Monday, 15 August 2011

True Blood season 4 review - Spellbound

*Sigh*  We've reached the part of the part of the season where I know that this isn't going to be a great season.  This marks the 8th episode, two thirds down, four episodes to go and turn it around, I'm not sure they're going to manage it, but there's no use putting it off, it's time to dive in.

Warning, contains episode and book series spoilers

I also know the shower scene is coming and I'm expecting phone calls from two fellow book fans who won't be happy about it either.
  • Previously on True Blood, let's remind you how crap this all is compared to how good season 3 was.  
  • Oh yeah, cliffhanger, forgot about that.
  • Woo!  Jason saved Jessica!  
  • Don't kill him, Jess, he's doing you a favour.
  • LMAO, Jessica and Jason about to have it off whilst Bill is downstairs.
  • Oh, Crap-King Bill, playing into Jason's Jessica weakness.  
  • The werewolf pack leader speaks sense, they aren't as strong as vamps.  
  • Ooh bloody hell, Eric's in a bad way.
  • OH
  • MY
  • GOD
  • THEY'RE DOING THE BLOOD BOND!!!!????!?!?!!!!!!!
  • Awww, poor Hoyt.
  • Bless his little heart.
  • OMFG.
  • Oh thank god, it was a dream.
  • Oh, Jason, you dumbass.
  • *prepares to rant*
  • ......
  • ......
  • .....
  • That....  was not the shower scene.
  • Being in a shower does not mean you have recreated the shower scene.
  • I am so furious.
  • It's like a calm rage.  
  • The kind of rage where I just pick up a hammer and beat Alan Ball to death with it, but very calmly.
  • (For legal purposes, the above statement was a metaphor and I would not actually beat Alan Ball to death with a hammer.)
  • (Maybe a chainsaw.)
  • Aunt Petunia is awesome.
  • Tara still needs to die.
  • Seriously, Fiona Shaw is such a good actress, she really does come across like she's playing another character entirely.
  • Crap-King Bill, I don't think you're going to be able to talk your way out of this one.
  • I'm glad Kevin survived that wolf attack.
  • Troll-Tommy what are you up to?  
  • Why are we sitting through this crappy snow bed scene?  Seriously?  It's completely shit.
  • So ghost lady is back.  Are they going to explain this at some point?
  • LMAO  *dies*  Troll-Tommy Maxine Fortenberry....  swearing....  *dies*
  • Jessica's back to Hoyt, please don't kill him, Jess.
  • OH HOYT, WHY GO THERE?  You, stupid bugger.
  • The wolf pack leader has been relatively sensible....  I'm waiting for the catch, aside from the fact he's Sam's girlfriend's ex.  
  • Oh Alcide, you're so going to break that promise.
  • So the ghost lady had a baby and the dad killed him and that's why the doll's haunted?  That's dumb as fuck.
  • And now she's possessing Lafayette...  why?  Why is this happening?  This is stupid as hell.
  • You tell them, Sookie, they do have an annoying habit of talking about you as if you aren't there.
  • There's the catch, pack leader's a psycho.
  • Remarkable self restraint, Jason.
  • Lafayette, who're you going to kill?  Oh god, he's stealing the baby.
  • Well, Crap-King Bill, gonna get yourself killed?
  • Shit....  who did Eric just kill?
  • Why is the big battle happening in episode 8?  
  • Please let Tara die.  
  • YAY, please kill Tara, Pam.
  • WHY?!  
  • Uh, Alicde.
  • Oh shit, Sookie's shot.
  • YAY, Alicde's gonna save, Sookie.
  • Oh shit, Debbie saw.
  • What's Aunt Petunia doing to Eric?

Well that was better than last week's episode, but it's still crap.  Number 1, I do not for a second believe that they're going to kill off Sookie, the main character.  Number 2, it does not lend to the fact that they had the big smoke battle in episode 8, when there's 4 episodes left to go. 

I'm so furious about the "shower scene" and I use that very loosely as they stepped into the shower, then they stepped out and it was snowing and then we had to suffer through flowery, "oh I love you so much" blergh. 

The Lafayette stuff is crap.  Seriously crap.  You just can't buy it, not when in three seasons Lafayettes been about as supernatural as a ham sandwich. 

Who cares about the possibility of Jessica and Jason hooking up?  Jessica and Hoyt were a cute beta couple, now they've fucked all that up and we've got to sit through all the wangst bollocks.  It's not even good wangst bollocks. 

This skin walker stuff is utter shit.  Yeah, it's funny, but what kind of dumb arse rules are, "if you kill a member of your family, you can turn into any person you want" - ?  IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE! 

Fucking Tara.  Seriously, why does this character still exist in the show?  Is she going to be book!Arlene?  It would make sense if she did turn into book!Arlene, but she still just needs to die.

Good Stuff:
  • The blood bond, if that's what they were doing, though it's come far, far too early.
  • Some good Bill/Jessica moments.
  • Tommy-Maxine was kind of amusing.
  • Aunt Petunia's awesome still.
Bad Stuff:
  • It doesn't feel like Eric and Sookie are together, because the scenes they've had have all been kind of dreamy or sex scenes.  Think back to Sookie's dream where she and Eric were talking in bed, they felt together then.  The scene where Eric kissed Sookie because he thought he was going to die, that felt real.  Loads of shots of boobs and bottoms does not a relationship make.
  • Tara.
  • Lafayette, two weeks in a row on the bad stuff list, but yeah, it's getting stupid.
  • The big battle being brought up to episode 8 instead of being in episode 12.
  • Ghost lady pay off.  Crap.
  • The shower scene.  You knew this was coming.  We, the fans, who've been waiting since they announced they were making a tv series of the Southern Vampire Mysteries, have been waiting for one thing and one thing only.  THE SHOWER SCENE.  Personally, I'm done with True Blood after the end of this season now.  Unless they do something spectacular at the end to turn it around, I'm done, finito, out.  It's a very simple thing, wanting this one scene to be exactly like it is in the book.  The stupid, shitty snow bed scene, is not in anyway like the shower scene and I have no idea what the hell Alan Ball was thinking.


  1. I don't understand how you can think it's all shit/crap. It's not that bad actually!! We obviously have a different taste in our opinion of the quality of the show. If you don't like true blood why the fuck are you watching it? Your reviews are ruining it for everyone else. Not the fact that your giving spoilers, that's the damn reason I came, but that fact that you're saying it's all shit, is shit.

  2. Mother Fucker. Yo face is crap. Dis show is da bees knees.

  3. no its faggotry

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