Anna walks with Max and tells her that he won't join their pick pocket gang as Anna keeps stealing purses and wallets and he keeps handing them back. As Anna steals a large bag from a woman, she notices it and tries to attack Max as they board the tube and manage to get away. Anna tells Max that stealing is a piece of piss and he should do it while thinking of all the people who took from him. <br />
<br />
Max returns to the shop where the guy pulled the meat cleaver on him, with all the tunnel kids in tow and tells the kids to fill their baskets and the rob the shop of food, cash, dirty magazines and the owners bike and load into the back of a van which rotates it's license plate to evade the police. In the back of the van the kids celebrate their haul, but Max reads an article about himself in the paper.<br />
<br />
He jumps out of the back of the van and says he's going home because it's not the kind of life he needs and Anna tells him to take her with him, but the van drives off. Max goes to see Anna who tells him it's over and throws him a suitcase. He goes to see his stoner friends, their flat has burned down and they tell Max their other friend has moved on and won't give anyone his number. Max tries a hotel, but he doesn't have enough money to rent a room. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBMkQcKrz_2d6FcH3OJS4exCveAiGIMqXKhdC-SHTTZ_0MC6T2i2UrtPTg3GhvGJTTUDQI6XorT5plnJ1Wb-RjjMtCGcJLJ4NssteJ81xiuV6exX8yVgYaQe9ZXedo_IQUwOBLOF8ZsGI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h23m01s45.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBMkQcKrz_2d6FcH3OJS4exCveAiGIMqXKhdC-SHTTZ_0MC6T2i2UrtPTg3GhvGJTTUDQI6XorT5plnJ1Wb-RjjMtCGcJLJ4NssteJ81xiuV6exX8yVgYaQe9ZXedo_IQUwOBLOF8ZsGI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h23m01s45.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So, about that life of thievery....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Max sheepishly returns to Anna and she tells him it's a bad time, she tells him if she lets him in he can't tell anyone about what he sees to anyone ever. Soaked, with no where to go, he has no choice and she reminds him he swore on his life. Inside the tunnels the kids are celebrating, dancing and drinking with a fire in the centre. Max joins in and is seperated from Anna who tried to take him away, but he doesn't listen and is enjoying the party.<br />
<br />
In a back room, Shanks tells the children that it's luckily dip time and because they did well they get a bit extra and he opens a metal tin and hands out sweets to all the children. Shanks implies that the children's sweets actually contain drugs, disgusted, Max tries to walk away, but he trips over because he's had a bit too much to drink. Shanks tries to guess what Max's drug of choice is, Max tells him he doesn't do drugs, Anna tells him you never hear about how good heroin is, but she tells him it's brilliant. <br />
<br />
Shanks tells Max that he strikes him as a shallow boy in need of experience, then we see the tunnel again with the dog running towards the camera. We return to the girls bedroom as she narrates again about not getting the modelling job she expected as the camera zooms further into the polaroid. She says that hard work makes a model, not an eating disorder or being a junkie and she'll get work again once that phase is done with, on the polaroid we now see that it's Tasha who Max met at the Valve club earlier in the film, she closes her narration by saying, "I don't know what I'm going to do about this stupid snake tattoo."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdsZDuZbopgPZKe5e74K7v-B_NrCHqq4_56vKcPgx7jvRKi7aTUZLkNojgpMx8T-zdFIKlMiljp0IdD2vnSVfHo8fHLyigfWjIgoPmIp-UkNb_faz_6Pw_Z_qkDHzws900CTSSKas4aF8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h42m11s176.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdsZDuZbopgPZKe5e74K7v-B_NrCHqq4_56vKcPgx7jvRKi7aTUZLkNojgpMx8T-zdFIKlMiljp0IdD2vnSVfHo8fHLyigfWjIgoPmIp-UkNb_faz_6Pw_Z_qkDHzws900CTSSKas4aF8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h42m11s176.png" width="320" /></a></div>We see a man trying to pull the silver bracelet from her arm and another man steals her purse, then the camera pulls up and we see it's actually Anna and Max and Max has acquired a couple of extra piercings.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNT3ifTVptGbXTwPCgpZyJxekYe2RbPAegVfIuTrKNZmA16rQ020l0g1EqO4VUJq4USQI38lt-TPILn_TABaV0ZvUMnD4kV3m01m8wnuopTFaLIWjdXKh7H0dJuAiEqtoSVA-F6SOAHc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h44m32s134.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNT3ifTVptGbXTwPCgpZyJxekYe2RbPAegVfIuTrKNZmA16rQ020l0g1EqO4VUJq4USQI38lt-TPILn_TABaV0ZvUMnD4kV3m01m8wnuopTFaLIWjdXKh7H0dJuAiEqtoSVA-F6SOAHc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-18h44m32s134.png" width="320" /></a></div>Let me tell you this, my cousin had his bridge pierced and he took it out and he will forever have the hole there, those don't heal. Anna and Max hear a dog barking and run away, as they run we see pictures of Max's drug dealer friend pasted on the wall. <br />
<br />
We then see a book and the word, GREENLAND, comes up on screen, then we see Max talking to the tunnel children about Greenland and Aurora Borealis, then we return to the Max from the beginning of the film. He tells us if you want to go to the Arctic circle, head to Iceland, not Greenland, because Greenland is nothing but ice. Back with the tunnel kids, one of them looks inside the canvas bag and it's still unclear what's inside that thing. <br />
<br />
One of the kids warns another one to be careful where he's sticking a needle, because if he sticks it in the wrong place he could get gangrene. One of the kids tells a story about a man they knew who had run out of veins for heroin and stuck a need in his bollock and hit an artery and his ball swelled up to the size of a football, then it got infected and he died. The other kids stare at him. Then they hear a banging sound and someone shouting, "SHANKS" and Anna says it's the dealers. The tunnel kids and Anna run and hide, the dealers are lead by Percy, who has several mooks behind him, Shanks looks scared in his room, Anna and Max hide in her room and Percy gets out a sledgehammer as his mooks search the tunnel area. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFCv0hDPrXNHOdqhRAXpfXvEILvJsW3woFeITZjdh_dpYui9wZ5-E1J2GFETEcnav7Tx1gkx6uCOc-C2aB_fg8W-PD1kfAOHzwZq-0R5xG-qjer3sOiKzHVuO5ZnTNkcYvxgXrqqRVmo8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h03m32s13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFCv0hDPrXNHOdqhRAXpfXvEILvJsW3woFeITZjdh_dpYui9wZ5-E1J2GFETEcnav7Tx1gkx6uCOc-C2aB_fg8W-PD1kfAOHzwZq-0R5xG-qjer3sOiKzHVuO5ZnTNkcYvxgXrqqRVmo8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h03m32s13.png" width="320" /></a></div>Percy shouts that he isn't a bank and if you take his gear he expects to be paid for it. Shanks tries to pry up some floorboards in order to hide his metal box, Percy finds Shanks's room and says he doesn't take issue with the late payment, but if he lets him get away with it, other clients might be tempted to take the piss. <br />
<br />
Percy shouts that he's going to make an example of the entire crew, Shanks makes a run for it and is gunned down, the children see this and begin to attack the mooks, who fire their guns at the children. One of the kids starts fighting Percy with a crowbar, Max and Anna smash a mirror over the head of another Mook who becomes trapped in the frame and starts firing a machine gun at them, but they are able to avoid it. Percy hits the kid he was fighting with a sledge hammer, and the kid goes flying across the room. <br />
<br />
Severely injured, the kid opens the canvas bag and releases what looks like something out of an urban legend and the creature flies at Percy and begins attacking him and biting at his throat.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCRCNbIJqvDJZqQArO6oTTrnn6EPyuscETeTwRnky0RReeBNeHsA9f_UwA2yP9-Ze_QE5-PQmdlKayo7LePp2Q5sPRNtG040SLdCx7Z1NpDAKmC0jAx6aNuL6QKcipmgA1535Lf3CAK48/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h11m22s101.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCRCNbIJqvDJZqQArO6oTTrnn6EPyuscETeTwRnky0RReeBNeHsA9f_UwA2yP9-Ze_QE5-PQmdlKayo7LePp2Q5sPRNtG040SLdCx7Z1NpDAKmC0jAx6aNuL6QKcipmgA1535Lf3CAK48/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h11m22s101.png" width="320" /></a></div>A mook gets taken out by one of the kids wielding a frying pan, another kid hides under a bath and walks up to a mook with a machine gun and slices the back of his ankle. The Mook trapped in the mirror runs out of bullets so Max and Anna push him through a wall and escape, while the kid with the frying pan has got to the point where he's just re-enacting a typical episode of Reeves and Mortimer. Percy throws the creature off and shoots the kid who threw it at him.<br />
<br />
Shanks, still alive, reaches for his metal box, but Anna and Max grab it and run through the tunnels while the mooks with with bullets shoot at the kids, killing most of them. Percy finds Shanks and turns him over and bashes his head in with his sledge hammer, Percy wipes the blood off the end of the hammer and says, "And that is why they call me, Percy." Then he breaks into "When a man loves a woman" to the camera and his mooks stand behind him, clicking their fingers. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisZp3GiH_pFXLkfUx87EnL5wLCyIuFlaZE8V9ezk2O02itnQWVRngdN735aS4fqXTmzP0yMuRSM421pF7DVZdSybv-8M_H7UIDWYj_4D2BOC27vXcqrXdBIop5Ng-PBSvVCFbW9JH-_B0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h22m44s10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisZp3GiH_pFXLkfUx87EnL5wLCyIuFlaZE8V9ezk2O02itnQWVRngdN735aS4fqXTmzP0yMuRSM421pF7DVZdSybv-8M_H7UIDWYj_4D2BOC27vXcqrXdBIop5Ng-PBSvVCFbW9JH-_B0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h22m44s10.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not making that up</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see Anna and Max running through the opera house, escaping and running down the street, honestly, if you're going to watch this movie, you need to see Percy doing this, it's quite brilliant.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mJBeV91D4eQe6gyIl-HGdma9Wfzgmp0KM5E7qmNXXnslnbmOiL05wnEy300EDstF7HU91XgaHfx5QC-NeqAlIqXBNDD0jLG1NaGdYHACXVzwSL-K-Ji2cTyfwHVyohxPXCKovJNw-Ws/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h25m50s89.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mJBeV91D4eQe6gyIl-HGdma9Wfzgmp0KM5E7qmNXXnslnbmOiL05wnEy300EDstF7HU91XgaHfx5QC-NeqAlIqXBNDD0jLG1NaGdYHACXVzwSL-K-Ji2cTyfwHVyohxPXCKovJNw-Ws/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h25m50s89.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lazy people can find the clip on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yy-5FTSvlTs">youtube</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see flashbacks of Max and Anna in earlier parts of the movie, for some reason and then we see Max and Anna breaking into an attic room, they break open Shank's metal box and find three large bags of heroin inside. Anna narrates over the top of this, then we transition to a field in the sunlight, with Max and Anna sat by a tree. Max holds a leaf, which turns brown in his hand and it's autumn. <br />
<br />
In their attic room later, Max wipes a window which is covered in ice and he sees a building across the street. It's now December the 1st, Anna says it's her birthday, Max starts talking about the dog being on him and tries to work how how many weeks he's got left. We see inside the metal box which still has plenty of heroin left inside.<br />
<br />
Anna tries to comfort Max as he scribbles furiously on some wax paper. We then see Max in a suit heading into the talent agency, a woman at the reception tries to stop him, but fails. We see the PR guy reading out something while Max's old friend looks on and the two agent guys do lines of coke. Max pushes past Sal and into the office. He asks if any of them remember him, and none of them seem to, he says he's there to present a new idea. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvFlMaoS-RHqTZic59KyBDEawA8xR4CFlk-iJDcqpaMb6whOQJfke9tiRMRJLiI_DdsibqtP273PhiliAGN49n5_tcJLL-YhU0o7eqiwLC12XKlWu5kIZQNrZfQNpQo9GYoPP8qT5LkD8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h38m26s208.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvFlMaoS-RHqTZic59KyBDEawA8xR4CFlk-iJDcqpaMb6whOQJfke9tiRMRJLiI_DdsibqtP273PhiliAGN49n5_tcJLL-YhU0o7eqiwLC12XKlWu5kIZQNrZfQNpQo9GYoPP8qT5LkD8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-19h38m26s208.png" width="320" /></a></div>The PR guy tells him to make an appointment because they're in a meeting. Max begs them to give him some time, so they agree and he passes out his sheets of paper for them to read which are written insanity and very crumpled. They can't read the papers, they don't understand what he's written and Max goes crazy and he pulls a knife and tells them to sit down and listen. <br />
<br />
As he rambles, his former friend tells him that he doesn't listen to anything the three twats in the room with him tell him, he has to decide for himself whether or not his work is any good and the public decides whether or not he has a career. Why his friend couldn't have told him this before Max went crazy, I don't know.<br />
<br />
Max grabs his papers and blows the guys drugs away, then he goes to the toilet and cooks himself up some heroin, but he's shaking too much to hit the vein properly. The PR guys are then in the lift, travelling down and Max stops them trying to present another idea. Back at the attic room, Max furiously shoves things into a bag, he takes the heroin and his and Annas passports and he drags her down a dark street where he trades with his former friend the quality china white for ten grand and two tickets to Greenland. <br />
<br />
He tries to bring Anna down the street, but she won't come with it, Max walks alone and he passes the deformed beggar from earlier in the film. Max walks with a sense of purpose and into a limo that his friend hired him to take to the airport. Anna chases after his friend to get some heroin and Max gets into the limo alone. He starts taking out his piercings in the limo and as it drives along the road the street lamps turn out one by one.<br />
<br />
The credits start to roll, then they stop and we see Anna run up to Max's friend and ask for some gear, he gives her a small bag of it and she runs off down the street and we see the dog running down the tunnel again. The credits roll again and then we get a stinger of Percy at the talent agency, being signed up and he looks at the camera and smiles.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEWXFV_CmQtJmv2evjOPiVboy_jG4sNfB5KN-p3N4k_MDDmr-lF-NWd7IbBiJvnxhigJCtQraj5rGMhwZKfMNA8yHbVb4wCryRL32zUyp-9vFD1Ay-8U08zCkDB3Lxb01u7YZlSq7va4M/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-20h00m27s107.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEWXFV_CmQtJmv2evjOPiVboy_jG4sNfB5KN-p3N4k_MDDmr-lF-NWd7IbBiJvnxhigJCtQraj5rGMhwZKfMNA8yHbVb4wCryRL32zUyp-9vFD1Ay-8U08zCkDB3Lxb01u7YZlSq7va4M/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-14-20h00m27s107.png" width="320" /></a></div>End of movie.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
So, this is a weird movie. There's no denying it. Between singing Malfoy's, speeded up footage, fetish operations, a guy <i>actually</i> being fisted and that <i>thing</i> in the canvas bag, I'm really not sure what to make of it. <br />
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The plot is, Max does something everyone tells him is brilliant, but it turns out it's shit, so he moans a lot and gets drunk, then gets lots of piercings and hangs out with thieving kids, becomes a heroin addict, decides to go to Greenland, sells a big bag of heroin and goes to Greenland. At some point after that, his piercing holes all healed up and he went to Iceland and met a girl with a canoe.<br />
<br />
The film as a whole isn't really worth watching again, but I'd happily rewatch the Percy scenes as Jason Isaacs manages to steal the film and become the most interesting character even though he's only on screen for about 15 minutes total. <br />
<br />
There are so many unanswered questions about this movie, I don't even know where to begin. Here's what I'll give the movie, the acting was excellent, the characters were interesting. The plot however is really stupid and there's far too much time spent with Max moaning about failing at life. It was very annoying, not getting to see whatever it was that Max did so poorly, because we as an audience don't get to decide for ourselves whether we agree with Anna who liked it or with the others who didn't. <br />
<br />
Seeing all the tunnel children get shot was pretty bad.<br />
<br />
It's not a bad film, but it's not a great film, though it doesn't deserve the hanging obscurity it's living in, so I would say if you come across a copy you should give it a chance and see if you like it. <br />
<br />
<b>6 out of 10</b><br />
Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-45213350549439111792011-08-13T05:36:00.000-07:002011-08-13T08:09:49.901-07:00Cool World - ReviewCool World is a 1992 live action/animated film starring Brad Pitt, Gabriel Byrne and Kim Basinger. It was a box office flop, failing to recoup it's budget by a significant amount and is the last film directed by rotoscoping, Lord of the Rings director, Ralph Bakshi, who retired in 1997.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzc-8mW4uZgERQpFp6Cb4uIyCqBBn5OOnHf_Lyea9oJfFK6K3_9ly40B3bbvz8X8B2LCteMtHLXddLIsQyzIrg-bpmSEOdqN2riUz5-RTRt0Hhfn0fwvbrze7kptJAn1bGumzbXhgt50w/s1600/Cool+World.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzc-8mW4uZgERQpFp6Cb4uIyCqBBn5OOnHf_Lyea9oJfFK6K3_9ly40B3bbvz8X8B2LCteMtHLXddLIsQyzIrg-bpmSEOdqN2riUz5-RTRt0Hhfn0fwvbrze7kptJAn1bGumzbXhgt50w/s320/Cool+World.jpg" width="225" /></a></div><a name='more'></a>I'd never heard of this movie, I stumbled across it whilst doing some research into another movie and had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Why is Brad Pitt in a cheap Roger Rabbit rip off and why does he look photoshopped? I guess I'm about to find out, but that woman on the cover has nothing on Jessica Rabbit.<br />
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As the Paramount logo pops up we get a funky electro-pop song and a woman with a throaty voice singing, "Play with me", I sincerely hope this isn't setting the tone for the movie. The blue titles slide in and out on a plain, black background. When these finally finish, we're told we're in Las Vegas in 1945 and we see a plane going into a hanger as Jazz music plays and a crowd gathers to greet some service men and women and we see Brad Pitt hugging a woman who looks to be in her forties, probably his mother.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLtfKmmQhyphenhyphenP5YuhYmgXhtNqqugJqLDjnTN9tL-ENjgIji9RhAftiWDCAYmnwPN7NysHwV9KUUavaLhpy1U1N4357uMeGVkunj-JHzn1sk02Y-6RfZJfPz0ag2B1QNVb0dMbGCNt_hwAts/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h32m53s42.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLtfKmmQhyphenhyphenP5YuhYmgXhtNqqugJqLDjnTN9tL-ENjgIji9RhAftiWDCAYmnwPN7NysHwV9KUUavaLhpy1U1N4357uMeGVkunj-JHzn1sk02Y-6RfZJfPz0ag2B1QNVb0dMbGCNt_hwAts/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h32m53s42.png" width="320" /></a></div>We switch to a farm style house and we see Brad's changed clothes into a sharp grey suit, he tells his mother he has a surprise for her outside and makes her close her eyes and leads her outside where he shows her a very cool red motorcycle. Her fake enthusiasm for this surprise is fantastic. He tells her that he won it in a poker game in Italy and she tells him to be careful. He then tells her he's going to take her for a ride.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgYtWutSPR4fBYfj81mZ1F-uj-hqDPftNEhOa3o1ORwbg4xE94_dAsj8O0a4GDa8cm_DP3wsLHv6hr8Io3R7NR-MbX3IeICAVhuh-gpmxy3S33KBZvpOJgw9GxzVtY4X9-L8squ4rRiOs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h41m20s250.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgYtWutSPR4fBYfj81mZ1F-uj-hqDPftNEhOa3o1ORwbg4xE94_dAsj8O0a4GDa8cm_DP3wsLHv6hr8Io3R7NR-MbX3IeICAVhuh-gpmxy3S33KBZvpOJgw9GxzVtY4X9-L8squ4rRiOs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h41m20s250.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A ride in which their hair doesn't move, they can have a perfectly audible conversation and no safety equipment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We then see a gambling building, we know it's a gambling building because it's painted bright red and has the word "GAMBLING" painted on the outside. We see a laughing couple leave and get into a car, whilst a mysterious smoking man watches on. The couple wear no seat belts and are more interested in drinking and kissing than watching where they are driving and they drive directly into Brad and his mother.<br />
<br />
The bike flies off the road and Brad starts having a war flashback and starts crawling through the dirt, then he sees his mother sprawled on the dust who is looking surprisingly neat for having been thrown from a speeding motorcycle, hit by a car, into a dirt road, with only a thick coat and a knee length skirt for safety equipment. We transition and see the woman of the couple sitting on their car, crying as a police officer takes notes whilst talking to the man.<br />
<br />
An ambulance loads Brad's mother into the back in a body bag and to transition from this moving death scene, we get this:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Xvs1KtPqH3y7pkgzR_qFOpi66bUkFhYuWRGGBztEOO329dhrNFiTQ73hA9OxH7PO16jjpP5P5m27Ugdefaav5MjYvwrQixORNl3gYpNyEABxk8XFbxT8G-2hTvNwJHmlMt-mg4ohaA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h47m57s122.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Xvs1KtPqH3y7pkgzR_qFOpi66bUkFhYuWRGGBztEOO329dhrNFiTQ73hA9OxH7PO16jjpP5P5m27Ugdefaav5MjYvwrQixORNl3gYpNyEABxk8XFbxT8G-2hTvNwJHmlMt-mg4ohaA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h47m57s122.png" width="320" />/</a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All right, it wasn't<i> that</i> moving, but <i>this</i> is still inappropriate. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>The little cartoon guy says something about his big science machine working, then we go back to Brad who's crying in the dirt and freaking out. He keeps trying to sit up and the police officers keep pushing him back down, which is kind of amusing, but when he lets out a<a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BigNo"> Big No</a>, he is transported by a light blue, beamy, thingy and is then sat on a chair in a dark room.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTvoU6fVnD73HKk2kQ4yxxJbYXaIKchhcWafyit4GAzUeARKzsk7iQFCqlQGPBhyphenhyphen7cz6Q7qkaOy2-JeQxgK8WpflBuNPjngiW-XyknLuVa6XvOweB8ntEO53C-STkDJ0V_nRVby1a0Q2g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h54m32s233.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTvoU6fVnD73HKk2kQ4yxxJbYXaIKchhcWafyit4GAzUeARKzsk7iQFCqlQGPBhyphenhyphen7cz6Q7qkaOy2-JeQxgK8WpflBuNPjngiW-XyknLuVa6XvOweB8ntEO53C-STkDJ0V_nRVby1a0Q2g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-01h54m32s233.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Brad starts shouting for his mother, and he is squared off by two large cartoony guys, the little science guy starts muttering to himself about what happened, then hears Brad screaming. The little science guy comes over and says that the large guys are doodles and Brad says, "cartoons?" I must say he's taking this rather well for someone in the forties who very, very likely has never seen a full colour toon in the style of which these are drawn. These are very much Warner Brothers, Loony Tunes style, if it was 1945 and colour TV was introduced to America till the 50's and we'll assume he signed up at the point that America finally decided to join in around 1941/1942 or so, his only experience with full colour cartoon characters would be with Disney animated features such as Snow White or Fantasia. So really, he's taking this very well indeed.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMFOtTRj1W5otKqka7aPIM21VXlwIqIQ8azKk0GY9Vijh1j8EqfUcmD7EPYHHqMjqeoCiPtC67P6uOAe4JHOugpFxjF2R6oNGDnjTIA7OG2Va1eQ4rPsMOgoAVqikJiyZYDnXgrYPTFfA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-02h06m28s98.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMFOtTRj1W5otKqka7aPIM21VXlwIqIQ8azKk0GY9Vijh1j8EqfUcmD7EPYHHqMjqeoCiPtC67P6uOAe4JHOugpFxjF2R6oNGDnjTIA7OG2Va1eQ4rPsMOgoAVqikJiyZYDnXgrYPTFfA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-02h06m28s98.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So we're ripping off Roger Rabbit, but with poor animation and no big studio backing? Why did I agree to this movie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table> The little science guy gets excited because his machine was supposed to send him to the real world and instead it's brought Brad to theirs, he tells Brad he's in a real place called the Cool World, Brad looks quite bored by the revelation. He inspects Brad by shining a light in his mouth which comes out of his ear, but the mixing of effects is quite bad and it really doesn't look like the two are interacting.<br />
<br />
The little guy says he's sorry about Brad's mother and Brad gets a sadistic look over his face and says, "You're cartoons." Thanks, Brad, I think we've established that. Brad says that the cartoons aren't real, the little guy says they are, and inter-world travel has been an obsession of his for many years, he turns Brad around and tells the other two guys that Brad isn't for them, he's a man of mystery and science and a hero.<br />
<br />
Brad says he's not a hero, the little guy introduces himself as Doc Whiskers, Brad's character is called Frank Harris, but we'll continue to call him Brad. They walk off into blackness, Brad tells Whiskers he was a soldier, Whiskers says that might be useful when he's gone, the screen fades to black and we get a card saying "Las Vegas 1992".<br />
<br />
The camera sweeps quickly through the desert and into the window of a prison, it travels past a bunch of cells then we see Gabriel Byrne sat at a lighting table. He turns on a desk lamp and begins narrating exposition in his head.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsTaB9aslPNDCAStyvOUZp-BBlMkLd5kZRX4JMpxIuJcAiG2IOJrbaxk92aFpIE6gETxQrWIhUv8ME920WN3OEQmK-ehoN2OGvD_isbWPi3pmM1fpM4I3eCO2zVhJd3wMrNp7qZ8T9pJI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h12m51s72.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsTaB9aslPNDCAStyvOUZp-BBlMkLd5kZRX4JMpxIuJcAiG2IOJrbaxk92aFpIE6gETxQrWIhUv8ME920WN3OEQmK-ehoN2OGvD_isbWPi3pmM1fpM4I3eCO2zVhJd3wMrNp7qZ8T9pJI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h12m51s72.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
He tells the drawing that they'll be out of there tomorrow, he addresses it as Holly saying that even though she's a drawing, without her he'd never have made it through prison. The drawing says, "It's time you came to me, Jack" and Jack jumps up from the table as a pair of hands come out of the lighting table and reach for him. He shakes his head and then is taken by a lightning effect into the cartoon world.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHokc-Qx4i1X4JVYlLUXrz4svFhzaIS4eBHQI9VHKYWNqNnlnrGfw5A47iwmBm74sP-bfWvNXMroA-0HyRqGhpLxbxpHWRAOTdHx2mSjDrc8bhapyLtQHX_ZedHhPvEnkmGXnoClii3Lk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h16m12s1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHokc-Qx4i1X4JVYlLUXrz4svFhzaIS4eBHQI9VHKYWNqNnlnrGfw5A47iwmBm74sP-bfWvNXMroA-0HyRqGhpLxbxpHWRAOTdHx2mSjDrc8bhapyLtQHX_ZedHhPvEnkmGXnoClii3Lk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h16m12s1.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Jack begins falling into the cartoon world, falling hundreds of feel and eventually handing in a badly animated club, where lots of wolf/dog creatures watch Holly dance. It's pretty jarring when you see the badly animated crowd and an obviously rotoscoped dancing girl. Jack looks up, seeing the cartoon creatures on one side and then a a flat, 2D drawing on the other, I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a drawing or if it's supposed to be more crowd.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBP4yfHNCqIw6R_Fb1fcmIKLvKq22JuVFSJ59BlbLMmjF0mjbSrH7BSELT_xZoU5sMLYL9SYrM4iSj4-uAcyf2fKoYQFG3AAY8-qpuSbL5FMfJzk9ekBj9QHSk8L2PW971WnyBDg_a9Wc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h18m39s149.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBP4yfHNCqIw6R_Fb1fcmIKLvKq22JuVFSJ59BlbLMmjF0mjbSrH7BSELT_xZoU5sMLYL9SYrM4iSj4-uAcyf2fKoYQFG3AAY8-qpuSbL5FMfJzk9ekBj9QHSk8L2PW971WnyBDg_a9Wc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h18m39s149.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Holly continues to rotoscope around the dance floor, it's pretty bad when you know how very, very badly they wanted this character to be the next Jessica Rabbit and you know they have failed completely. Jessica Rabbit was sultry, sophisticated, yes she had the ridiculous body, but if she was just a flat drawing I don't think she'd be half as iconic as the character is.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRIqTh158mUjc6IqMGbC9zRkFEwqJOFtq8XzB-y9x6-05IWIAK1P-tqu06iGR6KR22BQ0Vf914NimiHEBytQcUUnqm_87rxH4Zgl3iGYHp3-GbQVjBwk9QXdB3A49u3MmAaze6iHpLgNU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h20m05s225.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRIqTh158mUjc6IqMGbC9zRkFEwqJOFtq8XzB-y9x6-05IWIAK1P-tqu06iGR6KR22BQ0Vf914NimiHEBytQcUUnqm_87rxH4Zgl3iGYHp3-GbQVjBwk9QXdB3A49u3MmAaze6iHpLgNU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h20m05s225.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dressing Holly like a Hooker and having her boobs impossibly held in, does not make her sexy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Jack stands up and reaches for Holly as she walks towards him, then the camera changes position and the editor fails at editing because he reaches for her again. The world flips and Jack is returned to his prison cell. Back in the cartoon world, we see some characters drawn as early nineties style Nicktoons digging through a bin and a guy in a purple suit passes them, one of them jumps out of the bin and asks what he's doing, the guy says he won't tell them and continues on. Another toon jumps out of the bin and says that he's gone soft as he's been seeing Holly, the purple suit guy picks up the toon and slaps him around a bit and then throws him on the floor.<br />
<br />
The purple suit guy throws the toons a handful of wooden nickels, the wooden nickels then jump up and start attacking the toons, they grow mouths and evil red eyes and start biting the toons and the purple suit guy walks away and the coins bounce back after him and he pockets them. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Bnn99YFB9dwq-XbjmIA8nB35_YVIRywI5nZQyIrawbk3YggM-BY7n-KMnfXYk03j3gb7bE4bpZ7Lw6CbMWtSxOUuA-wzcC_l0eLTf0s74B2Sa65KFodmONLINr_nYKWQd4lGiqU00bU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h36m00s80.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Bnn99YFB9dwq-XbjmIA8nB35_YVIRywI5nZQyIrawbk3YggM-BY7n-KMnfXYk03j3gb7bE4bpZ7Lw6CbMWtSxOUuA-wzcC_l0eLTf0s74B2Sa65KFodmONLINr_nYKWQd4lGiqU00bU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h36m00s80.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
We then see Brad pull up to a building in an animated car, which then turns into a real car, as he walks up to the building it becomes a fail cardboard cut out, then a different angled one as he turns around and sees two toons trying to steal the wheel from his car. He tells them to get lost and they run away, the door to the building slides back and he enters, getting his foot caught up in the door, as a safe falls from the sky, missing him. The purple suit guy sees this and says that he hates when Holly sees guys without telling him.<br />
<br />
I really have to say at this point that it's shocking how poor the animation is, I've seen better animated pop up ads. That could be forgiven if Brad blended into the world, but he doesn't, he interacts with painted backdrops instead of animated ones. Even if you're a crazy person who doesn't like Roger Rabbit, you at least have to admit that it looked like the toons and the people were interacting with one another. This is not the case in Cool World. <br />
<br />
Inside the building Holly is rotoscoping again to some film footage played through a gramophone of Marilyn Monroe. She greets Brad as Dectective Harris, so I guess Brad's been not very busy in the 47 years he's been hanging around Cool World if he's only a detective. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdJ506An9GoCUcgwKNZ9GlmmLDym8hipa-wtA6twqwJRXHMv-i0aAB2MU0sUma1li5qAk1wy3hokpdNz4eKFJsB5kxtUJetiAWy_LIkHJKNUvaUKl1xLLbyw0ci9qjOGWsFq0Nf2iIUQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h49m08s15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdJ506An9GoCUcgwKNZ9GlmmLDym8hipa-wtA6twqwJRXHMv-i0aAB2MU0sUma1li5qAk1wy3hokpdNz4eKFJsB5kxtUJetiAWy_LIkHJKNUvaUKl1xLLbyw0ci9qjOGWsFq0Nf2iIUQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-11h49m08s15.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
And again, this is where the movie fails, we can clearly see the painted walls and backdrop are merely painted walls instead of animation, Holly has just been animated on top and the gramophone and bar in the foreground are real props. The movie doesn't allow you to immerse yourself in its world as you are too busy looking at the mishmash of a set. <br />
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Holly tells Brad that her dress is a copy of a Marilyn Monroe dress and she knows the movie by heart, Holly likes the movie because the girl gets everything she ever wanted by the end. Holly says she knows it's real because it has a copyright date on it. They then start talking nonsense as Brad says there's a rumour she had a noid visitation at the club the previous night, Holly says it was a mind slip, nothing special. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. <br />
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Brad interacts with the cardboard cut out sets and goes to leave, Holly says she has something to show him and takes him to a cardboard cut out wall where she talks about Vegas Vinnie, a toon who crossed over and took over a Vegas hotel. Brad tells her that Vegas Vinnie is a doodle fairytale, I think this movie is trying to say their toons are called doodles, but I'm still going to call them toons. Brad looks at himself in the mirror and Holly asks if he could make it to the toon world, why she couldn't make it to the real world.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMofGlaJuGpCGburRElP6NhFo6GkGVBFolhb40LWHTP42YcZRdnsznc6bQvM5BA00K55xgordMyzROpXgiPKrCCu8Spfg2lD2A0kBarzHYxibHpn5kVpKUXzPNTTP2Mq9Nm3wgZrL7iE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h10m22s198.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMofGlaJuGpCGburRElP6NhFo6GkGVBFolhb40LWHTP42YcZRdnsznc6bQvM5BA00K55xgordMyzROpXgiPKrCCu8Spfg2lD2A0kBarzHYxibHpn5kVpKUXzPNTTP2Mq9Nm3wgZrL7iE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h10m22s198.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then a pencil sketch flies in for no reason</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Holly asks for Brad's help to cross over, but he says he won't, Holly gets angry and she says she knows what the noid things have in the real world and she wants it and then a load of toons cross the screen for no reason. She apparently wants to go to the real world to touch things, taste things and have sex. She tells Brad that if he won't help, she'll get Jack to help, Brad says Jack is crazy because he thinks he invented Cool World. Brad tells her to keep her legs crossed and forget about the real world.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFymMFfwhDvd4MzQdkHLdtY4riK45p6jQiXRBMs2Rf3a-VeX49hooQoO3KW_LLNZOGOn72Dv5SsR8E8QrQHR8M9dWTvF9HNywLVgVUIQsN6cVMUVvdfTmJRuM6HxM8PYMFEo7QgBoNAQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h17m11s206.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFymMFfwhDvd4MzQdkHLdtY4riK45p6jQiXRBMs2Rf3a-VeX49hooQoO3KW_LLNZOGOn72Dv5SsR8E8QrQHR8M9dWTvF9HNywLVgVUIQsN6cVMUVvdfTmJRuM6HxM8PYMFEo7QgBoNAQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h17m11s206.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, totally sexy. /end sarcasm</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Brad leaves and we sees some zany toon action for no reason. Jack's been released from prison and high fives people as he passes the cells, surprisingly friendly for movie prison. He drives a car to a house where a lady and several children are across the street. Then Jack is sat at a drawing table, then we're on the Vegas streets, stop jumping about, movie!<br />
<br />
Jack pulls up to a comic book shop which bears a large poster on the side featuring Joker, Wonder Woman and Superman as well as three scantily clad ladies I'm not really familiar with. In the shop Jack grabs an armful of comic books of Cool World, the girl at the counter recognises Jack and fan girls out. Jack notices they are selling autographed comic books for $140, then a bunch of fans start circling and he signs some comics. Jack signs a book for the girls boss and the girl invites him out to a coffee/jazz place, he politely declines as he's just come back to town. Then a smart ass asks him if he'll do a book about the guy he murdered, who he found in bed with his wife, subtle exposition, movie.<br />
<br />
The girl lets Jack take his comic books for free, and he signs an autograph for an old man as he is leaving. Jack returns home and does the tortured artist bit, then Holly brings him into Cool World again, though first we have to see more zany toon action. Jack lands in cardboard cut out city and is approached by a toon he recognises from his comics. He goes to shake the toons hand, but the toon pokes him in the eye and then more toons gather and begin to attack him.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXB4TIreDHwqS0Q_mddWem8MP7nDptoBoFgX7aG4DyRufLNxXeMy0glZ0yIEUup4CzkKfzBV1jm0Vtlo1gA8PXRZ8oCTTGJ2S_NkQ_W0nElXcErtyQPnSETBxdnJO6SSL1k2kSDr5DntI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h30m07s29.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXB4TIreDHwqS0Q_mddWem8MP7nDptoBoFgX7aG4DyRufLNxXeMy0glZ0yIEUup4CzkKfzBV1jm0Vtlo1gA8PXRZ8oCTTGJ2S_NkQ_W0nElXcErtyQPnSETBxdnJO6SSL1k2kSDr5DntI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-12h30m07s29.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Totally not trying to rip off Lena Hyena</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jack throws off fake Lena and we get a very unnecessary flash of toon boob, then she crawls inside his trousers and he throws her off again and the toons disperse as Holly appears in all her rotoscoping glory. Holly downs a bottle of whiskey and intermittently has a cigarette in her hand, then Jack approaches Holly and asks if he's dreaming. Jack says that he drew Holly and so maybe he can erase her, Holly says he wouldn't erase her as he's too hungry for what she has and she kinds of floats about on top of him.<br />
<br />
We get some more <i>zany</i> toon action, then return to Holly and Jack, Holly takes Jack to her car as the toon police are heading in their direction.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWwQuVSk4NUqbFll30bzKNWUE-y6H2yM6yqHeSKcQrAHD71FqN3rlWAPja7AJVkMnQ1BzawEgB1tVqCWn9vjLDf2p8Wr0pZaH5uBmVUWaG-Nhzt8xrD0QdAUyeM0-6e6Aplqmu7Wt_l_c/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-15h02m43s206.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWwQuVSk4NUqbFll30bzKNWUE-y6H2yM6yqHeSKcQrAHD71FqN3rlWAPja7AJVkMnQ1BzawEgB1tVqCWn9vjLDf2p8Wr0pZaH5uBmVUWaG-Nhzt8xrD0QdAUyeM0-6e6Aplqmu7Wt_l_c/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-15h02m43s206.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Seamless</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Holly's overly suggestive car drives through crowds of toons and along long, twisting bridges to evade the police, one of the toons pops out of the sunroof and wees on the police toons and they crash into a train allowing Holly & co to escape. Brad returns home to find a new rotoscoping toon lady who apparently has a thing for noids. They've yet to explain what exactly a noid is. Why they talk quietly there's lots of loud <i>zany</i> toon action in the foreground, just to make sure you don't hear what's supposed to be going on in the scene.<br />
<br />
Brad takes the lady out whilst toons bounce around the screen, a spider toon comes up to Brad and tells him that Holly has Jack in Cool World again so he has to leave his date and go with the spider toon to the club to find Holly. We see more <i>zany</i> toon antics, and if this point you feel like I've over using the word, zany, then be thankful you aren't watching this crap. Outside the club we see a bunch of multicoloured dancing skeletons and Holly arrives, rotoscoping her way to the door along with her crew.<br />
<br />
Jack recognises the doorman, who tells him that noids aren't allowed inside, Holly's muscle throws the doorman away and they enter the club. Brad approaches Jack and tells him to freeze and pulls out his police badge, Jack looks shocked and Brad pushes him up against a wall and asks what he's doing there, confiscating a pen from Jack.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF655LKkKhSbdHkdSMhM-g1ZfEiao8v7a3m_JYFKnWXGDt65wPfItaHGPM9pC7YTYr9l1fVGt22jEAdH43xuvapa-kmr03EQTGzIoUyQvoRlB1luI6n4t-e_FtinskwZbgclAt2gDXXRA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-15h44m54s163.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF655LKkKhSbdHkdSMhM-g1ZfEiao8v7a3m_JYFKnWXGDt65wPfItaHGPM9pC7YTYr9l1fVGt22jEAdH43xuvapa-kmr03EQTGzIoUyQvoRlB1luI6n4t-e_FtinskwZbgclAt2gDXXRA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-15h44m54s163.png" width="320" /></a></div>Jack says that he created Cool World from his visions, but of course Brad knows differently. Brad sticks the pen in a cardboard cut out bottle and then squirts some liquid across the room at the spider toon and asks Jack if he gets it. I've been watching this goddamn film and<i> I</i> don't get it. Brad tells Jack that anything goes in <strike>Toon Town</strike> Cool World except for one thing, noids don't have sex with doodles. <br />
<br />
Brad tells Jack that Holly is obsessed with noids and she's tried it on with every person who has come through and that he should stay away from Holly because she's bad news. He returns the pen to Jack and tells him to get out of there, Jack returns to Holly and she sends him back to the Real World. Brad goes to see his toon girlfriend again who is bitter about the no sex thing.<br />
<br />
She starts kissing him and he tells her to stop because they can't finish, he says he's like a plug without a socket, so does that mean that lady toons don't have lady parts? She asks him if he ever thought about going back to the real world so he can do it, he says he would never do it because he can't live without her, but there he can't be with her and it's frustrating. It's nice to know he cares so much about this character who's yet to be given a name so for the sake of clarity, *wikipedia*, she's called Lonette.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5mbxUO90C-ye7Ww_YJD6iq6HpoyxQAl8TsrE8ECweiM_7t1UA4G8xWi3OANaNcA3VNFa_lC_hLKL-t0WUnKEvd6gHDXahaAByAF29t179F3WNeRIk7SlRMRTVHVOVVwH5ePzUA2lFBDM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-16h00m02s33.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5mbxUO90C-ye7Ww_YJD6iq6HpoyxQAl8TsrE8ECweiM_7t1UA4G8xWi3OANaNcA3VNFa_lC_hLKL-t0WUnKEvd6gHDXahaAByAF29t179F3WNeRIk7SlRMRTVHVOVVwH5ePzUA2lFBDM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-16h00m02s33.png" width="320" /></a></div>Lonette says they're just going to have to pretend that they can have sex, but the spider toon arrives to cock block Brad. Jack meanwhile is pacing in the desert and then at his house, while Holly speaks to him and then kidnaps him back to the toon world. Jack arrives on a stage in the middle of an opera performance and then it's back to more zanyness. You know if this movie cut out all the stupid toon action, it would be half the length.<br />
<br />
Brad and spider toon arrive at Holly's place and the door won't let them in so the spider toon scales the side of the building with Brad attached to a rope around his waist. They reach some clouds, to which the spider toon is allergic and they drop off the side of the building but the spider toon catches the side of the building, preventing them from falling. They get into Holly's place where Holly is rotoscoping of course, Brad steals a cigarette from the purple suit guy and blows out some cartoon smoke and Holly notices Brad has arrived. The purple suit guy is called Sparks. Brad asks where Jack is, Holly plays dumb, Brad tells her to stay away from Jack or he'll close her down.<br />
<br />
Holly tells Brad that he could go back to the real world any time he wants, but he doesn't because he hasn't got the guts and doesn't have what it takes to be real. Brad says she might be right, then looks like he's forgot his lines for a moment and looks all over the place, then walks off. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN8_-5MEkBn5jesIqb0IT7bKyxs0vFTPAQ372ffB6ncaKzW1NQYMAyauvOX08Jkae4l44bUcYSYFia18_ylNYUp0Meb8DocNMMggrI-BYjXIdxmhuVpO2ZPOJEibP_w9PUrrboBQx4tmo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-16h14m22s187.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN8_-5MEkBn5jesIqb0IT7bKyxs0vFTPAQ372ffB6ncaKzW1NQYMAyauvOX08Jkae4l44bUcYSYFia18_ylNYUp0Meb8DocNMMggrI-BYjXIdxmhuVpO2ZPOJEibP_w9PUrrboBQx4tmo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-12-16h14m22s187.png" width="320" /></a></div>Brad goes to leave via the window, but sees Jack arriving downstairs. Jack is scared by the pencil sketch door, the door eventually lets Jack upstairs though he has no idea why he's going up. Holly teases him when he arrives, then for some reason all the toons start freaking out, then we cut back to Holly and Jack in her bedroom as she gyrates around him, then eventually climbs astride him.<br />
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Jack reminds her of Brad's warning, but Holly isn't one to follow the rules, so we see the toons climbing up the side of the building, then back to Holly biting her glove off, then back to the toons again, back to Holly, back to the toons, you see how this is going. No one wants to see the toons, they aren't funny, but for some reason we keep seeing them. Then we see Holly has successfully mounted Jack and she seems to have enjoyed herself. <br />
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We then see Holly transition from this:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-HHexLloBaZuDIbFwoB9PLWxNPe09inq5gH_oj5rvwKHm4isZL2gXcFqjrXxkLwqlILvNBkBapsVGdAIca7b4TaRdme8gcsMFLEKNJvoNKGEGqkW4kchKJumgymHOPT3KL6QPQwhofU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h35m31s253.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-HHexLloBaZuDIbFwoB9PLWxNPe09inq5gH_oj5rvwKHm4isZL2gXcFqjrXxkLwqlILvNBkBapsVGdAIca7b4TaRdme8gcsMFLEKNJvoNKGEGqkW4kchKJumgymHOPT3KL6QPQwhofU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h35m31s253.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCRc0vDp-EgwbSyfmEX0w-0pjc5gj6Jd6q3F3-WdlrzV3aQGAI8SLXdPfGlVNsOpuMytiUpa2EexKVT7SBm5LDIZh3fSZ7upE1a8sxc6x2HQ03jYye0Vk04Esw_zRD7jROiimVRnOca0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h35m44s198.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCRc0vDp-EgwbSyfmEX0w-0pjc5gj6Jd6q3F3-WdlrzV3aQGAI8SLXdPfGlVNsOpuMytiUpa2EexKVT7SBm5LDIZh3fSZ7upE1a8sxc6x2HQ03jYye0Vk04Esw_zRD7jROiimVRnOca0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h35m44s198.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To this</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
We see Holly's arm flicker between real and toon, then Holly pulls her white dress on and real version of Holly has much smaller, but more plausible boobs and a completely different haircut, guess it's a pretty traumatic conversion. <br />
<br />
Brad pulls up outside with spider toon in tow, Brad tells spider toon to keep working and call him when he's done. We see more toons inside the club and so far Lonette and Holly have been the only toons I've seen that look anything close to a real person. At the Cool World police station, Sparks the purple suit guy calls spider toon to tell him that Jack and Holly just did it and are heading to the real world.<br />
<br />
Spider toon calls the club and the phone runs around looking for Brad as an excuse to add some more bad animation. Spider toon decides not to tell Brad about Jack and Holly, Holly meanwhile keeps flicking between real and toon, but she's shaking and can't seem to believe she's turned real. Then we get an uneeded scene of spider toon loading a gun, look, movie, if you're going to force me to watch bad animation, at least make it relevant to the plot.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8smkvFI8BHtU7qjR6bWDGmBdkPXkgZbVWmpPeqWWU7AuMpZ6rr9qLQmJwoRe6S1QhaUCM9ALscvr-w8M06lTc-Aukmt9mZbfQn0SG8Tx-iWBBotsHCULy3S67FNRb8OFZCiPTEAIjliM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h47m15s208.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8smkvFI8BHtU7qjR6bWDGmBdkPXkgZbVWmpPeqWWU7AuMpZ6rr9qLQmJwoRe6S1QhaUCM9ALscvr-w8M06lTc-Aukmt9mZbfQn0SG8Tx-iWBBotsHCULy3S67FNRb8OFZCiPTEAIjliM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h47m15s208.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Jack asks Holly why they have to go back to the real world when Cool World is so much fun, Holly tells him that they can't do all the things she wants to do in the toon world, but she has to say goodbye to her gang first, so she hugs Jack and steals his pen by sliding it up her sleeve.<br />
<br />
Her gang freak out when they see Holly has become real, spider toon arrives and Kim Basinger does some truly terrible acting, then sticks the pen into spider toon and draws him into her pen. Then Holly grabs Jack and they return to the real world. Two of Jack's neighbours see the commotion at Jack's house and go to see if he's ok and Jack introduces his neighbours to Holly, saying that she's from out of town, while Holly sexually assaults Jack.<br />
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Back in Cool world Brad finds out that Holly did it with Jack and became real and also erased spider toon. Jack takes Holly to a bar and Holly goes crazy smelling people and acting badly. Holly gets up on stage and Jack tries to stop her but is thrown out of the bar. Jack puts his hand on the bouncer who throws him out and transfer a weird blue light and as he touches his car, he flickers between himself and a toon.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjgFV57FElGz9K2OrdpGeGClLDjkxUHBdW-mjYprsdWQRObAaxnchPcT94sHKpOl_aK1pHPcrj5EI08s39S8LRzG3aPb3HpPR40DFreQRscUWPIsrZTFPX-RAM8fm6PZa2oAsIPDyms8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h57m20s113.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjgFV57FElGz9K2OrdpGeGClLDjkxUHBdW-mjYprsdWQRObAaxnchPcT94sHKpOl_aK1pHPcrj5EI08s39S8LRzG3aPb3HpPR40DFreQRscUWPIsrZTFPX-RAM8fm6PZa2oAsIPDyms8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h57m20s113.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq18XzuiJFowenHctgLyc7Y8zmxwUTTKDtx_3-6Cuvt0dc5DK4Fbh-EoFy3-V3JXhM-H9x_UbMduDGbqxM9NECIxeDFRBmQr8HcCxZruUWSuZFfOJp8bwcFK851pEjeOS5W06V8JqTYzg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h57m16s49.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq18XzuiJFowenHctgLyc7Y8zmxwUTTKDtx_3-6Cuvt0dc5DK4Fbh-EoFy3-V3JXhM-H9x_UbMduDGbqxM9NECIxeDFRBmQr8HcCxZruUWSuZFfOJp8bwcFK851pEjeOS5W06V8JqTYzg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-00h57m16s49.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because that's totally the same thing as Gabriel Byrne. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>Inside the bar, Holly sings the song Let's Make Love, which while the film thinks is their version of "Give me some money too", it's totally not.<br />
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Meanwhile Brad and Lonette argue because he has to go to the real world to stop Jack and Holly, Brad assures Lonette that he doesn't want to go back, but has to stop Jack and Holly and for him Cool World is the real world.<br />
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Holly starts flickering between her real self and a clown, because that <i>totally</i> makes sense.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUfi-J7jU3ZOxUe68AQBV_g-jU0P53UT7gCwl1tddU93cqjAZApsLlXrQeGQVi82jzYt2OBBbIsRxKNtyKUURvp7LadUkeNUFe-ntPVxOKSJBZ4iERwEWw56sphCRn9e4nv4NALy9zq98/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h02m13s198.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUfi-J7jU3ZOxUe68AQBV_g-jU0P53UT7gCwl1tddU93cqjAZApsLlXrQeGQVi82jzYt2OBBbIsRxKNtyKUURvp7LadUkeNUFe-ntPVxOKSJBZ4iERwEWw56sphCRn9e4nv4NALy9zq98/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h02m13s198.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYFzcRYTocpuRjCRH07iswmHtJF3YCVnLR-k6ZFu7mQ3-Tntrx40E2QyeaJlO4oWpcCtFEeV3aIYSzDjpj7puEWLI3FJYpDbwE_HKV8GlBV864IBBC1T9ZvvyioVhw9_ItCvBpdLkrbOk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h02m21s43.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYFzcRYTocpuRjCRH07iswmHtJF3YCVnLR-k6ZFu7mQ3-Tntrx40E2QyeaJlO4oWpcCtFEeV3aIYSzDjpj7puEWLI3FJYpDbwE_HKV8GlBV864IBBC1T9ZvvyioVhw9_ItCvBpdLkrbOk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h02m21s43.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
The audience are impressed and think it's all part of the show, Holly runs out of the bar and steals a cigarette on her way out, she asks Jack what was going on, but Jack obviously doesn't know. Brad starts flashbacking to his motorcycle accident and uses the pain of that to send himself back to the real world. Jack and Holly drive, but as Jack's hands turn into toon hands he freaks out and also crashes.<br />
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Holly sees a sign for the vegas hotel she admired earlier in the movie and starts going on about the Spike of Power and how it can heal her. Jack says she's crazy and thinking like a toon and there is no Spike of Power so Holly kicks him in the face a couple of times, causing them to almost crash again and Holly throws Jack out of his car.<br />
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Jack's neighbour flicks through a Cool World comic book and hears strange sounds again, which is Brad materialising at Jack's house. Jack comes back and asks what Brad is doing in his house, he asks why Brad couldn't just shoot him and the two argue because Brad can't believe that Jack fucked everything up for a nympho like Holly, and Jack, well I'm not sure what Jack's argument is supposed to be. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvvMiXxfmTvNv89b0eN31XMZkHqokO6lL3eeHOxvalviG__ny4dnw5AIFYAvkVUEX1AjBBVwIYJqQ2AJnlweDkfTqfDxb7jt9eyv-QE8vCfENyHVRAFHhRS56uG46JaMBlGqjK7Jywh6M/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h14m30s212.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvvMiXxfmTvNv89b0eN31XMZkHqokO6lL3eeHOxvalviG__ny4dnw5AIFYAvkVUEX1AjBBVwIYJqQ2AJnlweDkfTqfDxb7jt9eyv-QE8vCfENyHVRAFHhRS56uG46JaMBlGqjK7Jywh6M/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h14m30s212.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Brad sees Jack flicker in-between real and toon and Jack confesses that it's happening to Holly as well. Jack's neighbour turns up and says she saw the weird stuff happening to his house again, then notices Brad who's looking a bit dishevelled. <br />
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Jack tells Brad that Holly is heading for the hotel of the legendary Vegas Vinnie, but they don't have a car so Jack's neighbour offers to drive them. Holly skids up at the hotel and a valet arrives to park her car, but she hasn't left the keys inside so he asks if he can help. Holly asks to see Vegas Vinnie, but he has never heard of him so Holly goes inside and starts asking random people if they've heard of Vegas Vinnie.<br />
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Brad tells Jack and his neighbour that the legend of Vegas Vinnie is based on Doc Whiskers, he and the Doc mapped out the passage between both worlds and they saw how easily the balance between the two worlds could be broken. Holly is thrown out of the hotel/casino place for having no money. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0fVI-lESswGJ4WSPGVvNypvUb3U-6b0J_T1u3FUtivYOL1FAv7xdhsTq67D50afjNsV2lXWH1i-WFYSCKGTQIsPjIdE7TUVd02JM4YHMCrHQzR9YzfKRxXHs1dLAJb2UL7ny5FinPTGk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h23m04s191.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0fVI-lESswGJ4WSPGVvNypvUb3U-6b0J_T1u3FUtivYOL1FAv7xdhsTq67D50afjNsV2lXWH1i-WFYSCKGTQIsPjIdE7TUVd02JM4YHMCrHQzR9YzfKRxXHs1dLAJb2UL7ny5FinPTGk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h23m04s191.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What are we looking at?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
The little person, who is obviously Doc Whiskers, he tells her tha she won't find what she's looking for around the hotel/casino, he tries to run away from Holly, but trips over and she picks him up and shakes him about until Doc Whiskers falls out.<br />
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Doc Whiskers tells her that the spike won't help her and she jabs him with the pen, causing him to explode into pieces, Jack tries to chase after Holly, Brad stops him and asks him to put Whiskers back together and then chases after Holly himself.<br />
<br />
Brad chases Holly up several flights of stairs, as he closes in on her, she pushes him over the edge, but he climbs back up as she turns toon and jumps through a wall. Brad feels the spot where she jumped through and Holly kicks him through the door in the balls, making this the one funny moment in the entire film.<br />
<br />
Brad enters the hotel room that Holly entered, he doesn't see Holly at first, but she pops up from behind a table, he tells her he'll take her back to Cool world and Holly tries to grab a painting and Brad shoots at her. Holly backs up onto a balcony. Downstairs, Jack and his neighbour have put Doc Whiskers back together. Holly climbs up the balcony and Brad tells her to get down or she'll screw everything up, Holly climbs into an awkward position and gets stuck and asks for Brad's help, he climbs up to help her and she pushes him off the building.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieoSpPfhtas8wF2xWwbd5BMC1C4mWdJBmQ3BmCP2aLOMdLdgOvF4paX35mbS9PN8ogoT6yFX3Cv1FMf_SjHvbgsMBG6FR6upy3VVWYhCXwT0HnjHJvNorBEqQl-nCDRQuke1jCRn-kN_M/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h39m38s142.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieoSpPfhtas8wF2xWwbd5BMC1C4mWdJBmQ3BmCP2aLOMdLdgOvF4paX35mbS9PN8ogoT6yFX3Cv1FMf_SjHvbgsMBG6FR6upy3VVWYhCXwT0HnjHJvNorBEqQl-nCDRQuke1jCRn-kN_M/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h39m38s142.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Brad falls to his death and the pen falls to the floor as well, Doc Whiskers tells Jack it's his chance to make things right and Jacks hands turn to toon hands. They stretch up to the top of the building and Jack pulls himself up, his neighbour worries that he'll kill himself, but Doc Whiskers tells her he's a hero. Holly trends carefully atop the roof, but keeps being zapped by loose electricity cables and keeps flickering to her toon self.<br />
<br />
She makes it to the top and reaches for the spike, pulling it free and releasing hundreds of toon pencil sketches and dead toons into the real world. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lUBHICx2ojqpq_9beBgzjSFyXN_wiBeorIGEQT0HYtXjdxXsFgulBqtT4l_q0C_VQAtEiZ1WVqWY8LrM1BvLDBm6W0BRhAW_E1H1H2mI5zv7Gd8sdFFiQ4qoK9CFmCyDEUTlGtxAxCw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h47m39s84.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lUBHICx2ojqpq_9beBgzjSFyXN_wiBeorIGEQT0HYtXjdxXsFgulBqtT4l_q0C_VQAtEiZ1WVqWY8LrM1BvLDBm6W0BRhAW_E1H1H2mI5zv7Gd8sdFFiQ4qoK9CFmCyDEUTlGtxAxCw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h47m39s84.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A totally accurate cartoon version of Gabriel Byrne</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jack makes a grab for the spike and turns into a superhero version of himself, so he flexes his muscles about a bit and Holly kicks him in the crotch before going for a ride on one of the toons. Jack's character is now voiced by a totally different person and he grabs the spike, it's worth noting that his character has the buttocks of Powdered Toast Man. The toons fly about town turning real people into toons and generally causing utter chaos. <br />
<br />
Spider toon escapes from the pen and sees Brad laying on the pavement and starts crying while SuperJack battles the toons. Holly tells Jack that they'll be staying in the real world, she asks for the spike and he goes to give it to her because his toon self is a moron of massive proportions. He realises however that it's a trick and returns the spike of power to it's proper place, send Holly hurtling back to the real world and reverting all the people back to their real selves.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ptAKF5ANQZHb554NxK-DkGVInHyavHLsfi-xdpJXTW3IhzsfCCoVyKhk9_uL7MTgPb-4vkX8g9cTSKE37QGPQVGXBCUBNfsqRHrSEZYbqPtOViD9AQ5PWRfUVQhZZLll-wBGnw7eCwo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h53m52s239.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ptAKF5ANQZHb554NxK-DkGVInHyavHLsfi-xdpJXTW3IhzsfCCoVyKhk9_uL7MTgPb-4vkX8g9cTSKE37QGPQVGXBCUBNfsqRHrSEZYbqPtOViD9AQ5PWRfUVQhZZLll-wBGnw7eCwo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h53m52s239.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Jack's neighbour cries as she realises that he has gone, Doc Whiskers tells her that the spike probably protected those sucked back into Cool World, then goes to comfort spider toon who says he should take Brad back to Cool World so his girlfriend can see his body.<br />
<br />
Jack's neighbour walks away. Lonette wanders alone as the toons celebrate whatever it is they are celebrating. She sees Brad's body lying on the pavement which magically changes position between shots. Lonette cries over Brad's body and she asks who killed him, spider toon tells her that Holly did in her toon form. Lonette says that when a human is killed by a toon, they become a toon themselves. So Brad comes back to life as a toon.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQuZCPr6aQvLdq5x62AK30QHQ-XpP3OmvjzSQE41iMZxFXyTvdPCLtAyUcv6WMY5x8FP60Pcbi_WYJeXpmv2bib5I45RbcTrr1c8Q54ZxFfZM-aSSlUNHsTYI7dsRtxEEq3b3QYiOSgiU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h57m25s62.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQuZCPr6aQvLdq5x62AK30QHQ-XpP3OmvjzSQE41iMZxFXyTvdPCLtAyUcv6WMY5x8FP60Pcbi_WYJeXpmv2bib5I45RbcTrr1c8Q54ZxFfZM-aSSlUNHsTYI7dsRtxEEq3b3QYiOSgiU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-01h57m25s62.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's like Tin Tin's head on superman's body.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Lonette is super happy now because they can have sex at very last, spider toon cock blocks him again, or tries to, but is thrown out by Lonette. Jack the SuperMoron, tells Holly he loves their new home and starts planning where he's going to build a house for them to live and raise children as toons. End of movie.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTIwUzE5pGqQNbNR4RqxlQAFa7egaiRhkhzVnSMOklGtqRczGE-nKpf0KHCzjDihvfln9ja7cE1FcuFI3aTPRHClicnzWyjT5SIOj9cGb1LwyUGnxhzfpzQ9BR5zVH8bVCRbzYzdj7jl0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-02h00m20s12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTIwUzE5pGqQNbNR4RqxlQAFa7egaiRhkhzVnSMOklGtqRczGE-nKpf0KHCzjDihvfln9ja7cE1FcuFI3aTPRHClicnzWyjT5SIOj9cGb1LwyUGnxhzfpzQ9BR5zVH8bVCRbzYzdj7jl0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-13-02h00m20s12.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stop playing David Bowie over the credits, movie, he's far too good for you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Oh my god, thank god that's over. I've said it many times before, I'm willing to forgive a movie for being bad or having bad effects as long as it's entertaining, this just isn't. The fact that it's trying so very hard to be Roger Rabbit and fails so spectacularly makes it even worse.<br />
<br />
The acting from everyone is pretty much terrible Brad Pitt is ok, but it's not really a role that's vastly outside his range, Gabriel Byrne is bad so much as he's just phoning it in the entire time. Kim Basinger is just awful, it's painful to watch I'm telling you, it's just embarrassing and I'm embarrassed for her.<br />
<br />
The animation is awful. It's hard to convey in screen caps but it's really shoddy and they keep throwing random foreground stuff into scenes instead of getting rid of that crap and just animating the backgrounds. The real characters and the toon characters do not interact well at all, aside from the aforementioned problem of the cardboard cut out sets, whenever a toon is touching something real or vice versa, it jumps all over and it looks really odd. Again, it's hard to show in screencaps because it's the movement itself and sometimes characters or objects just disappear into the real characers.<br />
<br />
The plot is stupid. Why does Brad Pitt have to come from 1945? Or alternatively, why does Gabriel Byrne have to come from 1992? The fact that Brad was a soldier in World War 2 has no plot significance, the fact that Jack was in prison has<i> no plot significance</i>, the fact that he was in jail for killing a person is <i>never mentioned again</i> after the comic book shop scene. Who is this Doc Whiskers anyway, why and how did he build a portal to the real world? Why did he decide to go live there and why does he pop up at the end of the movie? Why does toon/human sex play havoc with the persons real/toonness? Why did Jack and Holly turn into clown toons? Why hasn't Brad aged in 47 years? Is he aware of the passage of time? Why doesn't 1992 Las Vegas completely freak him out? Why did Jack need a neighbour? Her purpose in the movie was to drive him to the hotel. Why did Jack go to a comic shop to buy arm fulls of his <i>own</i> comics? He should have shitloads of the things. Why are Lonette and Holly the only ones who look like real people toons? The rest of the toon world in comparison is <i>severely</i> deformed, so why aren't Holly and Lonette treated as the strange ones? Why at one point did I see Porky Pig's head on a woman's body?<br />
<br />
THIS MOVIE MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE!<br />
<br />
The real shame, is that the plot which was originally pitched kinda sounded awesome. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cool_World">Originally</a>, it was pitched as an animated horror film about an underground cartoonist, who fathers an illegitimate half-human/half-cartoon daughter, who hates herself for what she is and tries to kill him. Why we got this piece of shit instead, I don't know. <br />
<br />
I'm actually now struggling to think of favourable things to say about this movie and I'm finding it hard to come up with anything at all. It's the kind of film which a huge Brad Pitt or Ralph Bakshi fan should see, but no one else. I struggle to think of how one could gain any enjoyment from this film other than mocking it relentlessly.<br />
<br />
<b>2 out of 10</b><br />
<br />
p.s this took three days to post because my internet got cut off, it's back on now. <b><br />
</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-33428846864468777292011-08-08T16:14:00.000-07:002011-08-08T16:14:36.146-07:00True Blood season 4 review - Cold Grey Light of DawnIt's Monday, which means it's the time of the week when I write a load of bullet points about my reactions to the latest episode of True Blood, as a book fanatic, and then sum up what I thought of the episode at the end. If anyone was wonder, at the end of the season I do plan to do a full analysis of the season as a whole and write up proper episode guides.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this post contains episode spoilers and book spoilers from the entire series</b></div><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
Past the half way point all ready.<br />
<ul><li>Previously on True Blood, all the shit that didn't make sense.</li>
<li>For fuck's sake, True Blood, I watch the show every week, I don't need a full minute and a half of recap to remind me of the stuff I already know.</li>
<li>Subtle Apple product placement, True Blood.</li>
<li>So, possessed Aunt Petunia is escaping and killing that random witch chick for no good reason. Hang on, did she say her name was El Groinio?</li>
<li>Oh dear, weak opening, could we have just one stand out episode this season, please? Maybe True Blood is the opposite of Star Trek, the even numbers are the bad ones. </li>
<li>YAY Pam! Please kill Tara, that would make me so happy. GODDAMMIT, random tourists, why didn't you let Pam kill Tara? </li>
<li>So Lafayette is a medium now is he? Ok. Why? </li>
<li>Oh Alcide, your wolfy rituals are so strange, just go along with it, stop being a sour puss, you'll only get yourself into trouble. </li>
<li>Oh god.... no... no, no, no.... no.... Alcide, you idiot, don't be looking all jealous because Sookie is getting it on, you dumbass.</li>
<li>YAY, maybe the Spanish priest vampire is gonna kill Crap-King Bill! Shoot hi again, shoot him again! Boooooooo! </li>
<li>Is <i>anyone</i> who I hate going to die in this episode?</li>
<li>Goddammit Tara, just <i>leave </i>already. Oh Boohoo, Tara, you told her to leave, get over it.</li>
<li>Jason and Hoyt need to be on screen together more.</li>
<li>So why does Crap-King Bill need to give the info back story to Jessica? To give them something to do? Why isn't Sookie finding this out or why isn't Aunt Petunia dropping this to someone? </li>
<li>So Crap-King Bill's plan is for everyone to silver themselves and not, you know, just try to kill Aun Petunia? </li>
<li>Oh, that's more of Askars rear end than I ever needed to see, saying that this is a show with a large female fanbase, so enjoy ladies.</li>
<li> Ok, so after a sex scene where you basically see everything, we get a cuddle scene where the actors are covered with modesty sheets.... right....</li>
<li>"Will you still love me, if I'm the real me." Aw.... my little heart is breaking, they never had this conversation in the books.</li>
<li>Oooh yay, it's that little gremlin doctor lady, I like her and she's helping Pam, I like her more.</li>
<li>Aw, Tommy and Sam having a brotherly moment, more of this, please.</li>
<li>Eric.... in.... flannel.... must... resist.... laughing....</li>
<li>Are Aunt Petunia and Tara going to team up to get themselves killed? Let's hope so! Well, less of the Aunt Petunia and more of the Tara.</li>
<li>It's nice when you get a Bill/Jessica father daughter moment, why do they not do more?</li>
<li>Poor Pam, I really like her pretty pink coffin. </li>
<li>Seeing all the vamps silver themselves was a nice little montage.</li>
<li>No, Holly, don't listen to Tara, you're actually a good character.</li>
<li>Again a nice Jessica/Bill moment, but so far they've had more screen time in this episode than Sookie.</li>
<li>Tee hee hee, Tommy the troll is caught. </li>
<li>Aw that cut little baby saddle for baby serial killer is cute. Aw Andy brought Holly flowers, *facepalm* don't tell her they were on sale *facepalm*.</li>
<li>Andy you, dumbass.</li>
<li>Ok, did they made Lafayette a medium just to explain the ghost lady from the evil doll thing.</li>
<li>So why do we need a Debbie/Alcide sex scene? Aw, poor Debbie, it's hard living in Sookie's shadow, don't try and kill Sookie now, please, it's nice that you're not crazy.</li>
<li>Aunt Petunia is kick ass as a crazy 400 year old Spanish ghost psycho witch person. </li>
<li>Holly what are you doing? Walk away, Holly, walk away!</li>
<li>Sam why are you being such a douche? So Tommy took your body fir a ride, no need to go crazy about it.</li>
<li>Jason, don't be a dumbass, Crap-King Bill has plenty of bodyguards. </li>
<li>Don't let Pam out, Ginger. YAY Ginger screaming, the season would not be complete without Ginger screaming.</li>
<li>LMAO, poor Beulah. </li>
<li>Ok, I accept I was wrong, Jessica did need some help. </li>
<li>WHAT??!!!?!?!!! CLIFFHANGER???!!?!?!!!</li>
</ul><b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Is it bad when the parts of the episode you enjoyed the most where contributions from minor characters? How much further can you reduce Sookie's role in a show centred around Sookie? This is what happens when you fuck with the books, Alan Ball! <br />
<br />
The next episode will bring us two thirds of the way through the season and so far Sookie's screentime adds up to less than an hour, 7 episodes into an hour long show. That's bad, that's really, really bad. So far, the plot of this season is, something weird is happening with Arlene and Terry's baby involving a ghost lady and a spooky doll, Lafayette has found out he's a medium, Tara is back because....? A group of witches pissed off the local vamps and now one is possessed by an ancient evil witch who's determined to kill all the vampires she can. Pam's rotting and no one can reverse the spell. Eric's been mindwiped and now he and Sookie are having a relationship after she discovers mind-wipe Eric is much easier to get along with. Oh, and Andy's hooked on V and Jason being kidnapped by the HotShot werepanthers and killing one of them has had no consequences. <br />
<br />
When I lay it out it sounds like a lot, until you remember that it's been stretched over the course of 7 hours of my life. Russell Edington was a great antagonist, he was powerful, seemingly unstoppable, determined and quite hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I like Aunt Petunia, but aside from the general threat to vamps she's not presented as a genuine threat to Sookie because they got rid of the stuff about there were-witch-V addicts, hunting down Eric and Bill not being there to be able to help Sookie because he was in Peru.<br />
<br />
You remove the vulnerability, you remove the tension, it never really feels like there's a direct threat to the main characters because you <i>know</i> they aren't going to kill them off. Apparently we're losing a handful of minor characters at the end of the season, but really, who is there to lose who is a great character? They aren't going to cut the great characters, they're going to trim the dead weight. <br />
<br />
<b>Good stuff</b>:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Cliffhanger ending, I loves me a cliffhanger ending which I actually care about the result.</li>
<li>Beulah, the unknown vamp neighbour of Maxine Fortenberry. Rest in Peace.</li>
<li>Pam and Pam's satin pink coffin, so very, very, Pam.</li>
<li>Ginger screaming, it's just not True Blood without Ginger screaming.</li>
<li>Seeing Doctor Ludvig again, she's awesome, needs to be back more.</li>
<li>The father-daughter stuff between Bill and Jessica.</li>
<li>Andy's disastrous date with Holly, so amusing.</li>
<li>Debbie being made into a good character, still love this, no crazy please.</li>
<li>Aunt Petunia being crazy awesome again.</li>
<li>The montage of all the important vamps silvering themselves down for the night, it was a great scene. </li>
</ul><b>Bad Stuff</b>:<br />
<ul><li> Tara. I think I have made my stance clear on this character since the start of the season, but she's a bad, bad, character and I see no point in keeping her around on the show.</li>
<li>Lafayette being suddenly a medium. Why? Just for the ghost lady stuff? This seems stupidly stupid to me.</li>
<li>Sam kicking Tommy out, <i>again</i>, how many times do we have to go through this crap?</li>
<li>The tourists who showed up to prevent Pam from killing Tara, Pam should have killed Tara, then killed all the tourists, then stolen their cameras, then fed them all to gators. With marshmallows. </li>
<li> The 'previously on True Blood' segments, really, really, not needed and getting very sick of them.</li>
<li>Holly going with the witches for no damn reason, made sense in the book, not a lick here. </li>
</ul>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-60599831502420061902011-08-07T17:19:00.000-07:002011-08-07T17:19:36.638-07:00The Phantom of the Opera (1989) - ReviewIf there was ever a movie to accuse of being a shameless cash-in on another franchise, it's <i>this</i> movie. Look at that poster, the first couple of times I looked at it <i>I</i> thought it was just another Freddy box cover, I wasn't looking at the title, I was looking at the picture, you can imagine how many people might have bought or rented it thinking the same thing.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMA1lGKS-J-3Tm7jmdBIfglCJz6gbVYKaKoRSg8JR-2RPyhPp7fVZkecFv8nYC-CL19kEzAH1i_1fx8Xr5wALdPKr5U6gXVtd2WmXNvbFXq-g97ekDTpjI2ihT8v1X_TjGezXqx3lwZFQ/s1600/ThePhantomoftheOpera1989.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMA1lGKS-J-3Tm7jmdBIfglCJz6gbVYKaKoRSg8JR-2RPyhPp7fVZkecFv8nYC-CL19kEzAH1i_1fx8Xr5wALdPKr5U6gXVtd2WmXNvbFXq-g97ekDTpjI2ihT8v1X_TjGezXqx3lwZFQ/s320/ThePhantomoftheOpera1989.jpg" width="208" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>They couldn't have made him look more like Freddy if they tried, the shameless gits, all you see is "Robert Englund", the word "Freddy" and then him looking like Freddy, I sent the picture to a friend without explanation and then called them to ask if they noticed what the title of the movie was, they didn't even see it. <br />
<br />
I hadn't heard of this film at all, I stumbled across the title when researching the actor Bill Nighy and I clicked the wikipedia page to see what role he played. Once I realised this was an attempt to do Phantom, but cashing in on the Nightmare on Elm street franchise, I had to do a review.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2w6Q8oL_OCVupGxhAsFsfrHyM1oUzJPc0zbRoQ3vtpQADG0YfGZ1uzRwlxXVAtMeUdgCiYgD-VB7uFHutKj1grxdEhx1mqmIq5OeLxshEddZLkjH9EoPu8f8YcyZKhMKrgq8XIOnmaoo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-18h35m47s246.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2w6Q8oL_OCVupGxhAsFsfrHyM1oUzJPc0zbRoQ3vtpQADG0YfGZ1uzRwlxXVAtMeUdgCiYgD-VB7uFHutKj1grxdEhx1mqmIq5OeLxshEddZLkjH9EoPu8f8YcyZKhMKrgq8XIOnmaoo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-18h35m47s246.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Written on the day of his execution, March 7th, 1544</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Reading this quote, I do not accept that the movie is giving me a real quote, I have to of course research it. Half an hour later, the movie is paused at 45 seconds and I know exactly this, there was a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Vitus">Saint Vitus </a>who was born and died in Italy aged around 13, sometime around the year 303AD by being tortured to death by Romans. There was a <a href="http://oce.catholic.com/index.php?title=Jeanne_de_Valois%2C_Saint">Jeanne De Valois</a>, who was a woman and died in 1505 of natural causes. In <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1544">1544</a>, there were a few people who died who had pissed off the pope, but none had a name similar to Jean Vitius, there were a couple of saints and a pope listed as dying on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_7#Deaths">March 7th</a>, but none around 1544 or a year that could have been typoed as 1544 and none having a variant of the name Jean Vitus. Then I looked up <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rouen#Births">Rouen</a> and saw there was no one listed under the births section with a similar name, though it does of course say that in the novel of Phantom, the Opera Ghost is said to have come from there. Then I checked out a bunch of catholic saint websites and finally came to the conclusion that they made him up. There is no St. Jean Vitius of Rouen. I saw several links on google complaining about the same thing, I'm sure they did this just to fuck with us.<br />
<br />
The first real shot of the movie is a camera sweeping over water at night, it pans up to a shot of the two towers and the title imposes itself over them. As the titles play we get a bunch of sweeping shots of New York at night and then we see a young woman leaving Tower Records and hailing a taxi to go to a music library. Inside the library the young woman walks through stacks and tables piled with bound sheet music. She goes down into a basement area where she passes some running machinery and into a section marked, "Rare and Out of Print."<br />
<br />
The young woman is Christine of course, searching for her friend Meg whom she finally finds in the rare section. Christine has been searching for something special for an audition piece, something which no one has heard before, her friend Meg presents her with some old and crumpled sheet music called Don Juan Triumphant, by Erik Destler. Uh oh, Eric with a C is nice, Erik with a K is evil, run away, Christine, run away! The name seems familiar to Christine, but she can't place where she has heard it, Meg hands her a book which provides information on Deslter and his unfinished opera, the book also says that Destler was obsessed with a young opera singer who disappeared the night of his death and the authorities believed he was a psychopath responsible for a dozen deaths in London.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSAep_d2qpFXkIuRXK_VS18nK-QLOWc95hGCsd0eQK_16-765BDt7C2rgD8w-WhQfGmhiVvfGtBv2D6IeKEYPiZPrTeDhnQt9tsmnPWBRU0oDwSpwsqrhaZcF-V-wD6JotUoXwdEHtwGw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h21m27s162.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSAep_d2qpFXkIuRXK_VS18nK-QLOWc95hGCsd0eQK_16-765BDt7C2rgD8w-WhQfGmhiVvfGtBv2D6IeKEYPiZPrTeDhnQt9tsmnPWBRU0oDwSpwsqrhaZcF-V-wD6JotUoXwdEHtwGw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h21m27s162.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At least he's not Freddy Krueger.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Christine wants to find more music as she likes the way Don Juan Triumphant sounds, Meg says that's all she found, but they start looking through the books to see if there is any more hidden away. Meg notices it's almost midnight and goes to grab her things to leave, Christine finds a bound stack of sheet music on the top shelf covered in dust and when she pulls it down she finds it's the rest of the opera. She opens up the binding and finds some of the pages are burnt, but it's readable and she begins singing from the sheet music.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfG1mQcnOYa3BwG9xAT0xqt3EQ632M_TWgVFEYcdQ6N-EjpJKrl8XBGe1Gy-kA4Xdpx-vuxQzNKyQXVpTvHLVQPas5F29R-G5a-0ZX6W5JPyCXTtLPMaRGfrk6Os5AhOU2sTQbTLYOnOk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h28m29s32.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfG1mQcnOYa3BwG9xAT0xqt3EQ632M_TWgVFEYcdQ6N-EjpJKrl8XBGe1Gy-kA4Xdpx-vuxQzNKyQXVpTvHLVQPas5F29R-G5a-0ZX6W5JPyCXTtLPMaRGfrk6Os5AhOU2sTQbTLYOnOk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h28m29s32.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sheet music think she's out of tune.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Christine looks at her hands and they are covered in blood, then Meg arrives and asks if she's ready to go and they leave. The next day we see a lot of people queueing outside of a theatre to audition, inside we see a woman finishing her audition and being rejected by the director. Then it's Christine's turn, she introduces herself and explains she's in her second year at Julliard and tells the director she's going to sing a piece from Don Juan Triumphant. <br />
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Meg plays the piano for Christine, as she sings she imagines the threatre being full of applauding people. The actress playing Christine has a nice voice, but she's clearly not a trained opera singer as she doesn't have the strength to hold some of the notes, or I could be wrong and they want her to gradually build as the movie plays out. We'll see I suppose. A sandbag from above drops down suddenly and barely misses Christine and breaks a mirror behind her and then we get some bizarre shots of Christine turning in a bizarre costume at an opera house superimposed over more glass breaking and a horse and carriage pulling away, which repeats itself twice, then we hear Robert Englund saying, "Christine, come back, come back to me, Christine."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirGeR4z9JR1oF96Mlsr3lzUiUqpAL8SDlqIcvju0SLpJLseIvR1bDJPPH2eKqipfGlNd5k4ufa_Ob6q3gXMpvBQcO1THORGPjpTYr_0NalxvJAA8rf1x7Iuq9XbMDrrxRQAApIDtz47Bs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h42m49s216.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirGeR4z9JR1oF96Mlsr3lzUiUqpAL8SDlqIcvju0SLpJLseIvR1bDJPPH2eKqipfGlNd5k4ufa_Ob6q3gXMpvBQcO1THORGPjpTYr_0NalxvJAA8rf1x7Iuq9XbMDrrxRQAApIDtz47Bs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-20h42m49s216.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wake up, Christine, you were having that dream again where things made sense.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>At this point I can only assume that the movie is fucking with me, because Christine wakes up surrounded by these people in costume and now everyone is English. Christine looks up at the woman trying to rouse her and says, "Meg?" and the woman responds, "Yes, it's me," but it is <i>so</i> not her friend Meg. Why are you doing this to me, movie? I thought we were going to have a fun little time mashing up Freddy and Phantom, why do you keep fucking with me? <br />
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So now we're in London in the late 1800's, Christine is the only american in the London opera company and she's the understudy to the leading lady Carlotta, she also seems to have no memory of New York, so are we to assume that this is some sort of past life dealy or is this like that episode of Star Trek Voyager where B'Elanna Torres lives the aliens memories?<br />
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English Meg tells Christine to relax and have a sleep because Carlotta is stressing her voice and she may have to take the lead part. We then see Carlotta singing and the camera travels through the orchestra pit into some nifty dungeons below and we see Freddy making himself a mask out of peoples skin. Nice.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQS8iyDMZOIhd65DibUx9vRCl9kM1-6xT3Xs1iD18ZjNXMjK09rzjNJwX382q65Zgsn0OB6drShhPbIjC5SQQpqY4Egg0i04voStkrRKzpO1LQ6aeOhoeaH8mpZuJ4j3JPqBQtkVsbqZc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h08m44s153.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQS8iyDMZOIhd65DibUx9vRCl9kM1-6xT3Xs1iD18ZjNXMjK09rzjNJwX382q65Zgsn0OB6drShhPbIjC5SQQpqY4Egg0i04voStkrRKzpO1LQ6aeOhoeaH8mpZuJ4j3JPqBQtkVsbqZc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h08m44s153.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The not-so-popular, permanent kind of mask</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Freddy has a picture of Christine on his desk and he's also been writing some music, he dabs his face with some stage make up and I have to say it's quite amazing what they could do with a bit of foundation in the late 1800's.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcYgqNg2Mlym9Spp2W6WL6OTUHLaIquZPXe_5Ef9dYyyGBZfMO09g4qzqrg80NKssx4OuBH5cEl4HFVXE91fc6A5ATJP-FMamgh9wfFQfQ4-gf6D4MHayr3OgzQ5SnuOSZYSbf9gyA3E/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h10m27s71.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcYgqNg2Mlym9Spp2W6WL6OTUHLaIquZPXe_5Ef9dYyyGBZfMO09g4qzqrg80NKssx4OuBH5cEl4HFVXE91fc6A5ATJP-FMamgh9wfFQfQ4-gf6D4MHayr3OgzQ5SnuOSZYSbf9gyA3E/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h10m27s71.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Come on, movie!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Upstairs in the theatre the stage hands are talking, one of them says it wasn't his fault that the sandbag dropped earlier and it was the ghost who walks on the catwalk who has "fire for eyes and a death mask for a face", another stage hand reckons he was too busy eyeing up Christine and got distracted with his hand down his trousers.<br />
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When the stage hand is alone, we hear Freddy calling him, he looks around and doesn't see anyone, but we see Freddy is walking about him in the walkways. The stage hand, Joseph, drops a new back drop onto the stag and Freddy pops down with his humanish face on. Joseph shares his bottle of whiskey with Freddy, unphased at his sudden appearance and Freddy asks him if he's sure the sandbag dropping was the work of a ghost. Joseph says it was just an accident, Freddy says "but you blamed me", Joseph says it won't happen again and Freddy confirms that it won't and kicks him off the walkway. Joseph's foot is caught in the rope and he dangles above the stage, Freddy brings him back up and cuts him with a teeny tine knife.<br />
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In Christine's room we see a shadowy figure (Freddy) in the mirror and he tells her she sounded lovely in rehearsals. Christine looks around the room and ask's if it's him, he confirms it is him, her teacher, her angel, blah blah, if you've seen any version of phantom, you know how this scene goes. Christine tells Freddy about the accident and asks Christine to sing the song for him, the lead song, now her own, she asks him to show himself, he says he will soon so she starts to sing. Christine sounds ok, not great, maybe because there's no backing music it sounds weird. Freddy is displeased so he asks her to start again, with passion<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnIrbb-Wm8fDLFQjYBxbSD7oPhzkPEqXBzM2jR3gFhXXd_x7HBoGU1m6EzPHu9w5NVNK9oGmmoZZPudNOds1XsJnOVTnFdz1fi1ylC9mg0pOaecQTE4WVkllfrN6-0Qb4WnNgxwl1Bj4/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h22m55s175.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnIrbb-Wm8fDLFQjYBxbSD7oPhzkPEqXBzM2jR3gFhXXd_x7HBoGU1m6EzPHu9w5NVNK9oGmmoZZPudNOds1XsJnOVTnFdz1fi1ylC9mg0pOaecQTE4WVkllfrN6-0Qb4WnNgxwl1Bj4/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h22m55s175.png" width="320" /></a></div>The second she sings it sounds better and there is backing music, but I'm still not really getting it, maybe it's the song, it's one of those ones designed to show off a lot of notes and the singers range, but it's no <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phantom_of_the_Opera_%282004_film%29">Angel of Music</a>. Freddy tells Christine that she will peform that night and the world will love her.<br />
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Later that night Bill Nighy delivers some flowers to Carlotta whilst she is in the bath, I don't care if he owns the opera house, he really could have waited until she was done. Carlotta asks Bill Nighy to wash her back, she wants a bigger better room and she wants Christine back in the chorus as she's too good and she is threatened by her. Bill Nighy loses his temper and Carlotta refuses to sign a new contract until he's thought about what she;s said. Carlotta calls her servant, (played by Cathy Muphy who played Julie Perkins on Eastenders up until the other day coincidentally when she had her last episode), she is given a costume for the third act and told to take it to the costume department to take in, then Carlotta admires herself in the mirror. She slips on the floor on a pool of blood but catches herself, she opens the wardrobe door and is horrified at what she finds inside.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7eK_BQW9mNFJUGSY05EcBFejjW40D0oPbk7J0RhTXLjqrRyKtbwexgiabmQJX4dSk9WbgkZYGDr7nidhbe17Ko5bAFCj9vZWmm6fZak2Ok0WuSvLunbtrMlh6AOQXyS7k0JLT3XwxAJg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h35m28s23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7eK_BQW9mNFJUGSY05EcBFejjW40D0oPbk7J0RhTXLjqrRyKtbwexgiabmQJX4dSk9WbgkZYGDr7nidhbe17Ko5bAFCj9vZWmm6fZak2Ok0WuSvLunbtrMlh6AOQXyS7k0JLT3XwxAJg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-21h35m28s23.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Filmed on location in Bangkok..... <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Carradine#Death"> too soon</a>?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The bloody mess of a body opens it's eyes and says "help me" then grabs Carlotta's towel and pulls it off her, she screams and screams and hides herself on a sofa thing, covering herself with pillows until she runs out of breath to scream with. <br />
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Elsewhere, Bill Nighy speaks with his accountant about the opera house being in debt, and he complains abouta monthly debit of 300... 300 what I'm not sure, pounds, shillings, crowns, bananas? With no receipt or invoice, his accountant tells him it's for the opera ghost and box five is held for him every night, he says he knows it's silly, but you know how actors are. Billy Nighy tells his account that for 300 pianos a month and a box containing four seats he's willing to risk the phantoms curse. <br />
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People settle in to the opera house for opening night of Faust, the accountant comes to tell Bill Nighy that there's been an accident and someone comes out on stage to let the audience know that due to illness Carlotta can't perform and Christine will be playing the lead part. The audience is most displeased and start to leave, Bill Nighy says they could be done for fraud and he's going to kill Carlotta. The accountant says he'll have a word with Carlotta because Bill Nighy's too angry to speak with her. <br />
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The curtains open on stage and play begins, backstage the police arrive and push their way through the crowd of actors to get into Carlotta's room. Her servant is crying in a chair as a constable takes her statement, someone shows the inspector the wardrobe containing the dead stage hand, they tell the inspector information about the victim, the inspector tells them to take him down. A police man says that they sent Carlotta home to see a doctor and says they could bring her back, but the inspector says it can wait, because he's seen this work before and he knows who has done it and it isn't the work of any phantom or ghost, it is the work of an artist who works in flesh.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcb7N0P2KuJdSgEsPwms14JyVuw_t6tdLTY3XEFraW1iqNI_PPwhq9QtMp6a2hZal8VwRW_3629NOBSmGgvYAFPkq9xwfuuthscbKOe_DbGYLicflCuPOwh0Wiy3ckA5pqj2smb01L9VY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h11m48s51.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcb7N0P2KuJdSgEsPwms14JyVuw_t6tdLTY3XEFraW1iqNI_PPwhq9QtMp6a2hZal8VwRW_3629NOBSmGgvYAFPkq9xwfuuthscbKOe_DbGYLicflCuPOwh0Wiy3ckA5pqj2smb01L9VY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h11m48s51.png" width="320" /></a></div>Meanwhile the phantom takes his usual seat in order to watch the opera, it's a bit rude turning up late, he'll never get a box of rowntrees fruit gums now. Oh for fuck's sake. Whilst Faust is going on onstage, Freddy starts having a flash back. Freddy is all normal looking and playing a piano with a mirror where the sheet music should be and a mirror above the piano as well, a little person comes down the stairs with two women and tells Freddy he plays very well and asks who it is. Freddy says it's his own composition. The little person asks Freddy what he would give to have his music live forever like one of the immortals, Beethoven or Mozart? <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisEAHFJAnFXeoX8WARuodN7IRgXH28xN6UMisEzg4vQc3mzF98WB3lpNj2KvNq3VIpTsH3I0IZTspDdzLCcGAetELzZ43Q36OIx0ECKWgvSDAM5dcUBlEUCgivIBGS8RBwKZmwMYnrECY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h16m31s73.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisEAHFJAnFXeoX8WARuodN7IRgXH28xN6UMisEzg4vQc3mzF98WB3lpNj2KvNq3VIpTsH3I0IZTspDdzLCcGAetELzZ43Q36OIx0ECKWgvSDAM5dcUBlEUCgivIBGS8RBwKZmwMYnrECY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h16m31s73.png" width="320" /></a></div>Freddy says he'd give anything, the little person asks if he would sell his soul, Freddy says he would and signs a contract. The little person, aka probably the devil, tells him that the world will love him for his music, but that's all they will love him for and touches his face which puts half the Freddy make up on his face.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlS3_n7w0h5D70H1qckCIh9KQPYb9ZWEBDSoNekNIhU_pHdmvyAu0UeHgA4ZYyevkLehKfQWRsMfk5FrwKsVXf0zCyKpHWG95_dqcn9YxIcG6T0vkez43CuVmjP6yG0MJEIp3sUkH-4w/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h21m29s98.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlS3_n7w0h5D70H1qckCIh9KQPYb9ZWEBDSoNekNIhU_pHdmvyAu0UeHgA4ZYyevkLehKfQWRsMfk5FrwKsVXf0zCyKpHWG95_dqcn9YxIcG6T0vkez43CuVmjP6yG0MJEIp3sUkH-4w/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h21m29s98.png" width="320" /></a></div>Freddy's flashback ends and he continues watching the opera which is all seeming a bit close to the bone now. Christine appears on stage, sat at a spinning wheel and Freddy starts really paying attention. It's a great shame that Robert Englund doesn't get to do a lot of acting outside of the horror genre these days because some of the facial expressions he goes through as he sees Christine is quite moving, if you can forget about the murdering people for their skin thing.<br />
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Backstage the inspector says that there must be a thousand doors in the theatre and he wants them all open, they'll find the phantom if they just look hard enough. The inspector runs into the account guy who's also the half owner of the opera house and the inspector tells him they better have a little chat. <br />
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On stage Christine starts singing and it's by far the best performance she's given in the movie so far and both Freddy and the audience seem quite delighted about it. Freddy is so caught up in the performance he almost stands up to applaud, but doesn't and leaves a gold coin on his seat and a rose in the opera box. <br />
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Later, Freddy is walking through the streets and is accosted by a couple of prostitutes till he finds one he likes and goes to a private place with her, he tells her not to turn on the light because his foundation has worn off. He tells her that for tonight her name will be Christine. I <i>never</i> thought I'd say this, but Robert Englund is kinda smooth, the way he's putting the moves on it really seems like this guy gets a lotta action. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI731EaKxAaS72HKpqc-CVz3P5wKdC5P1mMTGo5UoBoYpm09SebiH485xZZNiQs6FgR6IHjSXKH7ADdGZagCQ4RGzN8szugmFRBD3-NqLUDOnNWVqQcoUX8kdDdUxB45D8A8lUlh1beU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h39m17s151.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPI731EaKxAaS72HKpqc-CVz3P5wKdC5P1mMTGo5UoBoYpm09SebiH485xZZNiQs6FgR6IHjSXKH7ADdGZagCQ4RGzN8szugmFRBD3-NqLUDOnNWVqQcoUX8kdDdUxB45D8A8lUlh1beU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h39m17s151.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hair by Helena Bonham Carter</td></tr>
</tbody></table>At a posh restaurant after the opera, everyone applauds as Christine enters, Bill Nighy comments to a friend that she will never sell tickets. Christine tells the account guy that she doesn't know where her passion came from in her performance. She tells the account that her father sends an angel who teaches her, she's never seen him, but she feels him, (oh aye), and hears him and he instructs her and she doesn't want to lose her angel. <br />
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The account guy, Richard, asks Christine to marry him, she says she can't, not now, he says that after this evening he may have lost her, but she says he will never lose her. Bill Nighy conspires with an old dude because the audience wants Carlotta and Christine would need years and years of training to bring her up to the diva standards. <br />
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At the Inn where Freddy first encountered the guy who was probably the devil, Freddy sits in a corner composing, a barmaid brings him a drink and goes to serve another table. A guy asks who Freddy is and the barmaid tells him to mind his own business. The guy goes over and offers Freddy a cigar, Freddy tells him to go away because he's busy, the guy persists and lights a match, seeing Freddy's scarred face, Freddy blows out the match and the guy backs off. Later, Freddy is walking back to the opera house and is being followed by the guy from the Inn and his friends.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk68zU8q3YD5sfzqBtqbdq-hqdGjnYqjsHaVHxxaSwP_vMuv7cYntwW9sA2iYoVxsTu0j_XWGHrivt0q3SItM6X2sk0A7xu9HliHrVh9DMl8J52OB_FPK5XtGt0lWfMxemQuSkFosW2OU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h51m29s68.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk68zU8q3YD5sfzqBtqbdq-hqdGjnYqjsHaVHxxaSwP_vMuv7cYntwW9sA2iYoVxsTu0j_XWGHrivt0q3SItM6X2sk0A7xu9HliHrVh9DMl8J52OB_FPK5XtGt0lWfMxemQuSkFosW2OU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-22h51m29s68.png" width="320" /></a></div>They corner him in an alley and pull out a knife, telling him they want his purse and the gold coins within. Freddy defeats the first two with his cape and then pulls out a whip, and wraps it around the neck of one who he pulls toward him and stabs in the gut. The guy from the Inn pushes his other friend at Freddy and Freddy cuts off his head with a knife and throws the head at the guy who screams and begins to run away. Freddy keeps popping up in front and behind him and eventually pushes him up a wall and stabs him in the gut, he places two gold coins over his eyes and takes out a knife to cut away some skin. We see some of the pages of his composition drift away. <br />
<br />
<br />
In the morning the prostitute Freddy hired wakes up and finds some gold coins under her pillow, aw, it's like he's the tooth fairy really. At the opera house, a English-Meg runs up the stairs with the morning paper which contains a review of the previous night's performance. Christine reads out the review, which says the performance did not hold up to expectations due to the absence of Carlotta, the company's Diva. The reviewer goes on to say that Christine's voice was not unplesant, though her lack of training and discipline was obvious and she could not hold up her role, which is kind of true, sorry, love. Then he gets a bit mean and says that he wasn't sure if she could perform the role she was billed as, which is a secondary role. Now, obviously, this guy's a bit of a git, but here's the thing, the times when she was obviously just singing on camera, it wasn't that great and certainly not high enough quality for a big opera company. Her performance on stage was better, because it was obviously a studio recorded performance she has a very nice voice, but operatically speaking it's not really a great voice because it takes years and years to fully develop that kind of voice and being an opera singer, she should really get that, but I suppose that Christine is supposed to be way better than the actress playing her.<br />
<br />
English-Meg tries to comfort her by saying that it's only one opinion and she heard the audience applaud, but Christine says the audience were probably just clapping out of politeness. Meanwhile in a men's bath house, the reviewer guy declines his usual massage and goes into a steam room followed by Freddy. The reviewer guy creates more steam and Freddy asks if he was at the opera and the reviewer confirms that he was as he is the opera critic for the gazette. Freddy says that he found his review troubling and asks if they saw different shows, the reviewer says he was embarrassed for Christine as the role was above her.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8M0H_MHjg703sxv2XMX3vxVFV-v4x46Wtl015mNoiY97RnBdYOyFe6von8rigbgzCuu0jB5a5lYafl97o7Yw2BgEEoQ2dcUD0lS4nXyOlwww4G_XUfQIIW55fNbAcRF8CCYugY-zWB40/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h15m10s182.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8M0H_MHjg703sxv2XMX3vxVFV-v4x46Wtl015mNoiY97RnBdYOyFe6von8rigbgzCuu0jB5a5lYafl97o7Yw2BgEEoQ2dcUD0lS4nXyOlwww4G_XUfQIIW55fNbAcRF8CCYugY-zWB40/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h15m10s182.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Freddy then asks if he had good enough seats in the opera house as the acoustics are somewhat inconsistent and if he wished to change his mind about his evaluation, he could provide him with a private box. The reviewer says he'd rather die than submit himself to "that shrieking child for another evening." Freddy takes this as his cue to kill him, which he does by wrapping a towel around his face really tightly, then throwing him against a wall.<br />
<br />
Christine leaves the opera house as it starts snowing, carrying a bunch of flowers, she hails down a passing carriage, just missing Richard, who decides to follow after her in another carriage. She arrives at a cemetery late at night and her flowers mysteriously change into roses, she places them down on her fathers grave. She tells the grave that she felt him there the previous night and doesn't know if she can sing again and asks for guidance. <br />
<br />
We see Freddy playing the violin in the graveyard, she thinks it's her father, Richard arrives at the gates, but they mysteriously lock themselves. Freddy tells Christine her father has sent him, he is her angel and all her lessons have led to this moment. Christine decides to follow Freddy and ignores Richards shouts as Freddy tells her that they will make the world better with their music, she just needs to take the last step towards him and he sits at a carriage, whilst still playing, his face hidden from view. The door to the carriage opens and Christine gets inside as Richards comes through the gates, the sound of Freddy's violin must be some sort of supernatural thing as it hurts Richards ears and he falls to the floor as Freddy drives the carriage off.<br />
<br />
We see a dude trying to catch rats in a sewer, then we see Freddy round the corner, who has put his foundation back on and he lights a match and leads Christine to his nifty underground lair. He tells her that there is nothing to harm her there, except for, you know, the rats. Freddy tells her that in her dressing room he could only teach her the words and notes, but there he can teach her the real meaning of the music.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSqeZBifrpnw_QIisgfBefsICpHHodwriMpoAe0kH1QNzQGO_mcJats3L61lCyESieRAjKrRgdzX_eqpSRcPI33dmqQhMEkox0kBBKOyHISUiQRuRxqVqxO1vXIyImn0340hgqH99n7Qk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h25m24s113.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSqeZBifrpnw_QIisgfBefsICpHHodwriMpoAe0kH1QNzQGO_mcJats3L61lCyESieRAjKrRgdzX_eqpSRcPI33dmqQhMEkox0kBBKOyHISUiQRuRxqVqxO1vXIyImn0340hgqH99n7Qk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h25m24s113.png" width="320" /></a></div>Freddy selects a bottle of champagne and Christine looks at the book of music which we saw in the library at the start of the film. Christine looks troubled and Freddy asks her what the matter is, she asks if his name is Erik and he says that man is long dead. She asks him to play his music for her, at first he protests, but then realises he can't help but indulge her. He tells Christine it's unfinished, but she's his inspiration to finish the opera. <br />
<br />
He begins to play and to his surprise, Christine begins to sing along with his music, (which the rat catcher guy hears), her performance is ok, but you can really tell in places that she doesn't have the best operatic voice. He asks her how she knew the words to his music, she says she sang them before and doesn't remember where. He says it's impossible as no one has ever heard that music, so she asks him to play the rest, but he reminds her that it is incomplete.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjOHfhh2LFywkbSLp2Xn2giUjAhp0AGXxfBq7SjTyytyJLatKRO06kPW4iNO9j1B_UdRD-hZx2f1gXP5wcVc9vQjT5yFQBnB3j7MXG5KexJDhtos4ZIYinL_wGf7qlRXMERUo3HHVrAQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h33m42s46.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjOHfhh2LFywkbSLp2Xn2giUjAhp0AGXxfBq7SjTyytyJLatKRO06kPW4iNO9j1B_UdRD-hZx2f1gXP5wcVc9vQjT5yFQBnB3j7MXG5KexJDhtos4ZIYinL_wGf7qlRXMERUo3HHVrAQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h33m42s46.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So, you look like Gerard Butler under there, right? Right? No?... Frank Spencer?</td></tr>
</tbody></table> He asks her to come to him and he will give her everything, she loves music and he <i>is</i> the music, together they can bring London to their feet. He slides a ring onto her finger and she suddenly starts protesting despite the fact she's been more than happy to go along with everything before this. He tells her she's now married to the music, she can't have two masters and must not see another. She promises and he tells her that tonight she will be his bride. <br />
<br />
Richard goes to see the inspector and tells him that Christine's life is in danger, though where he got that idea from, I don't know. The inspector shows him a collection of photographs (completely un-period looking photographs I might add) of people who have been flayed. Richard fails to see the connection, the inspector tells him that Christine sang because Carlotta found a body in her wardrobe and the reviewer who criticised her is now dead. The inspector in a round about way says that murder follows Christine, but he doesn't think it's Richard. <br />
<br />
The inspector tells Richard that the phantom is real and his name is Erik Destler, which is apparently a famous legend. While the inspector is explaining this, we see Freddy take off his wig, revealing that he is quite bald and you can see his skull in places, he then takes out his teeth and places them in a cool little box I want to get for my nanna so she doesn't lose hers all the time. He then starts taking off his ear, which is fake apparently and then undoes the stitches on his skin mask, though I don't know why, ok I do, but in universe, surely they could act as a sort skin graft and as long as the skin wasn't dying it would graft to his skin since he sews it on. Out of universe, they want him to look as much like Freddy as they can get away with without breaching copyright. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4lMTjo_tgWVkWx7DyqCxCYa2wNM6EJgkQycu3sz-MIhzHQwpoNQri64sp5sevkgziuaCdeqgtvBpJJ0YDL5H6JVrlVaop8BuwS7Xmi8iaVvNR1_s4lICdu2nQif0hff7UbRLYZacBWdE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h48m11s225.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4lMTjo_tgWVkWx7DyqCxCYa2wNM6EJgkQycu3sz-MIhzHQwpoNQri64sp5sevkgziuaCdeqgtvBpJJ0YDL5H6JVrlVaop8BuwS7Xmi8iaVvNR1_s4lICdu2nQif0hff7UbRLYZacBWdE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-07-23h48m11s225.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Funny how those teeth he took out are suddenly back in</td></tr>
</tbody></table>He takes off his nose skin and pulls a plastic nose off, which seems a bit silly because he obviously <i>has</i> a nose underneath. In her dressing room, Christine tries pulling off the ring which Freddy gave her, but it won't come off and it cuts her finger. English-Meg comes in and asks her where the hell she's been and asks if Richard gave her a ring, saying "I expected a diamond", Christine tells her that Richard didn't give her the ring. Then English-Meg gleefully tells Christine that the guy who gave her a bad review was found dead. <br />
<br />
Richard comes calling, Freddy watches, Christine quickly writes a note and tells English-Meg to give the note to him, which tells him to meet her privately. Christine tries to pull the ring off again, but fails. Inside the opera house, everyone arrives in masks for the masquerade ball, Christine has two masks because she's greedy. Richard looks for her through the dancing crowds. Bill Nighy sucks up to Carlotta who has arrived and asks her for a dance. The inspector and his police men put on masks to blend in with the crowd and watch for the phantom.<br />
<br />
Richard finds Christine and she tells him to leave her alone because she's afraid of the phantom and feels that he's watching her everywhere and of course, Freddy was watching from behind a large plant. As he's getting a drink, someone tries to take off his mask and he stops them, Carlotta wonders who it could be and Freddy spins Bill Nighy away so he can have a dance with her.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHhryGWMZU7oIVeHQAVt4pMEj4FaJCwrrQutd1NgwYhsCkaqKTYIotm_q8Gipyk9TFd8eaQPkeLE1vzJPG_irD0eKzMZddp9TBLSt6BwxgEYX2nI8IraOKDvoHzerXX8W8Vn_xhAU3u5w/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h01m57s93.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHhryGWMZU7oIVeHQAVt4pMEj4FaJCwrrQutd1NgwYhsCkaqKTYIotm_q8Gipyk9TFd8eaQPkeLE1vzJPG_irD0eKzMZddp9TBLSt6BwxgEYX2nI8IraOKDvoHzerXX8W8Vn_xhAU3u5w/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h01m57s93.png" width="320" /></a></div>Carlotta's headdress is rather impressive. She tells Freddy that he's a wonderful dancer and asks where she might know him from, he says she would know him through his works, she asks if she could see his face. He asks what she would trade as everything has it's price, she laughs and he takes her to a secluded room, she pulls off his mask and screams, but he stifles her scream. <br />
<br />
The inspector goes to the buffet where the rat catcher is helping himself to some food, the inspector tells the rat catcher he has a nice costume and the rat catcher tells him the thing he's looking for has already come and gone right under his nose. The inspector tells him to show him where, the rat catcher tells him that the phantom pays him well to keep his secrets and to keep the rats out, the inspector says he will pay him more. Over time, though the rat catcher would earn more if he kept his loyalty to Freddy, years of steady rat catching work instead of one small pay off. Silly man.<br />
<br />
The inspector drags him off and the caterers bring in a table with lots of covered dishes, people gather around to see the tasty dishes behind unveiled, and if you thought that Carlotta's head was going to be unveiled from one of the silver domes, you'd be dead wrong.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivhUaYYMoGH_qYlbacKnANb8cHHDCZzeJRZGal1SW8soGox72er4G4BfXvJbaZQJz9nVw8PxY8XJSpTxfhEZC_2z3fNZOQvxe33BersubDh7DOcmd0UN6Wdez_XVn56k_QW3TnZeLEIZ0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h09m48s176.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivhUaYYMoGH_qYlbacKnANb8cHHDCZzeJRZGal1SW8soGox72er4G4BfXvJbaZQJz9nVw8PxY8XJSpTxfhEZC_2z3fNZOQvxe33BersubDh7DOcmd0UN6Wdez_XVn56k_QW3TnZeLEIZ0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h09m48s176.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's in the soup.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Everyone freaks out and has a good old look before they start leaving and Bill Nighy has a bit of a paddy, in the confusion, Freddy steals Christine away, but they have the rat catcher to show them where he will be hiding Christine. <br />
<br />
Freddy throws Christine down on a bed and chokes her a bit before showing her exactly what's really underneath his mask. However, he hears the others entering his sanctum. The rat catcher leaves them behind and goes off his own way, we see Freddy running through the sewers, Christine meanwhile is trapped inside Freddy's room. Christine finds a cobwebbed exit and starts trying to make her way through it, she can hear Richard shouting in the distance, but she comes full circle back into Freddy's lair. <br />
<br />
Freddy finds the rat catcher who tells him that he won't kill him, because he catches the rats, Freddy doesn't like being told what he does and doesn't do and so kills the rat catcher. The police split up into two groups, because that's always a good idea, they start looing for Freddy's lair and mark their paths with chalk as they walk. Unfortunately for them, Freddy knows the tunnels far better than they do and tricks them with mirrors and opening doors, splitting the police up further and changing their marks so it leads them in the wrong directions and they become lost. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvly-2zPq9Fz4XeZXeeV3-yThAvnXgYq2QRMooJcm4PaTFyS-ftI1wDTL0iQhJgFHkweyq1hYiUNZvYy-c6Lm5Rxj0vgmd5Zvp7Y-bm5juGbTrkZD4ghPr-Hq0rG8jufpoQBMKK2q_shE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h18m36s97.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvly-2zPq9Fz4XeZXeeV3-yThAvnXgYq2QRMooJcm4PaTFyS-ftI1wDTL0iQhJgFHkweyq1hYiUNZvYy-c6Lm5Rxj0vgmd5Zvp7Y-bm5juGbTrkZD4ghPr-Hq0rG8jufpoQBMKK2q_shE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h18m36s97.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, I'm sure that's <i>exactly</i> how an English policeman held his gun in the <i>1880</i>'s</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The police officer (pictured) ends up shooting the officer with him, but luckily, Freddy had already slit his throat , Freddy then traps him in a net and guts him. The inspector and Richard come across the body of the rat catcher and decide they're probably losing. Freddy returns to Christine and she asks him when he's going to kill her, he starts playing his organ tells her it will either be a funeral march or a wedding song, it's her choice. The inspector and Richard come across a door and break it down with a battering ram, Freddy moves away, but is poised to attack. <br />
<br />
Freddy grabs Christine from behind, holding a knife to her, Richard shoots the knife away, and in the ensuing scuffle, Christine is tossed to the side. Rchard and Freddy struggle, the inspector is unable to get a clean shot and is pushed down some stairs. Richard starts chocking Freddy, but his back is against some candles and his clothes catch fire, then Freddy stabs him with a candle holder and throws him off the side. <br />
<br />
Christine pushes over a candle holder at Freddy, which causes several things to catch fire, he tells her that he told her she would never leave and she picks up Richard's gun. He tells her that only love and music are forever and holds out his hand to her, so she shoots him. He grabs her and pulls her towards him, but the inspector comes to and shoots Freddy three times, causing him to pull the ring from Christine's hand and fall back, she pushes another candle holder over and it smashes a mirror. Freddy screams and calls for Christine. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYRr94gVAVVPUOHZwL7boa31-UuIC5fshj5xPBQxOm_XBXNxkCpJ4t-7z_ev8uhKxpNe_gYMy93HxJ-7Uk0vGBmw_W0-HPwNkSmsWm-mP4Buw0XkU03qKfShebTMK5qwiJ9xXhcRwPT0s/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h33m35s140.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYRr94gVAVVPUOHZwL7boa31-UuIC5fshj5xPBQxOm_XBXNxkCpJ4t-7z_ev8uhKxpNe_gYMy93HxJ-7Uk0vGBmw_W0-HPwNkSmsWm-mP4Buw0XkU03qKfShebTMK5qwiJ9xXhcRwPT0s/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h33m35s140.png" width="320" /></a></div>Then we see Christine is back in modern New York and the director asks if she's ok as american-Meg tries to wake her up. Then, SUPRISE!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJKcutQNkGyKmXcUfh5z5dNdOqyba_iNcJTqwfcMXQv4qlTRe9AE5qhBy8eZggS1qCYhfdupT8xJgqiNDq6nJ4Sj1xpOt6sx2UdWAAteuePjprv2AHAbJxVVG3P7RT-Rg6rH08rJZ6P1g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h35m06s227.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJKcutQNkGyKmXcUfh5z5dNdOqyba_iNcJTqwfcMXQv4qlTRe9AE5qhBy8eZggS1qCYhfdupT8xJgqiNDq6nJ4Sj1xpOt6sx2UdWAAteuePjprv2AHAbJxVVG3P7RT-Rg6rH08rJZ6P1g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h35m06s227.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guess who's here?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Christine stirs and asks modern-Freddy who he is, he says he's a very relieved admirer, he thought they'd lost the star of their show for a minute there. It turns out he's the producer and a major backer of the show, Christine says she doesn't understand, he tells her that the part is her unless she's changed her mind. America-Meg says she wants it in writing and the director takes her off. <br />
<br />
Modern-Freddy takes Christine for a drink and asks her if she would like to join him in a small dinner he arranged for the other backers of the show. He asks her to wait for him to change his clothes and then he will take her out for a night on the town and tells her to make herself at home. <br />
<br />
She sees he has lots of recording equipment around his apartment, we see modern-Freddy changing and looking quite pleased with his appearance, till he spots a bit of his skin is tearing, he opens up a fridge filled with latex Robert Englund heads and grabs a scalpel. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIEYcy21C3cX9-uHR6c5mLgZUSMzTotnU-PvtCvVbdpDAKS7KxaAIrqTF-Ql9aCOVfRTCAm0yq0PfzEdUo5WEA2wZAgZdltAh9siXL5h23yflr12Gtv1_jxxU-74RSG1er5ifyl_NmJlg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h41m16s143.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIEYcy21C3cX9-uHR6c5mLgZUSMzTotnU-PvtCvVbdpDAKS7KxaAIrqTF-Ql9aCOVfRTCAm0yq0PfzEdUo5WEA2wZAgZdltAh9siXL5h23yflr12Gtv1_jxxU-74RSG1er5ifyl_NmJlg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h41m16s143.png" width="320" /></a></div>I can't help but think this would have been a perfect place to end the movie, leave it really ambiguous, but implied that the phantom is finally getting Christine, but there's about ten minutes left, oh well. <br />
<br />
Christine finds some printed sheet music of Son Juan Triumphant and finds a floppy disc, also labelled Don Juan Triumphant and she sticks in it his computer, which begins playing the music. Now if it were me, I would assume the guy found the music, years ago, like she did, in the music library and simply made a copy. Yes, at times I'm paranoid as hell, but she immediately starts freaking out about it and not even me, paranoid as anything, would freak out this much, as she <i>doesn't</i> remember the dream/big flashback.<br />
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Modern-Freddy comes down the stairs as Christine tries to get the music to stop playing, he asks her how she likes it, he says love, music, they're forever and he knew they'd find each other eventually. She says, "you're him, aren't you?" He asks if she expected someone else and kisses her, and tells her it's just a matter of what she chooses, love or music. She strokes his face gently and pulls him in for a kiss, then decides to pull his face right off.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCyYJQq5uWxEr6I924H_lmWiyYm2pXXrzItfdsWEmil3Brbr3SwdMAtfYAGjAfVmdHbhhp58OFx_4tKKF56phqAVpVqqeiIQ854TKO_naRy52y7hCnY3XlxqrvU_O7WQOL4Fn8kDusLBA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h47m55s38.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCyYJQq5uWxEr6I924H_lmWiyYm2pXXrzItfdsWEmil3Brbr3SwdMAtfYAGjAfVmdHbhhp58OFx_4tKKF56phqAVpVqqeiIQ854TKO_naRy52y7hCnY3XlxqrvU_O7WQOL4Fn8kDusLBA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-08-00h47m55s38.png" width="320" /></a></div>Listen, pet, if Freddy decides he quite fancies you and he's going to be nice about it and make you a big star <i>and</i> let you survive with your intestines inside your body, you say, "Thank you very much, Mr Krueger and can I get you a cup of tea whilst I'm up?" <br />
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He tells her that he has waited a very long time for her to come back to him and they had a bargain that they would stay together forever. She picks up a weapon and stabs him in the chest, then takes the floppy disc and sheet music, just to add insult to mortal injury. She runs away into the night then rips up his music and throws it into a drain with the disc and we hear Freddy scream "NO!" We see Christine walking down the street and a street performer is playing the music for the Nostalgia Critic's Bum Reviews, on a violin (I can't unassociate that music now, ever.) Christine gives the street performer some money and turns back looking at him for a moment, then walks away. End of movie.<br />
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<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Yes, it's an obvious attempt to cash in on the Freddy Krueger brand, but it's actually quite a good movie. Well, Robert Englund is quite good, I'd go so far as to say that he's pretty much excellent throughout and I really feel for his version of the phantom. <br />
<br />
I still think that the movie would have been better leaving it on a point in which the phantom wins, rather than having Christine reject him yet again. <br />
<br />
It's not a musical version of Phantom, but it would have been nice if the singing there was, was at a higher standard. One could argue that Christine just wasn't as good to everyone else as she is in the Phantom's mind, but that's what you're going for then show that, or just hire a better singer. <br />
<br />
Can't really fault the effects, they were pretty good throughout the movie, the plot was the standard plot for Phantom, though I did think that missing out the big chandelier scene probably let the movie down somewhat. That being said, however, it feels a lot more faithful, at least in spirit, to the original novel, the Faustian element is very present through out and it's more macabre approach is a lot more entertaining than the romanticised version in the musical. <br />
<br />
If I could have this movie with a better Christine then I would declare it the best version of Phantom I've seen, however because she's a main character and the actress just doesn't seem to <i>get</i> Christine, she just seems very contrary, I can't really give it a pass on that issue.<br />
<br />
<b>7 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-54753984109301362942011-08-06T14:42:00.000-07:002011-08-06T14:42:05.002-07:00Generation X - ReviewGeneration X is a made for TV movie adaptation of the X-men, which aired in 1996 on the fox channel in America. It is impossible to find on dvd or video, but there are copies floating around in <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DigitalPiracyIsEvil">the ether of the realms of dubious legality</a>. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review </b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtb7s8doESmhVFBS48pcYpPSvlcAP_BbKmDQ_P7jjL_Mx640CN2QDsM7sNC2qoc11VunRP6mg1VaRvpafqYCoZ7GlVngs9g_EOBs2BhgdJZPf03I4xpKPi5W_841mT3Mh7Yxhsp3GSZHw/s1600/generation-x-dvd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtb7s8doESmhVFBS48pcYpPSvlcAP_BbKmDQ_P7jjL_Mx640CN2QDsM7sNC2qoc11VunRP6mg1VaRvpafqYCoZ7GlVngs9g_EOBs2BhgdJZPf03I4xpKPi5W_841mT3Mh7Yxhsp3GSZHw/s320/generation-x-dvd.jpg" width="206" /></a></div><a name='more'></a>This is what I know about this movie, it's supposed to be terrible, Jubilee is played by a white person and they used the same castle setting for the school which would be later used in the high budget X-Men movies. It's been sat on my hard drive for a while, and I've been putting it off long enough so I guess I'm going to have to watch it.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLYS3SDo7O_25bPnBXf-63E9D84KvkLEJIqnS8RYAGkK1MG8FSBoecJdJiNwbteOtDyQ-G6zF0aRVqnh04VnpPkpr6tTG5i7HYfmcQN_qVoP0xOYRCb_HisdMqc4n2jUUBTEnZRzm3mgU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h04m19s31.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLYS3SDo7O_25bPnBXf-63E9D84KvkLEJIqnS8RYAGkK1MG8FSBoecJdJiNwbteOtDyQ-G6zF0aRVqnh04VnpPkpr6tTG5i7HYfmcQN_qVoP0xOYRCb_HisdMqc4n2jUUBTEnZRzm3mgU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h04m19s31.png" width="320" /></a></div>Our first shot of the movie is this handy little info bite, then a shot of a human brain and a guy with some white rubber gloves, handling some medical instruments which look like they've come from the high octane nightmare fuel department and they prepare to cut into the brain of some poor sod to harvest his brain juice. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKqfntFadcCzYOvV53eMBpIKS0OBclU6kETBw2Z64P8PDaeR_AvPdIAoDk5f0b0oa8_eoZjZ6a7wilzL9BIOTRXtsgjMsy3nZ5nWQncQgRcejE5E9xXH__wiClGAaf0OQqBtUHT82jJ5g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h06m44s207.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKqfntFadcCzYOvV53eMBpIKS0OBclU6kETBw2Z64P8PDaeR_AvPdIAoDk5f0b0oa8_eoZjZ6a7wilzL9BIOTRXtsgjMsy3nZ5nWQncQgRcejE5E9xXH__wiClGAaf0OQqBtUHT82jJ5g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h06m44s207.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But I only came in for a gentle foot rub</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A blonde woman bursts into the room and flings one of the mad scientists away saying "stop right there, Russell" and proceeds to free the poor bloke on the operating table. A mild annoyance, every single shot so far has been tilted for no particular reason. Some guys come in and arrest the bloke on the table for being an unregistered mutant and because he was unregistered they aren't going to aresst the evil doctor type guy for trying to saw into his brain.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRwQd9QVcEsXU1QQBon833heig01tvwZMlDogi7jUbzTK9rp14ruZbZmIGUGVp1NcpfqsRcRRDFHNlHr81ieyI_I6z7NBPEoyYix8wTB0-TbqseQpSwMos8FK4wpqoh763yTfeFtg7-O0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h11m18s151.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRwQd9QVcEsXU1QQBon833heig01tvwZMlDogi7jUbzTK9rp14ruZbZmIGUGVp1NcpfqsRcRRDFHNlHr81ieyI_I6z7NBPEoyYix8wTB0-TbqseQpSwMos8FK4wpqoh763yTfeFtg7-O0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h11m18s151.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This place doesn't look sciencey enough, add more wheels to the wall!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The blonde woman is Emma Frost, she gets very annoyed when a guy tells the Doctor Russell that his punishment for trying to murder someone is getting fired so she creates some wind and lightning and scowls at him. So, Emma Frost has Storms powers in this? <br />
<br />
We get a 'five years later' and see a young guy called Angelo (Skin) who is packing his things to go to Xavier's school for the gifted. His father says it's time to go and his family all say goodbye as he gets into the car. His little sister grabs his hand as the car starts to drive off, despite his protests to let go, she grins evilly as his skin stretches as the car drives away until her mother pulls her off.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqlBWZqsnAn14f0gitzI1vEl1VPvyc_faQpxRwu5RqTwi2M8h3XjMldwmVqmTRANHYybiG4YZ2hsMGiNDii9IoULCuSTukxygb8lzdQYgc2j7xSP9AoYBTYmgqkPJOkRMXP_mMfoBMm2Q/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h18m29s111.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqlBWZqsnAn14f0gitzI1vEl1VPvyc_faQpxRwu5RqTwi2M8h3XjMldwmVqmTRANHYybiG4YZ2hsMGiNDii9IoULCuSTukxygb8lzdQYgc2j7xSP9AoYBTYmgqkPJOkRMXP_mMfoBMm2Q/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h18m29s111.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bitch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>At a corporate office block doctor Russell hams it up as he explains to his boss what exactly it is he does, something about dream devices and brain monitoring. Russell tells his boss he'll explain it all really slowly for him, the guy playing Russell is that guy in Dawn of the Dead who Ving Rhames shoots as he slowly turns into a zombie and his daughter is the annoying one with the dog. He's so over the top he's a walking block of cheese and also quite entertaining. His machine allows him to enter the dreams of anyone and they put subliminal messages in adverts and his machine will boost this as he's putting stuff directly into peoples brains. <br />
<br />
We then cut to a girl who I think it supposed to be Jubilee playing video games at a weird techno rave arcade place. We see a girl putting on some uv lipstick and then Doctor Russell lightning up some guys cigarette.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2PaC26xrVxhy3srDR0ydMXtNC5Qmekx0bWCdzCkjhSHALf4tmitQcUIEtp5Vsdw6Ve_j39xUE6Qu00KH5FffK53mePZ8oLKsXfxBzsrhlRQUBro6kTUpLq9Crn-EPrVAnJMoxSsf5E7Y/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h41m58s114.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2PaC26xrVxhy3srDR0ydMXtNC5Qmekx0bWCdzCkjhSHALf4tmitQcUIEtp5Vsdw6Ve_j39xUE6Qu00KH5FffK53mePZ8oLKsXfxBzsrhlRQUBro6kTUpLq9Crn-EPrVAnJMoxSsf5E7Y/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h41m58s114.png" width="320" /></a></div>One of Jubilee's friends asks her if she's really going to take off, she says that she intends to as "home sucks, freedom rocks", not exactly t-shirt material. Jubilee is playing a street fighter game (I think, it's been a while) and while she's playing Doctor Russell's head pops up saying "play more, play more". <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicgyxX8SF81-ofOii1vpSyOL4NW2Oj02YH4nMEDI6Wi90y_S52ZOd57dQ30jyl5jg8JuNY2j7nHgqLpLocA6gOL7aV9f4C5zj_6Z95czTI1012RUdImzvWIo8cT_m-PaCsqrlXAi-3B90/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h44m45s245.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicgyxX8SF81-ofOii1vpSyOL4NW2Oj02YH4nMEDI6Wi90y_S52ZOd57dQ30jyl5jg8JuNY2j7nHgqLpLocA6gOL7aV9f4C5zj_6Z95czTI1012RUdImzvWIo8cT_m-PaCsqrlXAi-3B90/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h44m45s245.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is not subliminal messages, this is just a message</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jubilee doesn't really seem to notice the giant head talking and carries on playing as sparks start flying out of her hands, which she also doesn't notice. Though every person around her does and stands and stares at all the flying sparks, included Doctor Russell.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJYZ5SJzCOA94RLqUENnIxSbUkoEF-V_Ten_wMOXInv5Up320NJW1zV4QtiPLlqfWhotcYho-dSo_pSS2yT06JKj9fgX3DCr611nwvROuiweMlCehRIILVALSeSb6ZFfNOqqGay7JLa1s/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h48m23s125.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJYZ5SJzCOA94RLqUENnIxSbUkoEF-V_Ten_wMOXInv5Up320NJW1zV4QtiPLlqfWhotcYho-dSo_pSS2yT06JKj9fgX3DCr611nwvROuiweMlCehRIILVALSeSb6ZFfNOqqGay7JLa1s/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-15h48m23s125.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Subtle X-Men product placement, movie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Some blokes come to arrest Jubilee for making sparks before Russell can get to her, and she runs through the crowd so he grabs her friend who's that guy who was the friend in the programme where the kid is the son of the devil and the devil is Ray Wise. He tells Russell what Jubilee's name is and then we see that more guys arrive and arrest Jubilee when they corner her in a room.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmAtUgXnxIhNdJs9m5DQ_l45Gb3b92Lyu90qqPJPKTzLkVxt-9h57NiMKdW_ELvRy3_Gm36jn8RRh9fIcgUUG_OfzEzmOkzRozcnZjN7CFoVTu3flZxwDfuJUqf_W0VYYYl6oVs2COlyE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h19m25s54.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmAtUgXnxIhNdJs9m5DQ_l45Gb3b92Lyu90qqPJPKTzLkVxt-9h57NiMKdW_ELvRy3_Gm36jn8RRh9fIcgUUG_OfzEzmOkzRozcnZjN7CFoVTu3flZxwDfuJUqf_W0VYYYl6oVs2COlyE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h19m25s54.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cerebro, the amiga version</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see this info pop up and then Emma Frost in bed in a super shiney room, wearing a super shiney nightie and the movie remembers it's all supposed to be on a slant so the camera tilts and Emma Frost walks into a computer room where Cerebro is and it's sodding huge.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRt8e6Hlmxo461HjVgIek0_NFYUzKRKvduQ6Wz-vCHsLEfFj6aC1IqJOd9H_En_hk9WIVyDtYaBJFKMXMoOj2ykFS2MZf6jSyG49JB7wqi6UbPucUoW2gPbfI4RT7dq5J1OchfaOxDSdY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h23m13s252.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRt8e6Hlmxo461HjVgIek0_NFYUzKRKvduQ6Wz-vCHsLEfFj6aC1IqJOd9H_En_hk9WIVyDtYaBJFKMXMoOj2ykFS2MZf6jSyG49JB7wqi6UbPucUoW2gPbfI4RT7dq5J1OchfaOxDSdY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h23m13s252.png" width="320" /></a></div>Emma Frost prints off the information about Jubilee and we get a shot of the outside of a police station, which for some reason is lit in neon lights. What is it with you and neon, nineties? Inside the station Jubilee's mother is giving her a good telling off for being a mutant without telling her first and giving her lip about it. <br />
<br />
Emma Frost goes to wake up some guy who<i> thinks</i> he's doing an Irish accent, saying that he'll get up when she gets dressed. Ok. Jubilee's mother asks a guy not to take her away as she's only 15 and they just found out she's a mutant and not had chance to register her, the guy says that these things don't <i>just</i> happen and as a mutant she doesn't have any rights. <br />
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He tells her mother that she's going to mutant camp, aka <strike>death camp</strike>, fun happy camp, where she will be rehabilitated into society. As the mother leaves the police station, she's accosted by Emma Frost and bad Irish accent, aka Banshee (really, movie?) <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNKvc7_Xn0bzSAAl2CmagFDvaKu1u9mXQ1lvW9IS03WFMRdUDPw_dDzx4EP9C8EKvQraERo4l-qA2kfKFZHObd1pZUcbBP4It3jLDMBCFzZ46oQj6J_ZeB54N0zIOFBigVEKSs3WwkChA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h34m09s67.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNKvc7_Xn0bzSAAl2CmagFDvaKu1u9mXQ1lvW9IS03WFMRdUDPw_dDzx4EP9C8EKvQraERo4l-qA2kfKFZHObd1pZUcbBP4It3jLDMBCFzZ46oQj6J_ZeB54N0zIOFBigVEKSs3WwkChA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h34m09s67.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Excuse me Mrs Lee, the camera was almost straight for a moment there and we needed to correct that.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They tell her that they'd like to offer her an alternative to mutant camp, Xavier's school, Mrs Lee thinks it's a sales pitch and for some reason Emma Frost gets all bitchy and sarcy with Mrs Lee about it. They tell her that unless she agrees to let Jubilee come with them, that Jubilee will be sent away to <strike>death camp</strike>, happy fun camp and she'll never see her again.<br />
<br />
Emma Frost and Banshee enter the police station and Emma Frost uses a postcard like psychic paper in order to steal Jubilee from the police station. They use the fake names, "Hootie" and "Blowfish", really, movie? <i>Really</i>? Sometimes Emma Frost sounds English, sometimes American so I can't tell if the actress is supposed to be trying to use an American accent or not.<br />
<br />
They go outside and tell Jubilee that she's got to go with them, Jubilee wants to leave, but they tell her she's basically got no choice but to come with them. They bundle her into their car and tell her that at the school she will be trained to use her powers and she's being trained to be a super hero. Not that she has a choice in this mind, they tell her that when she graduates she'll be issued with a uniform which they assure her is "quite tasteful." On route they pick up Skin from a bus and introduce him to Jubilee.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVhnkWpmMRgPeHFNsbHfgAZkPYAUd-RpmqfIXQZkV0N8MBGM67Y5TTpB0b-GApL-bxipgAaAKrSLO46Nv4fExrDkO4QK4iksVMJdajbJEKcfx7cH0Ymz5pmACxwuwqWiu2V9rtugberoY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h46m17s49.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVhnkWpmMRgPeHFNsbHfgAZkPYAUd-RpmqfIXQZkV0N8MBGM67Y5TTpB0b-GApL-bxipgAaAKrSLO46Nv4fExrDkO4QK4iksVMJdajbJEKcfx7cH0Ymz5pmACxwuwqWiu2V9rtugberoY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h46m17s49.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back to the entertaining person in the movie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Doctor Russell tells his boss he's found a mutant brain, he went to the mall to check how the brainwashing was working on the kiddies and he's so excited because she's "at least a level 3." He then starts babbling on about a woman he met once who was a psychic and a mutant who told him about the dream world and the door to it which blew apart everything they were doing. <br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Fe6uylKgqnlqOl2mo5x_xl5EKd1lIJMYjnP0w1Ntf9leiZWYZ52y-UVE7KE4DqfIhJqteTasi8gS0CTaZbKvOrSGVCL1tCEX7xsF9qVWSY505M95iP6gVF4zFmDW5JQd5v88vAPFizg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h49m29s221.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Fe6uylKgqnlqOl2mo5x_xl5EKd1lIJMYjnP0w1Ntf9leiZWYZ52y-UVE7KE4DqfIhJqteTasi8gS0CTaZbKvOrSGVCL1tCEX7xsF9qVWSY505M95iP6gVF4zFmDW5JQd5v88vAPFizg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h49m29s221.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't you understand what this means? </td></tr>
</tbody></table>He starts talking some more crazy talk about mutants and dreams and his boss looks very dubious and asks if the thing they've been paying him to make is ready. He tells Russell to not speak to the board about the brain thing as they "aren't on his intellectual level" and just try to keep the money flowing by concentrating on the dream machine. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5HpMVN-akH-BrkZQyRNg_v3Hy92-7CRxM5YDhFnpw3gqvSmLGQrDTtjx3BP-riNGtJ_KrwDN3xIEG5W_PJmedB0oLSyzgE_v4iXpvQ7L5GXdlLuql_qU2AKazOmA4N-rsjy1WWXW8YDc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h52m59s221.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5HpMVN-akH-BrkZQyRNg_v3Hy92-7CRxM5YDhFnpw3gqvSmLGQrDTtjx3BP-riNGtJ_KrwDN3xIEG5W_PJmedB0oLSyzgE_v4iXpvQ7L5GXdlLuql_qU2AKazOmA4N-rsjy1WWXW8YDc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-16h52m59s221.png" width="320" /></a></div>The mutants arrive back at Xavier's school which is suspiciously sparse of other people. Emma Frost makes Jubilee do a retinal scan and then strip off behind a screen to do a full body imprint. Why? Why do they need to do this? They don't even make Skin leave the room, he just stands are stares as Jubilee undresses. Emma Frost rubs something on Jubilee's chest and it all feels very skeezy and dirty.<br />
<br />
Outside some kids are playing with an american football and Skin and Jubilee go over to introduce themselves. A blonde kid with sunglasses assess Skin as a "dork", but his friend corrects him and says he's a "butthead". Oh, harsh, /end sarcasm.<br />
<br />
A blonde girl comes over to introduce them, she introduces herself as Arlee, the blonde kid with a bad attitude as Kurt, the guy who thought butthead was a grave insult as Mondo and another girl as Monet. Kurt asks Jubilee what her <i>thing</i> is, Jubilee says she doesn't know exactly what it's called but she shoots fireworks from her fingers.<br />
<br />
Monet laughs and says, "it's called thermo dynamic emission", <i>god</i>, Jubilee, as if you didn't know that?! She says that Kurt has something similar which shoots out of his eyes, so Kurt is this movie's cyclops, except he sort of has x-ray vision as well. Then the guys take the piss out of skin for having a rubbish super power.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnY4qpqOER5xQYqgJ1ilBwmRTAB55v6pGB7c5RKWc32buFJZmReizNwkcxbdf0Ak-3G3iBEluJecmuSZ_8vhFvlrBeotda5NtYdImCXtXVcVNNIobUe0gb6JJMua-LqUZ-RGpSKJFO7os/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h10m39s81.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnY4qpqOER5xQYqgJ1ilBwmRTAB55v6pGB7c5RKWc32buFJZmReizNwkcxbdf0Ak-3G3iBEluJecmuSZ_8vhFvlrBeotda5NtYdImCXtXVcVNNIobUe0gb6JJMua-LqUZ-RGpSKJFO7os/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h10m39s81.png" width="320" /></a></div>The kids start playing american football and Mondo takes the ball from Skin, and takes his hand with him, they all stare in horror as his arm stretches halfway across the field. This is the second time this has happened, and it clearly really hurts him every time it happens, so why the hell would they try to train him to use a super power which causes him a lot of physical pain?<br />
<br />
The blonde girl knocks over Mondo to get him to let go of Skin's hand, so fakecyclops jumps on her, then Jubilee and Monet sort of pile on as well for some reason. Emma Frost and Banshee see this and when they don't immediately break it up, he screams at them with his powers and that works quite quickly. <br />
<br />
Later that night Arlee the blonde girl shows Jubilee to the girls room, Arlee says she's going to change clothes, Jubilee offers to go with her, but Arlee rebuffs her and Monet explains that she doesn't like anyone seeing her change because she's embarrassed about her body because she's very strong and her physique is all buff.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVN_lVVW7T-I3AoyZClm4IRay4goFUoUvs5ABUmIQaKKpTapQ9H0AB21GoKLb78o4_Vwxz9ryg1_QiPR5RSdXvf82IQGlwz1IiS0Uxxj3k1v8SeyKRBh-gFJ546TOIwmr77HRIuJyDHp0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h16m28s243.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVN_lVVW7T-I3AoyZClm4IRay4goFUoUvs5ABUmIQaKKpTapQ9H0AB21GoKLb78o4_Vwxz9ryg1_QiPR5RSdXvf82IQGlwz1IiS0Uxxj3k1v8SeyKRBh-gFJ546TOIwmr77HRIuJyDHp0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h16m28s243.png" width="320" /></a></div>Monet goes on to explain why she's the perfect mutant and super smart and super special and the most special unique snowflake there ever was. Jubilee clearly isn't impressed, because they've made Monet so very, very unlikeable. In the boys room fakecyclops gives Skin more shit about his powers and Mondo joins in. Mondo's power is that he can be as strong as anything he touches, rock, wood, metal, etc, Skin asks what happens if he eats jell-o, Mondo says he doesn't like jell-o.<br />
<br />
The next morning, for some reason there's only one bathroom in all the school and all the students are waiting for Arlee to get done using it, fakecyclops starts mucking on by saying he can see through the door so Arlee comes out and holds him against the wall to threaten him, but for some reason she does this with her eyes shut and she doesn't sound all that angry.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGeFXnK0NE2TkeSG6BY2EtPBEqQp8GCvz_ATBftrX_LTkbX1HZV3n-hj8FS5ry-8LYmZnnkDmXzMwHvWvUhPkFy9iknD0NdPt5M_7pCmk0amirgFQKi1mXYzp-7oebZRXuqq2rKVrd7fM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h23m02s63.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGeFXnK0NE2TkeSG6BY2EtPBEqQp8GCvz_ATBftrX_LTkbX1HZV3n-hj8FS5ry-8LYmZnnkDmXzMwHvWvUhPkFy9iknD0NdPt5M_7pCmk0amirgFQKi1mXYzp-7oebZRXuqq2rKVrd7fM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h23m02s63.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You <strike>five</strike> six teenagers with attitude are here because you have powers, a wide range of powers, you will search for other people with a wide range of powers, we're going to call you, <strike>power rangers</strike>, generation x, hope you like the t-shirts.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Later Banshee tells the students about Cerebro and how they'll all be expected to learn to use it and learn to monitor for other mutants who are at level 3 or above. Emma Frost later is teaching them about psychic powers and how to walk around a school in thigh high silver boots and a corset, while the room is tilted at an odd angle.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoEpZAKs2P62cSWwpYc5tFdwFJa0vXvzNadzqkc5fbb2S_-ujUIA2QBmSj62wUJ2RnkeuYzM3l6CbAUTvWgsMGlN7YQAbS77BJ4BoEZXiykVb5XjEzCMBk1q7pF-toP_5P0-mhZPic3io/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h27m14s41.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoEpZAKs2P62cSWwpYc5tFdwFJa0vXvzNadzqkc5fbb2S_-ujUIA2QBmSj62wUJ2RnkeuYzM3l6CbAUTvWgsMGlN7YQAbS77BJ4BoEZXiykVb5XjEzCMBk1q7pF-toP_5P0-mhZPic3io/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h27m14s41.png" width="320" /></a></div>Fakecyclops asks how they are supposed to relax and concentrate at the same time, she tells him to imagine he's playing with himself. You know, for kids! She holds out a bunch of cards and tells them they contain subliminal messages and they should look at them and try to see what it is. The cards are magic eye pictures, so I'm guessing the first one is a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mall_Rats">schooner</a>. <br />
<br />
Skin writes down what he sees and Jubilee calls them out, so I don't know if she's picking that up from him or he just doesn't mind not getting credit for his work. Emma Frost tells them they are to monitor their dreams for their home work, she says that dreams are the mental thread that connect them all. Fakecyclops reckons that Emma Frost is mental and she confirms this and then calls him ignorant. She's a crap teacher. <br />
<br />
Later the kids are relaxing in a recreation room and a news report comes on the telly about mutants and Fakecyclops decides to blow it up instead of turning it off, because destroying something that isn't yours is cool! Everyone is super impressed by this act of vandalism of course. Banshee comes in to tell Jubilee her mother has called, but she tells him that she doesn't want to speak to her mother.<br />
<br />
Skin is working on Cerebro when there's a security breach and and he tries to solve it, but it quickly descends into madness, he shouts for help, but someone holds a gun to his head and the training sequence ends. Because traumatising your students is the way to get them started on the basics! Banshee tells him he was basically crap and he gets to spend the next day training all day. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HT4vupVp4BwcRz3Gm5WYg86gzutyiGrdrGQDSU7wrMugg_l6YoaHHU_YTnsdcDGx9LEXfu6awhhiEfmriZxL8h487Nt8JumhKrkZ3yr87sGWEAcpJkJ4rFXGj5TabmkuZLuDAGR-Ce8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h46m16s208.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HT4vupVp4BwcRz3Gm5WYg86gzutyiGrdrGQDSU7wrMugg_l6YoaHHU_YTnsdcDGx9LEXfu6awhhiEfmriZxL8h487Nt8JumhKrkZ3yr87sGWEAcpJkJ4rFXGj5TabmkuZLuDAGR-Ce8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-17h46m16s208.png" width="320" /></a></div>Later in the day, Skin finds Jubilee reading a book about meta physics by Emma Frost, which Jubilee describes as weird. Skin wants to travel into dreams to get away from the school because he hates it, he could of course just tell someone that the other students are being dicks. Jubilee wants to travel into her parents dreams to find out why they sent her there, apparently no one told her it was this or <strike>death camp</strike> happy fun camp.<br />
<br />
They read from the book that mutants are apparently hard wired already to enter the dream world and they can access it by using a white light or something other such nonsense. They also find out that Emma Frost was involved in a government project to create a dream machine. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile Russell's boss tries to talk him into not being crazy at the presentation he's supposed to make, Russell starts babbling on and says he won't be happy until the psycho slut who humiliated him grovels at his feet and declares him her god. I wonder who he's talking about? <br />
<br />
The next morning the students asks Banshee if they can drive into town alone and for some reason Banshee agrees because they moan a bit. Monet goes to try on some clothes and is snotty to Arlee and Jubilee, Jubilee gives Arlee some clothes to try on and they unsubtly slip in a stunt double for Arlee's buff body. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUfpyuVl5C9cfeFhNNhTD4ulKZZKAJYeZ691V1P1LOudSiOAL2YT7SN7i9VKu40yRTNR8_TfwcQ7552aL5QBH-Vi4U7B3Vf9gLhR3guFIjy3Vf7VBe4Vtz81eFhl8WTbPS_DN2DOOeAmk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h01m04s106.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUfpyuVl5C9cfeFhNNhTD4ulKZZKAJYeZ691V1P1LOudSiOAL2YT7SN7i9VKu40yRTNR8_TfwcQ7552aL5QBH-Vi4U7B3Vf9gLhR3guFIjy3Vf7VBe4Vtz81eFhl8WTbPS_DN2DOOeAmk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h01m04s106.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fake Arlee</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5qaKwyD29Nyn2ukio34rtgRF_lTx5p3ks_orGwy0fJQ_ni-AAPQK-wRHEn7PfAvuCMZyLID6bRBokEXH-2MMijM3zsFofpKe8Ec5VfNfCJ-XBT5eAFa1qoslP9VrFo9F3zKVvX0_4w34/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h02m25s161.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5qaKwyD29Nyn2ukio34rtgRF_lTx5p3ks_orGwy0fJQ_ni-AAPQK-wRHEn7PfAvuCMZyLID6bRBokEXH-2MMijM3zsFofpKe8Ec5VfNfCJ-XBT5eAFa1qoslP9VrFo9F3zKVvX0_4w34/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h02m25s161.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actual Arlee</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Why didn't they just hire a body builder to play the part? It would have made a lot more sense. Elsewhere Fakecyclops and Mondo discuss how fun it is to objectify women based on their looks and Skin looks at pretty girls looking at clothes. Later, Mondo gets into a macho eating contest across the room with a highschool kid for no apparent reason at a restaurant, the pretty girls that Skin was looking at come in and sit with the high school guys, one of the guys goes over to embarrass Skin by asking him to sit with them. They tease him by pushing his face into some food as the Monet, Jubilee and Arlee arrive and he walks out embarrassed. <br />
<br />
We see Skin running the security program on Cerebro again and runs into some trouble as he tries to get into a password encoded file, but he hacks his way in very quickly and gives himself a full security pass code key so he can get into any area he likes. He uses his new card to get into a room where he finds the dream chair from the book he looked at earlier with Jubilee. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQsmo-7hlB69WAYJQFMqPjciGUxH7yaYE0s8nixuZfrKOKDuTRIoVMYHYdlf1O52C50VU52YSLg-WnO0LBJGyg8NOvTGh7BCzuzuxv7WhdD5qQH4MY6qnChJX5kjv_8n4LKMNy-1KmhoM/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h22m38s5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQsmo-7hlB69WAYJQFMqPjciGUxH7yaYE0s8nixuZfrKOKDuTRIoVMYHYdlf1O52C50VU52YSLg-WnO0LBJGyg8NOvTGh7BCzuzuxv7WhdD5qQH4MY6qnChJX5kjv_8n4LKMNy-1KmhoM/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h22m38s5.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Russell hams it up as he gives his presentation to the board and starts babbling on about the dream world again, they ask him to get to the point and he tells them that he can make anyone buy anything he wants them to by speaking to their brain. He then says that he visited each of them in their dreams the previous night and he will make them all fart because he told them to in their dreams. I'm really not sure that's how it's supposed to work.<br />
<br />
Cut to the students training on climbing walls and gyroscopes without any safety equipment and Skin comes to tell Jubilee that he's found the dream machine and they can use it that night. The climbing wall that Mondo is using keeps trying to kill him.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsc0mHDgGCo0aANpXdRQ8vGXvJgXfqwAGr1JendKYokikhDfQ6mmnu2m_CLC9IFjXLlROSaOJaFVX0k3Bgx-JObNWHTLenk9Tnw1HvI-6sSE-d30cOEUh7gcVUb8O82uO5RwSqTKC_cVg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h25m59s210.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsc0mHDgGCo0aANpXdRQ8vGXvJgXfqwAGr1JendKYokikhDfQ6mmnu2m_CLC9IFjXLlROSaOJaFVX0k3Bgx-JObNWHTLenk9Tnw1HvI-6sSE-d30cOEUh7gcVUb8O82uO5RwSqTKC_cVg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-18h25m59s210.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How is this an effective way of teaching children?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The board members at Russell's meeting decide he's insane and dangerous and they should call the police, because he's a bit too much for them to handle. They ask Russell's boss and he agrees, then Russell appears and it turns out he's having a dream and Russell has come to get himself some revenge and he makes his boss jump out of a window. <br />
<br />
Skin and Jubilee set about to use the dream chair, Jubilee says she should go first because if anything goes wrong then he will be able to fix it and she wouldn't know how. She sits in the chair and we see that Russell is sitting down in his own dream chair having a merry little sing song to himself.<br />
<br />
Jubilee goes into her fathers dreams where he's having a convenient dream conversation with Jubilee's mother about how guilty he feels, it's lucky Jubilee chose to visit on this night instead of the night he dreams he's captain of a cruise ship and all the passengers are monsters trying to kill him. Russell pops up behind Jubilee and explains that while she was trying to visit her father, he was trying to visit her. He tells Jubilee he wants her for her mind and she freaks out and wakes up.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIeF2_0puCqeDmNJv2gAzhgVRJyACCUoByySknxV13AgkgdVRbbbrSdZLTrYdo3ZLiF3TOnSlf4efITl5KsXxOS8qIEGnRsfd_aP1_USkrC6zykQhUmrV2tyOwjEjPpYA9R4gt-cVmzU/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h26m31s185.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIeF2_0puCqeDmNJv2gAzhgVRJyACCUoByySknxV13AgkgdVRbbbrSdZLTrYdo3ZLiF3TOnSlf4efITl5KsXxOS8qIEGnRsfd_aP1_USkrC6zykQhUmrV2tyOwjEjPpYA9R4gt-cVmzU/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h26m31s185.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was so horrible, a flamboyant man said I was talented, you have no idea what that's like!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Skin gets in the chair in order to find himself a hot chick and tells Jubilee not to disconnect him or he'll be a vegetable. He finds himself in the dream of the pretty girl he was looking at earlier, she's dreaming about sitting on her bed brushing her hair, so he decides to stare at her through her window, so he's a creepy dream stalker now.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGftveFECoewuJPdkfwpm4uCreNsNiRtOx8CfMqQxyRhSfLUikmmHEVr1rsGU8CScFRTM6yv6K_-u3K1LZfbaCc2yE_b9wFuK54uUiBvdRs0VcrcIW47xG31MrYNV4-ecpFJGMysU-f7g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h30m14s116.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGftveFECoewuJPdkfwpm4uCreNsNiRtOx8CfMqQxyRhSfLUikmmHEVr1rsGU8CScFRTM6yv6K_-u3K1LZfbaCc2yE_b9wFuK54uUiBvdRs0VcrcIW47xG31MrYNV4-ecpFJGMysU-f7g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h30m14s116.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Russell turns up and for some reason I keep wanting to call him Frank, I have no idea why, Russell tells Skin that he can make the pretty girl fall in love with him, and he goes into the girls bedroom and tells the girl that she now loves Skin. Again, I'm really not sure that's how it works, the other night I had a dream where I lived in a mansion with Spoony and Tim Robbins and my girlfriend was Blake Lively, that dream did not make me fancy Blake Lively when I woke up. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPowqEO9PiHYNkbJhYWQzOJ6v1KD2tFjJol8NmUF14rSVy-D-U-_WQt45GsmVJZ5HLFx0Dbgix_L7tWRigE5VBez1soTAosXxW3-lBYTNfJd-wqvCu23eU0TvY7xdYxPjkv_ZI9-MJP0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h34m41s226.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoPowqEO9PiHYNkbJhYWQzOJ6v1KD2tFjJol8NmUF14rSVy-D-U-_WQt45GsmVJZ5HLFx0Dbgix_L7tWRigE5VBez1soTAosXxW3-lBYTNfJd-wqvCu23eU0TvY7xdYxPjkv_ZI9-MJP0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-19h34m41s226.png" width="320" /></a></div>The police come to arrest Russell for something and find him hooked up to the dream machine so they decide the best thing to do when they see someone hooked into a complicated piece of machinery is to pull out all the wires and Russell's body wakes up, but Russell starts falling through the dream world, but Skin saves him by doing a stretch armstrong. <br />
<br />
Russell starts getting his full crazy on and says he has to go, after he kisses Skin and he tries to re-enter his body. The next day Jubilee and Skin discuss their experiences, Jubilee was scared, but Skin really enjoyed it, Jubile says he's "fucking nuts" and she "cosmically shit her pants". You know, for kids! Skin and Jubilee argue over whether Russell was awesome or crazy. <br />
<br />
After a class, Fakecyclops awkwardly asks Arlee if she'd like to go to a carnival with him in town, she turns him down because he's been nothing but a complete arsehole for the entire film, but he says that he's serious about asking her out. So, he's been nothing but horrible to everyone in the film and all he's done is ask her out and say that he hasn't told anyone he's asking her out, she agrees to go out with him, because real women have no self respect, eh, movie?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSS3vimcYepS2vbkxqoG6oCZSmkROS92G6ErpaaQRde7QvpUf6pnyXuGQRzB2dUf5kJ-0ZLOK9YRQ5lZzgAjXClhZNIHvIBSc6aa3vxu1PEhCUl3XqvathqCPem-ZZyOSo6xRKNOymOY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h28m21s126.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSS3vimcYepS2vbkxqoG6oCZSmkROS92G6ErpaaQRde7QvpUf6pnyXuGQRzB2dUf5kJ-0ZLOK9YRQ5lZzgAjXClhZNIHvIBSc6aa3vxu1PEhCUl3XqvathqCPem-ZZyOSo6xRKNOymOY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h28m21s126.png" width="320" /></a></div>Russell's body is being kept at a psych facility, you can tell because everything is white, the orderly complains because he has to feed Russell and Russell can't feed himself. At the carnival, all the students are attending and Fakecyclops and Arlee ride the ferris wheel while skeezy guys hit on Monet and Jubilee and Mondo eat. Skin spots the pretty girl, but she disappears behind a ride. While he's hanging out by a tree moping, the pretty girl approaches Skin and she apologises for her friends behaviour. He invites her to walk around the fair with him, she asks to walk somewhere else because she doesn't want her friends to see them.<br />
<br />
Jubilee takes Mondo on a ride where he looks ill, Monet breaks various strength based carinval games and Arlee and fakecyclops go to the car to make out, though she asks him to take his glasses off because she feels like she's kissing Quentin Tarantino. Really, movie? A guy wearing sunglasses and the first place you went was Tarantino? He takes them off and his eyes don't blast her with xrays so why the hell was he wearing them in the first place?<br />
<br />
As they are kissing he breaks off and starts staring as we hear some strange whispers, Arlee asks what's wrong and he says nothing then suggests they find the others. They meet up with Jubilee and Mondo and the girls go off to go to the bathroom and Mondo asks what happened. Fakecyclops says that when they were kissing when he took his glasses off his powers kicked in and he could see Arlee's naked thigh, but Mondo coughs as the girls are stood them and have heard what they were saying.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJkyFgJkmAAmhkBvnSOA-9UdYbTjwc16WDRFCE0r4uIRSh5kUSH2cQdRqpBQoWllCUzIowzMnUOUix5MlihUkt1Oqrdc7_nmB_mZ6PJJSdUm66FBf8GE22x81_Ugx_GaLj-wEFjfxgoiA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h40m48s208.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJkyFgJkmAAmhkBvnSOA-9UdYbTjwc16WDRFCE0r4uIRSh5kUSH2cQdRqpBQoWllCUzIowzMnUOUix5MlihUkt1Oqrdc7_nmB_mZ6PJJSdUm66FBf8GE22x81_Ugx_GaLj-wEFjfxgoiA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h40m48s208.png" width="320" /></a></div>Arlee looks devastated and walks away, Jubilee calls Fakecyclops an asshole and goes after Arlee. Skin and the pretty girl have been having fun as she is carrying a prize from one of the games, but they run into her friends. Her friends start calling Skin a retard, which Mondo and Fakecyclops see and they decide to go over and cause trouble, one of the guys punches Mondo and calls him a pube head, but Mondo had picked up a rock so the guy breaks his hand. <br />
<br />
This starts a fight between all the students and the locals and Monet is forced to say goodbye to her merry band of guys following her around, carrying her prizes to go help. Emma Frost goes to the police station to bail out Fakecyclops, Skin, Mondo and Jubilee. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQwj7kxN3-F1bcoFfsJNiD5B5OdQSt4aHD6YXvZxArci2OHMcZSVfRg_CEbBmY_aaimvDDjhyphenhyphenC20cqLIUDGZ1_cEmQen1QyMlFH0QceGqGi1xafBel7NtSlW7h98rB2sQUZhM8JOS1KQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h47m26s102.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQwj7kxN3-F1bcoFfsJNiD5B5OdQSt4aHD6YXvZxArci2OHMcZSVfRg_CEbBmY_aaimvDDjhyphenhyphenC20cqLIUDGZ1_cEmQen1QyMlFH0QceGqGi1xafBel7NtSlW7h98rB2sQUZhM8JOS1KQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h47m26s102.png" width="320" /></a></div>Emma Frost chews them out when they return to the lopsided room for exposing themselves to the public and endangering their safety. She expels Mondo for grabbing a rock and absorbing it, Skin stands up and asks to be expelled too, so she expels him too, then the others stand up and also ask to be expelled in an "I'm Spartacus" moment. She tells them all to pack their things, she's a really terrible teacher.<br />
<br />
Banshee tells them all to wait outside while he talks to Emma Frost about their punishments, Emma Frost accuses him of undermining her, which he did, but she was also over the top as he points out you can't have a school if you expel all your students. Instead of expelling them they decide to ground the students for a month.<br />
<br />
In the study room, fakecyclops comes crawling back to Arlee, but she packs her stuff and walks away. Skin pulls a creepy stalker moment by turning up at the pretty girl's bedroom window in the middle of the night, so she gets dressed so that they can go dancing in the middle of the night at some sort of botanical gardens place with a parrot watching them.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwbG_Sk0O6CIMfYdNPKzqH8uNMbF7zv5iSGls2FhPcnC2gSNlid9an9OF3WwyG5TxF2a8MBfn81owMB93wKRMEmh2fnIj-lk4_x9i2cR7k22PXAAN7Dxu5pzSPHfdvUK5OLFowkTvuvLQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h57m05s246.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwbG_Sk0O6CIMfYdNPKzqH8uNMbF7zv5iSGls2FhPcnC2gSNlid9an9OF3WwyG5TxF2a8MBfn81owMB93wKRMEmh2fnIj-lk4_x9i2cR7k22PXAAN7Dxu5pzSPHfdvUK5OLFowkTvuvLQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-20h57m05s246.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not making that up</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They start making out in the gardens, but it turns out that it's really just a dream and Skin has invaded the pretty girls dream to make her do what he wants. Later, however, Skin falls asleep and is taken back to the botanical gardens and Russell comes to visit him, and to ask why he hasn't been to visit, he asks what's going on in the real world and explains he's been detached from his body. Skin mentions Emma Frost and mentions that he knows how to use the machine so Russell asks him to help him get back into his body.<br />
<br />
Russell tells him all he needs to do is take the headset to his body and he should be able to get back inside and Skin agrees to help him out, so Russell tells him where they are holding his body. Because he feels like being contrary, Skin then changes his mind and says he won't help, so Russell loses his temper and says if he doesn't help he will hurt his girlfriend and if that doesn't work, his sister. Why he'd cared about his sadist little shit of a sister is beyond me.<br />
<br />
Skin breaks into the hospital at night, why he didn't come during the day and claim to be a relative visiting I don't know. He takes the headset to the room Russell is in and sets up all the equipment, when he presses the buttons a loud spark goes off and Russell wakes up and then chases away the orderly by pretending to be a zombie.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-dGwjYqL1cmrwqoWOSE1ef6hD4Lid1vqeLLeF1GAJWRxIi42xri63PXt6l1koH95ALJHwnKcnWFbqb6UbwyoFy-GPIFLju-MwaxpaRt5lnNZOcIo-842bfcfcOl0uq28w72gfsUk1H_o/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h09m12s106.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-dGwjYqL1cmrwqoWOSE1ef6hD4Lid1vqeLLeF1GAJWRxIi42xri63PXt6l1koH95ALJHwnKcnWFbqb6UbwyoFy-GPIFLju-MwaxpaRt5lnNZOcIo-842bfcfcOl0uq28w72gfsUk1H_o/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h09m12s106.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Russell then takes Skin to his lab because he wants his brain juice, he leaves Skin tied up to the chair and goes to sleep for the night, why he didn't knock him out I don't know because you only don't sedate brain surgeries if you want them to survive and that's not really in Russell's plan. <br />
<br />
Skin uses his dream powers to tell Jubilee to tell Emma Frost he's in trouble, Jubilee goes and tells Emma Frost what they've been up to with the dream machine so she knows what Russell is up to, she says the only way they can get to him in time is if they use the dream doorway. Er, bullshit. He's not <i>that</i> far away. Use Cerebro to find out his location and then use the dream machine to manipulate Russell into sleeping in, he's not a mutant, it'll totally work on him. Emma Frost says that the dream dimension is there all the time and sleep is just a way to get to it. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnkly9eA-9skD0KPDalrQnqimQ0PKe33EFrUJt0dCgZklKr24V7Ccfbw1x5Ofb1FlFGx9PT6qH-Vc9qVSwaYe7OTKlKsD3meXZp6xZqOotdb34v8YYWbJhwrDYPlFvQ0l7RwgKpevXVA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h14m32s221.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnkly9eA-9skD0KPDalrQnqimQ0PKe33EFrUJt0dCgZklKr24V7Ccfbw1x5Ofb1FlFGx9PT6qH-Vc9qVSwaYe7OTKlKsD3meXZp6xZqOotdb34v8YYWbJhwrDYPlFvQ0l7RwgKpevXVA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h14m32s221.png" width="320" /></a></div>Jubilee goes to wake up the others and Emma Frost tells Banshee that if Russell has spent so much time in the dream land that he may have developed the x factor and may be too powerful to defeat. So, the dream land is a place you can use to create new mutants? I don't understand, movie!<br />
<br />
They gather the students for a pep talk and Emma Frost tells them that once they enter the dream land if they see the doorway appear again to go through it because they will either have won or lost and it will be their only chance to escape. Fakecyclops gives a half arsed apology to Arlee and she accepts it because real women only need a half arsed apology when you superficially insult their physical appearance!<br />
<br />
The students walk into the dream world as Russell prepares to drill into Skins head. Russell pauses for a moment and tells Skin he has something he really needs to get off his chest, he <i>really</i> hates Skins hair, so he pulls out a straight razor to cut Skins hair, but Jubilee turns up and fires her fireworks at Russell.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrkaI19xMaLG_QHPPH-oBAAh1dwtljATwSo6wB6uqpgKM27eFod2XUS-i9ZRlZRqkSODld5DkpmBdMNtF7QuT4uiG-Z_coo0NUU8NYmnJ5rwGclI2-QnT-x8NrBAugYb_vt8SY11fbKxI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h28m46s20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrkaI19xMaLG_QHPPH-oBAAh1dwtljATwSo6wB6uqpgKM27eFod2XUS-i9ZRlZRqkSODld5DkpmBdMNtF7QuT4uiG-Z_coo0NUU8NYmnJ5rwGclI2-QnT-x8NrBAugYb_vt8SY11fbKxI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h28m46s20.png" width="320" /></a></div> Mondo throws Russell into some equipment then Arlee punches him, she goes to punch Russell again, but Fakecyclops stands in front of her and tells Russell, "if you touch her, you die!" Then fires his eye lasers at Russell. Because real women who are physically ten times stronger than you will ever be, want your stupid bleach blonde arse to stand in front of them and "rescue" them! The eye lasers knock down a pipe which completely misses Russell, so he runs up some stairs to get a kick in the gut from Monet. <br />
<br />
Russell picks up Monet and tries to throw her in the furnace but is foiled by Banshee as he catches Monet, <i>dammit</i>, Banshee! Banshee screams at Russell and knocks him through a wall into the dream dimension. Russell stands up and is giant and realises he has mutated so he blows some wind at them. <br />
<br />
Skin tells Emma Frost to open the door to get them out of there, which she does, Russell taunts Emma Frost that he could easily beat her, Skin gets angry and uses his stretchy powers to wrap himself around Russell and fall into the abyss of the dream dimension. If none of this is sounding like it makes any sense at all, it's because it doesn't. Then Skin stretches up his hand and pulls himself out of the dream dimension, making his sacrifice totally pointless.<br />
<br />
Later, Monet, Jubilee, Skin, Fakecyclops and Mondo are playing a hideously complicated and nonsensical card game and then they all stare at they see this in the doorway:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWFJdqz_D-uGW7Fi8a0FuPMlZL99bsfVDdKOsvLiXQ116P4fL8QiHMhyphenhyphenGHMb6NpzZ2oJHIsHQGaHEHtfCNOUmwDqG_vqsLcZrNTOL4Zx5FpfdwZk38AF9hV53i8zR7r6mmg9meq_Qqr0Q/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h37m50s238.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWFJdqz_D-uGW7Fi8a0FuPMlZL99bsfVDdKOsvLiXQ116P4fL8QiHMhyphenhyphenGHMb6NpzZ2oJHIsHQGaHEHtfCNOUmwDqG_vqsLcZrNTOL4Zx5FpfdwZk38AF9hV53i8zR7r6mmg9meq_Qqr0Q/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h37m50s238.png" width="320" /></a></div>It's Arlee and look, she's clearly a foot and a half taller than she actually is! <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ7HcZtc05UuQ2v-fnHLMfqOxNKUJY52WB_DZe_r5DAIpOk_JQNWZoI6ggRcdyiOjL4qkSc0hLYDcwDr2g2NIdYEceEO0SyEeteVN0tkxDYOkDFXEOn5f3wCZRWOeUpzcXCjkpuoUJCck/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h38m43s139.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ7HcZtc05UuQ2v-fnHLMfqOxNKUJY52WB_DZe_r5DAIpOk_JQNWZoI6ggRcdyiOjL4qkSc0hLYDcwDr2g2NIdYEceEO0SyEeteVN0tkxDYOkDFXEOn5f3wCZRWOeUpzcXCjkpuoUJCck/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-21h38m43s139.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The new school uniforms, oh yeah, they totally went there</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Back at the mental hospital, the orderly returns to feed Russell his meal as he is stuck in the dream dimension, but his body is still there apparently for some reason. End of movie.<br />
<br />
<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Oh good god, what a piece of shit this movie is. The plot literally makes no sense, I was writing it down whilst watching the damn thing and I could not make heads nor tails of it. What the hell does all this dream dimension shit have to do with the x-men? <br />
<br />
The acting was awful across the board with the one exception of Russell. If you are going to see this movie, watch it for Russell and only for Russell. He's massively entertaining and very funny and really the only good thing about this movie. If they made a spin off about Russell with the same actor I would watch it, he's awesome.<br />
<br />
Emma Frost is awful, she's an awful teacher and the actress playing her is awful. Banshee's terrible Irish accent you won't have to suffer much of, because he's not in the movie all that much. Jubilee uses her powers twice. Fakecyclops uses his powers twice. Monet, Mondo and Arlee don't get an effect for their powers and both girls only get to throw one offensive move in a fight on screen. <br />
<br />
Why have all this stuff about the mutant registration act if the plot of the movie is about Russell mind-raping people in their sleep? Why does Skin receive no punishment for mind-raping a girl into loving him? Why is Monet even in this movie, she contributes nothing to the plot at all, Mondo barely contributes, Arlee and Fakecyclops are also kind of pointless. <br />
<br />
Why were half the scenes filmed on a slant? Why were there loads of random neon back lights? What was the point in Skin learning Cerebro's security system? What will happen to the pretty girl now she's hypnotised against her free will to be in love with Skin? <br />
<br />
If you want to see a bad B movie, then this is definitely both bad, and a B movie and if you can find a copy then I recommend you watch it for Russell, but that's about it. You'll probably get a few laughs from this movie, because it's so bad, it's something die hard X-men fans should probably see at one point. I will say this, it's better than X-men 3. <br />
<br />
Russell gets <b>10 out of 10</b><br />
<br />
The movie gets <b>5 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-7739682131535673022011-08-05T19:21:00.000-07:002011-08-05T19:21:55.850-07:00Swamp Shark - ReviewSwamp Shark premièred on the Sci Fi/SyFy channel on the 25th of June 2011, so of course this is a totally legal and not at all illegally downloaded copy of the movie, *Brownies honour*. It stars Kristy Swanson (of Buffy movie fame) and DB Sweeney who you will recognise from that thing you saw him in one time. Also that guy who was the strip club owner in Showgirls, you know, that guy.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinD9W6hs_1K7NpA4qlA_hy2EZoz7Lz84UycqU4bO9e3ywoccpAel-t-NzSUC9tTu8Z7oRCcaS7PnKutbtXgi06SfVox6EjkW6M86SsvkJU3wvJQwtdvqqqftJPSnJuoBVNf3Tb9Lfd_rY/s1600/Swamp-Shark-Poster-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinD9W6hs_1K7NpA4qlA_hy2EZoz7Lz84UycqU4bO9e3ywoccpAel-t-NzSUC9tTu8Z7oRCcaS7PnKutbtXgi06SfVox6EjkW6M86SsvkJU3wvJQwtdvqqqftJPSnJuoBVNf3Tb9Lfd_rY/s320/Swamp-Shark-Poster-2.jpg" width="228" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>Since that's all the information wiki has about this movie, that's pretty much all I can say. I will try not to get waylaid on a rant about the inaccuracies of the shark. I did say,<i> try</i>.<br />
<br />
The film opens on a camera going through a swamp, unsurprisingly, with some stick footage of gators and crocs to some hip and groovy country rock guitar, then we cut to some college kids having a little party by the water, drinking beer and playing the harmonica. Kids today. The fuzz arrives and breaks up the party and the kids scatter to their cars and a boat. <br />
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Inside the cop car we see the cop, who's that guy from showgirls, Al, radioing someone and telling them to "bring it on in", then we get an aerial shot of the road and a shot of a big truck with a mysterious pipe thing on the back. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82rKJ1EZx9yCgnsK0qrI53kx7U4rWTV1fmPIM8Yf7eRXLw7g6XmeQTMv_CIfFG4PmuCFqqozUggyv13ZZNnUGTjb8T-N4CblsS_-a_arsr7TXNUy1NWhH_goDDSPE0eDlN1lAvpXbfeg/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h23m31s222.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82rKJ1EZx9yCgnsK0qrI53kx7U4rWTV1fmPIM8Yf7eRXLw7g6XmeQTMv_CIfFG4PmuCFqqozUggyv13ZZNnUGTjb8T-N4CblsS_-a_arsr7TXNUy1NWhH_goDDSPE0eDlN1lAvpXbfeg/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h23m31s222.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*props department* Just give him a badge and a hat, he'll totally look like a sheriff!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The truck and another car pulls up, Al gets out and a man gets out of his car and two blokes get out of the truck and they meet to talk. The truck driver says that the thing he has in the tank killed half his men before he could get it in the tank, he says that Al paid him to get exotic animals and he's delivered. Something inside the tank (I'm guessing swamp shark) bends the tank so a guy runs to tie another strap to it.<br />
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As he climbs to the top of the tank with a rope, swamp shark, (let's not pretend it's anything else), breaks a hole through the top and he goes flying so the driver runs to attach the strap. Though if swamp shark is strong enough to rip through metal, I doubt a few frayed tow ropes are going to make much difference. All the straps break off and the tank comes flying off the truck, crushing the driver, it barely misses Al and it lands in the water, allowing swamp shark to escape. Al tells his friend to not tell anyone and to get the truck out of sight. <br />
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We now go to a pub/restaurant place where people are dining and dancing to some funky country rock music. Movie Buffy is a waitress there called Rachel and she tells a young girl to stop texting and get to work, Rachel's boyfriend is the bartender and she catches him flirting with a young girl which she isn't happy about. It's an important time at the restaurant though as it's time to feed the gators! Hey, this isn't killer crocodile season, this movie is called Swamp Shark! The diners line up outside and a guy feeds some baby gators whilst giving some info, allowing Krystal (the texting girl) and the bus boy to sit down and have a beer.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC_UZNNahcmyYd11xdPgoPa9BUHwtleZcUuMnnb49vtOUq9iqgUDb6f1e4-teATFh0_2csE4ly0m4cSiC40ElNklitDgyjFjwT_EnjWg2KU4CdPjTWTiLcqYAFNOr7pFcl_Yyigezhm6s/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h38m36s174.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC_UZNNahcmyYd11xdPgoPa9BUHwtleZcUuMnnb49vtOUq9iqgUDb6f1e4-teATFh0_2csE4ly0m4cSiC40ElNklitDgyjFjwT_EnjWg2KU4CdPjTWTiLcqYAFNOr7pFcl_Yyigezhm6s/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h38m36s174.png" width="320" /></a></div>Krystal and the busboy discuss the gator guy who used to be some sort of fighter, back inside the restaurant Rachel tells the bartender to cut a guy off as he's had way too much, but as soon as her back's turned he pours the guy another drink. Rachel serves some coffee to Tommy (DB Sweeney) and he flirts slightly about her coffee. The drunk guy causes some trouble and has to be manhandled out by the gator guy who he ends up punching just as the cops arrive. <br />
<br />
They arrest the gator guy and Al arrives to look menacing and shake his head whilst looking at a clip board, Al wants to bone Rachel so he blackmails her into going out with him to let the gator guy, Jason, go. He's<i> so</i> gonna get eaten by swamp shark. Somre fratty boys pull up to the restaurant and invite Krystal to go for a drink with them out on the lake where the cops won't find them, much to the dismay of the busboy. <br />
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Jackson, the drunk from the restaurant returns as it's dark with a comically large bottle of poison which he pours on the gators for some reason, he knocks a bottle of generic brand whiskey into the water and splashes about to retrieve it. We see swamp sharks fin swim up to the dock he's standing on and he notices it, swamp shark bumps the post of the dock and he falls into the water, allowing swamp shark to eat him, then it decides to eat the gators too.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKGPLWPtnGgdLSb2Kg883gTn5gnQcHjILhnSBwrsOYB6x7PDUOSM916fcM57r2JQnnqLlHF25Tpvkp1WNG7GvRNXu55acjaVttZPI_TUTYLowZEXAG_cWYwW_I6HLGE4GLiR7UiBCY8A/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h49m30s202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKGPLWPtnGgdLSb2Kg883gTn5gnQcHjILhnSBwrsOYB6x7PDUOSM916fcM57r2JQnnqLlHF25Tpvkp1WNG7GvRNXu55acjaVttZPI_TUTYLowZEXAG_cWYwW_I6HLGE4GLiR7UiBCY8A/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-00h49m30s202.png" width="320" /></a></div>It turns out that Rachel has retained her prophetic dreams from her stint as Buffy as she jumps out of bed and grabs a gun and runs outside to see what was happening and sees the gator pen full of blood. She trips over and sees a shark fin swimming towards her and shoots at it, then it goes underwater and she sees the head of a gator float to the surface. <br />
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<br />
The next morning everyone is sad because the gators have been eaten and Rachel's boyfriend acts like a douche as he doesn't believe her that it could be a shark and in a spectacular case of <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShownTheirWork"><i>did</i> do the research</a>, the busboy correctly lists off a bunch of sharks who can survive in fresh water. The sheriff arrives to find out why a gun shot was fired off at five in the morning, his deputy finds Jacksons hat and decides to take Jason in for questioning, then they find Jackson's arm and the sheriff assumes that Jason chopped him up. Rachel tells the sheriff that it was a shark, he laughs at her and tells her he's going to shut her restaurant down. <br />
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The sheriff leaves and everyone worries at the restaurant about losing their jobs so Rachel decides to load up on guns and hunt down the shark to clear their names. The restaurant used tracking chips in their gators so use the gps tracking to find out where the shark is as if it ate the gators the chips should be in it's stomach. The busboy points out that they can cut it open and find the tracking chips inside and also make a mould of it's bite and match it to the bites on Jacksons arm.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Busboy and amateur ichthyologist </td></tr>
</tbody></table>The busboy and Krystal drive a buggy to the boat which Rachel, Jason and the boyfriend/bartender, Jason doesn't want them to come, but they've brought a cooler full of bullets, so Jason takes the bullets and tells them they can't come. The Busboy gives them a gps device to track the shark. For some reason Tommy arrives and knows what they are up to and has brought a harpoon so he's coming as well.<br />
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The group set off on a boat through the swamp to hunt down the shark and the boyfriend gets all jealous because Tommy has come and brought his big gun. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant Krystal considers calling the frat boys to join their party, on the water, the water in which she <span id="goog_1586557710"></span><a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TooDumbToLive">knows a shark</a><span id="goog_1586557711"></span> is in. <br />
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The shark hunters find the gators tracking chips floating in the water, so it turns out that the shark has pooped them out already, ok, I'm not exactly sure what kind of shark this is supposed to be yet, other than fantasy made for sci fi shark, but I'm pretty sure that if it ate the gators late the previous night, it wouldn't have pooped them out already. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHmhtxemvuZwy58q1gvM6xW6yDQ7_YDESYNRcRt_kB3ESEjNu3RJP7VaHISTVSGs_fmAOpcZXmpmMDlZMyheGT034Qu4YkYGZWfiPHRidgBCr4etkAKdThw_YThuROSRFqF9LPiB-_Y0M/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h20m20s7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHmhtxemvuZwy58q1gvM6xW6yDQ7_YDESYNRcRt_kB3ESEjNu3RJP7VaHISTVSGs_fmAOpcZXmpmMDlZMyheGT034Qu4YkYGZWfiPHRidgBCr4etkAKdThw_YThuROSRFqF9LPiB-_Y0M/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h20m20s7.png" width="320" /></a></div>As Jason reaches into the water to retrieve the other tags, swamp shark appears and almost takes a bite out of him, which causes the boyfriend to freak out and start screaming "shark! there's a shark!" It turns out he only wanted to help while he thought that Rachel was seeing things, now he knows there's a shark he wants to get the hell out of there. Rachel, Jason and Tommy ready their guns, but the boyfriend being a coward starts driving the boat out of the way, which was actually good as they missed the shark spectacularly and the shark hit the underside of the boat.<br />
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Elsewhere college kids are making out on a party boat and a guy dangles his feet near the water, I wonder what's going to happen to him? As he kisses his girlfriend, the movie fakes me out as his friend comes up from the water and grabs his foot. Two of the other kids on the boat want to find something more private to have private sex time and go to get a small boat to have sex on. <br />
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The shark hunters return to the restaurant and now Jason is hurt for some reason and their engine is smoking. The two college kids find a canoe and decide that's the perfect place to have sex, instead of a nice secluded room on the party boat. The guy takes a picture of the girl, but looks disturbed as he sees on the picture that there's a shark fin in the background on the water and he shows the girl. He thinks it's probably nothing, but the girl sensibly wants to be taken back to shore, so he starts paddling. Ok, why are people generally being not all that stupid? This is a sci fi channel movie, I expected less of them.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicK_succ-W64S0qi1eSEkXhsrvxBISYtumi_eh2OGE5tVrN_D08bUoqhg9spvWOW9plWIGMHP7jhi9XMPGAmrewpXqHW9_bfa0tcALhSZapxQ3i0AQYBDZIXLYaJC8suHbKaR81vQO4Ns/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h35m51s60.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicK_succ-W64S0qi1eSEkXhsrvxBISYtumi_eh2OGE5tVrN_D08bUoqhg9spvWOW9plWIGMHP7jhi9XMPGAmrewpXqHW9_bfa0tcALhSZapxQ3i0AQYBDZIXLYaJC8suHbKaR81vQO4Ns/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h35m51s60.png" width="320" /></a></div>Sadly, they can't paddle fast enough and the guy loses the paddle in the water and the shark knocks him out of the boat and into the water, along with the girl. The girls head surfaces in the air pocket of the up turned boat and she ducks out and starts to swim towards the party boat, but the sharks gets her. <br />
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Back at the restaurant, Rachel pushes Jason's knee back in place and everyone is ready to go again except for the boyfriend who starts threatening Tommy over his jealousy. Rachel tells him to dial it back and he says he can have any girl he wants so she kisses Tommy, the boyfriend tries to hit Tommy so Jason picks him up and dangles him over the water, quickly settling the dispute. <br />
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While Rachel and her boyfriend argue outside, Tommy talks to the busboy as he clearly fancies Krystal, the busboy says he doesn't have s shot, but Tommy tells him to go for it and seize the moment, so the busboy runs away. <br />
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The next morning, the busboy lets me down by failing a basic google search, he says that he can't identify the shark as it has a weird exoskeleton that must have been growing for a hundred years, but sharks don't live that long. Yes, busboy, yes they do. (ok, <i>some </i>of them do, but still a fail.) While it's clear to me this must be some kind of freaky lab created or super mutant shark, that hasn't seemed to occur to him. He shows Rachel a web page about a deep trench probe being attacked by a shark and hypothesises it could be their shark, but that would mean anything that could survive at that depth would be almost indestructible. Like all those indestructible clams, crabs, tube worms and angler fish that live in the mariana trench! Fail, movie!. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdcq_4eG5DQkAB7YIFDZetxankZ9zzE01OIaXS0qdLThG8g1lAcPoIOjU3tw-YcSfemvaWyUkwsPQ4gSVbypAgP04W0VpGd-5K0fP63YPQ8Yly464Few5b8vpP1_IHuObZiKz5OGhKec/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h54m54s19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdcq_4eG5DQkAB7YIFDZetxankZ9zzE01OIaXS0qdLThG8g1lAcPoIOjU3tw-YcSfemvaWyUkwsPQ4gSVbypAgP04W0VpGd-5K0fP63YPQ8Yly464Few5b8vpP1_IHuObZiKz5OGhKec/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-01h54m54s19.png" width="320" /></a></div>Sheriff Al meanwhile is discussing with his friend their problem, which Al has decided he's going to solve with parrots, rare endangered parrots he's going to bring in at a cost of 10k each. Why? I have no idea. Tommy takes pictures of the meeting, the friend tells the sheriff he's going to stay in town for the gator fest so they can put the shark business behind them. While Tommy is driving back he sees the bitten in half canoe in the water and wades in to retrieve it and finds a body underneath. I don't know why he doesn't call the police or fish and game. <br />
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Later on it's gator fest, which is sort of like a local carnival or fair, there's lots of tents set up with games and food and people are playing in the water. Two deputies arrive and they discuss having to watch the water for sharks just in case. A couple of other deputies are also water the water, though one decides he'd rather watch a couple making out. <br />
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A deputy spots the shark fin in the water to his disbelief, but it disappears and he doesn't notice a gator sneak up on him and it almost snaps him so he runs. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Da, na na na na na na na, SWAMP SHARK!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Swamp shark jumps out of the water and bites off the head of the deputy who was perving on the couple making out. Yes, it's as silly as it sounds, especially since they slow down the footage so you can get a good look. The couple hear a splash, but don't see anything.<br />
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Meanwhile at the restaurant, Krystal gets a call from the frat boy to attend their party, which she decides to attend, because she's too dumb to live. The busboy has figured out that the shark is going to be near the gator fest so the shark hunters load up, while Krystal arrives at the party boat. She tries to warn him about the shark, but he doesn't listen and neither do any of the others. This is the point where you walk away, Krystal. <br />
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The frat boy throws Krystals phone in the water as she tried to call for help, one of the guys offers to buy her a new phone, but refuses to listen about the shark. Rachel gets a phone call from Tommy to meet him at the hospital, it turns out he's undercover Fish and Wildlife. He shows her the remains he found which proves that it was a shark attack, she looks very queasy, he really could have called her about it. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX2HI8ENfUfsRIKEPk1rlyQhXPEvJGafSKOm7SdfGyC9lXop5WX4cjPVP4Hqqwb8QKyku7yn2tNH3eJRHR0B0l6XQ6myjROOsJOqaeTFTCHpU7Oit59EFWpFOFJ2dT9Jlfqk87yweqkeE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h18m11s147.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX2HI8ENfUfsRIKEPk1rlyQhXPEvJGafSKOm7SdfGyC9lXop5WX4cjPVP4Hqqwb8QKyku7yn2tNH3eJRHR0B0l6XQ6myjROOsJOqaeTFTCHpU7Oit59EFWpFOFJ2dT9Jlfqk87yweqkeE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h18m11s147.png" width="320" /></a></div>Back at the restaurant they realise that no one has seen Krystal all morning and the busboy can't raise her on the phone, he tells her that Krystal met some frat guys and probably went with them. They decide to call in some back up from the Sheriff and Fish and Wildlife. The Sheriff refuses to take action, even though he <i>knows</i> it's a shark. Tommy threatens to call the governor and shut down the river, the sheriff threatens to arrest them one of the deputies tasers Jason and the others run.<br />
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Why is the sheriff acting like this? He <i>knows</i> it's a shark and there's very little way it could come back to him. The group steals the sheriff's boat and they get a radio call from Krystal, but the frat guy pulls the radio out of the wall for some reason. He starts arguing with another guy because he's breaking the boat, but the frat guy only cares that Krystal is "telling on him". <br />
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The party boat's engine gets tangled in some swamp foliage (I don't know plants) and the sheriff tries to radio the headless deputy, but of course he gets no reply. Now the party boat is stuck and they don't have any way to call for help. The dickish frat boy draws the short straw to go in the water, even though Krystal tells him to stay out of the water. Krystal finds a flare gun aboard the boat and happily the frat boy gets pulled off the boat ladder by swamp shark. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWuGLKRR-0OWyvBaMZn7dJ2eFF1jsaNnh7lHLXFmVTRb9m59cfAC0GLW_MN51t57nwo_5tY0zlUWNz7JPj8HJ2mQOEfkwlOfSV62N2QOQ4I9bD9Cxl1zY4v19TvGtv0Lr_veycsPKE1jk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h30m36s177.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWuGLKRR-0OWyvBaMZn7dJ2eFF1jsaNnh7lHLXFmVTRb9m59cfAC0GLW_MN51t57nwo_5tY0zlUWNz7JPj8HJ2mQOEfkwlOfSV62N2QOQ4I9bD9Cxl1zY4v19TvGtv0Lr_veycsPKE1jk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h30m36s177.png" width="320" /></a></div>He surfaces a few seconds later and shouts "shark", they throw him a life ring and try to pull him into the boat, but swamp shark eats him. HURRAH! Swamp Shark grabes the life ring and drags it into the water, it pulls taut and strangles the girl on the boat, but Krystal saves her by cutting the ropa, but her neck is bleeding from rope burn. Krystal fires off the flare gun and the others see the flare, Krystal tends to the girl, while the guy devises a plan. <br />
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The group arrive in the area where they saw the flare, but the party boat isn't there. Rachel calls the busboy and tells him to head to the jail while she has another call to make. Rachel calls the jail to speak to Jason and she tells him to use the phone to strangle the deputy and escape, the busboy arrives in the buggy and they drive off. <br />
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On the party boat the guy turns the engine around to detangle the engine out of the water, but swamp shark grabs him and eats him. Krystal screams for Rachel and Rachel hears her so she starts heading in the direction. In the buggy, the busboy tells Jason that the shark is built like a tank and they have to attack it through the mouth. *sigh* I'll discuss this critical research failure at the end. <br />
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Jason and the busboy steal one of those boats you see in the film with a big fan and head off, while Rachel has finally spotted the party boat, but the shark is still lurking. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUmJZ9R0tV1Z9-XddVNPSjfZYjSO-g25gKwx9jqDbZQkc_crcaFmBsuwIaAq38l2TMtoBm_G_5EfTWch4Qfx70G5iCQU6TTvQ7JjfUqB_77tua9O-BQZQU1_xK8p3IcZaHfB8DhJJ0Z6g/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h40m05s231.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUmJZ9R0tV1Z9-XddVNPSjfZYjSO-g25gKwx9jqDbZQkc_crcaFmBsuwIaAq38l2TMtoBm_G_5EfTWch4Qfx70G5iCQU6TTvQ7JjfUqB_77tua9O-BQZQU1_xK8p3IcZaHfB8DhJJ0Z6g/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h40m05s231.png" width="320" /></a></div>They use the boat's anchor to pull themselves towards the party boat so they don't get caught up in the swamp foliage, as they load the injured girl into the boat however, swamp shark knocks the boat and for some reason this breaks the anchor chain and Krystal gets knocked over. The boyfriend insists on helping Krystal onto the boat, but as she gets on he is knocked into the water by swamp shark.<br />
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Swamp sharks eats him and we're two arseholes down with one to go. The boat rides off with swamp shark in pursuit, Rachel calls the busboy and Jason and tells them to head to gator fest as that's where the shark is heading. To quote panto, "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" Busboy and Jason arrive at gator fest, much to the sheriff chagrin and they quickly jump off the boat and start building a scooby doo style trap for the shark.<br />
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The group in the sheriff's boat arrive and Krystal helps the injured girl into the ambulance while the others begin setting up their trap. One of the deputies spot the shark in the water and everyone looks comically horrified as it swims past a bunch of kids in the water and the sheriff finally grows a conscious and tells them to get the kids out of the water. They do just in time, then this happens.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCFA3qOSuKMAbSeMaTuizEKPCZjCVd_z_S5qUOCudciwfdWWgJPeZmcKywkN4ZTZpFxgnz6bureRpwFPFfi2doE8hvHGMyBURIEPLk8NXWt6eYncVB4ZRmE3Pj2rTejnD8o8e1bVoOvV4/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h49m31s241.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCFA3qOSuKMAbSeMaTuizEKPCZjCVd_z_S5qUOCudciwfdWWgJPeZmcKywkN4ZTZpFxgnz6bureRpwFPFfi2doE8hvHGMyBURIEPLk8NXWt6eYncVB4ZRmE3Pj2rTejnD8o8e1bVoOvV4/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h49m31s241.png" width="320" /></a></div>The shark attacks the sheriff while he is stood on land, <i>goddammit</i>, movie. It lays on the grass eating the sheriff for a while so Jason throws a gas cannister into the water loaded with fish guts and the shark decides it's back in the water now and bites it.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqrk0x7jyNw5MjU-wDSb3zwU3_ry6_n5ijehDi7TGdJ2bJRRvN6cxhp3fHRe-8VpMe8OCRFFrDGuR5roLb52roi51T0s0Oj2fDLcXr9ic3zWTle6GTrQjtgKbDh2BTwPbltskPO7m8Wo/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h53m17s228.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqrk0x7jyNw5MjU-wDSb3zwU3_ry6_n5ijehDi7TGdJ2bJRRvN6cxhp3fHRe-8VpMe8OCRFFrDGuR5roLb52roi51T0s0Oj2fDLcXr9ic3zWTle6GTrQjtgKbDh2BTwPbltskPO7m8Wo/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-06-02h53m17s228.png" width="320" /></a></div> Yes, they actually start ripping off Jaws, Rachel doesn't even have the decency to say, "smile you sonnuva bitch" though as she shoots the can. Laughably however, when she shoots it, the can flies off and hits the guy who was friends with the sheriff in the head and Tommy declares, "well, that was never gonna work, get the boat!"<br />
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Tommy heads into the warer to perform movie cliché 267, cutting the palm of his hand with his harpoon to attract the shark. He harpoons the shark and then starts heading to land, he throws his harpoon gun into the rotar blades of the boat, which the busboy operates as Jason and Krystal help to keep the boat in place.<br />
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Swamp shark is dragged across the land and into the blades until it's completely chopped into pieces and everyone celebrates that they've killed the shark. Tommy arrests the guy who was the sheriffs friend and Tommy and Rachel decide to go for coffee as we get a final shot of the restaurant. End of Movie. <br />
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<b>Summary</b>:<br />
<br />
Quick shark lesson, this is a picture of the bluntnose sixgill shark.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-yDMt0jPR6vxXRXapM3cdXUthj47ptx8YDJAqJjKW-5pDqAf2TrWiA9puoRClcreI8zseNTj5p95iWynTs3BwWpgZNTEpxAmtooZ-UBz5QT0YkYIthLXlInDHR4TmF7hkGdQdaGR90Es/s1600/Hexanchus_griseus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-yDMt0jPR6vxXRXapM3cdXUthj47ptx8YDJAqJjKW-5pDqAf2TrWiA9puoRClcreI8zseNTj5p95iWynTs3BwWpgZNTEpxAmtooZ-UBz5QT0YkYIthLXlInDHR4TmF7hkGdQdaGR90Es/s320/Hexanchus_griseus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Six gill sharks are prehistoric, they've existed for hundreds of millions of years without changing, they live at the bottom of deep water and as you can see from the picture, <i>do not require</i> armour plating. All modern sharks have five gills, all very old sharks have more. Swamp shark has five gills which means it's a modern shark and as already demonstrated, should not have needed plating to survive at depths as plenty of stuff is down there already without it. Also the great white is the only known shark to breach so one should argue, as they clearly used a great white model, that it was a relative, why not say it was a mutation instead?<br />
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This stuff pisses me off, not just because I already know the information, but because it's so easy to find out, five minutes on google gets you everything you need to know. <br />
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That stuff aside, a lot of the shark info was accurate, but it would have been so much easier to drown the shark by pulling it backwards through the water, dead in seconds. Just saying.<br />
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It on the whole wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, the acting was pretty decent and aside from the previously mentioned inaccuracies, the plot was kinda ok. The effects were alright aside from an obvious CGI gator and the parts where swamp shark is on land, they were mostly consistent and I could live with them. <br />
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Not a great movie, but kind of entertaining, much easier to watch than some of the stuff I suffered through during the killer crocodile season. I'm giving the movie points for being funny in places and the jaws shout out, some decent effects and decent acting. It's completely watchable if you're up for a B movie and you don't care about the accuracies of the shark information.<br />
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<b>5 & 1/2 out of 10</b>Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6623825072053977838.post-4290879081178847802011-08-04T18:05:00.000-07:002011-08-04T18:05:19.395-07:002010: Moby Dick - reviewThis film was made, unsurprisingly, in 2010 by The Asylum. I had hoped not to cover another Asylum film ever again in my entire life, but here I am, punishing myself.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning, this is a spoiler based review </b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRPrcvNluFbs6ukR6rT9w371bp6JfI4poc8WoCht_Gb-MZw2uXCq1hBz_l0dPK5ONzfU09wU40ySdfq-WT7qPlpvJ8XM228znuYKFKAw4L58qWAcYlxqo1Ppj9SR2VcBft-RJ-7T5WGQo/s1600/71.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRPrcvNluFbs6ukR6rT9w371bp6JfI4poc8WoCht_Gb-MZw2uXCq1hBz_l0dPK5ONzfU09wU40ySdfq-WT7qPlpvJ8XM228znuYKFKAw4L58qWAcYlxqo1Ppj9SR2VcBft-RJ-7T5WGQo/s320/71.jpg" width="228" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a>Why am I punishing myself with this you ask? Well, Moby Dick by Herman Melville, happens to be one of my favourite books of all time. I first read it only three years ago and have read it several times since, I've watched just about every adaptation of it from some dodgy knock off version where the whale is seeking vengeance because Ahab killed his whale wife and whale child, to the Patrick Stewart one. I've hated every single one I've seen. I'm totally serious. Most of them get at least one thing right in the film, one thing which I think, "yeah! That was totally like the book!" Not a single one has ever managed to satisfy my cravings for a faithful adaptation. In the Patrick Stewart version, and this pains me to say it as a life long Star Trek fan, the part I hated most was Patrick Stewart, he just wasn't Ahab. <br />
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If you've never read the book, or even didn't like the book, it's a bit hard to understand where I'm coming from, but I really, really loved Moby Dick and so I live in hope that one day one person will make a version I can be proud of, one that doesn't cast Buffalo Bill as Starbuck preferably, even better to not have Ishmael be called <i>Ishmael</i> in dialogue as that isn't his name. <br />
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I figured that with all the terrible adaptations of I've seen, this one can't possibly be the worst and since they didn't set out to make a faithful adaptation, setting it in the present, I should be able to concentrate on the movie, instead of how much they've changed from the book. <br />
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Let's begin. The title card appears on some snowy white mountains and the camera passes over some pretty snowy landscape until we come across a periscope sticking out of the snow. We then see a guy looking through the periscope and what he sees through the periscope. He gives the order to down periscope and move off and a card informs us this is the 20th of November, 1969. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBxuvcfURiEIMMfKuVICdmj4hv1V0E_o0qzv9S43ZwU636LYhg2hVzpTgaV7SDYkhKOgrWx-k1wmu2jxReX0fh923oJsB_n-8AzCOQ4w9CAjL4wIlTfgQGxt7-idBH7Mc9FvOSI1C_KnQ/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h39m57s226.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBxuvcfURiEIMMfKuVICdmj4hv1V0E_o0qzv9S43ZwU636LYhg2hVzpTgaV7SDYkhKOgrWx-k1wmu2jxReX0fh923oJsB_n-8AzCOQ4w9CAjL4wIlTfgQGxt7-idBH7Mc9FvOSI1C_KnQ/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h39m57s226.png" width="320" /></a></div>I'm English, they don't teach american history in English schools, is this like cold war era stuff? All I know about the cold war is stuff from movies and tv, I understand it involved Cuba, some missiles and a lot of glaring at each other with stern expressions. Ah, it's probably not important.<br />
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The captain of the sub tells them to prep for silent running, and a guy in a room with three other guys give the three other guys some orders in military language. One of them is called Ahab. (Spoilers, I think something is going to happen involving Ahab and possibly a whale.) Ahab listens on his headphones at something in the water and gets out a tape cassette to record something. <br />
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Ahab argues with the other guy because the other guy thinks he hasn't heard something, but Ahab is sure he did hear something and the captain comes over to try and settle the dispute. Ahab says that what he hears isn't so much of a sound, but a hole in the water, which is fucking stupid. The captain can't hear anything, but wonders if he should do something anyway. The sub continues to move down, so the captain orders to stop chasing whatever it was he heard and send the tape to someone to see if they can figure it out. The captain starts looking through his periscope and sees a black shadowy thing moving towards them.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38VFlmE3v4n3gQId6Gio-nzBzsu0HOmfuYsaZkRT63nBIkprF0uKVaekxvZsKhGvgoHLqMeMoeoM9Ckmi4qLtbrAo6HQrnkI8bXZNdF48FoISIsC-Jp8ugmeoOYGqI3EMqXEfuFZiBRw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h50m49s63.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38VFlmE3v4n3gQId6Gio-nzBzsu0HOmfuYsaZkRT63nBIkprF0uKVaekxvZsKhGvgoHLqMeMoeoM9Ckmi4qLtbrAo6HQrnkI8bXZNdF48FoISIsC-Jp8ugmeoOYGqI3EMqXEfuFZiBRw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h50m49s63.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's the blackest looking white whale I ever saw.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Obviously, it's Moby Dick, Moby Dick has decided in this movie that he doesn't like submarines and bites it and starts swimming towards the surface in a style which is almost identical to <a href="http://spitonyourtaste.blogspot.com/2011/07/mega-shark-versus-crocosaurus-review.html"><i>another</i></a> Asylum movie. The crew inside the sub hold on for deal life as water pours in and eventually the whale breeches the ice in a way obviously a reused effect from that <i><a href="http://spitonyourtaste.blogspot.com/2011/07/mega-shark-versus-crocosaurus-review.html">other</a></i> film. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidb8ArswaXVBk2oN85NHc7nYNh-3UkA-wlpe3KJH-DpBl27czNWIF_4MVdKQpvTeKvGYKHpae83nJnT4eIgS6Vyt_vpjelYoftFbKauV-OiHhKcC6OOoE_qJ4up5AciBOOCGQ_D6NaPZk/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h55m24s209.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidb8ArswaXVBk2oN85NHc7nYNh-3UkA-wlpe3KJH-DpBl27czNWIF_4MVdKQpvTeKvGYKHpae83nJnT4eIgS6Vyt_vpjelYoftFbKauV-OiHhKcC6OOoE_qJ4up5AciBOOCGQ_D6NaPZk/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-21h55m24s209.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Totally not a re-skinned, slightly tweaked version of megashark.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafkHPj8z_SGQ3ycSEz0FeHrfTdXlVVsRRQXsIW82aLiSFIblRYq9ytUiKtXQdWYw1U0My-S-zs0ehy65bAYb1Zt6zeT-oOqqYEgu_1gNVOkTbceh1xaPR-vcglXMZOCbbzIei9UAL7gg/s1600/581444-sperm-whale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafkHPj8z_SGQ3ycSEz0FeHrfTdXlVVsRRQXsIW82aLiSFIblRYq9ytUiKtXQdWYw1U0My-S-zs0ehy65bAYb1Zt6zeT-oOqqYEgu_1gNVOkTbceh1xaPR-vcglXMZOCbbzIei9UAL7gg/s320/581444-sperm-whale.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What a sperm whale <i>actually</i> looks like</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After dumping the sub he bit in half on the ice, Moby Dick shuffles back a bit. We see Ahab inside the sub is badly injured, he tries to wake up his friend, but he's dead. A heavy pipe pins his leg down and as he tries to move it he sees Moby Dick looking at him through the hole in the ship, the whale gets all mad and chomps down on one half of the sub, pulling it away, which as it pulls, rips off Ahab's leg from the knee. <i> Ouch</i>. The whale slides back into the water with half the submarine and then we get a montage of newspaper clippings about giant whale sightings, old stock footage, pictures of subs and maritime theme paintings with the titles to convey the passage of time.<br />
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As they end we're in San Diego, California in the present day and see two people, a man and a lady on a little tiny boat. The man keeps calling her Doc, but she tells him to call her Michelle. The woman is listening to stuff on headphones while the guy complains about the boat and the possibility of being paid. The lady lowers a speaker into the water to play whale song or something equally as whaley and types something into a keyboard. I'm not an expert on the prices of hiring boats in San Diego which would be suitable for research, but do you know who is? Google. *googles* You can hire a decent sized boat for about $160 a day if you shop around, or if you're doing research there's a place to contact at the marina that will put you in touch with someone who will rent you an appropriate boat very cheaply.<br />
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Michelle gives some exposition to a Dictaphone, where she explains she's playing the mating call of the humpback whale, hoping to attract other whales from hundreds of miles away. The other purpose for the sonar is to warn whales to stay away, as navy sonar hurts the whales, blah, blah, as Michelle talks, the other guy spots a disturbance in the water and tries to get her attention and shows her the whale stock footage happening off the side of the boat. Another whale happens by and Michelle gets all excited, then the whales start to disappear and she gets the guy to turn off the speaker. We also see that the boat is called THE COFFIN, not a great name for a boat. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxTXnqOkPfQkzyAs2XSA3li0uuJJ2y-7Jf7mFNQv5qYpffAg4uoVjEB2pzbIWVjnNCg2dkgeSkvNLknGVm078SfdaoWr9rrycvFnItxbtNZNjv7fLHCVzJQwGmTFEZxRo7w9InVbghsKs/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-22h38m19s87.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxTXnqOkPfQkzyAs2XSA3li0uuJJ2y-7Jf7mFNQv5qYpffAg4uoVjEB2pzbIWVjnNCg2dkgeSkvNLknGVm078SfdaoWr9rrycvFnItxbtNZNjv7fLHCVzJQwGmTFEZxRo7w9InVbghsKs/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-22h38m19s87.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's not a whale</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A sub rises and it turns out that this is the USS Pequod and Starbuck pops up and asks if she's Doctor Michelle Herman, because they've been looking for her. Hang on, <i>Michelle</i>, Ishmael, <i>Michelle Herman</i>... are you fucking kidding me, movie? Goddammit. Wait, also hang on, the guy on the boat with her is black, so is he Queequeg? Oh god.... the boat's called The Coffin, it all makes sense now. (If you haven't read the book, it's too long to explain, read the book, or the cliff notes.)<br />
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Starbuck tells her to come aboard, she says she won't, but they insist she does, she asks if she can speak to the captain, but he's ill apparently and Starbuck has orders to commender her equipment and services, he tells her if she refuses they'll just put her on the boat anyway. Actually they'll just load her entire boat onto the sub anyway. He also tells her to cover up because they've been deployed for five months. Don't they let women on subs now? *wiki* April 29th, 2010, the US <i>finally</i> allowed women to serve aboard submarines, that was <i>before</i> this movie started filming.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBx06UABDVB_Igt7tKl_CHJeYyzbiBkW7BJcnzq2cNc92_ngblmlZI2mY-1JIXcTzyrXNuBpWmos4P7L2Ub81SuBVyroed-4-27l9tFzUvV-r1cexsSCoVObVpMhgUPNUFD2bgBZmpiCc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h01m39s89.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBx06UABDVB_Igt7tKl_CHJeYyzbiBkW7BJcnzq2cNc92_ngblmlZI2mY-1JIXcTzyrXNuBpWmos4P7L2Ub81SuBVyroed-4-27l9tFzUvV-r1cexsSCoVObVpMhgUPNUFD2bgBZmpiCc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h01m39s89.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stubb (left) and Starbuck (right)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We hear over the tannoy that the sub is preparing to dive again, they decide to put Michelle in the torpedo room as that's where the captains bed is being stored after he complained it was too comfortable. Oh and apparently, the black guy isn't Queequeg, this oriental looking dude is apparently. Maybe this other guy is Pip.<br />
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Meanwhile in Point Mugu, California, a whale tour boat takes five or so tourists to view some whales and the captain warns them to hold on in case the water gets choppy. We see that on the front of the boat there's a harpoon, the tourists see some of the stock footage that Michelle saw earlier, but expanded a bit. He tells the tourists that the whale they see is getting ready for a full breach and to get their cameras ready. Wanna guess what's going to happen.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy2_4-xqxKhyphenhyphenULT1mEWdeZFn8WdN-3LlvQCvcPC7Iu8XvxAVO3BQRo9qFzKK86TDRtAhHGDzHQJsGXhvVfN2Plq62eK4afJk-ebZOAMUthJ_D2_ipR0d_6kx85nqm0F8ymCyeF-lcHM2U/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h10m53s247.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy2_4-xqxKhyphenhyphenULT1mEWdeZFn8WdN-3LlvQCvcPC7Iu8XvxAVO3BQRo9qFzKK86TDRtAhHGDzHQJsGXhvVfN2Plq62eK4afJk-ebZOAMUthJ_D2_ipR0d_6kx85nqm0F8ymCyeF-lcHM2U/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h10m53s247.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If you guessed, Moby Dick eats the whale, you were right!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Of course what should have been a huge splash as Moby Dick hit the water but it's a mere ripple, so Moby Dick decides to crush the boat with it's massive weight, for the lulz. Meanwhile, back on the Pequod, Michelle is taken to a room filled with many CG screens. Starbuck explains that in the past few weeks several large vessels and an oil rig were all sunk by what eye-witnesses described as a large whale. <br />
<br />
Michelle thinks that it's ridiculous so Starbuck shows her some grainy CCTV pictures and she says that there just couldn't be a 400ft whale and also whale's teeth don't jut up like in the pictures. (Is that to explain the left over shark teeth, Asylum?) Starbuck asks her whale she thinks it could be, she says there's a theory that pre-historic whales live in deep Arctic waters, but this is still huge. She says that her sound generator would need to be tuned for the specific whale and of course, she doesn't have this whales sound.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iCXxQFPExRGWzFepf_GqQkHsUH0dhRw5Tw_5am4QEmObvUN41QIe771XvKxEcPaZFWbnFStCShggqfPrhX5ZAyrJT2yZUHZTM6gQev47O4LfgFFpziEe7l8kfiVLCplyXaxZgso7gBE/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h19m17s150.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iCXxQFPExRGWzFepf_GqQkHsUH0dhRw5Tw_5am4QEmObvUN41QIe771XvKxEcPaZFWbnFStCShggqfPrhX5ZAyrJT2yZUHZTM6gQev47O4LfgFFpziEe7l8kfiVLCplyXaxZgso7gBE/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h19m17s150.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enter <strike>Brad</strike>, <strike>Mayor Winston</strike>, <strike>Barry Bostwick</strike>, AHAB!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Ahab enters with his clunky fake foot and his tape cassette of the whale sound from 1969. The crew starts telling stories they've heard about the legendary Moby Dick, Stubb thinks it's just a legend, but Ahab knows it's real because he's seen it and swears to get it. Michelle asks him if he's serious about taking revenge on an animal, Ahab tells her that he'd strike the sun if it insulted him and animal or not, he will find Moby Dick. He also said he read her dissertation and has been reading her work for years and if anyone can find the whale, it's her. She says she doesn't want to be part of a hunting expedition, he tells her they just want to stop the attacks so she agrees.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile at the third fleet command, San Diego California, a car pulls up to the base, Captain Boomer is brought into an office to discuss Ahab, as he has served with him twice, the first time being when Moby Dick attacked their sub. Boomer says that Ahab was a good skipper and asks what this is about, the other guy explains that Ahab is now captain of the state of the art, Pequod and missed his last radio check in, 7 days ago.<br />
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Boomer reasons he could be tracking another sub, but the other guy says that they got the sub on satellite twice in the past week surfacing and then explains about the attacks, he thinsk Ahab is responsible for the attacks and sends Boomer to speak to a survivor from the whale tour boat. <br />
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Back aboard the Pequod, because they can't play the tape, Pip takes it apart and winds the ribbon around the microcassette from the Dictaphone so they can play it. In the sonar room, the Pequod identifies another sub, the USS Essex, the Essex has also identified an object, but Moby dick is lurking close by. In the Pequod they see that a large mass is heading towards the Essex, Ahab orders them to intercept, but Starbuck tells him it will take four hours, Ahab says the men on board are already doomed.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGmHe28Pph9RhNGOK8UG5jNqXwULDJVXmkFZG3OG7GSCo_bo4uJ0uD_owo4pjZ-GSdeH2lWYWw5AdH-R95sAYbDYGfE_Ts7lIwGptPzD0mJ92kYmrFqfOOLhGt1ycvk9q_znvieWf-uIA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h46m58s122.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGmHe28Pph9RhNGOK8UG5jNqXwULDJVXmkFZG3OG7GSCo_bo4uJ0uD_owo4pjZ-GSdeH2lWYWw5AdH-R95sAYbDYGfE_Ts7lIwGptPzD0mJ92kYmrFqfOOLhGt1ycvk9q_znvieWf-uIA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h46m58s122.png" width="320" /></a></div>Ahab asks for continuing reports on the status of the Essex. The captain of the Essex tells them to prepare to fire, when they see that what they think if the Pequod is diving, he gives the order to fire. Why? As far as he knows, it's only a possibility that the Pequod is responsible for the attacks, why would they fire? The torpedo they launch misses and hits an underwater mount so the captain gives the order to fire again, which misses again and Moby Dick leads the torpedo towards the Essex and it destroys the ship. <br />
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Boomer gets a phone call telling him about Michelle getting kidnapped by the Pequod, they send a file to his phone and as soon as he sees that her field of study is whales, he knows what Ahab is up to. Boomer goes into the hospital room of the lone survivor from the whale tour. The doctor tells him the woman only speaks Russian.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic8L-rbc4sjuEOj4vjVSLuT2OV08aWN880bO1qOEdIpF6_i5hzsPBztUlSQoTySTCTpVxfeaGtrLRsMIEyWxxOkIIcpAwuzYZNLBNjyT36Z7tEfD-l78g9NPWWFn2MbL0ilA3d9sDTBt0/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h53m41s77.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic8L-rbc4sjuEOj4vjVSLuT2OV08aWN880bO1qOEdIpF6_i5hzsPBztUlSQoTySTCTpVxfeaGtrLRsMIEyWxxOkIIcpAwuzYZNLBNjyT36Z7tEfD-l78g9NPWWFn2MbL0ilA3d9sDTBt0/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-04-23h53m41s77.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Totally a hospital room and not the production office with a bed shoved inside</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Boomer, luckily speaks a bit of Russian and pours the woman a drink of vodka from a hip flask, it turns out the woman does speak English though. She tells him that a giant white whale attacked the boat and Boomer looks disturbed. Back on the Pequod, Michelle listens to the tape, Pip says he can't hear anything, Michelle tells him that it's not a sound, it's the absence of a sound, Ahab overhears this and says, "like a hole in the water." Which is still bloody stupid.<br />
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The Pequod reaches the last known position of the Essex, they hear a banging sound and Ahab tells them to stop and activate the phtonic mass, which is navy speak for camera apparently. On camera they see a floating body, which looks very silly and not at all like it's floating. They patch the images around the ship and Ahab tells the crew that it could have been them floating outside and it still might be, now they must do their duty and find the whale. <br />
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Here I'm going to have to give the movie, or rather, Barry Bostwick, some credit. Ahab makes a rousing speech (with parts I'm sure are lifted from the book, but I don't have a copy in front of me to verify) in which he tells the crew they will be going after Moby Dick. This is a great performance from him so credit where credit's due, the effects might be naff, but Bostwick is a great Ahab, better than Patrick Stewart in my opinion.<br />
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At the Point Mugu Air naval station, Boomer tells a lance corporal that he needs a ride and flashes a badge. On the Pequod, Michelle scans for sounds, but can't hear anything so Queequeg tells her he'll show her to her room as it's 3am and she could use some rest. Pip gets a funny line where he says he'll stay right there. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdxInRBhYkthD9su5PJ2dIHEnacW8Bt7zYJfgQxeptyCGNzbVInL93Vkqj6m2ZtGdUmBtwsOVQ2j2-Z4aFT7q9zJAn7vfg2wRaFqRtLnOOAkiLysEdL2eqoQTTf6mbYwRVRJL21MvsdOw/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h12m07s141.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdxInRBhYkthD9su5PJ2dIHEnacW8Bt7zYJfgQxeptyCGNzbVInL93Vkqj6m2ZtGdUmBtwsOVQ2j2-Z4aFT7q9zJAn7vfg2wRaFqRtLnOOAkiLysEdL2eqoQTTf6mbYwRVRJL21MvsdOw/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h12m07s141.png" width="320" /></a></div>Boomer gets a call from his superior telling him that they've found the remains of the Essex and they're now treating the Pequod as an aggressor as they assume it was the Pequod which destroyed them and they're sending another boat after them. Boomer gets aboard a plane piloted by Tashtego, whose looking a little black rather than native american.<br />
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Michelle tries to sleep underneath the dangling torpedoes, but she's not having much luck, especially when a couple of guys come in to get one as they've spotted a biological mass. As they ready to fire they get a call from a helicopter who threaten to fire if they don't respond. Michelle says the mass isn't right and it's not the whale, the helicopter starts firing bullets into the water to show they're serious. Ahab tells them to ready the nukes as the target grows closer, Michelle says it's not Moby Dick <br />
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They fire anyway and the nuke for some reason, flys into the air to hit an underwater target and barely misses the helicopter, it hits what they were firing at. The helicopter radios the Pequod to tell them they just nuked a school of what the pilot claims is squid, but from the CG just looks like a blobby, messy, thing in the water.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpuV8NlBeYyLyla0rblanBLMyY0TsqTP3m6YxzqWYYDuZQgEXyyh9Ha6D-XUqEXRbCiZTCYtzDpPV-xR-8-1RTIwFw4DwN7bZLOfWqyCid4Lv52HHbW4antSwjJJsi4ZGIWoj-vHOVulY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h25m48s117.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpuV8NlBeYyLyla0rblanBLMyY0TsqTP3m6YxzqWYYDuZQgEXyyh9Ha6D-XUqEXRbCiZTCYtzDpPV-xR-8-1RTIwFw4DwN7bZLOfWqyCid4Lv52HHbW4antSwjJJsi4ZGIWoj-vHOVulY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h25m48s117.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Your rotary blades cannot harm me! My soft palette is like a shield of steel.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After Moby Dick eats the helicopter Michelle asks why they would fire on them and Starbuck demands to see their orders. Ahab takes him out of the room and tells him he personally picked him for the assignment and can't do this without him, the men from the Essex need avenging and their men are still ready to do it. <br />
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Ahab goes to the torpedo room and asks a man there to fetch a cannister, he pulls out something which actually made me squee slightly.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIBEVb23PxvsF8DS5OCZlxK7xYJlR4mW3xXYYmLD1SlKeUodlZMEyVe-psPON5_NgLy6x6m3CPc857qgW5a3c1-aNGiM4SuKfsEXTn205y-EK8aqe7oyl7xUz9RYLSrTZ6BXzLLmT2CFc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h33m02s70.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIBEVb23PxvsF8DS5OCZlxK7xYJlR4mW3xXYYmLD1SlKeUodlZMEyVe-psPON5_NgLy6x6m3CPc857qgW5a3c1-aNGiM4SuKfsEXTn205y-EK8aqe7oyl7xUz9RYLSrTZ6BXzLLmT2CFc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h33m02s70.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's marked FEDALLAH</td></tr>
</tbody></table>If you've read the book, you know why I squeed. Ahab says that the special torpedo was made from the wreckage of the Acushnet and Moby Dick can only be killed by something he's touched. Boomer radios in and finds out that the Pequod is getting the blame for the helicopter and he will have to get to the Pequod before anyone else if he wants to talk to Ahab. His pilot asks what's going on and Boomer asks him if he's heard of Moby Dick.<br />
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Michelle hears Moby Dick, the crew don't believe her, but Ahab does and changes their course for the direction of a cruise liner. On board the cruise liner a woman on the dock sees Moby Dick in the distance, then it rams the boat . The crew of the Peuod know if it rams the ship again, it will sink so Michelle puts an output on the speakers of Moby Dick's own call and he starts heading towards them so they prepare the Fedallah torpedo. <br />
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They wait until Moby Dick is only 50 metres in front of them before firing and they get a direct hit, but Moby Dick hits the sub and it tears off a bit of the ship and it starts flooding. They start going down fast as the torpedo is attached to the sub and it drags them further below, too deep for the sub to go as it goes 3000 feet below and the boat shows signs of buckling. Starbuck tells Ahab they have to cut loose, but Ahab says the sub can take it.<br />
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The tether breaks and Starbuck orders Queequeg to bring them up, but the engines aren't responding, as they near 4000 feet they manage to turn the sub and they come shooting out of the water and surface. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirTd1lWb4dOjKpvZE7wSAyGngNoZsoeRxmjmNQ0DVp2YmKc_RhoOns1wkBAjXe_eS67_Fec_Eaiatkcp4uygDV9z8lB4IRYCJfUPl2Tyo5mhhnOEYnh61OPpmkf-V5Q6enzcBwaHss_pY/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h47m53s65.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirTd1lWb4dOjKpvZE7wSAyGngNoZsoeRxmjmNQ0DVp2YmKc_RhoOns1wkBAjXe_eS67_Fec_Eaiatkcp4uygDV9z8lB4IRYCJfUPl2Tyo5mhhnOEYnh61OPpmkf-V5Q6enzcBwaHss_pY/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h47m53s65.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not really a normal day aboard the Pequod</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Pip, Michelle and some of the crew stand go outside to get some fresh air, presumably, they get a distress call from the cruise liner which is called The Rachel (mini-squee), Starbuck says they'll respond to the distress call, but they see Moby Dick has surfaced on the water in front of them, so they get their first real look at the whale. <br />
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Ahab says that The Rachel will have to fend for herself as they are going after the whale, they can't allow it to reach Hawaii and cause destruction there. Stubb suggests that they drive Moby Dick into a reef, since he is too close to fire upon and keeps changing his distance to prevent them from firing. The Pequod runs upon the shallow reef, letting Ahab call Moby Dick a "clever fish" (mini-squee) and starts laughing madly. <br />
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The whale turns again to ram them and their tubes are block so they cannot fire, but Boomer arrives on his plane and they begin firing on Moby Dick. Boomer drives Moby Dick toward the reef, but their plane collides with the whales tail and they go down, but Moby Dick has successfully been driven into the reef.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVY7Pi_viXZotppkXlqOBlfyQTuMB8UHR6WzEyRVGNQBW3N9587STMfKqgMyNwx0MDnc6IIiG-tB0TOdaehlJk8AoSX10S5XnVmrBP4Le_D0iZ6sw0tOs9H4xN3qya5nvlYX-5X1Xn4VA/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h57m53s116.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVY7Pi_viXZotppkXlqOBlfyQTuMB8UHR6WzEyRVGNQBW3N9587STMfKqgMyNwx0MDnc6IIiG-tB0TOdaehlJk8AoSX10S5XnVmrBP4Le_D0iZ6sw0tOs9H4xN3qya5nvlYX-5X1Xn4VA/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-00h57m53s116.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prepare the Zodiacs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Boomer swims to the surface of the water and starts swimming towards the Pequod, inside the crew know they cannot enter the reef, but they can go in after Moby Dick. We get your typical, lock and load montage and Boomer has arrived inside the ship. <br />
<br />
He goes to see Ahab, Ahab recognises him, and says what a pair they make. Boomer has a gun hidden behind his back and tells Ahab it's time to stop as half the navy is after him, though there's nothing stopping Boomer from calling the navy and saying that the Pequod is innocent and it's a giant whale as he saw it. Ahab asks him if he had forgotten what it was like to sit on the ice and watch his arm turn gangrenous and the years of pain and surgery and rehab. <br />
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Boomer asks Ahab how many people need to die for him to have his revenge, killing Moby Dick will not bring anything back for them. Ahab tells Boomer to dave his ammunition as he'll need it later. <br />
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Ahab tells Starbuck to give them two hours and if they don't return to destroy the reef to ensure Moby Dick is dead. Michelle gives Pip the tape and tells him if she doesn't make it back, to make sure that it gets back to the institution. Stubb gives Ahab a harpoon made from the damaged part of the ship and Ahab cuts himself on it and drips his blood over the end, saying it's now properly tempered. (huge squee.) Michelle tells Boomer that Ahab is insane, Boomer knows but he's going with them anyway.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDAvc9wPf_f-jZl6OX09Hnz4AwrLeqv6ADYTsoF8zTViWc13VLtLFinFS8cOFnVEB1XrS7gMDZkd6iJ4JAi8VPA9Fgfnries3aHHZhQLhyphenhyphendf-46CycAKHaLfsajzC6BevSvVfFeSoaYQI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h08m37s234.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDAvc9wPf_f-jZl6OX09Hnz4AwrLeqv6ADYTsoF8zTViWc13VLtLFinFS8cOFnVEB1XrS7gMDZkd6iJ4JAi8VPA9Fgfnries3aHHZhQLhyphenhyphendf-46CycAKHaLfsajzC6BevSvVfFeSoaYQI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h08m37s234.png" width="320" /></a></div>The small ships set sail and Starbuck and Pip watch them go off. Queequeg and Michelle drop some mines into the water by the opening to stop Moby Dick from leaving the reef and they search the water. Michelle notices some birds and shouts that he's under Ahab's boat, right below. <br />
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Moby Dick jumps up, knocking Ahab, Boomer, Stubbs and the others from the first two boats into the water. Michelle and Queequg head to land. They meet up on shore with Ahab, Stubbs and another guy, they've lost the other men but managed to maintain most of their ammunition. Ahab has lost his fake leg and tells Michelle that they are fated to see this through together. Michelle asks where they are and he tells her that they're at a leper colony.<br />
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Ahab takes a grave marker of a priest who tended to the sick lepers and uses it to create a new fake leg to walk on. They head out across the stone beach to look for Moby Dick.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaw6DVEC6CLEHdSR4xnV75IFTehpP0czc_H1UKNqI8IZzfsPvWo4wQCllkmJXdjynJh1f4ONPSKLNyGz_2GiSNlBqm3RruuzmHElj9XacAh2Mwtf0mqapCfHDo9pFfdrT6ABB49LuKsCc/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h20m28s162.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaw6DVEC6CLEHdSR4xnV75IFTehpP0czc_H1UKNqI8IZzfsPvWo4wQCllkmJXdjynJh1f4ONPSKLNyGz_2GiSNlBqm3RruuzmHElj9XacAh2Mwtf0mqapCfHDo9pFfdrT6ABB49LuKsCc/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h20m28s162.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Um, who the fuck is this guy?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Ok, seriously, who the hell is he? He's not been seen in the movie before, he wasn't the other guy on the beach with them, he isn't wearing a uniform. Was he a stand in that they forgot about in the final cut of the movie? What the hell?<br />
<br />
On another part of the beach, Boomer is with two of the harpooners, yay, Boomers still alive! One of the sees something and runs towards the water, Boomer shouts at him to come back. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0_kIjioO6c45CsW0PuQWY1UcXYmKAlDDqEvrQz3gjpEYZEc7s7q15uQWTJVQOm9t9hjE0OxCtHk3CwgnrDLrRH66YDkn84tO62Yy0-C2PxvCIGbDRvoYTH2L-YgpwmHccb7QTnl6hZ8/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h23m20s111.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0_kIjioO6c45CsW0PuQWY1UcXYmKAlDDqEvrQz3gjpEYZEc7s7q15uQWTJVQOm9t9hjE0OxCtHk3CwgnrDLrRH66YDkn84tO62Yy0-C2PxvCIGbDRvoYTH2L-YgpwmHccb7QTnl6hZ8/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h23m20s111.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Subtle hiding place, Moby Dick</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Moby dick lifts his head out of the water and shakes it around, Boomer saves the harpooner and they all fire their guns at Moby Dick. The other group hear the weapons firing and come running, but as they round the corner, the whale disappears. Michelle tells Ahab it's his fault as the whale isn't hunting them, but she has to eat her own words as they whale jumps over the hill behind them. <br />
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They scatter and try to gain good firing positions, Boomer appears and pulls Michelle behind a rock to save her. Queewug distacts the whale as he runs out of bullets, Ahab takes aim, but doesn't have the shot. They find Queequeg has been crushed by the whale and he dies. <br />
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Ahab takes the remaining boat and goes after the whale, he fires his special harpoon at the whales eye and laughs maniaclly as it hits, but the whale dives and of course he's tangled in the harpoon rope and pulled under the water. <br />
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Aboard the sub they see that Moby Dick as turned and heading towards them, Starbuck readies the torpedoes and waiting until the whale is only 100 metres in front he fires four torpedoes, hoping that if the mines don't take him out the torpedoes will. The torpedoes miss and the mines don't explode and the whale comes crashing down on top of the sub, with Pip still stood up top.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACf_AdbCAXjhphBDWGwvNtVv_00kWRbgLk6nOBT3YppdRJeNtZQWTKKAznwUdBl4woSkYFWqAmTZQK6IEJqGoE0sqfGNn1Prpxnki0LzdgiYM46FSdBKPOJCuBQqEV_5zGft_M0pRLE4/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h33m31s77.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACf_AdbCAXjhphBDWGwvNtVv_00kWRbgLk6nOBT3YppdRJeNtZQWTKKAznwUdBl4woSkYFWqAmTZQK6IEJqGoE0sqfGNn1Prpxnki0LzdgiYM46FSdBKPOJCuBQqEV_5zGft_M0pRLE4/s320/vlcsnap-2011-08-05-01h33m31s77.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OH SHIT!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Moby Dick sends the sub sinking into the deep, the torpedoes are still heading towards the island. Stubbs and Boomer sit down, surrendering their fate. Michelle decides to try and outrun the torpedoes by running to the hills. Starbuck agonises as they give the call to abandon ship as the ship falls apart, Boomer and Stubbs sit on the beach, drinking from a hip flask and smoking a cigar respectively. Michelle keeps running, Boomer and Stubbs exchange a look as the torpedoes explode across the island. Moby Dick sinks down, with Ahab floating by him. <br />
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Michelle surfaces and a helicopter flies overhead and the credits come up. End of movie.<br />
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<b>Summary</b>:<br />
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So for a completely inaccurate movie with piss-poor effects, from The Asylum, it was pretty accurate and not half bad. I know that's an oxymoron, but I shall explain. Characters who didn't appear were alluded to, events which didn't occur were also hinted at. <br />
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It was filled with lots of little nods to the book, so whoever wrote the script had at least read the book or the cliff notes. Barry Bostwick was a great Ahab, probably the best Ahab that I've seen, I've already made my stance clear on Patrick Stewart. Starbuck was pretty good and it was nice that Stubbs got included in an adaptation for a change. <br />
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There were some funny moments I have to give the movie credit for and those final scenes were particularly good. The incidental music was also well chosen to go along with Ahab's descent into madness.<br />
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There were some changes I didn't particularly like, but I could live with considering the nature of the adaptation. It would have been nice however, to have Michelle clinging to the remains of her boat at the end with The Rachel coming to rescue her. <br />
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The effects were atrocious, but you can't really expect much from The Asylum. All in all I'd have to say I enjoyed it, which pains me greatly. I still hope for a faithful adaptation one day, but if you know you can't produce one, then this is a good idea to go for.<br />
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<b>6 & 3/4 out of 10</b> Ben The Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05858784692486088730noreply@blogger.com21