Sorority Row - Kill the College Kids Season

Sorority Row is a 2009 remake of the movie The House on Sorority Row, it stars Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.  It did moderately well in the box office, but received mixed critical reviews.

Warning, this is a spoiler based review

For the first entry for, Kill the College Kids, season, I thought it would be apt to cover a film based around a sorority as that was my initial idea.  I think this is going to work out as a great season, thanks to the many suggestions I've got thanks to friends over at Italian Film Review and those should be coming up soon.  So without further ado, I think I better get started.

Our opening shot is of a house, we hear the sound of glass smashing as the camera closes in and we see that a party is happening inside the house as the camera zooms in and music starts playing.

Four girls have a pillow fight on a trampoline, some other girls are drawing on a very thin girl's stomach and circling parts which they think are fat.  A girl hands a guy a drink and asks if he thinks the hazing thing has gone too far, to which he replied "absolutely not" whilst some more girls do a synchronised dance in not very many clothes.  The camera moves around the party showing more party goers, a girl throws a beer over a guy, then we travel into a kitchen where Princess Leia, Carrie Fisher is making herself a drink, sadly she's not wearing her bikini. 

Two guys burst into the kitchen and she sends them out,then we travel upstairs to where a group of senior girls are gathered having a drink to kick off their final year.  They take turns in telling each other why they love each other, which are all kind of bitchy reasons, then they toast their house, Theta Pi and have their drink.  The real reason for this scene is to give all the characters their names in a very easy way.

(From left to right) Claire, Ellie, Cass, Chugs, Jess

Or, as we'll be calling them, Asian, Redhead, Brunette, Blonde and Bitch, because those are the character types the movie has already given them.  Brunette asks where "Megan" is and Bitch says that she forgot and tells Blonde to get her laptop so she can show them a future youtube classic. 

They open a laptop to show that Megan is on a streaming webcam, making out with a guy called Garrett who is Blonde's brother.  The girls speculate over whether or not Megan has had breast surgery, then Brunette asks why Megan isn't moving, Blonde says she slipped her something (implied to be rufies), because allowing your brother to rape your friend is just the way that real women act!

They see that Megan throws up on the webcam and they run to her room, where Garrett is panicking, they give him keys and tell him to get the car as soon as he leaves the room it is revealed that this is a prank set up by Bitch and Blonde, and Megan is actually fine.  Brunette asks why they are pranking Garrett when he is Blonde's brother, and it turns out he cheated on Megan and rushed a fraternity whose motto is, "We'll try any Pi".  Blonde also points out he willingly gave a girl pills he thought were rufies and therefore isn't all that innocent. 

Everyone piles into a car and Megan and the girls struggle not to laugh as Garrett freaks out and they pretend that Megan has gone cold and is dead, while Asian is driving and pretends she's made a wrong turn on the way to the hospital. 

They head into a mine quarry and tell Garrett they'll take care of this, he wants to phone the police and tells them they had nothing to do with it, so they tell him that because Bitch gave him the drugs that it would mean their sorority would be suspended.  Garrett tries calling the police, but gets no signal, Bitch tells him they can make it all go away. 

Bitch tells Garrett to get a blanket from the back and the camera mysteriously watches the girls from behind some junk, implying that someone there is witnessing the events.  Bitch tells everyone to spread out to find sharp rocks to dismember the body with, whilst Megan gets out her phone and starts recording a video, laying her phone on the ground. 

With no one watching Garrett, he takes a tyre iron from the back of the car and drives it through Megan's chest.  Megan opens her eyes and gargles as blood spews everywhere, I call bullshit on him being able to actually drive that blunt object through her breastplate, but whatever.  The girls panic and run around Megan as Megan lies on the floor, dying slowly.  They try to call 911 and begin trying to perform CPR, but Megan dies. 

Brunette tells Blonde to get into the car and drive until they can get a phone signal, but Bitch points out that Megan is dead and couldn't be more dead.  The girls begin crying and Bitch says that they're all responsible for Megan's death and will need lawyers, even though Garrett was the one who killed her, it was just as much their fault.  Blonde says that she won't let her brother go to jail over a prank and they should just dump the body where they are because no one knows they are there. 

Bitch says that they shouldn't destroy the lives of their families over what they've done, so she's changed her mind pretty quickly.  Brunette says that Bitch doesn't care about their families and she's only trying to cover her own arse.  Bitch says that they should think about their sorority, Brunette says that all Bitch is thinking about is her boyfriend who's the son of a politician.  Bitch thinks they should vote on what to do, Brunette is disgusted by Bitch's behaviour. 

Bitch says that if she was lying on the ground, she would not want them to throw away their lives over something that could not be changed.  Bitch decides that they're going to dump the body in the mine, Brunette refuses to go along with the cover up as Bitch starts telling them to get their story straight and she starts to walk away, but Garrett tells her that she will say what they tell her to say. 

Brunette asks Garrett if he's going to kill her too and he lets her go, Blonde wants to stop Brunette from walking away, but Bitch says they've got to dump the body first.  They carrying it over to the mine shaft and push it inside, Brunette returns and asks what they've done with Megan and Bitch tells her that they put her in the mine shaft, wrapped in Brunette's blood covered coat.

Bitch says that they won't tell anyone what Brunette did, Blonde adds that they won't say anything about Brunette killing Megan with a tyre iron, Asian adds that they are sisters and will protect her.  These three are bitches and deserve to be the first.  Bitch throws the tyre iron into the mine shaft and then they all go to the lake to wash the blood off. 

And about that phone and the video on it they didn't delete?  And the computer with the streaming webcam?  Just call the police, Brunette, there's enough evidence to prove you didn't do it, including Garrett and Bitch's fingerprints on the tyre iron.

8 months later, it's graduation, everyone celebrates, Blonde pops open a bottle of champagne and gives some to Redhead to drink, who shares it with Asian and Bitch.  They smile at Brunette who walks away, it's clear they've not been close.  There's a luncheon happening which Brunette wants to skip, her boyfriend, Andy tells her to, but her mother is a Theta Pi and she wants to see the house.

Andy tells her that tomorrow they will be at his parents house, but Brunette is unhappy because they can't share a bed and wants to stay in a hotel instead.  Andy asks what happened between Brunette and her sisters, because they aren't close any more, but Brunette doesn't want to talk about it, so she distracts him with sex.

At the luncheon event, Bitch greets Brunettes parents, Brunette asks Redhead where Blonde is, Blonde is apparently "helping" with freshman orientation, which means trying to have sex with a random guy.  The random guy tells Blonde that she tastes of vomit and refuses her advances when she acts too gross for him.

Outside, Bitch gives a speech about their time at Theta Pi, pointing out one girl who has been in college for five years instead of four, she continues to talk and Brunette notices something strange in the crowd.  Bitch mentions that they still hope their "missing" sister Megan will return one day, Blonde sees something strange in the crowd as well ans Redhead screams and drops her glass, causing the crowd to gasp. 

"Hi, I'm Megan's identical twin sister, plot convenience, but you can call me Maggie"

Bitch chastises Redhead for freaking out and not playing it cool as she knew that Megan had a sister, but apparently, not everyone else did.   Maggie, Megan's sister comes into the kitchen where the girls are and apologises to Redhead for scaring her.  Maggie is Megan's much younger sister and met them all when she was 15, she's decided she's coming to their college the next year and will be rushing Theta Pi.

Brunette asks Maggie how her parents are, she says that they found it too hard to come that day, but she wanted some closure on her sister.  Redhead runs out, announcing she's going to be sick, Bitch invites Maggie to come to their party tonight, then she says that would break the house rules about recruiting, so she muscles Maggie out of the door and says that she will ensure Maggie gets into Theta Pi. 

Two guys come into the kitchen after Maggie leaves, these are Bitch and Asian's boyfriends, Blonde says she has to go see her shrink to get some prescription drugs and Bitch asks the two guys to get some decorations from the basement.  As they leave, Redhead's phone buzzes, then all of the girls phones go off and they all receive a picture message.

Really?  All at the same time?  On a Motorola Razor as well?  Wish my phone worked that well.

They all look at the picture of the tyre iron and Blonde says it's probably a bad joke from Garrett, she says that he developed a weird sense of humour since the accident.  Bitch tells everyone to delete the message, Redhead returns and Bitch asks her to be in charge of the cleaning up, Redhead says she will if Brunette helps, but Brunette says she's not coming.  Bitch starts having a go at her about how it will look. 

Brunette goes upstairs where renovations are going on, to call her boyfriend Andy, who invites her to come to Europe with him and she tells him that on the way to his parents house she has a lot to tell him.  She also says that she's been sucked into the party at the sorority house and asks if he'll come with her for the beginning.  He says he will and she thanks him and they hang up. 

In a meeting room, Carrie Fisher gathers the girls to give them a talk, she says that although she won't be there to supervise their last party, she hopes they will show the house respect and not completely trash the place.  She tells the girls that for every one boy she might have thrown out of the house, there were at least five she knew about, but didn't do anything about. 

Carrie Fisher hands each girl a box, each containing a silver bracelet with 22 links, one link to represent each graduating girl from Theta Pi.  Bitch laughs at the bracelet and throws it back in the box, saying she won't be wearing hers.  Carrie tells them that when they wear the bracelet, it will remind them of the bonds of sisterhood. 

Carrie bids them goodbye, Bitch, Blonde and Asian throw their bracelets onto the desk, whilst Brunette and Redhead put theirs on.  Theta Pi sets about sets about setting up for the party, Asian sits a the hot tub and pours a bottle of bubble bath in and invites her boyfriend to join her. 

Blonde arrives at her shrinks place and helps herself to a drink and wanders about looking for her shrink, she wanders into the bedroom where her shrink is handcuffed to the bed.  He tells her his last session ended abruptly and if she wants to continue, he has lots of sample prescriptions with no place to go.  She goes to the bathroom to freshen up, he spots something and the music playing in the background suddenly stops.  We hear a scraping sound and something black passing the door frame.  The shrink reaches for the keys to the cuffs and manages to undo himself, as he stands, however, a figure cloaked in black throws the tyre iron at him.

In the bathroom, Blonde makes a call to Bitch and tell her she's going to be late getting to the party and opens the medicine cabinet to steal whatever drugs she likes.  She goes back into the bedroom, noticing that the doctor is gone, she fails to see a pool of CG blood on the floor. 

Bored she walks through the house and lays down on the couch, taking another swig from the bottle of alcohol she took from the kitchen.  In a hilarious jump scare moment, the killer shoves the bottle down her throat.

Halfway in

 

 

Mostly out

All in

This changes somewhat between shots.  The killer slashes her throat with the tyre iron, then we return to the Theta Pi party where girls are adding more bubbles to the hot tub. 

We then go to Bitch who is preparing to meet her boyfriend's father in a restaurant.  Bitch asks her where boyfriend Kyle is, his father says he won't be coming as it will give them chance to talk.  He tells her she's a spirited girl, though he didn't mean that as a compliment.  He tells her that he doesn't like surprises and he doesn't want her to surprise him.  Kyle arrives, then we cut back to the party.  Where Asian tells her boyfriend off for looking up girls skirts.  Redhead takes a box to the basement, Brunette tells Bitch that she's worried about Redhead, Bitch says she doesn't care as she doesn't need Redhead to write her term papers for her any more and says she's going for a shower.

Asian is already in the shower, the water turns off and a girl
bursts into Asian's shower, she tells her that waxing isn't just for floors any more.  Because real women look at each others pubic hair in the shower and judge them accordingly! 

Bitch comes in and tells the girl that this is the senior bathroom and only for seniors.  She asks if she has to start checking stalls again and a girl in another cubicle pulls the curtain across and swears under her breath.  Bitch tells the girl to leave, but to drop her towel.  The girl, who is quite the bitch herself says, "if you wanted to see perfect tits, all you had to do was ask."  Because real women speak like this!  By perfect I wonder if she meant, "obvious breast implants."  She drops her towel and walks out.

Asian tells Bitch that she keeps thinking about the text, Bitch tells her that Garrett is a little bitch and keeps saying that they "made him kill Megan", which the girl in the shower cubicle hears.  Bitch walks out, Asian follows after, the girl in the cubicle is almost caught as she knocks over a bottle of shampoo, but she catches it. 

The water in the showers starts turning on one by one and the girl calls out, then slowly reaches out for her towel.  Question, how would the killer, if it is the killer, which let's face it, it probably is, know that the girl was in the showers?  That would mean that the killer would have had to have been watching the showers since before Asian came in to know the girl was in there, but it's implied the water in the showers can be turned off elsewhere, so where exactly would the killer be? 

The girl steps out of the shower and begins walking slowly along the cubicles, she keeps hearing noises and calling out to whomever is there.  Then she is grabbed by the killer and shoved into a shower cubicle, where she is killed.

Actually, the killer stabs her through the underside of her chin and it goes into her mouth, I actually doubt that would kill her, it would hurt like fuck, don't get me wrong, but I doubt it would actually kill her. 

Redhead is in the basement and someone shouts to her to look for more vodka, she looks all around and we see someone run past the camera and of course, Redhead's torch goes dead so she uses her phones light.  She finds a light bulb and pulls the cord, allowing her to see that Brunette's blood covered and beaten coat, the one that went down the well, is hanging up in front of her. 

Redhead is scared by a guy coming in, I think it might be Kyle, but the guys in this movie so far have been pretty interchangeable so I have no idea.  Redhead goes upstairs the girls gather and talk about the situation, Redhead is completely freaked out, Bitch tells them all to relax, Asian says that it's a prank.  Brunette tells Redhead that they all got a text earlier that they weren't going to tell her about.  Asian asks where Blonde is, Bitch says she'll be there when the party starts, but Asian points out that the party has already started. 

Bitch says that this isn't a problem because it's Garrett and he's harmless, he's just lost it and their main worry is that he might blab.  Brunette thinks they should call the police, but Bitch says they should just let Blonde deal with her brother.  Bitch tells Redhead to hide the coat and that they all have to go to the party. 

Outside the party, we see Frat guys arriving, wearing the black cloaks that we saw the killer wearing, the party is huge, there are easily a few hundred people there.  We see a hooded figure heading through the crowd, but it's a girl, she strips off the cloak, revealing she's got no clothes on. 

Brunette checks her phone and an app shows her that her boyfriend is less than 50 feet away, that's a nice stalkery app you've got there, Brunette, I'm sure that won't be a plot point later in the movie.  Brunette's boyfriend joins her and she says that they can leave soon.  Asian dances with her boyfriend, but she tells him off for grinding against her, he says he could get any girl, so she tears off her necklace, with his ring attached and throws it at him. 

Later, Asian's boyfriend sees Redhead sitting alone outside, she's not wearing her glasses so she's now considered attractive.  He goes over and starts hitting on her, telling her that he and Asian have broken up, he feels her leg and tells her he likes the plait in her hair.  She whispers in his ear that if he touches her again, she'll kill him and walks away. 

He spots two girls trying to sneak into the party, which requires wrist bands, he offers to give them wrist bands if they show him their breasts.  The girls are disgusted and look about 12, but agree to it, they duck under a part of the renovation work, which is covered with a cloth, but something walks past outside, so the soon-to-be-dead boyfriend goes to investigate. 

The killer stares at the ex boyfriend and he tells the killer to get lost, the two girls come out and say they're going to pass, because the boyfriend is creepy and not very hot.  Redhead sees this from a window upstairs, when the boyfriend turns around, the killer is gone.  He sees Redhead in the window and shouts to not tell Asian. 

Upstairs in a bedroom, Asian is talking to Brunette, she says she sorry for the whole blackmail thing and they should have gone to the cops.  Brunette says that there's nothing they can do about that now and they have to stick together to get through the night. 

The boyfriend searches around the rooms in the process of renovation, looking for Redhead, he walks into a room covered in dust sheets and says that if she comes out, he'll apologise for being a jerk and they can make out.  He pulls dust sheet off a piece of furniture and the killer hits him in the leg with a plank of wood, which is somehow strong enough to not only break his leg, but make the bone come out the other side.  Ok, it's a big piece of wood, but he's hit sideways, come on, movie!

The boyfriend crawls across the floor and tries to shout for help through the window, but the drunk guys below are too wasted to hear him so he climbs into a dumb waiter.  The killer walks slowly and casually around the room, while he does this and throws the tyre iron at the wall which goes through, but misses the boyfriend.  The killer then turns the tyre iron to the knife attachment goes into the wall and into the boyfriends throat, killing him. 

Redhead has seen all of this from a hidden position in the room, but says nothing.  In their room, Brunette and Asian hear a scream and go to investigate, downstairs the party is in full swing, Bitch approaches Kyle and sees Redhead screaming and running down the stairs.  They all go into the kitchen to see what is wrong with Redhead.

Redhead can barely speak and Bitch has a go at her, Redhead manages to get out that she saw someone in a hooded graduation down, so Bitch has another go at her.  Bitch grabs her by the arm and drags her out of the room, saying if she can't tell them, she has to show them.  Asian waits outside the renovation area with Redhead whilst Bitch and Brunette go in, Bitch calls Brunette a bitch, which I find hilarious.

They come across the body of Asian's boyfriend, which Bitch recognises by the shoes, so they decide that with a body in the house the obvious thing to do is to call the police.  Gotcha there for a moment, didn't I?  So, Bitch notices that the tyre iron has been pimped out and they both get messages at the same time.  It's the video recorded on the night of Megan's death. 

They get a text through from Megan's phone saying that they know where they killed her and to go there or the footage gets sent to the police in twenty minutes.  They hear Redhead scream and Bitch tells Brunette to gather the girls whilst she goes and gets something, Brunette informs Asian her boyfriend's dead and that they have to go. 

Brunette's boyfriend is waiting outside and the movie gets credit for a genuinely funny moment, when a drunk guy approaches him, asking if he knows him and the boyfriend is all, "well, I'm the valedictorian...  from graduation...  today?"  and the guy is like, "nope." 

Brunette comes along and tells her boyfriend to do her a favour and go drive to his parents house and she'll meet him there.  He wants to stay and wait so they can drive together, but she begs him to go so he agrees.  Bitch pulls up in the car and starts beeping it, with Asian and Redhead in the back both crying, Brunette gets in the front and they set off.  Brunette asks the others if any of them have any kind of weapon, like a knife or mace, but no one has. 

Bitch then slams the breaks on the car as a girl is just stood in the middle of the road, which is Maggie.  Bitch gets out of the car and goes and asks Maggie what she's doing there, Maggie asks where they are going.  Bitch says that they told her not to come, Maggie says she's checked and it's not against the rules to so she came, Bitch says that they told her not to come so she should have stayed away.  Maggies asks why she should listen to a lying bitch, she also tells Bitch that Megan hated her.  Bitch says she'll deal with Maggie later, Maggie tells her she should deal with her terrible hair first.  Bitch's hair is pretty much perfect, so it's not great as insults go. 

The girls car arrives at the mine.  I'm pretty sure that I've guessed who the killer is at this point, as the killer is usually the least suspicious person, who the movie tries really hard to make you think it couldn't possibly be them.  Can you tell who it is yet?  Ah, I won't spoil it just yet. 

Brunette gets a flare gun out of the back of the car, Asian cries and asks if they have any light so Bitch turns the on the headlights of the car, revealing Garrett stood in front of them.  His hands are covered in blood and he is holding the bloody coat, they ask whose blood it is and he says it's his and Bitch runs him over with the car.  She backs up and then runs him over again.

Brunette goes to inspect Garrett and they see that the blood came from his wrists as he tried to kill himself.  Brunette checks his phone and sees that he got the same message that they did from Megan's phone.  They decide the only way to find out is to check the mine shaft. 

They lower Brunette into the mine shaft with a chain, but halfway down one of the links break and she falls about 10 or 15 feet.  Brunette is ok though, aside from several rats being down there.  She uses the light on her phone and finds the blanket down the shaft, but not Megan's body, she also finds the words, "Theat Pi must die" written on the wall in blood.

The girls return to the sorority house and discover everyone is gone, they run into a girl who tells them everyone went to an after party at another sorority house and the hot tub has overheated and is making strange sounds.  Brunette tries calling Blonde, but gets no answer. 

Bitch says that she's going to get her boyfriend and her stuff, then getting out, Asian decides to turn off the hot tub and takes the flare gun with her.  Bitch enters the house which still has loud music playing, Asian fights her way through the bubbles and finds the cord for the hot tub and starts following it through the bubbles.  Bitch finds a couple making out and pours beer on them to get them to leave.  Brunette checks her stalker ap and sees that her boyfriend is 83 miles away.

Brunette comforts Redhead who is freaked out still, Bitch turns off the music and they all get a text from Blonde, saying that she's dead.  Asian attacks the window, trying to get in as the killer is chasing her, but they can't get the window open in time and she is yanked into the bubbles by a cord tied around her foot.  We see glimpses of her popping up, Brunette manages to get the window open and grabs a cane which is near by and runs into the bubbles to see a flare start to burn.

With Asian dead, Brunette runs back to the house and they lock the doors, Bitch runs about the house looking for Kyle.  She goes to her room and finds Maggie half clothed in her bed, Maggie tells Bitch that she knows she slept with Megan's boyfriend (really, movie?  Bitch slept with Garrett?)  Bitch grabs Maggie by the hair and yanks her out of her bed and the girl start to fight, tumbling into the hallway, but Brunette and Redhead arrive, stopping them. 

Bitch grabs an axe from the emergency fire thing as they hear a scraping sound and as Bitch goes to throw the axe around the corner, Carrie Fisher butts her in the face with a shotgun, breaking her nose.  Bitch shouts that it's her and to stop attacking, Carrie says she knows and she's had that coming for four years, she knows what she did.  Bitch says, "you know we killed Megan?"  Carrie says, "killed Megan?  I was talking about trashing my house." 

Maggie starts to attack Bitch, but Carrie fires her shotgun in the air and tells them to talk, Brunette says that it was an accident and they will explain everything later, but right now, Asian and her boyfriend are dead, Blonde is dead and they don't know if Megan is alive or not. 

Maggie asks what they mean and Brunette says that they aren't sure is Megan is dead or alive, Carrie asks if there's anyone else in the house, Bitch says Kyle is there.  Bitch then reveals that she told him about Megan and Redhead also told someone about it, Brunette is angry as she's the only one who kept the secret.  Carrie asks where Kyle is and Bitch looks at Maggie, Maggie says he left as soon as he heard Bitch coming.  Carrie says that whoever it is, is about to get two rounds to the face, so she tells them to lock themselves in Bitch's room and call the police.

The girls go into the bedroom and no one knows where their phones are, they hear the shotgun fire and Maggie goes out to see if Megan is really there and if she got shot.  Carrie goes into the kitchen and the killer is hiding in the corner, she fires wildly and tells the killer she isn't afraid of him as she runs a house with fifty crazy bitches. 

Bitch says they should run for it, Brunette says they should find a phone, Brunette and Bitch leave the room and Brunette tells Redhead to run if she gets a chance.  Maggie walks through the house, calling out for Megan.  The killer throws the tyre iron at Carrie, but it misses and lands in the table, Carrie's out of shot gun bullets so he shoves the table into her, causing one of the tyre iron gizmos to stab her a little bit. 

She tells him to stay away from her girls and then dies as the killer leaves the kitchen.  Maggie sees the killer in the doorway and asks if it's Megan, the killer lights a Molotov cocktail and throws it at Maggie, engulfing the doorway in flames as it misses her. 

Redhead turns out the lights in the room and hides behind clothes in the wardrobe, though her legs are completely in view.  Brunette and Bitch are scared as they enter a room as Kyle appears behind them, he says he heard Bitch calling and heard gunshots, Brunette asks why Kyle is wearing a graduation gown and no pants, Bitch starts arguing with Kyle because he fucked Maggie.  He throws Bitch to the ground and tells her to put the axe down or he'll hurt her. 

Brunette grabs the phone out of Asian's Boyfriends pocket and his body slides down the dumb waiter chute.  Kyle grabs Brunette and pins her to the floor, to stop her from using the phone, he tells Brunette that Bitch is power hungry and only thinks of herself.  Bitch hits Kyle with the axe and tells him that she's faithful to him as long as he keeps his dick in his pants. 

Kyle grabs the axe from Bitch as Brunette runs out of the room, Kyle mocks bitch, but Brunette returns and hits him in the face with a fire extinguisher, before grabbing Bitch and running out of the room.  Have you guessed who the killer is yet?  Brunette and Bitch try to leave via a window, but it's blocked by scaffolding, then they realise the house is on fire. 

Kyle starts wandering through the house, looking for them, he hears Bitch's phone go off so the girls hide in a bathroom and discover that Megan's corpse is hanging up inside.  Bitch remarks that she looks terrible.  Ok, movie, that was funny.

So Megan isn't looking too good at this point

Kyle comes into the room, Bitch listens at the door and says to Brunette that she's starting to think Kyle isn't marriage material.  Make the character funny at this point, movie, not earlier, we wouldn't want a character to actually have layers too early, would we?

Kyle shoves the axe handle through the door, narrowly missing Bitch, then he starts chopping the door down, but his axe gets stuck in the door frame, allowing Brunette to run past, but Kyle grabs her and pins her to the wall, telling her that he's not going to let his father take the fall for this and they aren't leaving until they come up with a story. 

Kyle gets axed in the back of the head by Andy, Brunette's boyfriend, who appears out of nowhere.  Brunette hugs Andy, who says he's there because he knew she was in trouble, he says he'll always save her.  Bitch appears in the doorway and sees that Kyle is dead and that Andy is carrying a bag which has the tyre iron sticking out of it. 

Huzzah!  The killer is revealed!  Did you see it coming?

Brunette sees it too and pushes Andy away, Bitch says it's ok, it's fixable and Andy can count on them to keep their mouths shut.  So Andy kills Bitch.

Andy says Bitch needs to learn to keep her mouth shut, Andy tells Brunette that Redhead told him everything and her friends are horrible people.  Andy jovially tells Brunette that everyone who was told about Megan had to die, so he could protect Brunette.  He assumed that Asian told her boyfriend, but even if she didn't the guy was a dick and therefore he deserved to die. 

He says he deserves credit for not killing Garrett, as Garrett would probably kill himself anyway and he tells Brunette he's feeling under appreciated for everything he's done for her.  He asks her if she wants to be dealing with the possibility of someone talking about it for the rest of her life, he tells her that reputation comes from the company you keep and the company she keeps are bitches. 

Brunette tells him she wants to go along with his plan, so Andy grabs his tyre iron and says they've got to kill Redhead, but then they can go to his parents house for some much deserved R&R, he suggests that they kill Redhead together because they don't do enough stuff together.  Brunette says she's with him on everything, but doesn't want to kill Redhead, Andy says they have to because she's the weakest link and the one which told him.

Brunette tells Andy that they have to get out because the house is burning down, but Andy tells her to go wait for him outside and he'll take care of Redhead.  He tells Brunette to call for Redhead, then he kisses her, she tells him that she told Redhead to meet her in the basement and he runs off for her. 

Brunette runs upstairs and grabs Redhead, telling her they have to get out of there, Andy appears and tells her she's ungrateful because he's done everything to give her back her life.  Brunette tells Redhead to run and Brunette runs into a bedroom, Andy pins her to a wall and tries to kill her, Brunette grabs a lamp and hits him over the head with it. 

Andy falls to the floor and Brunette asks why his phone came up 80 miles away, he says he put it on a bus, then Brunette hits him over the head with a lamp again.  Brunette goes downstairs, then she hears screaming from Maggie who is trapped by the fire, she tells Maggie to jump over the fire, in an area where it is narrow. 

Andy appears and attaches a rope to the tyre iron and throws it at Maggie, but it misses and he is able to pull it back, both Maggie and Brunette beg him to stop, but he's having far too much fun.  Andy's tyre iron gets caught in the floor and Brunette throws a chair at him, as he ducks, distracted, she moves and then hits him a lamp. 

Andy isn't down for long as he stands up and begins to attack Brunette with the lamp.  The floor caves under Brunette's feet and she falls, but her bracelet catches on a floor board and she manages to keep her upper body through the hole.  She begs Andy for help, but he won't help her and taunts Brunette, he bends over to kill her, but as he's about to strike, Redhead appears in the doorway with Carrie's shotgun and shoots him in the chest.

It doesn't quite kill him, but the floor he's laying on gives way to the fire and he falls into the fire below.  Redhead tells Maggie to wrap herself in the curtain and then cross the fire, they then help Brunette out of the hole as the house burns and the girls manage to escape.  Fire engines arrive to put out the fires. 

15 months later it's rush week and Maggie is now a Theta Pi as the house has been rebuilt, we see a gardener watching the Theta's celebrate their house being rebuilt and see a scar on his wrist, implying it to be Garrett.  End of Movie.

Summary: 

It's not a great movie, if you're having a whodunnit slasher night it would probably make a decent addition.  The acting is ok and the effects are decent, but the plot is terribly stupid.  There are so many points in the movie where things could have been avoided if the characters had chosen to be responsible. 

If Brunette had told them to pull the plug on the prank at the house, if she'd have gone to Carrie Fisher and told her the prank they were pulling, hell, if she'd just not got into the car with them then she wouldn't have been involved, wouldn't have known what happened and Andy wouldn't have killed all of her friends because there would have been no need.  If she had just taken Megan's phone and gone to the police, they would have been able to tell that she didn't murder Megan and Redhead would have told the police that the others were lying and the police could tell that from evidence.  If Brunette had discussed it with her boyfriend, she would have been able to see his crazy coming from a mile away and be able to do something about it. 

So I wouldn't totally condemn the movie, but it is a bit crap.  You can tell who the killer is just because the movie makes a thing about it not possibly at all being him and makes everyone else look suspicious.  The characters are just cut out's and no one is really likeable except for Carrie Fisher and then the Bitch character, but only towards the end. 

I'm a bit worried that out of all of the girls killed in the movie, Blonde, Bitch, Asian and Shower girl all had something rammed into their mouths violently.  Also an alarming amount of women in this movie are called bitches the three character types they fall into are bitch, slut and shy girl.  I think the director may have issues. 

There are several unanswered questions like, why did Andy take both the coat and Megan's body out of the mine shaft when he didn't directly use them to scare the girls?  How did Garrett get the coat when Brunette was supposed to hide it in the sorority house?  How did Garrett get to the mine, with the coat, before them, without a car?  How the hell did they get Brunette out of the mine shaft when the chain snapped?

I'd probably watch it if it was on the tell and nothing else was on, but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it again.

6 out of 10